Hey y'all its kelse. Sorry I changed my screen name haha. Anyways please review it means so much to me a writer and I love getting ideas from y'all they definitely help me form the plot. Please don't go to hard on me if you hate the chapter, today really sucked. Anyways love you all xox.
PL: "Dying to Be Born"-Civil Twilight, "Wings"-Birdy, "How"-The Neighbourhood, "One More Time with Feeling"-Regina Spektor, "Do I wanna know"-Arctic Monkeys
(Clary)
He was the light in all of my darkness. He was the only one who understood me. He was the fire in my soul that kept me on my feet. He was the one who comforted me two weeks ago after it happened. We haven't had a conversation since. The fire burnt out and now there only is an overwhelming emptiness. It is consuming me slowly, engulfing me in my dark thoughts. I have to escape them, escape myself, no matter the cost. I already know what I'm going to do. I'm not proud of it but I just can't take it anymore. I'm already dead, just barely breathing. Soon there will be no breath at all. That's why I have pulled away from him. I can't let him get close to me then die, it would kill him. So I have ignored him, his non-stop attempts of conversation stopped three days ago. He has given up. So have I. I know that I'm weak, I have the scars to prove it. Soon they won't matter anymore though. Nothing will. I used to be holding on to the string of sanity, that string snapped, and now I'm falling into the depths grasping my hands in the air, trying to find something to grip onto. Simon still hasn't given up on me, he calls every ten minutes, calls that I ignore. I can't hurt them. I'm a ghost of my former self, thanks to what I allowed to happen to me. I am so pathetic. I have to end it soon. I have to end it tonight. I'm just so tired. All I have to get through is one more beating, one more day of school, then I can finally leave this place and fade away. I slip my feet out of the thin covers, and onto the unpleasantly cold floor. I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen, Jon and father won't be up for another twenty minutes at least. I get out the frying pan, some eggs and bacon, bread, bowls, and orange juice. I turn on the stove and fry the eggs and bacon, putting them on separate plates, make two bowls of cereal with the milk on the side, two pieces of buttered toast for each of them, and orange juice without ice. I sit on the couch and wait. I'm not allowed to eat at home, that's why I'm so skinny. I get the cafeteria lunch and sometimes a small dinner at the coffee shop on certain nights. Five minutes later Jon trots down the stairs and father walks in from his bedroom door to the left of the kitchen. "What is this, Clarissa?" father sneers angrily, holding up a piece of bacon. "Its bacon, sir." I reply quietly, unsure of myself. "YOU CALL THIS FOOD?" He hollers, grabbing the plate and throwing it towards my head. I dodge it just in time and it shatters on the wall behind me. Here we go again, I think. Thing is I don't even care anymore. They can't hurt me worse than what I've been through. I've been through the maximum a person can take. Jon starts to approach me, hand in a fist. He aims for my face and I block him with my forearm. I sudden look of surprise crosses over her face, quickly replaced with a sneer. That was the first time I've ever defended myself. "You, slut!" He growls. He grabs my wrist and twists it, and it snaps in half. Pain fills my body. It feels good to feel something. Even pain. I elbow him in the neck, throwing him off long enough to escape out the door with my satchel. I sprint to school.
