Sorry for the long delay. Finals kicked my ass.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Wish I did. I'd be rich AF.

…in which I become incredibly immature

EPOV.

"'We're just best friends. I swear. She's basically my sister. I have zero sexual feelings for her, bro. Trust me. There's nothing between us.'" I mock with crossed arms as Jacob walks into the kitchen where Mike and I are standing fuming. I am extremely pissed and am trying my absolute best to stay cool. "How many times did you feed me those fucking lines in high school, dipshit?"

Jacob looks down and purses his lips. He has nothing to say because obviously everything he's ever said to me has been complete bullshit. I mean, yes, I'm not in a relationship with Bella anymore and I don't feel the same way as I used to about her obviously, but still. I always knew that motherfucker was lying to me and he is not going to get away with that that easily.

"I always knew you were in love with her, you fucking asshole-liar-fucktard." I spit out, slightly immaturely.

He huffs and rolls his eyes. He runs a hand through his buzz cut hair. He looks up at me with a frustrated look. "Can you just… shut up? Shit, that was more than ten years ago, man. Get over it! You five years old?"

"Get over it?!" I clenched my fists and pounded them on the countertop in front of me. "How fucking dare you?"

"How dare I?" Jacob looks at me incredulously. "What the fuck have I done to you? I haven't seen you in almost two decades!"

"What have you done to me?" I ask loudly and laugh. I begin to list on my fingers. "Uh, gee, I don't know. How 'bout stealing my family? Playing pretend dad to my daughter her whole life? Teaching her how to ride a bike? Making snowmen with her? Telling her not to talk back to her mom? How about any of those, fuck-face?"

I don't know why I keep irrationally creating new swear words, but I'm angry and they just seem to be flying out of my mouth at a faster rate than I can swallow them. He shakes his head and holds his hands up. "Look, man, I -"

"And Lord knows you were probably planting seeds of doubt about my relationship with Bella to her the entire time we were dating because you were apparently so in love with her all this fucking time." When he shrugs, I turn around quickly to keep from punching him in his face, firstly, because he would probably murder me with his brute strength and secondly, because I really didn't want to leave another bad impression of myself on Rose.

"Bro," He says miserably behind my back. "I love her, man. There's nothing I can do about it." He continues with a strong, sure voice, "I mean, obviously I've tried not to. I moved on, got married. But, she's in my life and she's always there. She needs me and I need her and we've always been there for each other. And I have to believe that's for a reason. That the things I'm fe-fe-feeling have to be for a reason. That maybe all this has been because - it means that... in the end, we're together."

I bite my lip angrily to keep from growling. I can't justify or identify why I am feeling the way that I'm feeling, but I feel like I just lost a game, a game I didn't even know I was playing. I turn back around and look him dead in the eye. He stares back at me blankly, looking slightly uncomfortable from all this "feelings" talk. Suddenly, I get hit with such a rage that I spit out angrily, "I want you to get the hell out of this apartment. Just get the hell out! Away from my family! I don't want you here anymore. I am back now. Me. Rose's father. So -"

Jacob interrupts me with a loud bark. He looks at me smugly and a bit self-righteously. "Excuse me, Edward Cullen, I don't mean to crash your fantasy and I don't mean to be rude, but you don't have the authority to do that. I love Rose and she loves me. And until you guys figure out your relationship with each other, I am the closest thing she has to a father right now. And I'm going to be here for her to spend time with her on her birthday, just like I was on the actual day of her birth and just like I was for the last 15 birthdays." He raises an eyebrow at me, walks toward the kitchen table and takes a seat without breaking eye contact with me. We continue glaring at each other heatedly for a few minutes when suddenly Mike Newton interrupts us.

"Um," We both look over at him, forgetting that he was in the room with us. Jacob raises an eyebrow at him, looking completely annoyed at the interruption. Mike frowns. "Jake, I don't know exactly why you're pleading your case so hard to someone who hasn't been dating Bella for over 16 years. 'Cause the one you should be fighting with for Bella's love is me. The man who should be yelling at you in a passionate rage right now is me. The man who's actually been dating her for the past couple years is me. The one she loves in this moment… is me." He looks at both of us with wide, angry eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. "Unless, Edward, Mr. Celebrity, there's something you need to tell the group about your feelings for Bella."

