Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

"Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you." – Marsha Norman

o o o o

24 May, 2009

"Good morning, String Bean," she yawned, kissing his cheek as she rolled over to rest her head on his chest. Spencer held her securely as she got comfortable and relaxed against him. This was his favorite part of the day: holding her while she woke up. She was the heaviest sleeper he'd ever met and always woke up after he did, leaving him plenty of time to enjoy watching her or to think. Today had been the latter.

"Morning, Sweetheart," he said absentmindedly, staring into her hair.

"Good or bad thoughts?" She asked sleepily, curling closer to him, warming her cold fingers by sneaking them under his shirt and flattening them against his back.

"Not very good today," he admitted, coming back from his thoughts and wrapping the blanket around her tighter, kissing her temple. 'I love you' he thought to himself, not brave enough to tell her yet.

"Talk?"

He didn't say anything, but simply squeezed her a little tighter, resting his cheek against her hair. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the citrus scent of her shampoo.

"I went to go see Adam Jackson again yesterday."

"Amanda?" She asked, yawning again and tracing small circles on his lower back with her fingernail.

Spencer nodded, "Yeah."

"Has she, I mean, he… Um, any progress?" She flustered for the right word, her need for coffee evident in her voice.

"It's ok," he said, understanding. "And no. Not really. Amanda still won't let Adam out. I feel like I failed him."

"Spencer, you have not failed him," Calliope looked into his face, searching. "You can't just fix him, String Bean. He's not some magic trick that, if you work at it enough will work itself out."

"I know that," he said, an angry edge to his voice, and, when he felt her physically edge away from him, he shook his head and apologized, "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I just… I want to be able to help him so badly."

"You can't save everyone, Spencer." She reached up and curved her palm to his cheek, "You can't protect everyone. Some people are beyond even you."

"I know," he said, pressing a kiss to her palm. "But what happens when it's the wrong person I can't protect?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, snuggling back into his embrace, her breath warm against his neck. Spencer didn't answer immediately, but rather ducked his head down and caught her lips with his. Her small fingers knotted in the ends his brown curls, exactly as he knew they would, and he smiled at the way he could predict her actions.

'I love you,' he thought again, not daring to say the words aloud.

"I don't know – it's nothing, Sweetheart." He pushed himself up and reached for her hand, "Let's get you some coffee before your body gets so confused as to where it's caffeine is that it goes into a coma."

Calliope laughed, let him pulled her up and stumbled ahead of him into the kitchen.

"What happens if I can't protect you?" He whispered to himself, closing his eyes to shake away the thought.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Spencer buried his head in the purple quilt, trying to block out the memories that he didn't want to think about. He wanted to focus on a different morning – one where he was just happy to hold her and smile at her occasional snores or sneezes – but the throbbing pain in his knee that had woken him up in the first place would not allow itself to be ignored.

He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the silver pocket watch she'd given him for Christmas.

Six forty-three am.

He was over an hour and a half late in taking the anti-inflammatory prescription. Several minutes of struggling later had him in the kitchen pouring a glass of water and swallowing the offending pills. He picked up the Tylenol 3 bottle, mentally debating whether or not to take one. Spencer had decided not to take the medication when the searing pain shooting up his leg at the slightest movement changed his mind for him.

The only good thing about taking the medicine was the combination of the two put him to sleep within an hour and sleeping was the only thing Spencer wanted to do.

Sitting down at the table, he hungrily eat the bowl of soup he had preciously heated up and carried over to the breakfast area, managing to avoid toppling over and throwing soup everywhere, but only just barely. He sopped up the last bit of soup in the bowl with a slice of the rye bread Calliope kept and Spencer was still just beginning to get used to.

Feeling guilty, he looked at the dish mountain in the sink and knew he should do the four days worth of dishes, but really just wanted to go back to bed. Shuffling away from the guilt as fast as he could, he left the kitchen area and went back to the bedroom. Carefully getting back into the comfortable bed, he could feel his eyes closing again and barely managed to press play on the DVD player before he started to slip back into sleepy oblivion.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Hey, Reid!" Reid turned around at the sound of his name only to find Morgan had already thrown a bag at him.

