MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT HUMAN BEINGS! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS STORY! I LOVE YOU ALL! HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR MY PUPPIES!
ALSO WARNING: themes of violence, sexual abuse, homophobia, child abuse and some other worrying behaviour which I find troubling
EDIT: THIS CHAPTER IS PROBLEMATIC AND DISTURBING GUYS, NONE OF THE BEHAVIOUR HERE IS EXCUSABLE AND I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF IT
"Fucking waste of space." Seamus murmured into his ear. "Little faggot. I'm gonna teach you proper how to be a man, you queer." Beginning to stop would be useless. The alcohol breath on his neck. Tears escaping no matter how much he told himself he didn't feel anything anymore.
Seamus grunting in pleasure as the bed creeked but no one came. No one tried to check what the noises were. No one questioned when he showed up with bruises on his body because the hold was too strong. No one acknowledged the blood or the sweat or the piss on his bed sheets.
No one was going to save him. So he had to save himself.
\\/\\/
"I'm bringing them back with me home." Eileen announced as Brendan brought Declan back from the hospital. Cheryl didn't come. She stayed back with Lynsey.
"No." Brendan said.
"I'm their mother. If I want to bring them back to Ireland, I will." Brendan crossed his arms, staring her down.
"No."
"You don't have a say in this, Brendan."
"Our kids do." She blinked.
"Excuse me? What are ya saying?"
"They don't want to live with you. That's what I'm saying. And I want them here. You signed over your rights the last time you were in the village or don't you remember?"
"I am still their mother, Brendan! At least with me, Declan never landed in the hospital!"
"Yes but not all our children were that lucky, were they?!" Eileen's face paled immediately and she looked at Brendan with shock. He had to look away as well because he couldn't believe the words came out of his mouth.
"You're a bastard." She whispered.
"I know." They stood in silence for a moment. "The boys are staying here. You can visit them as much as possible but until they turn 18, they stay here."
"This isn't just your decision!" She yelled. "I want my children back! You've rotten their brains! They've got different ideologies now that they've come here!"
"You left them, Eileen! You walked out on our boys!"
"I didn't have a choice!"
"YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!" Brendan roared at her. "YOU LEFT OUT BOYS AND NOW YOU WANT THEM BACK 'CAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY'RE THINKING?! FUCK YOU! BEING A PARENT IS NOT A TEMPORARY POSITION!"
"REALLY BRENDAN?! I HAD NO IDEA! SEEING AS I'M THE ONE WHO WAS THERE FOR OUR KIDS FOR MIST OF THEIR LIVES! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO TAINT THEM WITH YOUR DISGUSTING LIFESTYLE!"
"Shut your mouth." He warned.
"AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER?! ALWAYS BLAMING HIM FOR PISSING YOUR BED! PRETENDING HE'S A MONSTER! HE IS A BETTER MAN THAN YOU EVER WILL BE!" She screamed. "HE WANTS THE BOYS BACK TOO! HE KNOWS WHAT YOU GET UP TO! YOU'RE A DISGUTING FA-!" He slammed her into the door hard.
"Shut. The fuck. Up." He hissed at her but the damage was done. His family heard upstairs some of their fighting. "Get out. Get out and don't ever fucking come back. Or I'll prove to ya I'm a real man." She stared at him with wide eyes and her voice shook but she didn't look scared. She looked pissed off.
"Really Brendan? Rape threats? You're more pathetic and disgusting than I thought. Get your filthy sin rotten hands off me." He stepped back as she left, slamming the door. He stared at it for minute breathing heavily before slamming his fist on the wood. He hit over and over and over and over.
Someone screaming his name in the background but he just kept on hitting until cold water was poured over him.
He looked at his little sister who immediately slapped him.
"What did you do that for?!"
"You were hysterical and they always slap hysterics in the movies!"
"I wasn't hysterical, I was angry, Chez!" She made a little 'oh' sound and smiled bashfully.
