Hold on to Sixteen

'I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting.' Sylvester Stallone

Dear Diary,

Will has spent hours on the internet going through songs and now he's rifling through songbooks.

'How do you choose?' I asked.

'Rachel tells me what she wants to sing, the other kids offer suggestions, they have to be stirring, have a degree of theatricality to them, be upbeat, be capable of an interesting choral arrangement, but most importantly they have to reflect how I feel about you.'

'Me?'

'Yep. Remember that time when Rachel had a crush on me and you suggested that I use music to give her the message that it had to stop?'

'Mmm, you were totally crush worthy singing 'Young Girl/Don't Stand So Close to Me.'

'And as I looked at you and sang 'Frustration, temptation, so bad it makes him cry', I realized I was also telling you how I felt and you realized that too. And so, since circumstances haven't always allowed me to tell you how I feel, I've used music. New Directions' performances have been a recording of my journey to you, our soundtrack if you like.'

I didn't know what to say. It was like the time he told me he couldn't throw away his vest because it was what he was wearing the first time he met me.

'And we've won every time! I shouldn't have let the kids write their own songs for Nationals. You see, I can't win without you.'

'Will, you've won because of the kids talents and your direction of them and all the hard work you and the kids put in.'

'Yes, but every other choir has talent, maybe more, and they work just as hard. The key ingredient, the X factor, the magic, is YOU!'

While Will was deciding on songs Finn and Rachel drove all the way to Kentucky to get Sam back. Unlike Will they realized they needed a more tangible winning element. I admire their commitment and their action.

Dear Diary,

Sectionals. We didn't' have to travel anywhere, they held it at McKinley. I sat beside Will. He was nervous. So was I. We were both a little stunned by the first choir's performance. Their lead singer reminded us of Rachel. Poor Rachel, it must have been agony for her watching the others perform without her. I noticed her disappear for a minute or two just before the Troubletones came on, but then she was back and when it was New Directions' turn she sat beside me singing every word to every song under her breath. That child was born to perform.

They won! Rachel and I jumped up in excitement and relief. We couldn't stop clapping and smiling. When Will accepted the trophy he looked straight at me and mouthed the words 'All for you' and sealed it with a kiss. My whole being was flooded with happiness, adoration and pride. I felt weak and light and strong all at the same time standing there watching him.

That evening I opened a bottle of champagne, poured us each a glass and curled up next to him on the couch.

'I am so proud of you Will.'

'We promised each other we would work really hard to make up for the mistakes we made last year. I'm keeping that promise. Still, I can't believe we did it!' Every one of them shone didn't they?'

'Brilliantly.'

'The Troubletones were good too.'

'Absolutely, but like the judges said, you integrated all of their voices into the performance instead of just relying on the strongest voices. I guess show choir is about individuals becoming one entity.'

'I can't wait to become one entity with you.' He ran his hand up my leg, resting it on my hip and left a lingering kiss on my lips. I wanted more but he was asking me something.

'Tell me what you thought of the songs?'

'Ok. Well, 'ABC' is all about how easy love is if you're with the right person.'

Will started singing: 'You went to school to learn girl, things you never ever knew before…now I'm going to teach you all about love dear…' He leant his forehead on mine.

'You're an excellent teacher.' I kissed him then leant back against his chest. He folded his arms around me and I played with his hands. 'Ok, the second song: I loved the way you opened 'Control' with Quinn's husky, seductive and slightly ominous tone. The line that jumped out at me was 'Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me.' He kissed my hair. And 'First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me, so young and so naive, I thought it would be easy.' That's how I was when I first met you. 'Now I know I got to take control, now I'm all grown up, I wanna be the one in control'. I turned my head to look at him. It's about my OCD right?' He nodded. 'How did you get inside my mind?'

'I listen. Remember that day on the stairs and you propositioned me?'

'Will, I'm still embarrassed about that.'

'You shouldn't be, it was flattering. You said you wanted to take control of your body.'

'Do you remember everything I say?' I queried.

He smiled. 'It's what you do when you love someone. Now, 'Man in the Mirror.'

'Right, ostensibly about social change, but in relation to you and I…we've changed ourselves to make our own world together better…possible?'

'You are so much more than a pretty face.'

'You're amazing Will. Your own love letters to me hidden in songs delivered by children!

'They have their own interpretations, that's the beauty of a well written song, it can take on various meanings depending on your own life experience. It kind of blows my mind sometimes to think that someone's life experience is written down and sent out across the world and every pair of ears who hear it take it into their own world and give it a meaning of their own.'

'But you also managed to make the songs meaningful for Mike and Quinn and all of the kids while keeping them upbeat and sounding fresh.'

'Yeah, well, Brad is really the genius behind the musical arrangements. I just tell him what I envisage and he organizes the musicians and the music.' He never fails to deliver.

'Will, those kids have no idea how lucky they are.'

No, I'm the lucky one. Sometimes people come into your life and help you be the best you can be.