A/N: Whew! ::wipes sweat from brow:: That was a long one. Break that is. Sorry it took me so long to update, I really have no excuse other than I got stuck. ::shrugs:: sorry guys. But, the story shall continue now. I won't bore you with a long A/N now, I'll do that at the bottom. See ya there! ;)
JPOV
Bella wanted time. Everyone else said to try harder. I had tried to get her to talk to me and to listen, but she just wouldn't. I needed to find a way to make her see, but I was coming up short.
I had done a lot of thinking that day on the beach, I guess you could call it soul searching. There were a lot of things that I wanted to do in my life, and although I wished like hell Bella would be there with me to do them, I needed to understand that wasn't going to happen now.
She was gone, and as much as I couldn't face the fact, I had to try to let her go. I figured that even though she didn't want to be with me anymore, maybe she'd still let me be her friend. And that's one thing I could do. I could shove my feelings aside and be there for her. Just like I had always tried to be.
I left her alone for about two weeks, but then I couldn't stay away. I had to see her, and the only place I felt could be somewhat neutral ground was the book store. She never came to the shop anymore and I didn't want to stop by her house unannounced, so the book shop became my only option.
Everyday I would send her a dozen bouquets of Forget-Me-Nots. It was my not so subtle way of telling her that I didn't want her to think I didn't miss her. I wanted her to know that I was here for her always.
The only problem was, this was always subject to change.
~o0o~
"Mr. Black, this is Mr. Jenks. I was just wanting to let you know that all of the paperwork is in order and ready to be signed. What would be a good time for you to drop by the office so you can do that, sir?"
"Oh, I can stop by today if that's okay with you. This is usually the slowest day of the week we have at the shop and I actually have some things to do today, so I can probably stop by." I informed him.
"That would be great, Mr. Black. The sooner the better, as I always say. Have you arranged for Mrs. Black to come in and sign the papers as well?" This was the one thing that was holding everything up. I had been avoiding telling her like the plague.
"Oh, ah, no I haven't. I was wondering if perhaps I could bring the papers to her, and return them when they are signed."
"Of course, that will be fine, Mr. Black. Let me know if there is anything else we can do for you."
"I will, and thanks again." I ended the phone call and made my way to the truck, headed to the book store for my daily visit with Bella.
BPOV
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not totally convinced of this. It had been seven weeks since Edward had been to my house and my father had interrupted what I thought would be my first kiss with him. There weren't many phone calls between us, but we texted some.
His visit to his parents' seemed to be indefinitely at this point. Once he arrived at his parents' house, he called to let me know that there was some sort of family emergency. I didn't ask, and he didn't tell. The truth was, I think I may have saw into this thing a little more than I should have.
Edward was a nice guy, but he just wasn't around. Not that I wanted someone around constantly, but I would have liked to see him every now and then.
I had tried to keep busy with the shop and avoiding Jacob, but he was persistent as ever. It was becoming somewhat aggravating to show up to work and have a dozen bouquets of forget-me-nots waiting on the stoop for me.
I would carry them in and spread them out around the shop, not because Jake had sent them to me, it just so happened that they were my favorite flower. Sensible was seeing a double meaning here and I had to agree with her.
~o0o~
I was sitting at the shop looking over the shipment receipts when the door opened and in walked Jacob. He was handsome as ever, but I didn't want him to see that he could still affect me, so I just glanced back down at the receipts in front of me.
"Hey Bells," he said as he leaned on the counter.
"Jacob," I answered, keeping my focus on the papers in front of me.
"So, what cha' doin' today?" he asked, sounding rather cheerful. I looked up at him to be greeted by his very toothy grin, wondering how could he not tell what I was doing today. I was working...duh.
"Well, it would seem you came to my job, so I am probably working, Jake. Why?" I probably threw in a little too much edge on the end, but I wished he would just drop the I'm-trying-not-to-show-you-how-hurt-I-am-because-you-left-me act. But to tell the truth, with Edward being gone, it was nice to have someone coming to see me.