"Sorry." She looked at the floor. "What are ya gonna do? About Eileen." He shrugged and went into the kitchen, turning the kettle on.
"She's got no say anymore."
"She's still their mother, Bren." Cheryl said quietly.
"So what? They don't want to go anyways. She's not taking them away if they don't want to go." He slammed an empty mug on the counter, feeling annoyance and irritation rising up again.
"Do you want them to stay, love?" His sister asked and he turned to her, thinking what a dumb question that was.
"How can you even-?"
"Because you don't tell me these things, Brendan." She cut him off. He took a deep breath as he realised she was right.
"More than anything. I want them here and happy." He admitted. "There. I've said it."
"Good." Cheryl took out another mug and put a tea bag in it. "It would help if the boys knew that too." He shook his head and walked to the couch, dropping himself unceremoniously. It was exhausting constantly existing. It was exhausting figuring out what the right thing to do was and exhausting to keep in doing the right thing. The monotone note of his life at least gave him the reassurance of what would happen but lately it's been so unstable. It's been one thing after another and he actually felt like he was losing grip on reality. He wasn't sure what he remembered was real or if he made it up. The only thing that brought him to reality was the fact that no one would want to make up the kind of shit he went through. He wasn't sure if he kissed Ste or if he just had a vivid dream. But his dreams have been nightmares since he moved in with his father so that was reality as well.
Cheryl put one of the mugs in front of him and walked upstairs with her own. He mumbled a thanks after her but it was so quiet, she probably didn't hear it. The boys were watching a movie upstairs in Declan's bedroom. Paddy wanting to take on the role of a big brother but Declan just laughed that notion away and suggested Paddy to be a big brother to some of his friends instead. He wanted to check whether they were affected by his and Eileen's screaming but he wasn't sure which answer he was ready for. He wasn't sure of anything.
He grabbed his keys and went to The Dog.
\\/\\/
"I mean, what a bloomin' cow, eh?" Sinead was prattling to Mercedes next to him. He specifically sat on a bar stool so that he could be left alone but clearly not everyone got the message. The McQueen barmaid however seemed to not pay attention to the O'Connor. "Telling me off for doing the deed with her husband. She should keep him interested in her if she didn't want him to stray." She was inching closer to him with each word, so he looked around for some empty booths. One just opened up in the corner and Brendan practically raced to get in there. The pub wasn't really busy but the only open seats were the barstools which were reserved for isolated drinkers.
Or women who were desperate to sleep with some poor sod.
He signalled Darren to bring him another lager without letting Sinead realise he moved away from her. The girl probably thought she was going to be in his lap by the end of her sentence. Darren thankfully was quick and the booth was a good hiding place. He stared at the pub. Doug and one of his flat mates were sitting not far away. That girl who worked at Tony's cafe. Brendan searched his mind for her name but came up empty. They seemed friendly.
He looked around for more. More of anything interesting and he was satisfied. Little Kevin was hunched over a table and whispering something, looking very serious, in John Paul McQueen's face. Judging from the McQueen's facial expression, the young lad could have been on about nuclear power missiles and it wouldn't have mattered one bit because his eyes were firmly on young Kevin's mouth. Brendan grinned to himself.
'A new romance brewing?' He thought and chuckled at his own intelligence.
The alcohol stirring something in his brain. Something dark and all too familiar. His eyes rolled around looking for any new victims. Little Foxy was chatting up Theresa McQueen in another corner with Michaela watching from a distance with a sour expression on her face. Then again, the girl always looked like she was sucking on a lemon.
'Probably wanted to suck Little Foxy's lemon.' He chuckled again and pulled out his mobile. Walker was gone so he couldn't even go there to get this feeling out properly. He thought about calling Ste but something in the back of his head, eerily resembling his mother's voice, told him to put the phone away. He did so, getting back to looking around the pub. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Just random drunks, Doug and Lynsey kissing, Sinead nearly spilling her tits out of her dress, John Paul being a slut.
