I'm back within less of a hiatus than before!

I hope you appreciate this, you ungrateful peasants.

I want to thank everyone for the reviews. Once again, it's good to know that people out there actually bothered to read my fic! I did my best and I know the writing style and absurd amount of subplots was pissing people off before, but thanks for understanding. The entire point of this was to be confusing as fuck. And, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I DO NOT expect people to agree with my otps. I am fully aware of how crackish and rare they are. So if you don't agree with some of them, go ahead and call this a crack fic. I don't mind. :)

Storytime.

You are John Egbert, and you still can't find Dave Strider.

You don't know what you're doing wrong. You've been searching the first floor of the hotel for more than half an hour. Prom will be over soon. You must have gone over every square inch of the first floor of the Rosewood Hilton at least thirty-six times. And yet for some reason you still can't find him.

Your legs have literally gone numb. You can't even calculate the number of miles you must have racked up wandering around the hotel trying to find Dave. You feel like you're about to collapse. It's about time you take a break from this wild goose chase. Finding Dave Strider can wait. If you don't take a rest soon, you just may become the next pre-game Tavros Nitram.

You stop for a second to figure out exactly where you are. The music from the ballroom is so loud you can still hear it in the distance. You must not be too far from the party. You're in one of the hallways branching off from the lobby. There should be a stairwell somewhere around here. Hold on, there it is. You straighten up to make a break for the stairs...

And stop dead in your tracks.

Sitting alone on the stairs, leaning lifelessly against the wall, is Dave Strider.

You open your mouth to speak, but you seem to have momentarily forgotten how words work. You have never seen Dave like this in your entire life. Not in the entire five years you've been friends, not at any point in the game, never. You always thought Dave was so cool, so calm and chill and always in control, but... But now he just looks crushed. He's sprawled out on the stairs, but not in the chill, relaxed way he usually is. It looks as if someone threw him there, and he just never bothered to get back up. The top half of his body is slumped over his legs, his face hidden in his hands and his shoulders shaking every now and again.

He's trying to hide it, but you are sure that he's crying.

"D-Dave?"

Dave's head snaps upright at the sound of you stammering his name. You take a cautious step forward. He shudders, and you stop in place, not sure whether he wants you here or not. His face is completely unreadable behind his shades, but you can still see the faint traces of tears staining his pale skin. He stares blankly at you for a second before taking a shaky breath. "John?" he says, his voice wavering. "How did...how did you find me?"

"It wasn't easy, that's for damn sure," you say, walking towards the stairs. Dave follows you with his indecipherable gaze. "I've been running all over the hotel for the past I don't even know how long. I couldn't find you anywhere." You take the last few cautious steps and settle down on the stairs next to Dave. "What happened?" you ask softly.

For a second Dave only stares silently at you, never offering so much as a whisper to answer you. Then he reaches up and takes his glasses gently by the frame and pulls them away from his face. Behind the protective black barrier, tears are pooling in his bright red eyes. It looks as though they have been for a while.

"Jade broke up with me," he says flatly. "So did Terezi."

"Oh... god, Dave," you say softly. "I'm so sorry." You reach out towards him and put your arms around his shoulders. If there has ever been a time he needed a tender bro embrace, it's definitely now. Your arms tighten as you pull Dave closer, and he-

He jams his hands in between the two of you and pushes you away.

You quickly take your hands back. What the hell? He's never rejected your bro hugs before. Something's wrong. You may not have any idea exactly what's going through his head, but there's definitely something he's not telling you.

"What is it, Dave?"

Dave never answers, only draws back and pulls his knees towards his chest. He shifts a few more inches away from you. Not sure how to react, you decide to try and change the subject. "So, um... what happened with Jade? And... Terezi, too, I guess?"

"Look, dude, I- I don't even know what I was thinking," Dave murmurs, still refusing to meet your gaze. "Jade's... Jade's been my girlfriend for pretty much forever. I- I was going out with her because it was what Karkat had shipped. You remember that, back when all the game business started? Anyway, it just felt... It just felt right. We had been friends for years, and she was always so sweet and loving, and... and I just couldn't see it any other way. But then... Then there was Terezi. After I met her... in real life, I mean... she just went cray for me. So freaking cray that she left Karkat. She broke up with her matesprit for me, John. What the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn't deny her that, could I?" He's finally raised his head and turned toward you. His hands have curled up into fists on his knees, turning white from the pressure of his fingers on his palms.