Things between us hadn't been so strained like when I first left him. It felt as if we were in high school again, it was easy to talk to him, although I was still annoyed that he was around every day. Senseless, Sensible and myself all had mixed feelings on this whole thing.
"Man, what crawled up your ass, I was just coming by to see if you wanted to come by the house later." Jake looked a small bit dejected by my tone. I felt bad for being ugly to him, but not too bad.
Senseless scowled at Jake for asking me over, I hadn't been there since I gathered my things and moved out.
"Umm, I'm not sure that's a great idea, Jake. I don't mean to sound rude, but...I don't really want to go back there." Senseless and Sensible both seemed to have their own perception as to where I didn't want to go back to.
Senseless seemed to think it was back to the relationship that I once had with him. Sensible seemed to know it was the house. I had to give it to them, they were both right.
I looked up into his eyes, finally making eye contact with him. He looked so tired. So worn. Part of my heart broke for him. I knew I had done this to him; I had been the one to break this man. I pushed those thoughts aside, because right now I couldn't worry about how I had hurt him. I needed to focus on me; on what I needed and wanted.
"Please don't be like that Bells. I want to tell you something, and I think the house is the perfect place to tell you. Please? We can order pizza and have a couple of beers. Maybe watch a movie or something." He whipped out the big sad puppy dog eyes I couldn't say no to.
Senseless was stomping her foot before I could even get the words out. "Fine. But we're not watching a movie, I've missed a lot of these shipment orders and I need to get the books straight this week." His mood lifted automatically.
"No, no. That's fine. Just stop by, say, around six?"
"Sure Jake, now let me get to work. The more I get done now, the longer I can stay and hear whatever this big secret is you want to tell me." I rolled my eyes at him playfully.
"No problem, I need to get going anyway. I have some last minute things I need to get in order. Call me if you want to get lunch or something," he said as he walked towards the door.
"Thanks, but I brought my lunch. Bye Jake." I called after him.
I returned to my papers, thoughts running rampid through my mind of what he could want to tell me. I couldn't concentrate on the shipping receipts and today had been a slow day. So when Mrs. Montgomery finished picking out a cookbook for her granddaughter who was heading to college in the fall, I cashed out and closed the shop early.
I started to drive around town, with no where to go. I ended up on the 101, turning off onto 110 towards La Push. I don't know why that was where I was headed, I was just following the road.
Senseless had hidden behind her chaise lounge and hadn't been seen since I agreed to go to Jake's house tonight. Sensible was sitting in her leather chair with her hair pinned high in a bun and her glasses sitting on the tip of her nose. She had a yellow note pad on her lap and was tapping a pen against the paper, as if waiting for me to tell her what I was up to.
But what could I tell her? I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going. It was as if I was being led by some force of nature. I parked the truck in the parking area and walked down to the log we always sat on. Our log.
If I was going to be honest, and I felt since I was alone that I could be, as much as Jake had hurt me with Leah, I still loved him. Part of me still wanted to be with him. We hadn't been apart very long, and considering how much he stopped by the shop, it didn't really seem like we were. I did miss him at night.
If we were somewhere else, anywhere else, I may have been able to look past all of it. But not in a town the size of a pea. Not when everyone knew when you sneezed. I just couldn't deal with the public humility of all of it. And for a bit more honesty, I had too much pride.
I sat there for a long time, just watching the waves crash on the shore and carry the grains of sand back into the ocean. A ton of different things ran through my mind from him telling me he wanted me back to him telling me he hated my guts. I couldn't blame him for the latter.
Sitting on our log, I thought about the first time he ever kissed me, or I should say I kissed him. It had been on this very log that I had my first kiss with my once upon a time soul mate.
~o0o~
It had been a cloudy day, but that wasn't unnatural for this part of the country. Everything was either varying shades of green or gray. But that was just how it was here, that was normal.