Before he realised, he launched himself up off his seat and plopped right next to Doug, catching on the young man's neck. Lynsey jumping away from him instantly and eyeing Brendan wearily whilst Doug was shaking.
"Dougie." Brendan said cheerfully. "Where did your friend go? The other one?"
"T-Texas went h-ho-me." Doug stuttered out. Brendan threw his head back and laughed before placing his feet on the seat next to Lynsey.
"You know Lyns, Dougie here and I go way back." He could feel the rising panic in the American.
"What a surprise, Bren." Lynsey said sounding uninterested. "Why don't you go home? I've just finished me shift and want to have something good in my life." Brendan clapped Doug's neck and grinned at her.
"You remember Danny Houston? Big drug dealer around these parts. Had many connections, even some in Ireland. You remember that?" Lynsey shifted and her eyes gazed on Doug for a brief second before back to Brendan but the damage was done. He could tell she was uncomfortable with where this was going.
"Not particularly." She lied.
"Well, Douglas does. Don't you, Douglas?" He pushed Doug's head forward and backwards in a nodding movement. "Yes, you do. See, Lyns. Dougie here helped me out when I was in business with Danny. He was my number one. Numero uno." Lynsey frowned confused. "He was my dealer, Lyns. He dealt heroin and coke for me." Her eyes widened as she looked back at Doug who was staring at the floor. "Enjoy the rest of yer evening." He got up and went back to his booth which was still thankfully empty. He motioned for another lager which he drank to the sound of the rising Irish voice.
\\/\\/
There was nothing. No dreams, no nightmares, nothing. But suddenly a burst of white light appeared out of nowhere, blinding him and hitting his head with a sledgehammer.
"The fuck?" Brendan croaked out and peered out of his couch cacoon with one eye. Lynsey was standing over him with her arms crossed, looking pissed whilst Cheryl was eating toast. "Oh bloody hell." He rolled over to the other side but Lynsey hit his head making him see stars and adding more pain to the dumb headache. He could tell it was Lynsey because Cheryl's hits were always a lot quicker and more painful. "That hurt!"
"It was supposed to!" She yelled in his ear, making him flinch. "What the hell were you thinking, Brendan?!"
"'bout wha'?" He grumbled trying to ignore her.
"Last night? You ruined my date with Doug!" Brendan actually looked at her.
"Yer dating the Yank? Fucking hell." He stood up and moved into the kitchen passing by a cereal crunching Cheryl. Lynsey however was storming after him. "Thank fuck I ruined one date that probably will destroy your entire relationship."
"You told me he was a drug dealer for you and Danny Houston!" He actually had to move away from her and pause, taking a breath because her voice was making him nauseous. "Brendan! You owe me an apology!" His empty stomach contents landed in the sink, Lynsey screeching in surprised disgust and Cheryl cackling in the background.
"Ugh." He spat and turned on the tap. The puke was mostly liquid and not food chunks but it still wouldn't go down by itself. He stared at the vomit, half hoping Lynsey would go away but to no avail, she was standing next to him.
"Vomit is not enough to scare me away, Brendan. I've worked in A&E, I've seen worse. You owe me an apology." He heaved a couple more times before accepting nothing more would come out. Most of it went down with the water.
"Alright." He muttered and looked at her. "I'm sorry that I ruined your date with that nimrod."
"He's not a nimrod, Bre—."
"He's not good enough for you. End of story." He cut her off and moved towards the stairs. "Paddy in Declan's room?" He asked Cheryl in his passing. She just nodded and continued to eat. He noticed that she was acting more like her old self since Declan's appendicitis but he didn't want to acknowledge it for fear she'd want to talk about it.
His bedroom was cold. He left the window open all night. It was actually a blessing for his hangover. Bits and pieces of it coming back to him. His memories of the Dog the blurriest but he got the idea. He was a dick.
