READ THIS: No one got alerted by chapter 9. So if you haven't read it yet, read it first. Please. I tried to send as many PMs and review replies as I could telling about it but still I don't think I managed to get them for everyone. So... yup.

Yes people. You know what? You're getting a chapter about Al! Many of my reviewers have been asking for this for quite a long time now. Actually first I didn't really plan writing it but then one night I just started to think how Al was doing and... BOOM! I just had to write this. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. And I never will.

PROTECT

Chapter 10
Home, bittersweet home

Al was frozen to where he was as his father dragged his brother out of the house, uncontrollable trembling taking over his small form as the fear rose on his head, making the trembles worsen. He swallowed for a few times with wide eyes before starting to rock himself back and forth, his arms curled around himself trying to give him the gentleness and compassion he needed.

After a while he stood up shakily and wiped his forehead as he started making his way to the window in the living room quickly, scared it might be the last chance for him to see his older brother, if he even managed to get that glimpse. He felt like crying but he forced it back, laying his hands on the window, not caring if he left some marks in it.

Nothing mattered if his brother was taken away from him.

His breathing was fragmentary as he saw his father carrying his brother away. It didn't take long until he was unable to see them anymore. He tried to swallow but it was like there was something stuck in his throat. Guilt rose up in his mind.

It was his fault. His. If he'd just stayed in their room their father wouldn't have gotten mad and hit him. If that hadn't happened, Ed wouldn't have hit their father. It was his entire fault. His little mistake had cost him a lot. It had cost his brother a lot. It strangled him.

Brother, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry, he thought sorrowfully as he sat on the floor and buried his head in his thighs which he drew close to him. His mind was messed up. It felt unreal. It wasn't as though he was dreaming, but it wasn't like reality either. It was like… he was there, but Ed would be still sleeping and his father would be somewhere away too. Like he was alone, just thinking of this. Making it up.

It couldn't happen, right? His father would never hurt his brother. The man would beat him up worse than ever and then bring back home and Al would take care of him, he would take their old clothes from the wardrobe and torn slices of them to bandage his brother up and make sure he stayed in his bed until he was healed enough to leave it again.

…He didn't even know what to believe in. Ed had crossed the lines. But he was Ed, their father wouldn't hurt him. Well, he would if he got that stupid idea that it wasn't Ed or whatever. Then he'd hurt Ed really badly. But he wouldn't kill him, right? He still had a heart.

At least Al wished so. If not… he didn't even know. The world just couldn't be that cruel.

He wandered in their room and crushed on his bead, burying his head in the pillow as he curled up.

There wasn't any other way to find out expect for waiting.

He had listened hard as he heard the door downstairs open. He had even pressed his ear against the door of their room, his eyes feeling tired and his head feeling… just… weird. Airy. Nah, he couldn't describe it.

He had been at the same time furious, sorrowful, guilty-feeling and betrayed as he noticed the thing he didn't want to notice. There was only one person downstairs. It was the man. Ed wasn't there. His brother was away. Out of this house. Practically: out of his life.

He felt like screaming but he knew he couldn't. He felt like crying but he knew he wasn't allowed to cry and if he'd get caught something bad would happen to him too and his brother would be disappointed after his sacrifice. So he didn't. Instead of it he went to sit in the corned next to his bed. He always sat there when he was angry or frustrated or sad.

Too bad this time Ed wasn't trying to get him out of there.

He clenched his teeth and blinked a few times. Would he ever see his brother again? Ever? It was just so much to bear. His hands were shaking as he kept rocking himself.

Nothing ever went the way it should have gone.

They had planned to leave this place. They had planned to run away. Together. He couldn't possibly do it without his brother. His brother was the one who always guided him and kept him alive. Even at times their father had gone somewhere on business for many days and left them at home without food Ed had had some food somewhere hidden so he could feed them. Al had no idea how Ed had managed to get them without the man noticing but he had. Ed was talented in that. He hadn't even tried, Ed had told him not to. He didn't want Al to get caught.

He bit his lip so hard it started bleeding and he felt the metallic taste in his mouth, making him focus on it. He liked it. It wasn't like it tasted that good, but it fit right at the moment. He rested his head on his right shoulder, stretching in slightly. He felt the darkness rising above him. Ed wasn't trying to protect him from it anymore. It felt unreal, it felt wrong.

The situation was too hard for him to fight against, but he wasn't in the mood for giving in either. So he got up and crushed on Ed's bed where his scent still lingered. He curled up and squeezed the blankets to his chest.

It was the only way he could be close to his brother anymore.

He slept until the next morning when he woke up, raising his head slightly to look around, hoping the last day had been just a nightmare and his brother would be sitting on his bed, looking out of the window, reading or doing something else waiting him to wake up. But he saw the room from a different angle of view. He squeezed the blanket in his hand tighter.