What didn't seem normal was how I was beginning to feel about my best friend. Jake and I had been hanging out since we were little, and now we were fourteen. We always went everywhere together and Charlie never gave me a hard time about being with Jake.
So when I found myself alone on the beach with him that night, it wasn't uncommon. We loved the beach and had played by this log for as long as I could remember. It was somewhat windy, and the air was growing rather chilly.
I pulled my hood over my head to protect my ears from the onslaught of the wind. Jake noticed that I was a little chilled, so he scooted closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his at the time bony chest. This wasn't unusual either, but what happened next sort of made me question what was going on.
I did have a crush on him partly because he was the best looking guy I had ever seen. But I liked to think I wasn't so shallow as to only like him for the way he looked. Jacob took care of me, protected me against anyone or anything that wanted to cause me harm. He was everything I wanted or needed him to be and more. I was happy to have him as my best friend.
"You okay Bells? You don't want to go home? You seem cold," he looked down at me through his long lashes. I glanced up, realizing that I had never looked into his eyes before. I mean, yes, I had looked him in the eye, but not as deep as that moment.
My gaze darted to his mouth where I watched his tongue peek out and ever so softly wipe along both his lips, wetting them for what I hoped would be my first kiss. I licked mine as well and waited with baited breath while he placed a finger under my jaw and lifted my chin upwards towards him.
He brought his face down to mine and I was sure he could hear me swallow, I was so nervous. When the tip of his nose brushed mine, I felt my eyelids flutter shut.
"Can I kiss you Bells?" he whispered, while pulling me closer to him. Unable to form words coherently and to save myself from the embarrassing answer I was sure I would give, I closed the gap between us and felt his lips upon mine.
I didn't know what to expect, but his tongue dancing alongside mine was nice and sort of weird. He tasted nice, what I could taste of him, that is. It was probably because of the Bubble Yum he was chewing, but it was a fruity flavor mixed with him. I was surprised when he pulled away first, but he just smiled and chuckled.
"You know, you can open your eyes now Bells. I know I look good, but I'm no god. You don' t have to worship me while blind. You can do it with your eyes open. Not bad for your first time, but we can practice more if you'd like." I could hear the smile in his voice and the teasing tone he had.
I opened my eyes, but not to worship him; I was leaving. He wasn't going to ask to kiss me and then tease me about it. There was one little problem though, he wouldn't let go. I tried and tried, but Jacob held on to me until I gave up completely. I sat there next to him until the moon was shining on the water.
My anger had dissipated and I was once again content with just being with him. We didn't talk much while we sat there, it was a comfortable silence between us. We didn't 'practice' anymore as he called it. We finally left when Billy called, wanting Jake to come home and to tell me Charlie was ready to leave.
~o0o~
When the sun was about to set along the waves, I figured it was close to six o'clock and that it was time to go see what Jake had to say. I walked back to the car and climbed in, making my way back towards Forks. I turned the radio on in hopes that music would occupy my mind. I flipped through the stations until I found a song I was familiar with.
Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe
All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way
I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by...
I pulled into the drive, and parked in my usual spot. Turning off the ignition, I gathered my purse and made my way to the door. It was somewhat nostalgic to be here, like this. It was as if I was just getting home from work and nothing was ever different; like this is how things were meant to be.
But things were different. This wasn't my house anymore, much less my home. I didn't belong here. Sensible laced up her Nikes and started stretching, preparing to make a break for it. I was on the same page as her, but before I could turn and head back to my car unnoticed, Jake was opening the front door holding two beers in his hands.
"Hey there beautiful. Glad to see you made it. Come on in, the pizza should be here any minute," he said while walking back inside. I followed him in and was dumbfounded by the sight before me.
There were tan boxes all over the place. All of the picture frames and random home decor items were no longer hanging on the walls. I didn't know what to make of the scene in front of me.
"Want a beer?" Jake asked as he watched me take in my once decorated home.
"Uhh, yeah. Sure," was all I could get out.
