(A/N)-Guys, I am SO sorry for the slow update. I was almost done with this chapter when my computer crashed and we lost all of our files. So I was able to borrow my grandma's computer (FINALLY) and rewrite this entire thing, so again, I'm sorry. On top of that, I'm back at school and in another play, so I'm busy, and I've had major writer's block, because I wasn't sure exactly how to approach this chapter. Warning: The following chapter has a rape scene and the story is being bumped up to M because of it. It's not a terribly graphic scene, but if you're uncomfortable reading it, you can skip this chapter, because future chapters will not include the rape itself, but they will include the after effects. I do not, in any way, encourage or condone rape. This is not a "twist" in the story and shouldn't be taken as just an interesting plot device or lightly. This has been an issue I've wanted to include in this story from the start, and went back and forth about it for a long time. I have decided to include it because it is something that will affect all characters involved in this for a very long time. I don't own Supernatural, and read at your own caution.

The next time Lydia opened her eyes, Cas was-not surprisingly-gone. Probably heaven again. Even though she knew damn well that he was fighting a war and shouldn't be down on Earth in the first place, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain when she realized he was long gone. He was pretty much the most important thing in her life, however stupid that sounded. Without him, life was nothing but hunting and stripping. And now that she had him again…it felt amazing. The only thing wrong was the fear of losing him again. That cloud of worry and anxiety hung over her like a dark cloud, following her everywhere she went. Even to the club that night, which is were everything went to hell.

Lydia rarely had the opportunity to take a break and relax while at her job, so when she saw the chance to kick back and have a drink for a few minutes, she took it. She sat alone at a table, watching the girls on stage with casual interest, drinking a beer. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a man sit down at the table next to her. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Okay, listen buddy, I'm not on duty right now…" Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor when she turned her head to see the man. "Sam?"

Sam winked at her, wearing that slight smirk that he always wore. "Hey kid. Haven't seen ya in a while."

"Yeah, I guess not…" Lydia stared down at her drink, then remembered exactly who she was talking to and downed the rest of her bottle.

Sam nodded, smiling curiously at her. "Wow. You're starting to pick up on some of Bobby's alcoholic tendencies."

"You're hysterical." Lydia's lip curled up in disgust as the girl on stage started taking off her shirt seductively. "That girl, Maya, is about as sexy as a freaking frog. She's so not doing it right…"

"Then you go up there and do it." Sam wasn't trying to be funny; his voice was as serious as could be.

Lydia felt incredibly awkward-sitting next to her friend with benefits in the strip club that she worked at, the alcohol finally starting to kick in, and her thoughts only on the angel that she was in love with-and almost thought about buying another beer. "On break right now. Don't feel like it."

"Well, I think you should." Lydia shifted uncomfortably under Sam's gaze and at his words. Sam definitely seemed to notice-it was hard to miss-and smiled at her. "I mean, I've seen you do it before. You're quite good at it."

"Dude, this is getting weird." Lydia looked in the other direction and silently willed the Winchester to just leave. Or melt into a puddle. Or just disappear completely.

Of course, Sam ignored the hint completely. He put his arm around her seductively, kissing her neck. "So how about we just go back to Bobby's, huh?" Sam stopped for a second. "Or the bathroom. The bathroom'll work for me."

"Look, Sam," Lydia turned around to face Sam, grabbing his arm and pushing it away. "Not to be rude, but this isn't working for me anymore."

"Um…okay." Sam only looked mildly confused. "Why?"

Lydia sat there, her mouth opening and closing rapidly, like a fish. "Well, I just think that I have way too much self-respect to do that kind of stuff anymore. And really, so should you. I think it's just for the best that we…"

"Lydia?"

Lydia stopped talking and looked at Sam. "Yeah?"

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Is not!" Lydia protested.

"Lyd, I lie professionally." Sam explained. "I know a lie when I see one. So I'm calling your bluff. You don't want to sleep with me anymore. Okay, fine. Tell me why." Lydia only rolled her eyes and looked away from him again, not wanting to admit to him about her and Castiel.

However, Sam already seemed to know. "Is this about Cas? You're still not over a freaking angel in a trench coat? You're serious?"

