Axel's toothbrush seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, and he dragged it slowly across his molars, pausing to swallow down foamy toothpaste and acid bile, lukewarm water and something in his throat that still tasted like Southern Comfort. He stared at himself in the mirror and thought the first half of a million thoughts. They seemed to collide in his mind before any of them could become truly coherent, and he was left with a blank slate and the realization that he looked almost as shitty as he felt.

After a while he noticed he'd run out of toothpaste on his toothbrush, so he added some more, then gently set his toothbrush on the side of the sink and calmly settled onto his knees for round four of violent, painful vomiting. Impartial to the burn in his throat, he flushed something purple and green and resentful away and set about brushing his teeth again. Everything moved slowly around him.

Namine was gone when he finally opened the bathroom door and turned out the light. Her backpack was still on the floor, and her phone lay forgotten on Axel's bed. The bedroom door was left ajar.

Axel found a clean t-shirt in one of Riku's drawers and delicately moved himself from the room into the hallway, then the stairs, one at a time, and past an ungodly bright window into the living room.

Riku was still on the couch, where he'd slept the night before, and Namine was seated beside him in a pair of Axel's sweats and one of his long-sleeved tees. Riku made a vague noise of greeting as he continued to flip through channels, and Namine looked up to make wary eye contact with Axel.

Flashes of the night before had slowly begun to come back to him, and Axel squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to make them go away. He didn't want to know what Namine looked like beneath his baggy clothes, and it bothered him immensely that he did. He opened his eyes, and another flash of her skin appeared to him behind them, and Axel made a small noise of self-disgust before he turned and shuffled into the kitchen.

There was ginger ale in the fridge, and he paused with a hand on the door as Namine appeared in his peripheral vision, leaning against the counter directly to his left.

"Did it hurt?" he asked eventually, voice hoarse from throwing up.

Namine nodded, looking down, and Axel wished he'd never been born. He lowered his head to rest against the fridge in front of him and closed his eyes again.

"Does it still?"

"A little," she said quietly.

Axel winced.

"I didn't bleed," she added, digging her hands deep into her pockets.

"That's… good?"

"Mm."

Axel took a deep breath. "I-"

"Don't," Namine said sharply, and he looked up in mild, hungover confusion.

"Don't apologize," she continued, moving off of the counter to grab a cookie from Axel's mom's cookie jar. "You did what you did, and so did I. There's no point in apologizing. For what, anyway? You got drunk and had sex with your best friend. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal, I would guess, would be that my best friend hadn't ever had sex with anybody before."

Axel immediately regretted the words, watching Namine's façade dissolve. He was suddenly very aware that he was 17 years old, and he wished more than anything to backpedal a few years. They weren't twenty-somethings at the club, going out drinking and sleeping with each other and laughing it all off like a perfect little sitcom, they were high school kids acting like idiots, and he suddenly felt very much like a child playing in his father's shoes, trying to put on a tie and a hat and tripping over his feet in the process. He was an imposter, leaning against the fridge in his parents' kitchen, and she was nothing like last night, he thought. But then again, what had she been last night? Had anything really changed? Last night he'd still been an imposter, and she'd been just the same – a fragile girl in a white dress, wearing mommy's makeup and drinking grown-up drinks at the grown-up version of the Homecoming dance. Axel truly disgusted himself sometimes.

"Do you… remember it?" Namine asked.

Axel shook his head, finally opening the fridge and taking out the ginger ale as he felt his stomach turn again. "Not really. I'm sorry for that, if you won't let me apologize for anything else. I'm sorry I can't remember ruining your first time, I'm sorry I got you drunk, I'm sorry I got so fucking drunk."

"Jesus, Axel, you act like it's the end of the fucking world. Yeah, it wasn't… how I planned it would be, but worse things have happened. So I got drunk one night and had sex with you, I mean, Ax, at least it was you and not some, I dunno, some creep!"

"Yes, okay, you got drunk and had sex with your friend Axel last night. Namine, last night I got drunk and had sex with a girl," Axel despaired, setting the bottle of ginger ale on the counter with shaking hands.

"Oh!" Namine said, surprised. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were worrying about my feelings here. But go ahead, please, have a personal fucking crisis because you put your cock in a female. Please."