Declan and Paddy were laughing loudly in the teenager's room which was pleasant to hear. Even with a headache. He dropped on his sheetless mattress and looked at his bedside table where his phone was. Next to it, there was a small sonogram propped up with a smiley face drawn in the corner. Mitzeee's baby. Brendan didn't want to admit it but he had a soft spot for the kid already. Mitzeee was throwing up more than when she had bulimia. Anytime Mitzeee lost her perfect model posture even for a minute, it amused him.
He was a true bastard.
\\/\\/
"Smile!"
"Huh?" He looked up from the paperwork at Jacqui who grinned into her phone and a shutter sound was made.
"Perfect. You look like a lost puppy." She showed him the photo but he didn't see anything special about it. It was just his face. "Isn't me brand new phone amazing?"
"Sure." He looked back down ignoring her. Joel was cleaning the office so Brendan set himself up on the bar. "Why are we missing three crates of that watered down piss?" He looked at her interested.
"We're not missing anything, Brendan." She rolled her eyes and leaned over his shoulder to look at the paper. "That must be a misprint or somethin'. I don't fuck up." He hummed and tapped his pen against the paper looking at Rhys next to the DJ booth. "Wha'?"
"Nothing. Just get the feeling that someone up there wants me to lose my mind." She shrugged and went behind the bar.
"It could be left over Walker crap. He was the one who did inventory and stock orders most of the time." She pulled out a folder from under the bar and opened to the first page. "Look, all crates are accounted for here. The usual amount. They must have fucked up on the other end somehow." He looked over the inventory report they did each week. "Brendan, you should get some look half dead and most of the staff is back now. You should take some time off." He narrowed his eyes at her.
"Why are you being so considerate, Jacqui? Usually, you're whinging for even sitting down." She crossed her arms and glared.
"You look awful and I feel sorry for ya. I can do that because since Walker's gone, I'm the second most powerful person in he'e. Plus I ain't scared of ya. Go home and sleep." He shook his head and grabbed all of the papers.
"I'm gonna go down to the cellar and do a recount." He told her, ignoring her calls after him and went down the stairs, passing a Kevin who looked over at him curiously. They weren't open yet but it was nearly time and the younger man was on downstairs duty. Once inside, Brendan leaned against the door's cold surface and shut it so no one would disturb him. The cellar was a mess. He couldn't remember the last time he was in the room but it was a long time ago. All crates were on top of each other. Some old lockers were hiding in the background, spiders making their webs in between the fridges which looked like they haven't been dusted in months. "How the fuck does anyone get anything done here?" He muttered disbelieving the sight. If there was a surprise inspection, they'd fail surely. He put the paperwork to one side, rolled up his sleeves and started moving the crates to one side, finding an untouched pack of wet wipes on top of one. He used that to wipe the dust and kill the spiders albeit with his heart hammering out of his chest.
Brendan Brady did not like bugs.
Once those were done, he started organising the crates. Light beer in one corner, making sure they were still in date, thankfully none were expired. Cider next to the fridges.
"Bulmers red. Bulmers purple. WKD." He muttered and wrote down on a back of one of his papers. He'd get a photocopy and tick it somewhere so everyone would know where it went. Vodka, scotch, whisky and gin were clumped together. The biggest stock of course vodka. The more expensive stuff was in the far corner. He decided he'd get a hoover down there and someone to dust everything properly. And once he organised everything, he checked the fridges which thankfully were working. The fruits and some of the food they provided was there, all accounted for. He looked at the lockers. They were old and dusty but it was clear they were in use.
The door opened as he was staring at them to reveal Ste. Brendan didn't notice the music was on upstairs until Ste's arrival brought him to reality. Ste smiled at him and closed the door but Brendan didn't feel like returning the smile.
"Alright?" He muttered at the younger man and looked at the lockers.
"Yeah." The smile dropped and Ste started to unzip his thin jacket in. "You?"
"Swell." Brendan watched as the Mancunian opened one of the lockers up and stuffed his jacket in. "You should fold that. It will crease like that." The younger man scoffed.
