A/N: Hey guys! Ready for a new chapter? Well hey, a special thanks to FatChixRock2 for the idea for this chapter. I really loved it so I decided to run with it! I think the miracle of childbirth is a beautiful thing, and G-d's greatest gift, so I'm happy to employ it again in here. Enjoy! Reviews please! :)

Chapter 10: Baby Scare House of Nightmares

It was a dark and stormy night. Perfect for sharing spooooky stories... Harry and Snape were having one such spooky story time together. Sometimes stories. Sometimes poetry. Sometimes spooooooky lovemaking.

"And... and thenBilly the one eyed butcher face chopped off his own foot. The children at the campsite laughed... and laughed. Billy would get them back... one day..." Snaperoony finished his story with a flourishing bow. His face hit the floor. Blood mixed with face goop. Harry swept a tear from his doll eye.

"So spooly, my love. And so beautiful." Snape said "YR SO BOOTIFUL" and atacked his young, supple, slightly harrier little Harry with his penis out. Mauling him in his poor young boy face.

Hary cried "NOT WITHOUT PURTECSHON."

Sanpe smoothed his porn star stache curtiously and said with a Englandish flaboyancy, "Mmmm, yes Deary, quite!" and pulled out a small rubber hat. However, his face changed horribly twisted once young but manly Harriet turned off the lights, and he whispered softly into his armpit, "i will nooot tie you down, my wee gopher taut peen. i know you need room to dig your soiled tunnelsssss...hissshiisshsishihisssssss!" he twisted his burt reynolds into a gay pirate stance. rufiooooooooo...

IM ONE HAUTE NAUGHTY TOTTY! HEROLDO SCREAMED AS HE SHOOK HIS RHYTHMICAL TOOSH IN THE AIR!

sNAPE roared like an ostrich and jumpped right in. it was ok, herry had the peanut butter ready in the cupboard.

IT went on 4 )...:D YEARS and then harry rolled over and puked. \8C~~~ no...ANOO! not agin! ralph rolled in the ralph, and then he jumped up to inspect his body n the mirror. first all he saw were bruises and feathers in his chest hair. he thought it looked sexy. So turned on, nnnnn...he tweaked his nipples and begand slowly rubbing down, down through the fethers, down through the vomit, down...onto his enormously protruding stomach!

Hansome Harold bit his thin fish lip and rupped his butter belly slowly. "How could you?" He whispered the words so quietly that Shanpe could barely heer him.

"Wut" said snape "wut did u say?"

"I SAID HOW COULDYOOOOOUUUU?" Harry was full of tiger fury. His supposed man lover had BETRAYED his TRUST. TRUST IS VERY IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHY DID BRAD BETRAY MY TRUST THAT BASTARNT. I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND GAVE MY VERGINITY TO HIM AND HE BETRAYED ME FOR THAT BITCH PATTY NELSON.

ButSnape was no Brad. He is much manlier than Brad and is willing to FESS UP WHEN HE WAS WRONG TO LEAVE ME. He pet poor Harries belly. "My little Harold. I know I pregnancies you before, but I just so missed the moody you."

Hary said "WHUT? I DONT CARE. WHAR'S MY ICE CREAM" Snape chuckled sweetly and spoonfed him creasmy goodness. After all. They wanted healthy baby, did they not?

But ten gallons a day of ben and jerrys (creme brulee and NOT CHERRY GARCIA BRAD STIMPLETON, YOU FAT FAG!) was NOT enough! ****im sorry, brad. youre not fat. youre a super basketball star. you have the figure of an ice skater and ! BRADDD! WHY cant you WAKE UP and see that we were MEANT to be together! why am I not good enough for you?/? is it that my butt has that weird angle to it! that my arms are two different sizes! WAT! WAT BRAD! not everyone is perfect liek PATTY fukking NELSON! not everyone can have their fingers different lengths! somewhere im PERFECT, and my spade hands are idolised like a GOOOOOD!****

Snape was running ragged, his flimsy chest heaving, sweat and goo slipping rampant through his pores, close to collapse and running out of money to feed the now Jabba the Hut type beast that was fused with his king-sized mattress and 500 thread count silken sheets. herdy just wouldnt stop eating! he was really out of it too. like he was possessed...but sapen didnt believe in such tales. but sometimes, when there wasnt enough food, snapper would use his needle like fingers to sharply tickle harris's elbow fat and harri would laugh so hard he'd puke up his food and watch it dribble down his front with hunger. Then when he thought snap wasnt looking, hed eat it again and go into this weird thing where he'd hum and vibrate for hours on end.