"What's this?" He asked, warily, as he awkwardly caught the bag around the other things in his hands.

Morgan laughed and put his arm around his co-workers' shoulder, "Just a little something-something for if you ever call Lila again."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Mom, you have to eat something. You haven't eaten all day."

"Yes, I did, Spencer. I ate before I lectured on The Book of the Knight of the Tower. Such a good lecture. My students were very involved today, just the way they're supposed to be."

"You haven't lectured today, Mom. Please, let me get you something to eat."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Hey there, Henry." Spencer said, smiling down at the little baby in his arms. "It's just you and me tonight. Yeah, you're mom and dad are going out. But, just between you and me, I had to trick your mom into thinking it was her idea. It wasn't. I have to spend some time with my godson, though. García's been stealing you away every chance she gets."

Henry gurgled and reached out a tiny fist.

"I don't think it's fair either, Henry. But don't worry, I won't let Garía put you in anything too effeminate. You don't know what effeminate means? I don't think it matters, kiddo. You don't need brains if you get your mom's looks."

Spencer smiled down at his godson and kissed his forehead, laughing as the tiny hand latched onto his hair and pulled for all he was worth.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"You don't look like me anymore – you used to, everybody said so."

"They say some people look like their dogs too. It is attributed to prolonged mutual exposure – elderly couples also. They unconsciously mimic the expression of people they've been around their whole life. So it kinda make sense that I wouldn't really look like you anymore – I haven't seen you in twenty years."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

He had to go to the bathroom. Pushing back the quilt, he groped in the dark for his crutches, stumbling more then usual as he made his way to the master bath off the bedroom, still more then half asleep. He tripped over the rug on his way back and cursed as he pushed himself up off the ground.

It took him a good ten minutes to get back on his feet and position the crutches so he could make it back to the bed. He was about to get back into the bed, but stopped and pulled off the dirty, reeking pajamas he'd been wearing for four days and slipped back into bed in his boxers. He wanted to take a shower or some version of bathing, but, after one horribly failed attempt, he knew he wouldn't be able to do that by himself yet and there was no way in hell he was asking Morgan. Once settled in the bed, he pressed his favorite speed dial and prayed she'd pick up.

"Hi! Calliope's answering machine is broken – this is her refrigerator! Please speak slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these awesome glitter magnets. Oh! Oh! Or her epic new sushi magnets…"

"I love you, Sweetheart. Please call me back."

Sadly putting his phone on the end table, Spencer picked up the remote and pressed play a second time, restarting the movie he'd fallen asleep during. He knew he would fall asleep again, but watching The Jane Austin Book Club made him smile and think happily of her.

His eyes began to drift shut as Grigg explained the faux-vampire scene to Jocelyn and he curled himself around Calliope's pillow and brought her smiling face to his mind.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

25 May, 2009

"Spencer! Spencer?! Where are you? I'm scared, Spencer…" Calliope was crying, stumbling through a forest he didn't recognize.

"I'm over here, Sweetheart!" He called out to her, but she didn't seem to hear him and kept lurching forward, crying for him. "Calliope! Calliope, I'm over here! Turn around!" He ran towards her, tripping over tree roots and stones. He fell to his knees and heard a terrifyingly familiar laugh as Calliope screamed.

"Foyet! Leave her alone, Foyet!" Spencer yelled, pulling out his gun, trying to find him. "Foyet! She can't hurt you, you coward! Come out here and face someone who can!"

Foyet stepped out from behind a tree, a maniacal grin covering his face as he displayed a dripping knife. Enraged, Spencer emptied his gun into Foyet's chest and watched the man crumple backwards before running past him to where he had come from.

"Calliope? Calliope! No! No! No!"