"Yeah, 'cause I care about if it'll crease." He turned to Brendan. "Did I do somethin'?" He asked with big blue eyes. "'Cause yer acting like I've got the plague. I've rang ya and nothin'. You haven't been in when I've been in and I'm confused." Brendan looked quickly at the door and stalked over to Ste. He stood in front of him and he could see the worry in the younger man's eyes. It…It made his stomach turn.
"Steven. You've heard stories about me. You know I am a bad man." The younger man opened his mouth to speak but Brendan continued. "I'm going to hurt you. Because that's…" He murmured and looked at the younger man's mouth. Which was a mistake as his train of thought just shortened out. That fucking mouth. "I…" He took a step back quickly and turned around closing his eyes to remember what he wanted to say. The door opened up behind him and Joel walked in carrying the mop.
"Brendan, Jacqui is saying you better get up there because there's a guy who's looking for ya." Brendan frowned at the Scottish lad and grabbed his papers.
"Clean this place up too, Little Foxy." He ordered, ignoring the blue eyes in the back of his head. He could hear Joel attempt to have a conversation with Ste as he walked up the stairs. As he reached the bar, avoiding many students already drinking their evening away, he asked Jacqui what was her fucking problem. She pointed to one of the couches and Brendan felt rage inside his skin as he eyed the figure sitting there leisurely, smirking like he's won.
"He says his name is Macca." Jacqui said in his ear. "D'you know him?"
\\/\\/
"What'd you come here for, huh?" Brendan hissed as his hands were around Macca's neck. He had the other man pushed up against the wall in some random alley they walked to. He didn't want to do this at the club. "To help Eileen?" Macca's face turning purple and grabbing at Brendan's hands fruitlessly. "Because there sure ain't nothing else for ya here, you pathetic scum." His grip tightened with each word.
"B-Bren-d-d-hun…" Macca gasped out. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground and Macca was trying to breath back to normal. Brendan turned around and looked at who the fuck pushed him only to see blue eyes directed at Macca.
"Steven." Brendan whispered and slowly stood up.
"You alright?" Ste asked Macca ignoring the Irishman. Macca nodded but his gaze was victoriously dancing in Brendan's direction.
"Steven, leave him alone." Brendan warned but the younger man wasn't listening. "Steven, please."
"Why?" Ste spat at him. "So you can choke 'im again?" His eyes were furious as he was helping Macca out. "Piss off, Brendan."
"Aw." Macca managed to get out. "Lover's spat? Seamus would be so upset." Brendan pushed past Ste and landed a blow to Macca's stomach. The Mancunian shouting his name but Brendan wasn't stopping. He got started. He needed this. He needed to lash out for so long. And thank fuck Macca showed up right in time. Brendan kept hitting anywhere he could as the other man collapsed onto the floor. He could feel the monster inside of him cackling and yelling for more.
Macca was groaning on the ground, covered in blood and barely breathing when he was was finished. Panting heavily, Brendan leaned forward and forced Macca's eyes open so he could see them.
"You get near me boys, Cheryl or me and you'll be wishing you died tonight." He stood up and looked over at Steven who was pressed against the wall with wide eyes pointed at Macca. "Get out of here, Steven." He murmured wanting to take the younger man into his arms. Wanting to explain everything. But this wasn't a fairytale. Brendan didn't get a happy ever after.
The only thing he regretted was that Ste would leave him before Brendan even had a chance to l-
"What did you do, Brendan?" Ste whispered, his eyes turning to the Irishman. "Is this what you meant when you said you was going to hurt me?" Brendan stared at him for a full minute before speaking again. It was a curious question. The answer was even more curious.
"Get out of here and don't tell anyone."
"Or I'll be the one on the ground?" The younger man mocked in a bitter tone. "Sure. Said that to Amy once." He murmured and shook his head. "You stay away from me, Brendan. And I'll keep me mouth shut." Brendan watched as Ste walked out and disappeared. He sighed and looked at Macca's barely moving body. He looked good in red. But it weren't enough. He got down and raised his fist again earning muffled screams in return.