Snape was beginning to worry about wee Hary. He kept writhing and convulsing and twitching and humming like a creepy air conditioner. You know. Like that Jack Nicholson one in Brave Little Toaster. That one writhed. That's a real thing.

"Hery" said Snape, "Harryyyy" said Snape... "HARY"

"WHAT IS IT YOU HOT BEAUTFIL GREASE MAN"

"wE ARE ALL VERY worried for you. We want the baby to be safe deliveried. I no wut u did last summer?"

Harry put his hands on his head and got teary eyed. "I'm sorry my honeybucket. I kno what I'm doing isn't healthy. I know it hurts you and the babied/ But I can't help it. It smells like booby milk, and reminds me of my mom before you died."

"WHAAATTT?" Snape shouted as he fell to the floor and snarfed at the puke. He sat up and let out a garbled comforted sigh. He knew that sent. The scent of Lilly boob milk. He melted on the floor and becam,e one with harry's throw up. He liked it. ;)~

whilst snape was on the floor, meltin and flopping in the mother milk, harry started looking embarassed. "erm...snappy?" snap looked up in the wrong direction like a high puppy. "my...my water!" just then, it was as if an inflatable pool had burst. one of those 3 feet high ones too, not the stupid 1 footers. snape almost drowned trying to save the milk from diluting. it was time for a trip to the hopsital.

herry opened his eyes to see an elderly man dressed in scrubs. He smiled weakly and whispered, "the baybeeee?" the old man nodded. "yes." he said. after 5 awkward minutes of silence with more than a few week attempts to start staring contests, the old man spoke again. "i am the baby. well, no, not really. but you should know, you have more than one precious tender babe. you have had a litter of no less than a dozen farkel children." harry at first beamed. then wen he saw snape cowering and shaking in the corner, he knew something was amiss. snap usually wasnt like this. he was hard and callous to the little ones.

"unlegal husband!" he cried! whyever are "you doin dat?" sanpe looked up from his mopping. "i must clean myself" he whispered. "i must clean...everythiiiing." he licked his dry cracked lips with a hollowed look in his eyes. and indeed, he looked brittle and whispy, with not a trace of goo on him whatsoever. he had. dried up.

Snape slowly made his way to Harry's hostiple bed. He cluched the bed end and slumped over. "ahry... don't even go in there..."

"Harry's eyes filled with tears" But... my BAYBAYS. Snape solemnly nodded. If only they were not his baybays, he thought. If only... Snape clutched Harry's shoulder as he wept. He was now suffered PTSD. He hadn't slept for days. Oh, the things he'd seen...

there was a creepy rapping on the door. snape turned electric green and started shaking. "faaa...therrrr!" came the strange eery gurgling noise on the other side. harry looked enthusiastic...until the door opened.

in marched eleven identical monster children. they had the bodies of a hyenas, the faces of micheal keatons. they were indeed an ugly...ugly lot. it sent shivers down everyones spines.

then, the twelf one entered. it looked like david beckham's face on the ass of a walrus. it was obviously the pretty one. the room's knees buckled, instantly falling in love with the faerie child.

The many babies(?) hobbled around the room on their wobbly legs, making horrible ghost noises. One of the Michael Keaton's climbed to Harry's lap. Harry looked at it in horror as it opened its gaping maw. "Ma... ma?" Harry SCREAMED.

"HUNNY GET IT OFF I'M SCAAARED" Snapee grapped a bat and beat the little monstrosity off his young love boy. Davie Bechham watched solemnly. Snape looked at him in quiet horror. The thing seemed to be planning something. It's eyes glowed dimly. A chill ran down Snape's spine. He couldn't move one inch. David Beckham's mouth began to open... it became wider... and wider still... it's jaw was unhinged, with teeth protruding grossly. It let loose a horrible screech that froze the many Michael keaton's in place. The fallen one that had been clawing at harry's chest for milk slowly rose, its expression blank, and its eyes now also glowing softly. There was no doubt about it. These... things... were evil. Now the rest of their mouths unhinged, and they screeched as well, as though it were some kind of pack gathering call.

