Chapter Ten

"Excuse me… Mrs. Sharp?" Came a soft but firm voice from behind Amanda. Amanda jumped.

"Oh! Doctor Parish… W-what can I do for you?"

"Mm… May I speak with you in private?" He asked. Amanda looked around nervously.

"Have I done something, sir?" She asked. He shook his head.

"Of course not. It's just a personal thing, and I'd sooner not speak about it in public." He said.

He took her to his office and shut the door, taking out a packet of papers, reading from it.

"A young female of fifteen years named Samantha Sharp was just admitted to the ER with approximately 18 horizontal lacerations along either arm and a single vertical laceration on either wrist, bisecting her ulnar arteries. The diagnosis is that she made a suicide attempt. She was admitted by Erik Sharp.

"She's currently receiving blood transfusions to address the blood loss and is still unconscious… She…" Amanda put her hand up, seeming like she was in shock.

"My apologies, Mrs. Sharp." Doctor Parish said.

"Please… Call me Amanda." She said numbly. He nodded.
"Amanda. I've secured a shift replacement for you so you can go take care of your daughter."

"Thank you." She said, not even arguing, walking out and immediately calling Erik as she walked down.

"Hello, sweetie." Erik said quietly. Amanda wasted no time.

"What happened?" She demanded.

"S-Sammy… She… Attempted suicide… I found her in the bathtub… It was crimson red. It seems like she was really serious about it, too…" Erik said.

"Let me talk to Simon." She said. Erik gasped.

"I uhhh… I was in such a hurry to get Sammy out and to the hospital that I left Simon at home." He said. Amanda privately shook her head. But his heart was in the right place and now wasn't the time to chastise him. She nodded.

"I'll go home and pick him up and bring him to the hospital. Is your knee alright, sweetie?"

"No… But it will be. It's just still a little sore from running on it."

"I would imagine so. When was the last time you ran?"

"Shortly after Simon was born, before my accident."

"Be careful, sweetie." Amanda said. She hurried out to her car and drove back to their brownstone, parking and running in. She called for Simon and got no answer. This worried her, but he might just be asleep… No. That wouldn't happen. Not if he knew what happened to Sam.

She looks around the kitchen. Nobody. The television isn't on, so he's not in the TV room. The shower isn't on in either bathroom, though it would be pretty callous to take a shower in the bathtub that Sam had attempted suicide in, not to mention disgusting. But still, she looked around in Simon's room… But of course he wouldn't be there. She went to Sam's room and found Simon curled up on Sam's bed, hugging her favorite stuffed animal.

It was a stuffed animal of indeterminate species. Sam called it a Chimera… Simon didn't know what a Chimera was. But Sam loved it and it smelled like her. She never wore makeup or lipstick. She wore pale blue nail polish. Simon loved her nail polish. He asked her to paint his nails with it once. Sam asked him if he was sure, that boys didn't generally paint their nails, and definitely not pale blue. But he wanted to look just like Sammy… So she painted his nails.

Sure enough, he got teased at school. But he held his head high and told them that he loved his nails because he looked like his big sister, who was perfect… He asked her to take the nail polish off that night. And he used that horrible smelling liquid that he smelled in her locker. She called it ass-tone… He didn't know what that meant, so she told him it removed nail polish. He didn't quite understand and she couldn't explain how it worked to him. Only that if he got it on his skin, he should wash it off or it could burn.

It felt so cold going on that he didn't see how it could burn. But then he rubbed his eye and started screaming. Sam ended up washing his eyes with the shower head for fifteen minutes, and Simon needed to wear an eye patch for a week after that. Simon would normally laugh about that memory… But it only further reminded him of how amazing Sammy was, and how unforgiveable it was that he let her die… Renewed sobs racked his body as he curled up tighter, hugging the Chimera closer to him, smelling it.

"M-my fault… Sh-she's dead… It's all my fault…" He whispered, his voice shaking as he spoke.

"It's my fault… My fault she's dead…" He kept whispering until Amanda put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Simon?" Amanda asked softly. Simon started violently, looking at Amanda as if he was terrified of her.

"A-am I… Going to prison now?" Simon asked, tears still running down his cheeks.

"Why would you go to prison?" Amanda asked gently, sitting down next to him and hugging him tightly. She wanted to get back and see Sam, but she needed to take care of Simon right now.

"I-I murdered Sammy… I-it's my fault she's dead! I knew what she was going through and I didn't t-t-tell anyone! I didn't tell her teachers or her principal… I didn't tell you or Dad… It's my fault it came to this! I-I deserve to go to prison and be executed… Or whatever they do with murderers like me!" Simon yelled.