"But... but to tell you the truth, John..." He takes another shaky breath. A stray tear rolls aimlessly down his cheek. "After a while, I- I realized I didn't feel anything. For either of them. And now, I- I just feel so fucking stupid. I've been a such dick to everyone this whole time and I... I... just hate myself now." He looks away again and swipes angrily at the tearstains on his face.

"So what was the point?" you ask, your voice quiet. Your gaze is still locked on Dave, even if he won't return the favor. You will let him know that you're here for him, whether he likes it or not. "Why were you just leading them on? Why didn't you just tell them that you didn't actually like either of them?"

Dave finally looks up. He's given up on trying to keep a straight face. His eyes are practically bleeding sadness and the tear deluge has started all over again. He opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a suffocated sob. You don't even bother trying to talk to him anymore. You just reach out towards him and pull him in for a hug. He doesn't push you away this time. Instead he buries his face in the front of your jacket and cries silently into the sky-blue satin. You lean him against your shoulder and hold him upright. "Why, Dave?" you ask again, your voice barely above a whisper.

You feel a hand slide up over your chest and push you gently away. Dave stares up at you with his bloodshot red eyes. "Because this," he whispers. He leans in towards you, brushing his lips softly against yours.

Your heart stops. Suddenly you can't breathe. You stare blankly forward as Dave pulls back.

"That's why."

You, Eridan Ampora, are completely, utterly and entirely alone. Again.

You are sitting on the floor, wedged in the small gap of space between the dance floor and the wall. For the second time that night, you're fighting back tears. Everything is horrible. Your life is horrible. This prom is horrible. You just want to curl up in your lonely little corner of ballroom and die. You tried to have fun. Shit, you even almost did. But now... Now you realize that it was all for nothing. You no longer see the point in trying. You don't even want to get shitfaced anymore. You just want to leave.

You can't believe how stupid you've been. You should have known that prom night would end like this. Everything always ends like this for you. No matter what.

And Sollux. Sollux is still out there, probably enjoying the last few moments of prom, and more than likely laughing with your ex about what a cod-damned glubbing idiot you are. You bury your face in your hands. You didn't even get to...

Wait a second. You've spotted something through your fingers. You tear your hands away from your face and look up. Someone is walking through the crowd... towards you.

You can't believe it. Does this mean that someone actually still cares about you? Wait, no. That's stupid. Of course that's not why someone has bothered to seek you out in this massive human swarm. It can't be. You squint into the semi-darkness and try to make out who it is.

The stranger keeps walking towards you. Your eyes widen. You'd recognize that twiggy silhouette anywhere. If that weren't enough, the double horns are a dead giveaway.

It's Sollux Captor.

What the hell does he want?

He pushes past a few of the people in the crowd and stops directly in front of you. You suddenly find yourself staring up at him through the blurry violet tears welling up in your eyes. He stares straight back, motionless. Neither of you say anything for what seems like an eternity.

You finally manage to spit out a single word. "What?"

"What do you mean, what?" Sollux shoots back. He seems oddly calm.

"Why are you here?" you continue, blinking to get rid of the tears in your eyes. "I thought you were off in la-la land with Fef."

"Why would you think that?" Sollux raises an eyebrow, then drops it again. "I haven't seen her around for a while. I was going to ask AA, but..." he shrugs, never finishing his sentence.

"Oh." You drop your gaze and stare at his mismatched shoes for a while. "So..." you murmur, your pulse rushing in your ears. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I- Honestly, ED, I..." Sollux stutters. You look back up. He's looking off to the side, his hands in his pockets. Something's up. You just know it.

"Well? Spit it out, Sol. I'm not gonna wait all night."

"Eridan, I- Look, I think we can both agree that I've been kind of a jerk. Both of us have. And... There are some things I wanted to clear up."

You tilt your head to the side and fold your legs in front of you. "I'm listenin'."

"Okay," Sollux says with a heavy sigh. "First of all, I am not involved with Feferi. In fact, I hardly ever was. I just went out with her for a while. I thought I had red feelings for her, but it turned out that I didn't. So whatever that was, it didn't mean anything. Second of all, I was never trying to taunt you by dancing with her or anything. We were just having fun. It's prom. That's sort of what you're supposed to do. She wasn't even my date for tonight."