Jake turns his gaze to look at me. They both glare at me, their gazes demanding answers and this is definitely probably the most uncomfortable I've ever felt in a very long time.

.

BPOV.

"Mom, you've got juice!"

I've never seen Rosalie look as proud of me as she does in this moment. I roll my eyes at her use of some slang term I've never heard of before. "I have what now?"

"Mom," She slightly whispers exasperatedly. "There are three men out there right now. For you! 2 of which definitely love you and one of which used to be insanely in love with you and also just casually happens to be a super famous celebrity. Can your life get any better?"

I groan softly. "Edward is not here for me. He's here for you."

She giggles and claps her hands together. "I would just like to take this opportunity to roll out a big, huge, fat 'I TOLD YOU SO!' I feel like I've earned it." I sigh loudly, which only goads her. "I told you Uncle J loved you. I just knew it. I mean, yeah, I know he loves me and that's a big reason of why helps you out, but he started that because he loves you. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it."

I roll my eyes at her antics. She has her feet up in the air and she's wiggling them up in down. "Well, congratulations."

"Moth-er, listen to me," She grabs my face with the palms of her her hands. "Finally, you're life has gone from some super sad, depressing documentary on the difficulties of single motherhood to this super hot, romantic comedy about a young woman in her mid-thirties in a sexy love… square."

I roll my eyes. I lay there and contemplate my situation for a few minutes, wondering how to best not fuck up the rest of my life and keep all the people that I love in it. She yanks on my arms in an attempt to move me off the bed. "No!" I groan out in defiance.

"Mom, get up!" She yanks hard enough to where my upper body is off the bed so that I'm sitting up. I frown at her. "Get up! Seize the day! This is your moment." She shoves me the rest of the way off the bed and smiles. "Go out there and get me a step-father… or actual father… or Uncle… or whatever just go out there and get a man!" She slaps me on the butt. I roll my eyes and head toward the door. "Just don't pick Mike!"

"The things that excite you."

I walk into the kitchen and take in the scene. Jake is sitting at the kitchen table. Edward is sitting on a stool at the counter and Mike is leaning back against the refrigerator. Both Jake and Mike are levelling intense glares at Edward as he stands there looking entirely too uncomfortable. Yikes. This can't be good. I pick up my pace. As I walk in, they all look up at me. I give them a weak smile and swallow.

I look down at the counter at the large cake sitting on top of it.

"Oh, good, Edward. You got the cake."

He coughs out silently, "Yeah." I look up to see him shrug. "Took me a minute to find the place though."

Rose suddenly pops up from behind me, wraps her arms around my waist and rests her chin on my shoulder. "Cool, cake! What flavor?"

Edward smiles softly. "Uh, chocolate."

Jake laughs lightly and then smiles smugly at Edward. "Rose is not a huge fan of chocolate."

Edward's smile drops, "Oh, gee, Rose. I'm sorry." He rubs the back of his neck with one hand and puts the other hand in his pocket. "I didn't know."

Rose glares at Jake before smiling over at Edward. "That's okay. Chocolate's not so bad. It doesn't matter much to me."

"Except it kind of does. One birthday we got the wrong cake and you threw the temper tantrum of a lifetime. It's still scarred into my brain."

Rose throws her hands up and laughs, "I was three, Uncle J. When are you gonna forgive me for ruining your favorite T-shirt."

"Uhmmmm, how about…around..." He looks down at his watch and purses his lips. "Never o'clock. Is that good for you?"

Rose pounces on Jake and puts him in a headlock. I search for a large knife to cut the cake and candles while deciding this is probably a good time to introduce Mike to Edward. While digging in the drawer I say, "So, Mikey, have you met Edward yet?"

Mike clears his throat and nods. "Yes, we met during your… chat with Jake."

"Oh." I wince as he throws me a pointed look. Forcing a smile upon my face, I ignore the meaning behind that sentence and refuse to acknowledge it. "Good. And remember we're not broadcasting this right now. Edward wants to keep this as private as possible… for the time being. So, I know you won't but, don't talk about this… situation with anyone. Please."