I took the beer he offered and walked through the house, trying to piece everything together. What does this mean? Is he getting rid of all of our things?
Senseless peeked out from behind her chaise and simply shrugged her shoulders before ducking back down to hide again. Sensible was just as bewildered as I was.
I knew it was hard for him, but never in a million years did I think he would get rid of our stuff. When I made it to the bedroom, I knew without a doubt that this is what he was doing. The sheets we had once shared were now no where to be found, having been replaced with a pair of flannel sheets that looked a size too small for our bed. The only trace of me that was left was my pillow that was thrown haphazardly on the foot of the bed.
I turned and went back to the living room. It was not making any sense to me why he would do this and not tell me. Isn't it obvious? He doesn't want you or your stuff. But the hot doctor does. Senseless was really getting on my last nerve.
"What's going on Jake?" I asked when I reached the couch and sat down, "Why is all of our things in boxes?"
He looked uncertain about how to tell me what was happening. His brow furrowed and he seemed to be trying to choose his words.
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about this after we ate, but I guess I might as-" Just then, the door bell rang, signaling the arrival of our pizza. Jake opened the door and payed the delivery man before walking our dinner into the kitchen.
All of the dishes were placed in boxes lining the walls, and there was a stack of paper plates on the counter. I grabbed two plates and handed one to Jake.
"So are you going to tell me what this is about?" I asked, taking a slice of pizza and placing it on my plate.
"Not yet. I'd like to just hang out with you first. So what did you do today?" He was at least not ignoring my question all together. He was just avoiding it for the moment. Two could play this.
"Not much, just hung around. What about you?" I didn't want to tell him I had thought about him all day at the beach on our log. That wasn't going to help him let go anymore.
He took a bite of his pizza and then told me he had done the same thing. He had visited his dad and then ran those errands he had to get done.
It was none of my business but these errands were making me curious. It wasn't like Jake to keep things from me, we were still friends. Well, he kept Leah from you. Sensible grabbed a roll of duct tape and chased Senseless around until she had her pinned to her chaise and taped her mouth shut.
We ate our pizza while conversing about our dads. He told me he ran into Charlie a couple of days before and was invited to the diner for lunch, but he declined, stating that he had some important errands to run. What was with him and these damn errands? He also told me they had a fishing trip planned for the following Saturday. I told him about the new shipments we had received at the book store and how we were working on rearranging the shelves for a more open look.
After dinner, we sat out on the porch for a little while talking about when we were kids and how things were so easy then. We laughed and joked about all sorts of different things from way back when. We found ourselves in a somewhat awkward silence when it came to more recent memories. Neither of us were ready to acknowledge the uncomfortable air that had settled in around us.
I decided this was as good of a time as any to get my purse and head to my house. As I started to get up, Jake's monstrous sized hand wrapped gently around my wrist, holding me in place.
"Bella, please. Don't go. Not yet. I still need to tell you something." He was pleading with me with his eyes, and I couldn't find it in me to tell him no. So I told him I needed to get my purse and check my phone for any missed calls.
He let go and I walked into the house and grabbed my purse, digging in it to find my phone. When I found it, I opened it up to see that I had three missed calls from Edward as well as a text message.
I'll b bak n town tw. I'll call u l8r. Pls try 2 ansr.
I felt a sudden rush of joy at the thought of getting to see Edward again, but part of my heart hurt for some reason. Sensible felt the need to point out why that was, stating that it would complicate things with Jake more. I didn't want the thoughts of that sort to ruin my evening that I was spending with Jake. I threw my phone back in my purse and went to get two more beers out of the fridge.
When I reached the front door, Jake had his back against the siding of the house, his head tilted back, face lifting up to the sky, and his eyes closed. He had his hands clasped in front of him with his elbow resting on one knee and his other leg stretched out straight. I was flooded with memories of finding him like this on many nights when he wanted a breath of fresh air.