"Alright… First of all, they don't send little boys to prison… Or execute them because they didn't tell anyone what their sister was going through… Second of all… Sammy is alive… And third… It's not your fault this happened. I'm sure you've done everything in your power to help Sammy through whatever hardships she's been facing… And you're a wonderful little brother to care so much about her. Now, Sammy is in the ER right now, getting blood transfusions…"

"Gross…" Simon said, wrinkling his nose at the thought of someone else's blood going into Sam's body.

"Yes, it's a little bit gross… But it's saved countless lives. Did you know that you and Sam don't share a Blood Type?" Amanda asked. Simon raised an eyebrow.

"What's a Blood Type?" He asked.

"Well, get your shoes on and I'll explain on the car trip over." She said. She wanted to distract him from the tragedy of his sister's attempted suicide for as long as possible. Simon ran downstairs and got his shoes on, getting in the car without even putting on a coat.

"Alright… Well… Different people have different types of blood. Basically they have certain genetic traits in their blood that makes it incompatible…

"Well, react badly with blood of a different type. So you're B positive… Sammy is AB positive. You see, I have A positive and your father has B positive. So you're B positive like your father and Sammy is a combination of both our blood types. Blood typing is a little bit more complex than that for the sake of transfusions, but I think that's enough for you to go on for now.

"Alright… Now, we're going in to see Sammy… She's probably not awake yet, so I'm not sure when exactly we'll get in… Why did you bring Sammy's stuffed toy?"
"I thought she'd want it when she woke up." Simon said. It always made her feel safe. She said when she was younger that it would protect her from mean monsters

"Too bad she didn't have it today…" Simon said out loud.

"Too bad she didn't have what today?"
"Charlie… That's what she calls her Chimera… She used to say that it would protect her from mean monsters… I wish I had insisted that she take it with her… Maybe then she wouldn't be in the hospital… Maybe then she wouldn't hate me…"

"What do you mean, hate you? You're one of Sammy's best friends… She's closer to you even than she is to us." Amanda said.

"No… When she came home tonight, her knee was swollen up like crazy and she had filthy gunk in her hair and her clothes were soaking wet and smelly and had some weird smelly black stuff on them… And she yelled at me not t-to look at her… And not to touch her…

"I-I don't know exactly what I did to make her hate me… But I know she does hate me now…"

"Are you afraid to see her?" Amanda asked, sitting in the car still in the parking spot, looking at Simon sympathetically. He nodded, tearing up.

"Y-yes… I'm afraid she won't want to talk to me… I'm afraid that she'll be angry at me. What if she never forgives me… I-I betrayed her…

"I did exactly what she asked me to and I didn't even think about whether that was actually best for her… M-mom… If your sister had asked you not to tell anyone that people were bullying her, w-would you listen? Would you keep it a secret or would you tell someone anyway?" Simon asked. Amanda smiled gently, pulling Simon in for a hug.

"Listen, Simon… You did the best you could with what you knew. How could you have known that Sammy would try to kill herself? But… To answer your question, I'm not sure… If I were eight, and my older sister told me not to tell anyone she was being bullied… I… I might have obeyed her. I really admired my older sister… We weren't as close as you and Sammy are. But I admired her. I respected her and I wanted her to admire me…

"So I probably would have done what she told me… If I was a little bit older… Maybe I would have told someone… But you're only eight, Simon… You wanted to make Sammy happy. You wanted to do what she asked of you. That's something to be admired. Simon… You haven't done anything to make Sam angry at you. As far as I know, you've only been there to help… And given the bruises and injuries you took a few months ago… I suspect you took a bit of a beating for her… Am I right in thinking that?"

Simon nodded nervously.

"S-some bullies were trying to cut her hair off… They wanted to shave her head… She has such beautiful hair… I-I couldn't allow that." Simon said.

"I see… And why were they trying to shave her head?"

"I-I can't tell you…" Simon muttered, blushing, ashamed that he was breaking Sam's confidence like this.

"Why not?" Amanda asked. Simon felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

"Because I don't have the right to betray that secret of Sammy's. Telling you that she's being bullied is one thing. Telling you why… I-if she wants to tell you, she can… If not… I won't either." Simon said firmly. Amanda could tell that she wouldn't get anything else out of Simon on the matter. And she knew that if she pushed too hard, that he would completely shut down to protect Sam's secret.

"Alright… Well, let's get in there. Sammy probably is still unconscious… But when she wakes up, I'll let you be the first one to see her."

"I… O-okay…" Simon muttered, getting out and hurrying in, sitting down next to Erik and curling up against Amanda, who wrapped her arm around him protectively.

Amanda hadn't been the best mother. She had made her choices so that Sam and Simon would be comfortable… But what had those choices gotten her? A son that didn't trust her and a daughter that would attempt suicide before even trying to talk to her… No, Sam had tried to talk to her months ago. Amanda had told her that she was late for work. Again, work took precedence over her teenage daughter's life. Sam had something important to tell her and Amanda ignored her.