How couldn't he be angry to anyone else except for himself? That was his problem. He should've been furious for his dead, he should've been furious for his brother's stupid instincts to protect him, but no. The only person he could fully blame was himself. He tried to tell himself that he had been the victim and it wasn't his fault, but he had been the one causing the scene, hadn't he? So who was he to even try to blame others who were just acting like themselves. He should've know better, he should've acted differently. He stood up and crawled to the end of the bed, looking out of the window, seeing the wind blowing some leaves by the window. He opened the window and cached one.

It was too beautiful to be thrown away. He would save it and keep it safe, reminding him of the autumn he lost his brother. When he lost his pillar to lean on.

Brother wouldn't want me to give in, he thought sadly, rotating the leaf on his hand as he watched the red edges of it and the brown playing with the slightly golden shade of the rest of the leaf. He clenched his teeth again, ignoring the fact that he might consume them. He was strong and he knew it. He hadn't let anything bring him down too badly before, this wasn't the time to give up. He might be locked in without Ed, but maybe someday someone would come and take him away from this cursed house. Maybe. But there was hope, he never gave up with the hope, he had learned not to. It gave him times to smile.

He pulled an alchemy book under the bed and positioned the leaf inside of it before closing it carefully, staring at the brown cover brushing it slightly for a while before putting it back, breathing heavily in.

He still couldn't really believe it. It was confusing. He felt bad about it but he just couldn't. He couldn't help it.

The bruise on his cheek tingled but he ignored it as he walked to the wardrobe to find some clean clothes to change into but stopped as he heard steps from the staircase, getting alerted and closing the door quickly before jumping to his bed, pulling the blanket over himself and closing his eyes.

It was a routine already.

He heard the sound of someone opening the door and stepping in, growling tiredly, probably massaging his temples because of the hangover. The steps stopped.

"…Alphonse?" his father asked and he growled acting tired before fluttering his eyes open and sitting up. His father was watching Ed's bed fearfully.

"Al, where's Ed?" Hohenheim asked as he stepped closer to him. Al kept his calm mask up.

"You took him away yesterday morning", he answered, looking at the floor. Hohenheim made a frustrated voice.

"…No… I wouldn't have done that. It can't be true, you're wrong…"

Al's shoulders rose slightly as he lowered his head trying not to piss off his father, afraid it might be the last thing he'd ever get to do.

"You were drunk and you hit me and he came and hit you and then you snapped", he mumbled quietly. Hohenheim winced before letting out a slight whine and burying his head in his hands, sitting down in Ed's bed, shoulders trembling.

"What have I done? God, what have I done, I can't have possibly done that to my son, I can't have done that to my Ed, I can't… He can't be gone…" he cried. Al looked up slightly before walking hesitantly over and sitting next to him, patting his shoulders gently.

"It was my fault, Dad. It was my fault. I'm sorry", he said as the tears finally rose in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Admitting it loud was the worse. It made it inerasable. His father looked at him as he cried silently trying to force the tears away, scared he'd get punished for them. Instead of punishing, his father pulled him closer to his chest and ran his hands through his hair.

"It wasn't your fault, Alphonse. Don't blame yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. Blame me", he tried but Al shook his head.

"I can't… No matter what, I just can't…" he sobbed silently, burying his head deeper in the source of warmness. His father rocked him slightly.

"It'll be alright. There's still the two of us, we can make it. Your Mum and Ed have gone to a better place. They'll be looking at you all the time and taking care of you. They want you to live happily, and when you die, you'll see them again", Hohenheim tried.

"You don't believe in that even by yourself", Al noted as his father squeezed harder.

"Sometimes we don't believe in the right things, Al."

Al wiped his tears in his father's shirt. He didn't answer but he agreed with his father.

He himself believed in the wrong things all the time.

"I'm sorry Alphonse. I'm sorry", his father said and Al felt his tears falling on his forehead.

So was he.

Life without Ed was weird and hard. Every second he wished his brother would walk in again, smiling slightly and hugging him, telling he shouldn't blame himself and it had been his own choice. But day after day it started to seem more and more impossible until he didn't believe in it even by himself. He was tired of watching out of the window all day long. But it didn't mean he stopped doing it. He couldn't.

He had to have hope, even false one, so he could live from one day to another. There was a way he could meet his brother again. There was always a way; he just had to figure it out.

And he would figure it out. No matter what. Those were the things that spanned in his mind as he rotated the leaf between his fingers, looking out of the dirty window until the sun set down and he couldn't make out the shapes from the darkness anymore.

His father wasn't taking Ed's lack of presence well.

Of course. He and Ed had been all their father had had left anymore. They were the things that he cherished the most. No matter the times he couldn't control himself and hurt them, no matter the words they never exchanged. Their father loved them.