"No, I'm not, okay!" Lydia snapped irritably. "I was never over him! Never! And I'm still not! Especially since we're together again!"

Sam only blinked nonchalantly. "Okay, and?"

"And I'm not going to sleep with you if I'm with him!" Lydia shouted over the blaring music.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Lydia was so frustrated with Sam Winchester she could've slapped him. "Because I'm in love with him, and not with you!"

Sam looked like he still didn't get her logic. "So? You have a boyfriend. Great. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Lydia was furious, almost beyond words "Are you joking? Cas is a freaking angel, genius. He's obviously going to find out!"

Sam nodded slowly, which frustrated Lydia even further. "And there it is."

"What is what?" Lydia didn't understand.

"You," Sam pointed at her. "You claimed that, when I tried pushing you to sleep with me, that you didn't want to because Cas would find out. You never said it was because you didn't want to."

"That's…" Lydia couldn't even think of anything else to say. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she did want to. To an extent. She loved Cas-there was no question about that-but Sam was…Sam was something special. He could be the most frustrating, aggravating, intolerable asshole that ever lived, but Lydia couldn't help but find herself drawn to him. Cas was a sweet, awkward angel, and she was head over heels for him, but Sam Winchester was dangerous. Fierce. Aggressive. And hot. He was plenty hot. Not to mention, he was way more stable than Castiel was. Sam was the best damn hunter Lydia had ever known, with the possible exception of Dean and John all those years ago. He could get out of any situation without even a scratch. Cas could die at any given moment. He could've been dead already, for all Lydia knew. She hated herself for thinking all of these thoughts, but they were the truth. This is what Lydia Carmichael was thinking before she kissed Sam Winchester. She didn't even know why she did it, but she did.

It was as familiar as could be-the way Sam kissed her back, his strong arms lifting her out of her seat and carrying her back to his car, the shedding of the clothes, the warmth of his hands roaming her body, everything. They were so close, but right before they did the deed, Lydia gasped out, "Stop!"

Sam stopped, looking down at her, his breathing heavily. "What? You're still on the pill, right?"

"No!" Lydia groaned. "Just stop. I don't want to do this."

"Oh, boo hoo," Sam said sarcastically. "You're in love with angel boy, I get it."

"Sam, get off of me! Get off!" Lydia screamed, trying to shove him off of her. However, Sam was a six foot four giant of a man, and Lydia was a tiny little girl. She didn't stand a chance.

Sam definitely seemed amused at her attempts, however. "Are you done, then?"

"Just let me up!" Lydia was punching, kicking, and yelling her heart out, but she still couldn't get Sam to get off of her. Sam, however, seemed bored with her protests, and started kissing her again. He had her completely pinned to the backseat, and it was when Lydia felt Sam starting to spread her legs apart that she knew she was in trouble. Before she could make another sound, Sam had his hand clamped over her mouth and he slowly slid into her. Lydia threw her head back and screamed, to Cas, to Bobby, to God-to anyone who might be listening.

Unexpectedly, her prayers were answered. Sam was suddenly torn away from her and thrown across the front seat. Lydia jumped up, ready to bolt from the car, but a familiar trench coat was thrown at her. Cas. He would be the one to save her. Letting out a grateful sob, Lydia put on the coat and looked to the front scene to find Cas punching Sam repeatedly. Sam was bleeding heavily and pleading with the angel to stop, but with one last blow to the face, Castiel knocked him completely unconscious. As soon as Sam's head fell back against the seat, Cas in the backseat with Lydia, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Every fiber of her being wanted to scream, to fight, to get away, but Lydia was hyperventilating and crying harder than she ever had before.

"Lydia," Cas started stroking her hair and clinging to her protectively. "How long did he?"

"I don't know!" Lydia screamed painfully, her sobs consuming her completely. "Five minutes? Maybe? I don't know! Oh my God, oh my God…"

And she felt two fingertips brush her forehead, and everything went blissfully dark.

A/N- Yes, for the record, I do believe that Soulless Sam was a rapist, or at least attempted them. I have nothing against the "real" Sam Winchester and love him dearly, but his soulless self had no moral compass and was capable of doing something like this.