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"No! No! No! Calliope, no! Calliope!" Spencer twisted and turned in the bed, shouting himself hoarse.

"Shhh, calm down, Spencer. I'm right here. I'm fine, String Bean. I'm right here. You're ok, everybody's ok."

The small, soft hand on his cheek and the quietly persistent voice pulled him from the nightmare and into the morning sunrise, looking into the face of the one person he desperately wanted to see.

"Calliope?" He said in hopeful disbelief, holding his hand out to brush her cheek. When she caught his hand with hers and pressed a kiss to its' palm before cupping it to her cheek, he couldn't stop the tears that fell with as emotion washed over him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you, Calliope, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, Spencer, I'm right here. It was just a nightmare." She cuddled close to him, letting herself press fully against him, ignoring the fact that he was only wearing boxers. He needed the reassurance of having her next to him – she knew that, so she overlooked her own rule for the first time, resting her head on his chest, tangling her fingers into his hair, gently soothing him with the other.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered into her hair as if that were all he could say.

"Shhh," she pressed a gentle finger to his lips. "I love you too, Spencer Reid. I'm right here. We're both safe and sound, Sweetie." Calliope caught his trembling face and kissed him fully, succeeding in giving him something tangible to focus on. Spencer wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly while he kissed her as if she'd disappear if he let go.

He was finally still and calm when Calliope made to leave and he latched onto her hand, not wanting her to leave. "It's ok, Spencer," She whispered, moving back and brushing his greasy hair out of his eyes. "I'm just going to get your medicine. I'll be right back, I promise."

Reluctantly letting go, he watched her flit out of the room and didn't relax his body until her slight form reappeared in the doorframe. He washed down the anti-inflammatory, shaking his head at the Tylenol 3 – he didn't want to fall back asleep just yet.

"I'm sorry," he told her as she sat down next to him again.

"No, Spencer, don't be sorry," she said, taking one of his hands in both of hers, bringing it to her lap and tracing his palm lines with one slender finger. She flattened her hand against his, his fingers extending a knuckle and a half longer than hers.

Spencer chuckled, folding the tips of his fingers over to hold hers. He liked how small she was next to him, liked that her hands fit like a dolls in his, how she just barely past his shoulder when she was standing next to him. He love how, even though he wasn't Morgan, he could pick her up and spin her around when he wanted to.

"Spencer? Are you even listening to me?" Calliope laughed as she watched him playing with their hands.

"What? I'm sorry, I was thinking," Spencer admitted sheepishly.

"It's ok, String Bean. Scootch up, I wanna cuddle," she smiled at him, patting the pillow next to her. With her help, he got himself into a proper sitting position and she tucked herself against his side, wrapping her arm around his stomach and resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"What? No, you have nothing to be –"

"Spencer…" She said, quietly and he stopped. "I'm sorry, Spencer. I got scared and I ran and I'm sorry. I love you, Spencer Reid. The idea of anything happening to you, I… I don't know how to wrap my head around the thought of loosing you. I can't think about not waking up to you or falling asleep without being close to you. I can handle when you're away because I know you'll be coming back to me. I don't know what to do if you don't come back."

"Calliope, I'll always come back because I have the most important reason in the world to make sure that I do. I love you, my beautiful muse, very, very much. Knowing you're here waiting for me to come home is the most motivating thought in the world. Whatever happens, I promise you, I will make sure I come home," Spencer tilted her face up with his index finger and kissed her, trying to convey how much he meant what he said.

A/N:

Um, so

1) Merry Christmas!! There's a Spencer/Calliope Christmas short coming as soon as I finish it. :o)

2) Thanks for reading! I really hope you like Calliope and that you like her with Spencer. 3

3) Alsoooooo... I'm a visual person and so I had a shit-ton of fun putting together online albums at [ .com/home/Thalia_Gratiae ] and the password to get in is "Calliope". Nothing special, just her name.

4) Thanks again for reading and tell me what you think, good or bad! :)

Love, Thalia