Axel took a long sip of the ginger ale, letting it sit in his mouth before he swallowed it. "I'm-"

"Don't. Don't even think about apologizing again, it's useless and stupid," Namine cut him off, standing up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "And for the record, I'm pretty sure last night you had sex with a fucking ghost. I'm sure you don't remember, but you were pretty fucking out of it, and if you must apologize for something, you could apologize for calling me Roxas when you fucking came."

Namine stalked out of the room, and Axel closed his eyes and took a deep breath in before turning to slam his fist as hard as he could into the kitchen wall.

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"Can you believe it's December already?"

Axel cracked open one eye, shielding it with his hand from the bright lights shining on the stage. Yuffie was sitting beside him, legs stretched out in front of her, ripping off bite-sized pieces of her sandwich and eating them. He made a noncommittal noise and looked past her to the others. They tended to gather on the stage for lunch, but Axel hadn't been feeling particularly hungry. Beside Yuffie was Marluxia, sharing a foot-long sub with Xigbar, then Namine, going over something about a scene with Riku, and Kairi eating pizza with Luxord, who'd stopped by with sustenance. Zexion was sitting at the edge of the stage, one leg hanging off, and laughing with Demyx about something.

For a moment, this struck Axel as strange, but Demyx had mentioned the week before that Zexion had agreed to help him record a few of his songs, and that the two had actually hung out a couple times outside of crew. And Zexion had seemed, well, for lack of a better term, more normal lately. He spoke more, although he was still pretty quiet, but mostly he just didn't look so damn angry all the time. Axel watched as Demyx nodded at Zexion and turned to head up toward the booth.

It had been a couple of weeks since the incident with Namine. Axel watched her talking to Riku. They hadn't really talked about it, not since that morning, but after the first five days of mutual silent treatment, they'd both cracked, and they'd been civil to each other at crew after that. Two days ago, they'd sort of addressed the issue, but mostly in the form of Namine informing him that what had happened hadn't changed anything about her situation with Marly and Kairi, and Axel had agreed that it hadn't changed the way he felt about Roxas, and they'd sort of had an awkward silence until Riku had burst into the shop, yelling about how Sora had misplaced all of the hand saws.

Roxas, Axel thought, was a whole nother story. Despite his drunken realizations, and the sober ones that had followed, he hadn't found a way to tell Roxas how he was feeling, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. The past two weeks had held a number of friendly encounters between the two, and while he realized he wanted nothing more than to have Roxas back in his arms, he was so intensely thrilled to just have him back as a friend that he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. On the other hand, every time he saw the blond, he was immensely tempted to tell him everything and try to win him back, and on occasion, the tension between them had put him on the edge of throwing Roxas against a wall and kissing him into next week.

"Oy," he said, gesturing for Zexion to come over to where he had stretched out.

"What's the deal with you two?" he asked, when Zexion had settled in between him and Yuffie.

"Oh, that?" Zexion replied, nodding toward Demyx in the booth. "I just need him to record the arguing for that scene in the second act. I'd have Kairi do it herself, but every time I've tried to ask her, she just tells me how busy she is."

"Arguing? Isn't it… I mean, it's Kairi and Rikku's characters."

"Yeah, but it's supposed to be sort of far-off sounding, you know? So I just told him to make some vague, girly sounding argument, you know, argue with himself in high-pitched tones about a man, and it'll be playing quiet enough that no one will be able to tell."

Axel snorted. "Does he even know how to hook up the mics to record?"

"Well, one can only hope," Zexion said, shaking his head. "He'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"Huh."

Axel studied Zexion for another moment. "You like him, don't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"He pisses you off, but you like him."

A loud crackle came through the speakers as Demyx turned his mic on upstairs. Axel assumed he knew how to take it off it's God-mic status and take the audio out of the house, but the crackle overpowered his voice.

Zexion narrowed his eyes. "What did you say?"

"I said," Axel said slowly, sitting up and moving his face closer to Zexion's. "He pisses you off, but you like him."

Zexion blinked, meeting Axel's eyes from inches away as the sound of Demyx bustling around the booth broadcasted through the theater. After a moment, he looked away.

"I'm right," Axel said, smirking.

Zexion shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "He doesn't piss me off."

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"My biggest problem," Marluxia said, lowering his voice at Xigbar over his sandwich, "Is those two."

Xigbar raised one eyebrow, jerking his head not-so-subtly toward the others a few feet away. "Nam?"

Marly nodded. "And Kairi."