Realization began to set in and I remembered this was what I had given up. This was no longer a memory that I could count as mine. I felt like I was eaves dropping on a private moment, like I should turn and let him have his moment of clarity. He opened his eyes and smiled his very Jacob smile at me.
That smile could always warm me, even if we weren't together. He was still my best friend, after everything we had been through. Yes, I did wish he would give me some space every now and then, but I was happy to have him there when I felt alone.
It was just like when we were kids. Jake was always hanging on, and I was always trying to let go. I was trying to push him away, and he wouldn't have any such thing.
"Hey," he shifted to make more room for me to sit next to him.
"Hey." I smiled and handed him one of the beers.
"Thanks," he said while opening the beer and handing it back to me so he could open the second one. He kept that one and took a long pull from it.
"So," I said, taking a pull from my beer also.
"So," he sighed. His hesitation was really wearing on my nerves. "Can I ask you for something Bella? You can say no if you'd like, but it's just something I've missed and wondered if maybe you wouldn't mind." He seemed somewhat nervous.
"Sure Jake, what do you need?" I asked before taking another drink of my beer.
"A kiss." My eyes grew as big as saucers and I almost spit beer all over him.
"Now before you say anything, I know it's a strange request, but just one more time Bells. Please." He looked down at the steps below us as if he were suddenly regretting asking me for such a thing.
I looked at him and he met my gaze full force.
"Umm...Jake listen, I'm not too sure about that. I mean, even if I wanted too, I don't think it would be very appropriate, seeing as we're not together anymore and I'm sort of seeing Edw-" but before I could finish, his lips were on mine, moving in an all too familiar way.
I could feel all of his passion, all of his pain, all of the feelings that had come crashing to a halt when I told him I was leaving him. He poured so much emotion in his kiss and it caused a stinging sensation in the middle of my chest. I found myself unwilling to pull away. After everything that had happened between us, I still had so many feelings for him.
He slipped his tongue in my mouth and I granted him the entrance he wanted. I fisted my hands in his hair while his hands made the all too familiar journey down my sides and to my back where he placed them to pull me closer.
The bottled up emotions I had carried around for the last several weeks came crashing to the forefront of my heart and threw themselves down for everyone to see. I felt the tears begin to flood my eyes, but before any were released, he pulled away.
I missed this. I missed us. But I wasn't a fool to think that I could have it back. I wasn't convinced I wanted it back. Yes, it was comfortable and easy, but things were broken now. My trust, our connection, not to mention his heart.
"Bella, the reason I asked you to come here tonight is...well," he sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, not wanting to meet my gaze.
"Bella, I'm leaving."
And with those words, everything began to fall into place as well as the final break in my heart from Jacob Black.
A/N: So...what'd you think? :) I know, I know, Bella's kinda flip floppy, buuuut it's Bella. When is she not like that? ;) JSYK, she isn't going to get any less flippity floppity any time soon. Thanks to those who are still reading, or any new readers. I noticed that since I wrote Rude Boy, more people are reading this. Thanks for that. Thanks to everyone who has read and commented and a special thanks to NewMoon02, Fairytale Romantic, and SMI4Life for helping getting me out of the rut known as writer's block. Yall chicks are truly awesome.
Okay, songs for this chapter are as follows: Pretend by: Secondhand Serenade and Goodbye by: wait for it... SECONDHAND SERENADE! Yeah, I listen to them a lot when it comes to this story, I think their music fits it very well. The lyrics above are from their song Goodbye.
Hopefully I will update this again pretty soon, I have already started writing the next chapter. I do, however have other things I'm working on too, such as The Hard Arse, and a one shot for the Choose Me contest over on JBNP.
If you care to know, I tweet. Follow me if you'd like, the name is the same as it is here. It gets a little out there sometimes, especially when I want to rant, but I will post when I have updated so yeah...
It's been so long since I've updated that they changed the review button on me. So instead of the green, just hit that little bubble thing with the blue text and let me know how much you hate me or love me or how random I am. :) Thanks again! -km3-