Now he and Al had lost another person they loved. Al felt like he was taking it as well as he could in his situation but his father had been crushed already by the death of their Mum. The death of Ed… Al was afraid it would drive him over the edge. Then he'd have no one left anymore. No one. It frightened him.

He missed their whole family. Whole and happy. Now it was… torn and anxious. Sometimes it felt like it wasn't worth it anymore. But he couldn't leave his Dad. Just couldn't. Then he'd be all alone. No one should be alone.

His father spent a lot of his time drinking again. Pretty much like after their Mum's death. Al tried to stay out of the way. When their father was drunk he got violent. He didn't always mean to hurt them but he did. For a few times Al got in the wrong room in the long time and his father beat him up, bellowing to him asking why he didn't stop him from taking Ed away. Why he didn't stop him killing Ed. Later Al's whole body was sore and aching as he wandered tiredly to his and Ed's room and crushed to his bed looking at the empty wall. Sometimes his father would apologize for him the next day. Sometimes not.

One morning after a bad beating with his father's bare hand and some china bowls, Al woke up, pain shooting up his body mostly focusing on his left wrist. He gasped and grabbed it with his right one, trying to block out the pain. He breathed in slowly before opening his eyes again and watching at the wrist, finding it swollen and slightly purple. He had probably twisted it badly. He got up trying to move the wrist as little as he could and used his feet to help him tore a piece of his old, already torn T-shirt and tied his wrist up with it. He had done that a lot with Ed but using only one hand and putting it on himself was a lot harder and took him a lot longer.

He heard the steps on the staircase again and jumped back to his bed pulling his blanket on him. The door opened and his father walked to him and kneeled down next to his bed.

"Alphonse, wake up. I'm leaving for a while", he said and petted his head. Al opened his eyes and sat up, his father taking his hands on his. Al made sure his long sleeve covered his hurt wrist. His father hated seeing the damage he had done and refused to believe that they really hurt and yelled at him and Ed saying that they were overreacting.

"I'm have to got to Central for a few days because of my work. Someone wants to buy my alchemy book and I need to go and discuss about it. Will you be alright in here?" he asked gently. Al nodded.

"Good. I'll see when I can get back. Take care", he said and got up again, walking out of the room, leaving Al looking silently out of the window.

His father's leaving meant many long and quiet days full of starving and boredom. He didn't have any company anymore either. He didn't like being at the house alone. He got scared. He just hated the thick and silent air, the dirty rooms and smelling bottles. He saw things that didn't exist in the shadows.

Once he had had Ed to tell him that they didn't exist and even if they did, they wouldn't hurt him. Now he was alone with his nightmares and overactive imagination.

He heard the door downstairs close and shivers ran through his back as he watched out of the window to the beautiful countryside of Resembool and his father walking away with two bags in his strong hands.

He ignored the fact how the hands had gotten as strong as they were.

He sighed and walked downstairs to the kitchen and started checking out how much food there was in the house and how much he could eat per one day so there wouldn't be days without food at all. Unfortunately they seemed to be running out of food again. He sighed as he started counting the pieces of toasts still on the plastic bag and the fruits in the bowl on the table. After that he went through every cupboard in the kitchen, finding two packages of pasta. He also remembered one of Ed's stacks and checked it out, finding a packet of rice. Now he just had to follow the instructions while cooking… Ed had always been the one to cook. He had been helping as much as he could but Ed usually told him to go and read something or watch TV. After a lot of bickering he usually gave in.

That day he read some books and ate only bread, not wanting to waste the food because he had no idea when his father was returning. With bad luck, it might take over a month. But that was with really bad luck.

He watched out of the window, not really even focusing in anything anymore at night. He avoided watching in shadows. He didn't want any panic attacks. His brother would've wanted him to be brave now that he was gone.

Later he curled up in his bed after checking that the leaf was still in the book.

One day the phone rang, sending Al jump up from the couch violently. He swallowed as he to the hallway and picked the phone up hesitantly.

"Alphonse Elric on the phone."

There was a pause. Al waited. But then he heard a voice which made his heart almost stop out of shock. "…Al?"

"…Who is this?" he asked fearfully, swallowing hard. It couldn't be, just couldn't, dead people couldn't call… Was he getting called by a ghost!? He had to be the first one! It freaked him out! This was a sick joke.

"I'm alive, Al, I'm okay. Are you okay?"

No. There was no mistake. That was his brother. He knew his brother's voice. "Brother, is it really you!? But… but he said you were dead, he was crying, he was so serious, what happened?"

Ed sighed heavily at the end of the line. "It's okay Al. If I wouldn't be alive, I wouldn't be calling. I'm in Central now, do you know where Central is? Do you have a map or something?"