He nods slowly, licking his lips and turning his head away from me. Shit, he's mad. That is definitely his mad face. Ugh, I really didn't feel like having another argument today. I am all drama'd out. After I finish lighting the candles on the cake, I wave Rose over to blow out the candles.

She walks over and I grab her hand. I smile at her. "Before you blow out the candles and before we sing to you, I just wanted to say how very proud I am of the young woman you've become." She giggles as I continue, "You're a very special girl with a very special heart." My eyes begin to water and Rose rolls her eyes, but hers begin to water too. "And, I know my shit and my issues have really hurt you recently and it's not fair on you. I know that. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and that everything I do is because of that. And sometimes I get it wrong. But, you are still the best decision I ever made. The best thing that's ever happened to me."

Rose smiles broadly at me and I kiss her cheek roughly. "Love you."

She hugs me around my waist. "Love you, too."

"Blow out the candles before all the wax ruins the cake!" Jake bellows from the other side of the counter. She rolls her eyes, motions for us to sing and then blows out her candles. We all eat cake and laugh together although somewhat awkwardly as we try to have a good time for Rosalie.

"So, thanks for showing up, Edward." I hear Rose say a bit later to Edward when she thought no one could hear.

He shrugs and looks at her with a serious look in his eye. He reaches to grab her hand, but must decide against it. He places his hand on her arm instead and says, "Rose, I'm not missing another birthday. I promise."

Rose bites her lip but I can tell that sentence meant the world to her. She nods, shrugs, and moves her head around in a way that suggests 'whatever' but clearly means anything but. She tries to hide her smile by changing the conversation. She looks at everyone and beckons, "Presents!"

While Jacob and Mike are teaching Rose everything there is to know about the version of iPhone that she now has, Edward saunters over to me a few feet away. He nudges me in the side with elbow. I nudge back. I smile up at him and sigh softly, looking back over at Rose.

"She's beautiful."

He smiles in agreement as we watch her. "Yeah, she is. We did a good job, huh?"

I laugh lightly. "Yeah, we did. We really did."

"She's a little spitfire, though."

I let out a genuine hearty laugh and smile. "That she is. I think she gets that from you. I've never raised my voice in my life."

He looks down at me pointedly and rolls his eyes, smirking and sips his beer. I look away immediately because that smirk used to always have me seconds away from pulling down my panties without any warning whatsoever.

Without looking at me he praises me. "You did a fantastic job raising her." He immediately brings his beer to his lips and begins drinking.

My eyes water as I think back on the past sixteen years. "Fantastic?"

He nods slowly with a smile on his lips.

"That's a big adjective. You have to be confident with a word like 'fantastic' and we don't know if the past month has screwed her up or traumatized her yet so I'll accept 'good'. 'Great', even. But, 'fantastic'? Let's wait a few years before we declare 'fantastic'."

He laughs heartily, so hard that his eyes crinkle. Seeing him laugh so sincerely makes me happy and I smile along with him. I nudge him in the stomach again and wait until he looks at me. I place a hand on his arm. "Thank you. It wasn't easy."

"You're something else, Miss Swan. I sure did miss you." The way he's looking at me makes my stomach flutter and I quickly let go of his arm. Skin on skin contact was a huge mistake on my part. Just then, Mike calls me over and I walk over to the kitchen table.

About fifteen minutes later, Rose's new phone (that Jacob somehow has already activated) rings as Edward is showing her the new guitar he bought for her while Jake rolls his eyes, for maybe the fifteenth time in the past hour, in the corner. She runs for it and answers it.

"Hey, Jess. What's up?... No, yeah, I'm still planning on coming out… Just some weird, awkward family lunch birthday party thing… Oh, no, you can't come up, um, I'll just actually meet you outside… Yes, he's here… You, slut! Stop crushing on my Uncle. You're totally jailbait." She looks over at Jake and rolls her eyes. He laughs and waggles his eyebrows. "Ha. Yeah. Okay, see ya in ten." She hangs up and looks over at me with pleading eyes. "It's cool if I hang out with my friends now, right? Please?"

I nod. "Go."

