[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Whoa, is this a chapter just for us?"

[Richard McGuinness]: "Uh-oh. Last time this happened, we canceled a story. I don't think we can survive another retcon man."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Well Sam isn't here, so I think we're good on that front. We do have a message though."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Okay, drop it down."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "He says: 'We need to bait people into dropping reviews.'"

[Richard McGuinness]: "How does he plan to do that?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Well, we're bringing back something from an older story. Q and A! That's right audience members we are now acknowledging, we will deliberately break the fourth wall into teeny tiny pieces to let you ask questions directly to our cast!"

[Richard McGuinness]: "Cool…well…what now? This is just a chapter with us."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Ah ha! Thankfully, we got some questions already, submitted by Sam's acquaintances!"

[Richard McGuinness]: "Awesome. Let's get started. Who's the first guy we're talking to?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Uh…biggest group of people are voting for…Charlemagne. Actually…are the questions are for him."

[Richard McGuinness]: "The bad guy? Screw it. Let's dial him up.

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Already on it. Hello? Hello? Is this King Charlemagne?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Yes. It is me."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Whoa, your voice is…weird. It's like Jeremy Irons and Anthony Hopkins, with both of them doing their best Jack Nicholson impressions."

[King Charlemagne]: "I'll take that as a compliment, human. Now, why have you called me? I am not terribly busy, but do have things to do."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Well…uh….this is weird…"

[Richard McGuinness]: "We got questions to ask you. Do you mind answering them?"

[King Charlemagne]: "AS long as they don't ask for my plans or details of them."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Well that takes out a couple, but for the most part, no."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Okay, let's start then. First question is from Andrew Wright. By the way, these are fake names with the same initials, so Sam's friends know who is who in case they forgot whatever question they asked. Also, Sam couldn't resist doing it. So first question is…uh…do you poop?"

[King Charlemagne]: "…I am giving you ten seconds to ask a legitimate question or I am hanging up the phone."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Oh bloody hell…uh…this is from Jackie Firrus: do you plan on killing all human beings in the universe?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Yes."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Oh…well that's not good news for us."

[King Charlemagne]: "Sorry gentlemen. It is nothing personal."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Actually, this does correlate with one question that nearly everyone asked. And I mean, nearly everyone. Why do you want to kill humans? You mentioned something about a job, but little else."

[King Charlemagne]: "Hmm…I was elected for this position. I was deemed the best for this job, to bring our race back to its former glory. We were killing ourselves far faster than we could save ourselves, and the best option was to wait it out."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Killing yourselves? What happened?"

[King Charlemagne]: "…we Eridians were a warring people. We had expanded so large we had begun to divide ourselves into groups for no reason other than we were able to. War was common, and war brings famine and plaque. Soon we begun to kill each other faster than we could repopulate, but the wars never stopped. Peace was impossible, some factions blatantly ignoring the effects war was having on us."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "So you all decided to sleep?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Not all of us. The warring groups stayed behind. You see how well that turned out. Now all that's left is those of us smart enough to realize civil war is counterproductive. When I awaken them, we will roll through this universe like a tidal wave of blood and plasma."

[Richard McGuinness]: "But why you? Why were you chosen for this job?"

[King Charlemagne]: "I was one of the few with this power you see. The ability to use souls for power. My race knew all of us wouldn't be able to wake up, so someone had to lead us during that period. Once my job is done, I shall return to my former rank and let my superiors take over. I will have earned my rest."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "You don't plan on ruling? That seems at odds for someone called King."

[King Charlemagne]: "Theatricality, I assure you. You humans love charismatic power, and I'm afraid quite a bit of your traits rubbed off on me. Next question please."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Very well. Uh...this is from George Harrison: Why did you pick the most absolute fucking weirdos for your soldiers? Shiro is a mad doctor, Bel Girard is every stereotypical creepy pretty boy, Cold Bling could only be more offensive if he shouted the N-word every other sentence, Radiohead is Skrillex without the music degree, and the less aid about Norman, the better. What gives?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Tell me, do the Vault Hunters seem much more normal than my soldiers?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "…POP!"

[Richard McGuinness]: "The fuck was that?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "The argument. Going pop."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Right…well, now from David Wallace: Hey Charlemagne, have you ever gotten laid?"

[King Charlemagne]: "More times than the entire population of your planet. Next."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Eric Hector: Why are you grey?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Because if I was black they wouldn't give me a warning shot. Next."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Katelyn Rivers: What's the most amazing thing you've ever seen?"

[King Charlemagne]: "The complete and utter insipidness of this question. Next."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Yuri Oliver: Why don't you do the jobs of your underlings yourself? Seems sort of lazy."

[King Charlemagne]: "I made my underlings for the sole purpose of extending my influence and power as far as it can reach. I am only one being. I can only do so much, even with my great power. Last I checked, two of my soldiers infiltrated Sanctuary on their own, and those weren't even my handpicked ones. I think I can rely on my men."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "That's fair enough I suppose. Next question from John Quincy: What's your favorite food?"

[King Charlemagne]: "You get to ask one question. A question about anything involving the guy who plans to slaughter your entire race, and you choose to talk about food. Of course, considering the state of this planet, it's not surprising you all are only concerned with survival since everything on this planet is lethal, including the air. As for an answer, I like tacos. Especially breakfast tacos."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Hmm, any guy who likes breakfast foods is okay by me."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "He wants to kill us all!"

[Richard McGuinness]: "But we have so much in common! Question from me: Do you like sports, and if so, what kind?"

[King Charlemagne]: "For the longest time, I would've said no. But I found one thing that still intrigues me to this day. Sumo wrestling."

[Richard McGuinness]: "YES! Sign me up to work with this guy!"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Okay, let's keep going before Rich bursts an artery. Rachel Frank: Do you smoke?"

[King Charlemagne]: "Only when set on fire. Next."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Victor Sans: What do you think about Anthony Burch?"

[King Charlemagne]: "While I have respect for any writer willing to stick to what he finds passion in, I must say his contribution will be missed. And since there are snowballs currently burning in the Great Plains that have a greater chance than Sam does of ever actually working for Gearbox, I say it's likely they're going to find some other nuanced writer this time around."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Oh…uh…who is Anthony Burch?"

[King Charlemagne]: "None of your concern, human."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Whatever then. This question is from Brandon Sanders."

[King Charlemagne]: "This will be the last question. I have things to get back to."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Sure, no problem. Here's the question: Why did you name all your soldiers after negative things? Why not positive things?"

[King Charlemagne]: "That's a fair question. I find it good for my soldiers to understand their flaws by having them pointed out. If I labeled them Bravery or Justice, they'd simply indulge in that aspect and neglect everything else. By pointing out their flaws, they work on them and make them more well-rounded. Of course, whether they change or not isn't something I can control."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Well, I guess that's all the questions we got for you. Thanks Charlemagne."

[King Charlemagne]: "No problem gentlemen. I hope I shall extinguish your kind from this universe."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Same to you. Goodbye."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Damn! Aren't you worried he'll kill you?"

[Richard McGuinness]: "He already wants to kill me. Might as well give him a good reason."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Hmm…call him back, I got shit to say too."

[Richard McGuinness]: "Not a chance. I'm pretty sure he can shoot radiation through cell waves."

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "Seriously?"

[Richard McGuinness]: "Would that surprise you?"

[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale]: "No. Well, I guess that's all. Tatty bye audience, and send in some questions!"

[Richard McGuinness]: "Later assholes!"