(Jace)
Why is she pushing me away? I have no idea what I did wrong! Ever since the day she sobbed in my arms she hasn't spoken a word to me. There is this emptiness in her eyes that scares me. There is no longer pain or fear in them, even when she comes to school in such bad shape that she should be in the hospital. She just sits there looking blank and emotionless. What did they do to her? Just the thought of them hurting her makes me want to kill them. But I can't. I have kept trying to talk to her at school but she doesn't even blink. I shook her once and she just closed her eyes and stayed still. This went on for a week and four days. I decided I would give her space for a few days, in case she needed some. But that sure didn't mean I was giving up, I would never give up on her. I walk into art and sit in my seat, waiting for Clary's arrival. She walks in 15 minutes later. There is emotion on her face. Relief and acceptance. Maybe she will talk today? She sits down next to me, searching for her sketch pad. It isn't in her bag, so she must have left it in her room. "Hey Red what's up?" I ask cheerfully, getting my hopes up. She acts as if she didn't hear me and keeps staring off in the distance. "You know I'm not giving up right?" I whisper quietly, pain woven in my tight voice. She just sits there. No emotion. I turn around white pain spreading through my entire being. So, this is what heart break feels like. After art she scoops up her supplies and leaves, not even trying to be quick. She walks out, back slumped, hair in her face. We walk out the door and I see Kaelie and her squad surround Clary. "Look at it everyone, its so ugly." Kaelie giggles. The hall laughs slightly, but I can tell they're all sick of Kaelie picking on Clary. "What? Are you referring to the three imps that follow you everywhere?" Clary whispers, barely audible. "I would say you too.. but you're just a whole different kind of ugly, guess thats why you pick on me. I'm done Kaelie. My name is Clary not freak by the way." She says a little stronger this time. She then walks away, leaving Kaelie and the hall gawking and staring. I grin at this and wave at Kaelie, give her a sarcastic thumbs up, and then walk away. Hearing Clary's voice again was nice. Raziel, I miss her.
(Clary)
Not talking to Jace is really difficult, I just miss him so much. He is so persistent that I sometimes almost break. I can't do that, it's not an option. I just have to suffer a little more, it's almost time. Standing up to Kaelie felt so good, there was no point in cowering in fear anymore. There no longer is fear, just oblivion. The bell signaling time for lunch wakes me from my train of thought. I walk to my satchel, pull out the rest of my cash, which was fifteen dollars. Might as well spend it, I sure didn't want Jon to get even a penny. I grab my earphones out of the side pocket and start for the cafeteria. When I walk in everyone turns and stares. Me standing up for myself must have been a big surprise. I try to ignore it to the best of my ability. I get in line and grab a turkey sandwich, three double chocolate cookies, a pint of ice-cream, and a grape soda. It was my last day, might as well eat something good. I walk to an empty table and plop down, putting my earphones in and listening to "I wanna be yours" by Arctic Monkeys. I take a big bite from one of the cookies, closing my eyes and savoring the rich taste. My eyes fly open as I hear someone sit down next to me. It's Jace, of course. I act like I don't notice him, even though its hard not to. He taps my shoulder and I pull out a headphone, raising an eyebrow to say 'what'. "Can I have a cookie?" He asks smilingly. I just shake my head no, using all of the little self control I have not to smile back. I lift my hand, about to put my headphone back in. "Pleasee? Come one just one cookie! You have three!" He pleads, sticking out his lip and looking up at me from under his eyelashes. I can't help but laugh. This seems to encourage him, because he actually trys to reach for one. I quickly pick them up and hold them in the air away from him. It feels so good to be smiling again. I haven't smiled in two weeks. Jace's face suddenly slackens and pales. His gaze is set upon the back door. What is he looking at? I turn around and look behind us, only to feel a cookie being snatched from my hand. I turn around to see the whole thing stuffed in Jace's mouth, crumbs on his lips. His lips. I remember the way they felt against mine, and it sends shivers down my spine. The sound of munching makes my refocus on him. "Jace you asshole!" I shout laughing. He keeps munching and shrugs. I laugh even harder at this. After he finishes off the first cookie he reaches out to sneak another. I quickly hold them up as high as I can. Suddenly I get an idea. I pull them both back down to my mouth and lick them, then I send him a smile that says, 'suck that'. He scoffs and covers his eyes with his hands, shaking his head. "What have you done?" He moans at me. I shrug and stuff them in