Madame Pomfy entered cheerily. "Well, this is much better than last time! All of these babbys are very healthy indeed! Just be sure to never get them wet." As she said the last sencatnce, her eyes bore into Snape's stiffly.

Snape however, was a big boy and didnt like being told WUT TO DOOO! He waited until madam pomfy closed the door (he was ascared of her) and then he through a tank of water at the door. it luckily, did not spill open on the children of the damned. but alas! snape started laughing so hard at his own rebelliousness and softly peed a gallon of golden goods on the floor. LUCKLY! none of the Hyena Kid Gang was close enough to touch it. they were safe.

UNTIL THE WOBBILY HAM HANDED HAROLD SPILLED A DROP OF HIS APPLE JUICE ON the HOSPOROL FOOD TRAY! D8

the dirty dozen started turn themselves inside out! willy wonky! up a donkey! hut hut munch and punch! snape and hary shook in the corner, simultaniously stealing plasma and being frightened to def! hey! This guys got em scared to def!

Snape held his young boyriend, now sprouting into a hansome young man. Look at me. He said. "Look at me, bayby girl..." Harry slowly looked into his eyes, watery with age. "If I don't make it out of this, tell ur mom I love her." Harry rubbed hs face against Snape's face. He was still dry. It was weird. He felt like the friction would tear the old, unmoistenedpapery skin, but he was sure that "AAAAHHHH!"

OH GAWD HIS SKIN TORE. Snape's skin had come loose, and his face was pouring blood every where! Harry stood up quickly and faced his inside out boy children. "This is YOU'RE fault you HELL BREATURRRES! KKKRRREEEAAACHERRR HATES FILTHY MUDBLOOD CHILLENS" Now Harry's eyes glowed. The babies had there mother's eyes. :3

A horrible black goo ozzed from Harry's lips. It spilled to the ground and crept toward the babys. For once, they seemed hesitant.

then, cautiously, one of the michael keatons started to crawl slowly forth, eyes growing dimmer and lighter, dimmer and lighter! The beautiful beckham boy barked a tentive warning, its many ponytails sticking on end. it was to no avail. michael hyena could not be stopped. he dipped his snaggle toothed no chin muzzle into the goo. At first nothing happened. he looked up, a dumb lopsided smile crinkling onto his face. "UH HUHUH!" he let fly a laugh that would make a rock want to move to another state. and then...

BOOOOOM! he EXPLODED! 8?

the other baybehs started yipping and running around, trying to get to the dumbledoor! but young harry, furious that his old man lover/uncle had a probably expensive plastic surgery in his future, opened his mouth wider in a yell of fury! "RATCHA CHA CHACHAH! RRRrrrrrrRRRRATTTCHAHAAA!" and an explosion of thick black tary substance filled the room!

one by one the dreaded baby foes popped like awful elephant balloons. it was the spooky stuff of nightmares. when harry finally stopped screaming, there was only one baby left. the david beckham. it had scampered atop the cabinets where the hospital keeps all of its fantasy non_fiction readings, as well as some porn from the early 80s.

"YOU." harry pointed an accusatory finger at the walrus. "YOU are...too beautiful to die. and...too beautiful to live."

...

TWO DAYS LATAIRE

harry and snpa were sitting in their living room, snuggled up together on a big comfy chair by the fire, hot cocoa cupped in their mittened hands. hari carassed his snapper s face, mostly healed for only $22 in an alley behind the hospital. they laughed joyously, their heels kicked up on their new footstool. a new footstool that looked a lot like a stuffed...

david beckham

Harold and Snake toasted they're spooky champayne (house of spooky payne) glasses and threw there heads back in spooky laughter. "And to think..." Snape slithered spookily into Hary';s ear, "it could have been ssssssso much sssssssspoooooookierrrrrr..."

Harry giggled and then spoke in his blossoming spooky man voice, "yes, my spooky darling. Much spookier indeed." They leaned slowly toward each other. Their lips met in a spooky kiss. The spookiest of kisses there has ever was.

Harry closed the Spooky Magic Halloween Book he had taken out from the library, hugged it to his chest, and sighed happily (spookily). He pulled his ghost blanket up to his chin, and his soggy Snapper curled close. This was the best Labor day ever.