All's Fair in Love and War

By: Soleia Nova

A/N: Back again! Whoo! Yeah babay! All right, I love the reviews from the last chapter ('I could say kiss my ass, but you're not worthy.' That cracked me up!) Anyhoo… I really love that so many people like my fic; it just makes me feel all warm and gooey inside, like a Pop Tart! Anyway, Here's Chapter…10?! Holy crap! Whoo-hoo! It features both Irk and Earth, so you know it's bound to be chock-full of off-the-wall goodness. So? Don't just sit there! Read already!

Chapter Ten: Revealed…

Xanade opened one orange eye and glanced over at Zim. Finally she thought, sliding out from under his arm and creeping out of the room as quietly as she could. She took the auxiliary elevator to her lab and booted up the com system.

"Computer, dial the Massive, Tallest Purple's private quarters, delete all surveillance viruses and this time, patch me through quietly!"

Xanade waited, tugging her antennae nervously, while the computer complied to her request. As soon as the vid-screen came on she blurted:

"Pur, I hope I'm not waking you up calling at this hour but-" she stopped. Purple was indeed in bed, but he was far from asleep. In fact, he was wide-awake and staring at the doorway to his right that led to the room he and Red used for downtime. The other side of that room was connected to Red's quarters.

"Oh krill*…" she heard him mutter before Red marched angrily into view.

"Well, well, well… what have we here? I'm surprised you didn't call earlier 'Nade, I was expecting you."

"Since when the Hell do you know?" Xanade asked, swearing violently in her mind.

"Oh for about a couple of Macros* now. It's only been… what, three days since you last called. Impatient aren't you?"

"Who told you?" Xanade snapped acidly, putting her hands on the console in front of her and leaning forward on them.

"What makes you think anyone told me?"

"Gai* I don't know…maybe it's the fact that you can't string two bits of digital data together much less find one of my hacks. So once again, and then I'll be really angry big brother, who told you?"

"I did" came the voice from behind her, and Xanade turned to find Zim there.

"Zimmy? What the Hell is up? Why would you tell him?"

Zim's eyes narrowed and Xanade raised and eyebrow. Zim never got mad at her.

"Because you promised you wouldn't call them. Either of them."

"Z, I had to! You know how Purple worries. He gets totally…lais*…"

"So? You could have told me! At least then I wouldn't have gotten so pissed!"

"Uh guys…?" Purple started.

"Stay out of this!" Both of the Earth-bound Irkens snarled, not turning away from each other.

"But 'Nade!"

"I said stay out of it Pur!"

Purple finally snapped.

"He's got a tracer program running!" the Tallest yelled, and Xanade turned around slowly.

"He's got a what? That's it! I'll deal with you two later! Computer, terminate transmission!"

The screen went blank on Red's murderous glare and Purple's self-satisfied smirk.

"Transmission terminated, line with the Massive has been closed. Will that be all?"

"Yes computer, for now at least, thank you." She turned to Zim, who by now was backing away slowly, trying not to incur any more wrath than necessary. "Now as for you…" she hissed, and suddenly, manacles shot forward out of her pack and wrapped around his arms and legs. "It seems as though I'll have to teach you how to behave…"

Zim gulped. This was definitely going to hurt.

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Vix

I sidestepped the ball that had just been tossed at me then brought my hands around to my back and caught the next one. Taking my place at one end of the open floor they were using to play the childish waste of my time, I tossed the ball at my unsuspecting victims with an easy, if violent, attitude. It had been eight days. Eight days exactly, and still, Xanade had said nothing to Dib, which was a given. After that power surge at the club, grandmother had drained most of my power with a dry chuckle and a sly:

"Welcome to the ranks kiddo."

Now that I had converted to full Aerian, it would be a while before I could control all my powers fully, not to mention the fact that I would have to get a hold on any new ones that popped up. Sighing, I slammed the ball at the last person standing and headed for the sidelines with a bored yawn. Xanade grinned at me from the benches, arms slung around Zim's slim neck. Normally, something like that wasn't allowed, but since everyone in the school, including the teachers, was afraid to tell those two otherwise, nothing was stopping them. Scary how much being that damn tall could affect the way people looked at you. They probably didn't look at it that way though. Xanade had mentioned once during class that where they were from, the taller you were, the more respect you got. What a way to separate the good from the bad... although Xanade certainly seems to live up to the standard. Though how she got that good at all the things she seemed to be able to do I'll never know. Sometimes I wonder if maybe those two are older than they let on…

* * * * * * * * *

"What are you doing?" Gaz asked as she watched her brother and his girlfriend climb out his window and onto the roof.

"We're gonna watch the meteor shower" Vix asked, motioning for Gaz to pass her the thick blanket that lay folded on the bed. "You want to join us?"

Gaz shook her head.