She remembered the day that she talked to Sam about taking more hours at work. She had tried to explain it so Sam could understand it. But she had only been 6 at the time.

"Listen, Sammy… You know your father just hurt his knee, right?" Amanda asked. Sam nodded sadly.
"Is that why Daddy is so sad and doesn't leave the couch?" Sam asked. Amanda nodded.

"Yes… He can walk, but it hurts really bad for him to try. I'm trying to get him to go to rehab so he can walk normally again, but the doctors say that he may never be able to walk without some pain… And that means Daddy can't work anymore." Amanda said. Sam gasped.

She remembered being so proud telling her friends and classmates that her daddy made buildings. He was so big and strong, and her smile when she saw how impressed her friends were was breathtaking.

"Well… Now with a second child, we can't really support the family on only one income… But… I need to start taking more hours… I've gotten a second job that will give me some extra money… But it will mean that I won't be home very much anymore.

"Daddy will be looking after you. And he'll need you to be a big girl and look after your little brother." Amanda said quietly, her heart breaking at the look on Sam's face, the tears in her eyes.

"D-d-do you not love us anymore, Mommy?" Sam sobbed. Amanda shook her head.

"Of course I still love you… I just…"
"But you don't want to be with us anymore!"

"Of course I do… That's what I want most in the whole world… But… I-I can't afford to keep our home if I don't make a bit more money… I'd love to be at home with you guys, but food, clothes, our home, electricity, cable, our phones… They all cost money… I hate being away from you… But… Sammy, please don't cry… I'll still see you… It's not like I'm just leaving you forever." Amanda said. Sam wiped her tears away, nodding.

"O-okay, Mommy… I-I'll be the best big sister in the world… I'll take care of Simon while you're gone…" Sam said, wanting to make her mother proud of her. Maybe if she was proud of her, she would decide that she did love them enough to spend time with them. Amanda could tell what Sam was thinking and it broke her heart that Sam was so hurt by this.
"I'm sure you'll do a great job. And if you need any help, Daddy can tell you what to do.

"I'm so proud of you, Sammy… I know this is hard for you, but I'm proud of you that you're being so strong." Amanda said. Sam smiled brightly, tears still threatening to fall. Amanda hugged Sam tightly, kissing her on the cheek.

Erik was thinking of how different Sam's relationship with her brother was from his own family relationships. He was hardly estranged from his siblings. He had an older brother and a younger sister. But he and his brother always thought that their parents loved their sister more than them, that they favored her and that they didn't care about their sons.

That caused a lot of tension in the family. His older brother was Lars, who was two years older than him. Elisabeth, his younger sister was four years younger than him. And he remembered thinking that she acted like such a spoiled brat, such a princess. He resented her so much when her smallest achievement got her endless praise and he could get all A's and still not get a 'good job'.

It was hard to know now whether his perception had been accurate. It seemed so long ago, but he still remembered thinking he despised his sister. He and his brother and his sister had gotten closer as they grew up and realized that their parents' mistakes didn't have to ruin their relationship with each other. They were hardly close now. But they spoke at least. He remembered a particularly vicious fight he had with his sister.

The three of them all said pretty horrible things to each other. But the fight culminated with Erik and Lars agreeing that they hated Elisabeth. Lizzie, as she was called back then never expected them to feel like that about her, and she burst into tears and ran up to her room. Lars and him both got grounded, while Lizzie never got punished for calling them losers and telling them that their parents loved her best. At the time, it only confirmed to them that their parents didn't love them as much as they loved Lizzie.

Now… Well, it probably did mean that… But Erik was less liable to blame Elisabeth for their parents' decisions. Lars had agreed that they shouldn't hold those mistakes against Elisabeth and they all called each other and made up, and again, they were hardly best friends now, but they sent Christmas gifts to Sam and Simon and they corresponded occasionally. They all had their own lives. Lizzie and Lars were both married and had their own children.

Elisabeth was pretty rich. She worked in a law firm as a partner. Lars was a successful real estate agent and had sold houses all over the country thanks to the advent of the internet, since he could research real estate prices all over the country and even the world if he wanted. Lars had begun his own real estate agency and was doing extremely well. Erik felt pretty diminished next to them. He had a pretty well-paying job but lost it because of his injury.

Simon sighed, falling asleep and finding himself dreaming about Sam… What if she died? What if it was his fault? What if Sam hated him? What if when he died, Sam was there and condemned him to Hell because he was such a bad brother? He tossed and turned in his sleep, begging Sam to forgive him, tears falling freely until a doctor walked up to them.

"Excuse me… Mr. and Mrs. Sharp?" He asked. They jerked up, nodding.

"Samantha is awake."