"…I don't know where he keeps them if he even has them", he answered, looking nervously around.

He heard a growl coming from the phone. He was still too shocked to really understand what was going on but he didn't remember the last time he had been this happy and hopeful. He even smiled.

"Okay, Al, we've got to find them. I need instructions so I can get home. He's in here but I don't know for how long so we have to be quick. Try… try kitchen."

"Okay, wait a second…" he said and lied the phone down before running in the kitchen, pulling every cupboard, the table and the floor cursing for not finding what he was looking for. He needed it so Ed could get home. He needed it. Damn it, he was going to get it, even if it didn't exist.

He ran to the lounge and checked everything again without succeeding to find what he wanted. After that he ran to their father's room, gasping after he smelled the scent of alcohol and moved the bottles to make way to the bookshelf. No avail. He ran back to the phone.

"Not there. Sorry. Any other ideas? I already checked his room and lounge too."

"Then they it has to be in his study. Go in, don't touch in anything you don't need to touch and make sure it looks just the same as you got in when you leave. Can you do that?"

He hesitated. The study. They weren't allowed to get in it. Hadn't ever been. That rule was very strict.

…But he needed to go. He would do it if he would be able to get his brother back by doing so. "Yeah. Wait a while."

He opened the door and looked in, his eyes wandering on the shelves and the tables. Papers were lying around, pens lost under them as his father had been making notes. He looked at the shelf and gasped.

The books were about human transmutations.

No, he didn't have time for it now. He had to forget it. He needed a map. Yes, a map. He forced his eyes away, feeling his heart beating painfully in his chest, his eyes uncomfortably wide. He blinked a few times before focusing again.

There. On the table. There was a map. He grabbed it and ran out of the room which sent shivers through his back.

"Got it. But Central's pretty far away, brother. You should use train and it'll cost quite a lot… you have to head to the East until you get to Resembool. Do you know where the train station is?" he asked as he eyed the map carefully.

"No, but I can ask people on the streets. I'll see when I can leave, I'll take the first chance I get, I promise. I'll be home soon."

He'd be home soon. Al would be able to see him again soon. "Where are you anyway? You sure aren't sleeping on the streets? You haven't talked to people, have you? What… Where are you?"

"…Al, I'm living with a nice man, he's really nice, he promised not to tell. I trust in him. I know a few people here now, they take care of me. They don't want me to leave, though. I've got to run when I get the chance. I'll feel bad about it, though…"

No. Please, no. It was forbidden! When did his brother start breaking the rules this badly? He was happy that Ed was alive and happy and safe but still, other people! He couldn't be serious!

"Brother, he'll find out. You know he will."

"Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he can't find out everything. If he still thinks I'm dead, it proves it."

Al shook his head, ignoring the fact that Ed couldn't see him. "If you come back he'll know. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm good in covering my tracks. Don't worry, Al. I'll come home. And he won't try to kill me again. I promise. I won't let him."

"…He's been really sad, brother. He misses you. He feels guilty. He didn't mean to… well, kill you. He's been crying. We miss you. He actually hugged me the next morning….He just can't stop himself. That's his problem", Al said silently. "He's sorry. Do you know he's in Central?"

"Yeah, Al, I saw him."

Ed had seen him? Central had to be smaller than Resembool. Weird, he had gotten the picture that it was the other way around. "Maybe you should just go to him and ask him to get you home. He won't hurt you."

"I don't trust him, Al. I just don't. If he finds me in here, I'm screwed."

"Please, brother. Please. Try to find him. Those people can't stop you, he's your father, you have the right to go with them. I just want you home again. He wants you to come home too. It's different without you."

It wasn't only different. It was… unbearable without Ed.

"…I don't trust him, Al."

"Do it for me", he pleaded.

"I can't now… and I'm not sure if I get the chance later. But I'll come home, I promise."

"You aren't even considering it. You just say so", Al said disappointedly, feeling his hands shaking.

"You know me too well."

Of course he did. Ed was the person he had spent his life with the most. The only person who cared about him without hurting him. "I know I do. How much time do you have?"

"Sorry, I've got to go. I'll see you again. I promise."

This soon? After all these days with the expression Ed was dead and this was all they were able to talk now.

"Keep that promise. If he comes first can I tell him about you?"

"…Alright. But I'll try to get there first."

"Brother?" he asked quickly before Ed was able to end the call. He wasn't sure if he was just imagining the call or what, but he felt something warm in on his cheeks.

"Mmh?"

"…I'm happy you're alive."

There was a brief pause. "I'm happy too."

Ed ended the call.

Al didn't lay the phone from his hands in the next two hours.

I just love Al. Honestly. He's like my dream guy. Perfect for me, but still imperfect. And he's so cute too.

I wrote to you about Al. Now it's your job to review me :P