"Nah. Stargazing isn't really my thing. 'Sides, there's an arcade battle at the mall in a bit. There's someone there who needs to pay the piper."

"Should I feel bad for whomever this person might be?"

"Not really."

"Alright then. Good luck Gazzie" Vix said with a wink, upside-down outside the window. "Try not to hurt anyone, okay?"

"I'll try. Can I borrow your motorcycle?"

"Sure, just… promise not to try and run that Keef boy over this time. You have any idea what the damages would cost me?"

Gaz laughed and caught the keys between two fingers as they flew through the air toward her.

"Thanks V. Later geek."

"Bye Gaz!" called both voices, one sweet, one sarcastic.

"And she calls herself my sister…" Dib grumbled, watching as Gaz slung her leg over the motorcycle and made the motor roar to life. She waved, though Dib was sure it was mostly directed at Vix, but he waved back anyway, and she sped off down the street.

"You have the laptop?" Vix asked settling down and wrapping part of the blanket around her legs.

"Yep, and it's set to receive" Dib replied, plugging in the splitter and both sets of headphones.

Suddenly, a transmission, a slightly static-y one, started to come through both sets of headphones. Xanade's voice came through, sounding smugger than she had any right to.

"Hello Vix, Dib. Zim has informed me that you two are the only ones in the city tuned in to the Irken broadcast frequency, so I know you're the only ones hearing this. Dib, this message was meant mainly for you to hear. The fact that Vix is hearing it as well is just a neat little bonus. See the thing is... I was just wondering if you'd ever noticed the vast multitude of strange things that seem to happen when Vix is around. If you haven't then you need to take a closer look." by now Vix was stiff with terror, only half-aware of what the alien girl was saying. "Now Dib, if by now you haven't clued in to what I'm implying, then I'll just have to tell you. Your girlfriend, normal though she may seem, isn't what you, or Vix herself in fact, seem to think. I've noticed that when she goes into one of her little trance-fits, she starts speaking in a language that seems to be a new dialect of Eryan (synonyms, yay!). I'd heard rumors about a lost Eryan expedition, but I never thought much of them. Until now that is... But I digress...! It seems, and may I add what a delicious irony this is, that your girlfriend seems to be the thing you, apparently, hate the most. Oh if I could see the looks on your faces... Well, this broadcast will repeat twenty seconds after the previous one ends until morning. I suggest that you take that time to... soak it in." Then, in a disgustingly bright and cheery voice she chirped: "See you at school Lovebirds!"

Boy and girl stared at each other, Vix's face horrified beyond belief and Dib's half-shocked, half-calculating. Quickly Vix leaned forward and pressed her lips to Dib's briefly before disappearing in a gust of shimmering wind. Dib was still at a loss for words.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Back at Zim's home base, Xanade spun in her chair and cackled giddily, a cruel intonation to the pretty laugh. Zim stood to the side in front of the console, leaning back on it casually.

"You are so hot when you're evil..." he hissed as Xanade revolved to a slow stop. He moved forward as if he meant to do something but was held back by one of Xanade's spider legs. The sharp point nearly pierced the skin, but Xanade knew exactly how much pressure to apply to let it hurt like Hell without running him through.

"...and you are still on probation my little Kaiche*... So I suggest that you don't make me extend it for another three weeks, understand?"

"Yes'm!" Zim cocked his head sideways at her and smirked. "If I'm allowed to ask, why'd you do that for?"

"I dunno. I needed to vent after Big Red's stunt yesterday, and what better way than on the earthling and the Eryan."

"That's another thing. I didn't know you spoke Eryan."

"There's a lot of things you don't know Z-baby. A girl's gotta have her mystery... besides we were apart for nearly three Sivaas*. What do you expect?" Xanade shuddered. "I can't imagine having to work on Foodcourtia for that long. Ugh… Just the thought makes my skin crawl…" She noticed Zim trying to move again. "Uh-uh. You're not gonna move until I say so, and I say you don't move until… two a.m."

She smirked and started toward the elevator to her bedroom.

"Have fun now…"

And now, some vocabulary:

Krill: an Irken swear, loosely translates to 'fuck.'

Macro: a span of Irken time, equal to about a month Earth time.

Gai: a term of annoyance, means the same thing as 'gee' or 'jeez.'

Lais: used to loosely mean babyish.

Kaiche: an affectionate term, means dearest or beloved (awww… cute…)

Sivaa: another span of time, equal to at least a century Earth time.

Oh Jeebus she's bad! He-he, wouldn't wanna get on 'Nade's bad side…Oh well, folks, looks like this book's almost at its end, so be on the lookout for the last two chapters, and then the Book of War. Concerning the cancellation: (smears on war paint) Oh it's on now! But before I launch myself into any nondescript battles, I have to tell you to wait for chapters eleven and twelve: Emergency Frequency and Recruiting. Until later, Love you all, Soleia…!