"Yeah," Xigbar mumbled, "I'm pretty sure that's everyone's problem right now. You need to like, do something about that. Seriously."

"I- You don't understand, it's not that easy!"

"Not that easy? You have two gorgeous girls chasing after you, and they're about to rip each other's throats out over you. But mostly, they just bitch at anyone and everyone who'll listen, and to be honest, it's annoying the shit out of everyone here."

Marluxia sighed. "Look, that's not the biggest part of the problem."

"Then what is?" Xigbar replied, taking a bite out of his sandwich. "I mean, really, dude."

"I…"

"You…"

"I dunno," Marluxia said, setting his sandwich down. "Never mind."

"Look, all I'm saying is… there are guys around here who would kill to be with a girl like Namine." Xigbar stared pointedly at Marluxia. "So figure that shit out."

Marluxia looked confused, then incredulous. "I-you, I mean you like –"

"Test, test, is this thing recording?"

Everyone on stage looked up as Demyx's voice rang out through the theater.

Zexion sighed in embarrassment for the other boy, then attempted to wave him down. Demyx didn't appear to see them, and since no one was feeling energetic enough to get up, they elected to attempt conversation over him. He was fiddling with the computer anyway, and now it was quiet enough.

Marluxia blinked, turning back to Xigbar. "You have a thing for-"

"Um, ok, let's see… femmy, girl arguing… uh…"

Demyx cleared his throat, then put on a high pitched voice.

"How could you- uh, oh God. Um… Ok, I'm a girl, and I am, uh, I am really pissed, I am- God, how could you even think that-that what you did would be okay?"

Zexion was laughing, and Axel shook his head, trying not to start.

"I mean seriously, um, Lola, I mean, it's-it's just, uh… Ugh, ok, this sucks. Um. Ok, start over. Zex said to… argue about a guy… Uh…. He's… He's no good for you, I mean, all he does is-is ignore you, and- and he doesn't appreciate you for the woman you are! The amazing, beautiful woman! That you… are. He doesn't love you!"

"Can someone go tell him that mic is still hooked into the- "

"I don't care! And how do you know that? What gives you any right to tell me who I can and can't pursue?!"

"Hello?" Namine said, raising her voice. "Zex, can you please go tell him?"

"He's an asshole, Lola! He's callous and unfriendly, and he's always made it clear he thinks you're stupid, he's… he's cold, and he's been so cruel to you, and now he shows the slightest sign of warmth and you're all over him!"

"Zexion- "

"I told you, I don't care what you say! He's got so much baggage, and no matter how- how amazing his eyes are, and how awesome his hair looks, and how great of a smile he has, and how he-he laughs at jokes that no one else ever gets, and he's smart, he's so damn smart. And he's gorgeous, God damn he's gorgeous, and he doesn't, he doesn't even know it, you know? And he's funny, when he actually opens up a little, and he's, ugh, he's great with those kids. He's just, he's everything I could ever ask for, he's fucking perfect, and I-I don't think I've ever felt like this for anyone in my life, he's-"

Axel's voice could be heard in the background, and Demyx abruptly cut off on the speakers as the redhead could be seen running into the booth.

"Demyx, everyone can hear you, you're using the fucking god mic."

"I-what?"

Then rustling, and the mic was turned off, and Demyx's mortified face could be seen in the window of the booth. Zexion made brief eye contact before the blond wrenched himself around to face away from the window.

All was silent on stage for a moment, and Zexion closed his eyes and laughed a little, and then everyone was talking again.

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Roxas looked over his shoulder as he heard the dressing room door open. He'd been adjusting his shirt – the latest costume had been officially taken out for the afternoon this Saturday, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. Demyx was supposed to head in after lunch to help him figure out the best way to situate his body mic on this one, and Roxas was unsure of how it would work very well with tight jeans and a black t-shirt that fit him in a way that made him think of Ricky Martin. He was pretty sure he'd never worn an outfit this tight, and he was hoping Demyx might lend him some advice.

Unfortunately, it wasn't Demyx who walked through the door with his mic, and Roxas's breath hitched in his throat as he stood before Axel in jeans that actually made him look like he had an ass.

"Demyx incapacitated?" he managed to ask, looking down in embarrassment as the redhead approached him with a grin.

"He's hiding in shame, you know, after the whole God mic incident at lunch," Axel replied. "I told him I'd handle this one for him."

"That was… kind of you."

Axel shrugged. "What are friends for?"