"Wait, wait," you cut in. Sollux falls silent. "So... you're sayin' that Fef wasn't your date?"

"No," Sollux says, shaking his head. "She was going with Aradia. But then, she sort of just disappeared into the void, so I guess that then AA was my date after that... but then... FUCK. I'm getting off track here." Sollux sighs and looks back down at you.

"So why are you telling me all of this now?" you ask, your voice soft.

Sollux lets out another sigh and crosses his arms. "Eridan," he says, his eyes locked on yours.

"Yes?"

"You disgust me," he says bluntly. "You are selfish, conceited, possessive, a tool, a user, a heartbreaker, and I know exactly how you feel about me even though you won't even admit it to yourself."

"Yeah, I know, but... Wait, what?" you blurt out. It's all you have time to say before Sollux kneels down in front of you, grabs you by the scarf and pulls. Hard. You fly forward, and your mouth collides with his.

Oh. My. Gog.

This can't be happening. There is no way that this is really happening. This has to be a dream. You got drunk and passed out. Sollux knocked you out while you were fighting. This can't be real. There is no way...

But it is. You can feel Sollux's lips moving softly against yours. His breath is warm on your cheek. Your heart is beating so fast, you think you might faint right in front of him. He was right. You were fooling yourself. You can't believe it. Were you really so upset over Fef that you didn't even let yourself see it?

You, Eridan Ampora, are red for Sollux Captor.

After a solid thirty seconds, Sollux finally lets go of your scarf and pulls away. Your eyes had drifted closed while he was kissing you. They fly open, even wider than before. You can hear your heart beating above the earth-shaking rhythm of the music. You stare up at Sollux in disbelief. There are tears in his eyes.

"There are twenty minutes left of this party, and my date just walked out on me," Sollux says, his voice wavering. "Eridan Ampora, will you be my date for the rest of the night?"

You blush. A hot, fluttery feeling fills your chest.

"Yes."

You, Vriska Serket, are currently wishing you were dead.

The last thing you remember seeing was Equius walking out the door, looking like he wanted to drive his car off of a bridge on the way home. Everything after that had been nothing but one big, sickening blur. You weren't even entirely sure what was going on. Nepeta and Equius were screwed up because of you. So was Eridan. Something had happened to Jade. John and Terezi, too. You hadn't even heard the whole story on those three. But somehow they must have been your fault too. Everything was.

This entire night was ruined for everyone because of you.

You slam your hands against the side exit door. It swings open and you stumble outside. The air is damp and cold. Rain is falling down in sheets, soaking everything around you except for the tiny dry patch of space underneath an overhang above the side door. That's where your legs give out and you collapse onto the pavement.

Your stomach twists up inside you. Shit. You're so dizzy. Everything is spinning. Your fingers scrape the concrete as your hands ball up into fists. You choke a few times and try to push yourself upright. You have just enough time to struggle to your knees before falling forward and coughing up everything in your stomach.

You stay on your hands and knees for a while, just until the puking stops. Once it's over, you sit back on your heels, wipe the traces of vodka-punch and stomach fluid off your face and stick your hands out in the rain to wash it away. You draw back against the wall and wrap your arms tightly around your legs. A shiver runs down your spine. That was awful.

You can't believe what a complete disaster tonight has become. You ruined everything. Not just for your friends, but for yourself as well.

You had no idea that you could be so unbelievably stupid.

You cough a few times and curl up in the shelter of the doorway. Your throat is on fire. You think you'll be wanting to stay away from Roxy's liquor cabinet for a long time. Your eyes are burning, too. You wonder why. It's probably the strain from all the puke you just forced up. At least that's what you hope it is.

You feel your ragged throat starting to tighten up. No. That's not what it is at all.

The sting in your eyes intensifies even more. Tears start to pool on your eyelashes as your slow, steady breathing begins to shake. You don't even try to stop it. You simply burst into tears. It's not like it matters. Not as long as nobody sees.

You never notice when the door opens. At least not until you feel a hand resting on your shoulder.

"Hey. Knew I'd find you out here, sis," a familiar voice says.

Oh my gog.

Of all the people who could have come to your rescue, it had to be him.

Another ship has arrived at port. Please don't throw things at me.