my mouth. He chuckles and I suddenly feel something gripping my hand. I look down and he is holding it. Oh my God. I have been avoiding him and I just broke and didn't realize it. What have I done? I yank my hand away and grab my tray, sprinting from the cafeteria. I put up the tray and run out the doors, heading for the girls bathroom. I hear him running after me. I slip in through the bathroom door, and lean against the wall. I can't believe I did that to him, I gave him hope and tomorrow I'll be dead. I can't let him get close to me. I have to keep pulling away. While I'm still catching my breath the door flies open a second time, hitting the wall behind it harshly. "Jace what the hell? You can't be in here! If someone finds out-" He cuts me off, "Anything for you, darling." I roll my eyes on the outside, but inside I was melting. "What do you want?" I snarl, acting annoyed. "You.." He murmurs, approaching me. I hold out a hand to stop him. "Jace, I just-just can't deal with this right now," I squeak back, sounding like the pathetic little girl I am. He just nods, but there is still a determined look in his eyes though. "You know no matter how much you push me away, how much you hurt me, how much you say you don't care, it won't change the way I feel about you," He stars, "I, am in love with you Clary Fray, and I always will be, no matter what you do." That was wrong. What if what I do is kill myself. I shake my head, unshed tears filling my eyes. "Y-you need to go Jace," I stutter, attempting to blink away the tears. He nods and opens the door and walks out. As the door closes I hear him whisper, "I'm never giving up, Clary." I have to do it now, I should've done it earlier. How could I have been so stupid, not only was it more suffering for me, but them too. I walk to my locker and grab my satchel, school isn't over but it doesn't matter. I jog out of school, headed to the house. I had left my sketchpad there and wanted to have it as I left this world. Twenty minutes later I'm in my room, grabbing my sketch book. I hug it close to my body, cherishing it. It was all I had left. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then walk down the stairs and out the door. On my way out the door I run into someone else. I look up and I can't breathe. I try to get air into my lungs, but it refuses to enter them. My heart is beating so quickly that I can hear it. This isn't happening, this isn't real. It can't be. "Mom?" I whisper. "Oh my Clary!" She coos, trying to pull me into a big hug. I feel so angry. I hate her. I shove her away from me harshly. "Why are you here Jocelyn?" I bark seething. "I made a mistake Clary, I missed you all." She mumbles quietly, regret and pain woven in her tone. Good, she should be in pain. "Well what happened to the house, it looks terrible.." She remarks, stating the obvious. "I don't know maybe it's that our mom left us?" I reply sarcastically. "Clary, I didn't do anything wrong, look you all are fine." She retorts carelessly. "FINE?" I shout in her face, taking her by surprise. I am so angry that I can't control what I do or say. "Well.. yes." She mutters. I lift up my sleeves, showing here the cuts. 'Does this look fine to you?" I whisper maliciously. She gasps. "Oh my! Clary did you do this to yourself? Was it because of me?" She asks, tears streaming from her eyes. She had no right to cry. "Oh no.." I start, "these are because of you." I lift up my pants showing my black and purple legs with the burn scars, move my hair off my neck, showing the hand shaped bruises and slap welts, I pull up my shirt showing the stab wound scars on my stomach, and whip gashes on my back going from shoulder to hip. She is sobbing by now. "These.. these were because of you. The cuts are because of these." I spit angrily. "Did your father and brother do this to you?" She asks, but her face says she already knows. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I holler at her, "YOU CAUSED THESE!" She falls to her knees. "Why?" She moans. "BECAUSE YOU LEFT US. BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME!" With that I sprint down the road, heading for the park. Tears are falling from my eyes like pouring rain. I can't even think. I just cry, and run. Ten minutes later I arrive at the park, I chose it because it has a large cliff I could jump from. Jumping is the quickest way, least painful. I think I've already had enough pain in my life. I set down my satchel that contained the notes I had written earlier in the week. I hold my sketch pad closer to me, and smile. Finally, the agony is over. With that I run, and jump into the air. Only to have my foot grabbed onto. I am thrown back to the ground, on top of a warm body. "NO!" I shout, "NO, NO, NO, NO! LET ME JUMP! LET GO OF ME, PLEASE... PLEASE JUST LET GO!" I am sobbing and pounding my fists on the persons stomach. I was so close. So, so close. "Shh.." The voice calms, "It's gonna be okay, I've got you, red." Jace.
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Love y'all -kelse