I full on lost my voice. I couldn't speak the words, I couldn't think the thoughts. He loved me. Silence. First, I thought the line was dead, but no, he was waiting for an answer.
I loved him.
"Logan. You just broke up with someone you were engaged to. This isn't inconvenient timing, this is inappropriate on so many levels."
"I know! I know that. But I do love you, and I think that, deep down, you love me too."
"Logan, I can't really deal with this right now. I have to think things over, we broke up for a reason all those years ago."
"What reason? We chose not to be together because of distance, then other relationships, but we always loved each other!"
"But did we really love each other if we were able to spend all those years apart?" The tears were streaming down my face. I was saying things that I didn't know that I thought. Everything was true, but my whole body ached and screamed at me to stop. Because I did love him, but we couldn't be together at the moment.
"I've always loved you. I never stopped loving you." His voice cracked, and I heard him sniffle.
"That's nice and all, but you managed to get engaged whilst loving me, and I think that says something."
"I don't think it says anything. All I know is that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rory."
"I don't think I can stay in London much longer, after all. I'm sorry, but I think I need some time."
"Rory, please, stay."
"I'll catch a flight tomorrow. This is not a real answer, this isn't goodbye. I just need some time, okay?"
"Yeah. Sure. Will you call me?" He sniffled again, and wiped his nose.
"Yeah, I'll call you." I tried wiping the tears from under my eyes, but they kept coming.
"Tomorrow?"
"I don't know. But I'll call you."
"Ace." He sighed. "I'm sorry. For everything. I just want us to be together."
"I know. I know you mean well. It's just… a lot. Bye, Logan."
"Bye Rory." I ended the phone call.
I let out a deep breath. That was one of the hardest things I'd done. Before I, or anyone else, could change my mind, I threw everything I had in the bag and zipped it up. I ran to the tube and went directly to the airport. I booked a ticket, I still had some money left after the apartment I sold, and sat down to wait. Eight hours. How was I going to spend eight hours without thinking, rethinking, questioning, solving, analysing, and overanalysing the situation? I passed the time at the gate with a herbal tea from Starbucks, and questioning why anyone would drink that. How did people survive without coffee? This pregnancy was going to hard.
I thought of my mom. I had texted her and said that I was coming. She asked how everything had turned out, but I just answered that I'd tell her later. I didn't know what to tell her, though. How could I even explain everything that had happened in such a short period of time? I had to start thinking about my future. Our future. Mine and the baby's.