A/N: Thanks for all the advice and reviews. I'll keep it in mind and try to improve.
Italics are memories inside of spencer's head in this chapter.
So here it is R&R!
Chapter 10: The Way that Flower Blooms
Staring at the tile beneath my feet, I don't know where to look. If I look at baby blue eyes I may loose my nerve and cry which is the one thing she hasn't truly done yet, so I definitely couldn't break before her. I have to be strong, and I have no reason to cry, I am not hurt. But deep down when she hurts I hurt, and one tear is threatening me. If I look at the nurse I will have to explain what happened. The nurse and I have been sitting in silence waiting for Spencer to mumble out a reply to the scary question. Yet she is just sitting, sitting and staring into space, just like I am staring into the linoleum hoping to see more then a squeaky clean white surface. I can't let her reply. I'm just scared that if I finally explain it, it will make it real, make it real all over again, to Spencer, and maybe to me too.
I pull the nurse outside the room leaving Spencer in a vegetable state sitting on the examination table.
"Are you going to explain? I can't treat her without knowing how this happened. I can't help her if you don't help me. Ok?" Her mother nature was shining through; all though very serious she made you want to hug her.
"Yea. I… It's. See we were at a party. And I walked in on." I paused. Tongue frozen in place, I give it 3 seconds to thaw, and then spit it out, "Someone raped her." Pity and sympathy immediately formed across her face as she glanced over to look at Spencer, who was know in sleep like state on the exam table.
"How long ago, and has she showered?"
"Around 11 tonight and no. I tried to clean up the big wounds but I didn't let her shower." She smiled softly with sadness at that.
"Good, maybe they can get the bastard that did it then. You're a good person. Now we are gunna clean her up, and perform a rape kit. She may or may not want you in there with us. Just be prepared, everyone acts different after something traumatic happens." I nod taking in the information like a sponge.
She leads me back into the room and begins to explain the game plan to Spencer as nice and motherly as possible. When she finishes she exists saying she will be right back and hands me gown for Spencer to put on. I take the gown and put it next to Spencer. I whisper in her ear placing one hand softly over hers which is resting on the edge of the table.
"Spence, it's ok. But you have to wear a gown for them to help. For me to help, ok. I'll step outside so you can change." Her formally blank eyes come alive and her hand slowly turns and grabs mine.
"Don't leave. I need you. I'm sorry." She leans into me snuggling close enough that I can still smell a hint of the sweet aroma she put on hours ago.
"I won't leave I promise." She nods her head and slowly gets up leaving my body cold and wanting more of her. She slips of her boxers in a quick motion, and the shirt flies off also. I turn my head to be polite, but I can't help but examine her a little. She grabs the gown, taking her time, not seeing me or caring if I see her at all anyway. This makes me turn my head completely, showing I'll respect her even when she doesn't care if I do. She finishes and returns to my side snuggling closer then before, holding onto me she shuts her eyes. Yet only seconds later the door swings open and our nurse and a woman with grey hair and glasses enter.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Heath, I'll be on your case while you're with us." She smiles and glances at me, I take that as my cue,
"I'm Ashley Davies, this is Spencer Car...Cerlan." I looked to Spencer who slowly sat upright not leaning against me anymore.
"Hi." It was low and barely heard, her eyes shifted from the doctor to me.
"OK well we are going to start by performing a rape kit Ms.Cerlan. It won't hurt, and you can have, Ashley, is it?" I nod "stay if you wish." Spencer then looks me in the eye, "Stay." I whisper yes back but don't know if it was loud enough to be heard. But my eyes responded anyway it seemed as she turned her attention back to the doctor who was righting things down. The warm nurse from earlier was laying out things on a tray and getting things ready for the Doctor.
"Alright now Spencer I'm going to have to examine you, so in order for me to do that you are going to have to put your feet on these," Her hands fell onto two things attached to the table, " and lie down with your knees bent" Spencer looks to me as I stand up next to the table. She slowly fallows the simple orders. Eyes full of fear she doesn't take her gaze off my lips.
"OK I'm going to begin, you may feel some pressure, and it'll be cold, but don't worry I won't hurt you." The doctor's voice was soft and gentle, but didn't seem to help calm Spencer. Her eyes widened as the Doctor began her task, and she reached her hand to mine grasping it tight.
I slowly reassure her repeating myself over and over that it will be ok, that I was here and wouldn't leave and that it would be over soon. Spencer seemed not to listen but only held tighter to my hand so tight my knuckles began to hurt and my fingers going slowly turning numb.
She shut her eyes tight so they seemed unable to be pried open. Shut to the sadness and pity in the room, to the nurse, the doctor and to me. Her hand remained with mine, but her mind was long gone, and not planning on returning until she knew she was safe. She was long gone, escaping the only way she knew how. Lost in her mind puttin all her memories on rewind.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The inside of my eyelids could possibly be my favorite color. It changes according to how much light is in the room, changing from oranges to pinks, to finally the blackest of blacks. I love sinking into that black. Slowly falling into the past like a time machine operated at random. As I feel the cold metal touch inside of me, I know that no matter what the angel beside me says, and how tight I hold onto her, the only way to make this better is to sink into the color behind my eyelids, and fall into the past.
The hot sun reflected down on my light skin, which was not used to this heat. It was the last day of August and the first day of school. New state, new name, new life. Even though my future was bright like the sun out today, I was still nervous. I slowly entered a courtyard in my new school, King High. I walked into the center, noone was around. I had time so I slowed down and looked around. A small flower patch lay hidden in the corner, it's beauty hidden away were only I could see it. I walked over to it clumsily, as I tripped and fell flat on my face. If that wasn't worse enough someone had witnessed my firey crash.
" Oh! Ouch. Here let me help you." A kind charming voice found its way to my ears. I looked up into the stranger's eyes to see what I haven't seen since I was back in Ohio. Warmth, true warmth and kindness. He reached his hand out and without looking back I took it.
"Aiden Dennison" His smile radiated so much it forced me to smile myself.
" Spencer Carlin."
" Nice to meet you. Are you always this clumsy or is this just a one time thing." He chuckled, I blushed. He was very attractive, charming, and could make me smile. He was what I needed, or what I should need.
" No. I didn't see the tree root there." I smiled and pointed to the root that was the cause of my fall.
" Oh I see. Well not to many people come in these courtyards, well actually its usually only me and the birds in here last year. But it's a new year, so I guess there could be room for two." A hot, charming boy bonding poetically with nature, offering to let me share his special spot. How could I refuse?
"Why thank you. I think it'd be nice to be with you... I mean be able to come here everyday. This city is so fast pace and wild, I'm not used to it yet. Atleast this place is a little bit slower and calm."
" So your new to LA. Well after school today if your free I could show you around."
" That would be great, here I'll give you my number, you can call me at the end of the day." I stepped closer taking his hand in mind and slowly wrote my name across it.
" See you after school, Spencer." My name rolled so easily off his tongue it was like he owned it already, knew he had me the minute we met.
" Bye." And with that one goodbye, I knew my life would change. I knew it wouldn't be the same, and that finally I would change, and I could live. Just like the flowers in the corner, I could bloom, and be a normal girl. Finaly what I should be, what I needed to be.
And as I feel Her thumb rub the side of my hand it makes my eyes focus on the light orange behind my eyelids. Reminds me of the way he used to hold my hand like that. Reminds me of what I've lost, what I need and how badly I've screwed up. Reminds me of why I don't deserve this angel beside me, I don't desevre anything. And with that, one small tear escapes from behind my eyes, and makes its way out were I am to scared to be, to scared to look, even my tears are braver then me.