"Heh…"

After a moment of silent appreciation for Roxas's outfit, Axel held out the mic to him.

"So," he said, "I'd say get the box in your pocket and try to route the wire up your side. I think the shirt should hold it in place, but it might be better to have it on your back if it won't."

Roxas nodded, blushing a bit as he jammed the box into his front pocket and succeeded in getting himself completely tangled in wire and stretchy shirt.

"Um," he said, unsure of how a creature with only two arms could get this trapped. "Um, I think you might be wrong. And every time I move my leg, the box starts to get pushed out of my pocket."

Axel had wandered to the other side of the room, and he looked up at the sound of Roxas's despair. Putting himself firmly into Friend Mode, he allowed himself to laugh and strode back over to Roxas to get him untangled.

"I'll help you?"

"Sure," Roxas said, and he straightened his clothes out before holding his arms up a bit for Axel to work his magic.

"Just hold still," Axel murmured, and he reached behind Roxas to slip the box into his back pocket. All too aware of their physical proximity, he tried to block every thought from his mind as he gently pushed Roxas's shirt up. His hands brushed across pale skin, and, mic in hand, he hesitated at Roxas's collarbone as the blond held his shirt up. Swallowing hard, he clipped the mic to Roxas's shirt collar, pushed the wire onto the boy's side, and pulled the shirt back down over it, finally exhaling as he stepped back.

Or not, Axel thought, as Roxas's hands stopped him from aforementioned stepping back. Roxas had both hands fisted in Axel's shirt, and Axel noted with mild surprise and general happiness that he'd also found a nice spot for his tongue in Axel's mouth, and now his hands were moving, on his cheek, his jaw, the back of his neck, and Axel remembered how to move and he was holding Roxas close, and he was kissing Roxas back, he was kissing Roxas, and then Roxas was pushing him away and he was looking up and Demyx was in the doorway. Slowly sound returned to Axel, and Demyx was sputtering an apology and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him, and he looked at Roxas with hope and indescribable happiness and Roxas said: "I can't do this," and returned to him an expression that was utterly distraught before pushing past him toward the door.

"Whoah, whoah, wait- what?"

Axel stepped in front of Roxas, putting his arms out to stop the boy from leaving the room.

"Rox, what do you mean? I, this is, I mean, what's going on?"

"I-I just can't," Roxas muttered, looking down. "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."

"Um, okay, so after… everything, you're going to grab me in the dressing room and stick your tongue down my throat and then walk out of here like nothing happened?"

Roxas said nothing, staring furiously past Axel.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel that," Axel said finally, gently putting a hand on Roxas's arm. "I mean, you can. You can tell me you kissed me on a whim, and it was nothing, you can tell me you didn't feel the goddamn paralysis I just felt, the fucking electricity, but I think we'll both know you're lying."

Roxas's face changed from furious to confused.

"You used to be in love with me, you know."

"I never stopped," Roxas snapped, shaking off Axel's hand and pushing past him again.

"And you think I did?" Axel replied loudly, raising his voice in an attempt to stop the other boy.

Roxas paused, one hand on the doorknob, the other running anxiously through his hair.

"Shit," he said quietly, and again, more loudly, and again, as a frustrated yell as his hand moved from the doorknob to the frame in a fist.

"I tried so hard to get over you," Axel said, leaning against the mirror. "So hard. Roxas, every time I kiss someone I think of you. Every time someone gets my clothes off, I fucking see you. And I know it's not you, and that's the weirdest fucking part. I know it's not you, and I don't really know what to make of it. Every damn time. And I know you're gay. I mean, you know that. I know you're gay, but Sora didn't? So I know you're not dating him. And now this? You're gonna kiss me like that and just fucking walk away?"

Roxas was still, his arm against the door, head down.

"But you're not walking away, are you? You can't, because you're still in love with me, and you felt everything I just felt, and you know that walking out that door right now would be the second biggest mistake of your fucking life. The first being, of course, when you fucked me over the first time."

Roxas inhaled sharply, and after another deep breath, he wrenched the door open, stalking out of the dressing room with a terse "I can't do this right now."

Axel was left alone in the empty room, the door shutting loudly behind Roxas, and he sat down eventually on the couch in an attempt to recover from the tornado he was sure had just blown through his heart.

Happy New Year, everyone! :) Thank you so much for reading, and please don't hesitate to leave a review and let me know what you're thinking!