She rushes to her room to get ready to go out, leaving me alone in the room with three guys who seem to hate each other. Beautiful. It stays completely silent until Rose waltzes back into the room with new clothes on, her make-up done, and her purse on to say goodbye. She scans the room, notices the heavy tension and holds back a smile. I narrow my eyes at her.

"OK. See ya, Mom. Have fun!"

I clear my throat and yell back, "See ya, honey."

She peeks her head back around the corner and says, "And remember what I said. Documentary, no. RomCom, yes."

My eyes widen and I bark out, "Get out, now." She laughs and leaves.

The room stays quiet and nobody moves an inch for a solid five minutes. Mike suddenly speaks up, "I'm not going to sit here and pretend this doesn't bother me or that's it's okay with me. Because it's not. And it does."

Jake motions toward the door. "You're free to leave whenever, Mike."

I glare at him. "Shut up, Jake."

"Yes," Edward sneers. "Shut up, Jake."

Jake glares at him. "You really don't wanna make me angry, dude. Really wouldn't wanna break that precious face of yours."

Edward stands up hastily and raises an eyebrow. "You can't even attempt to reach the level of anger that I'm at right now, Jacob. You lying motherfucking asshole."

"Is this really all still about the fact that I lied 15-something-odd years ago about the fact that I had a crush on Bella? Or are you still feeling something for Bella and that's what's actually pissing you off?"

Edward gets up in Jake's face then and before anyone has the chance to punch or grab anyone I scream out, "HEY! Everybody calm. the fuck. down. NOW!"

They all stare at me shocked.

I search down deep inside for the best mom-voice that I can muster up and say firmly, "Take a seat."

Mike's already sitting; however, Edward and Jacob falter a little in following my orders.

"Jacob, for the love of god, you've sprung this huge shit storm over my life at the most inopportune moment the least you could do is sit the fuck down. Now." Jacob looks down in defeat and agreement. He slowly walks over to the table and takes a seat. I raise an eyebrow at Edward. "Edward?" He reluctantly joins the others at the table and takes a seat next to Mike.

I sigh loudly and take a seat next to Jacob across from Mike. I reach across the table and I place a hand on Mike's bicep and look up at him pleadingly. "Mike, don't worry about them. They've never really ever liked each other. That's what this… fighting is about."

"I'm worrying about it." Mike says softly but angrily. "It's actually pissing me the hell off how much they're fighting each other. Over you. For you."

I shake my head. "No, you don't understand. Edward doesn't -"

But, Mike isn't finished. His face turns bright red as he continues, "What pisses me off more is that they're not really fighting with me. As if, I wasn't really in the way or an actual problem or a fucking contender. Which must mean that you think that as well. You think that we don't really have a future together. I'm your on-again/off-again boyfriend, but not anything else. Not anything more. Someone you fuck when you're lonely. But, that's cool." He laughs. "That's what I was doing, too."

My eyes tear up at the sound of his hurt voice. My mouth goes dry as I try to defend myself. "Mike, I don't… I don't know where we're going, but that's just because we just got back together. Like, yesterday. I haven't had time to figure anything out."

He huffs. "You know this whole time I've been dating you, I thought our biggest problem was that you had a daughter. Not that you have a shitty career or make crap money, or even that you're kind of always having an identity crisis." Ouch. My hand flings up to my chest at the sting his words make to my heart. My eyes water and he continues, "It turns out our biggest problem is that you have way too much baggage. I mean, you're Isabella Swan: Mother of a 16 year-old girl. You have an incredibly attractively threatening male best friend who's been there for you your entire life and a secret ex-boyfriend who's a Grammy winning celebrity who probably makes more in a year than I'll ever see in my entire life." He shakes his head back and forth. "And, right now, I'm beginning to feel like you're dating me as a placeholder. And even if that's not the case I just - I just don't know if you're worth all the stress. At least right now, I don't think so."

"Wow." That was probably the harshest thing anyone had ever said to me. I bite my lip to keep from crying. I look down at the table at my hands. "You're being, like, really mean right now."

"Sorry." He says unapologetically. "I get that way when I'm feeling used." He stands up from the table hastily and flies out the door. I wipe at my face, completely embarrassed that my boyfriend basically just broke up with me in front of my ex-boyfriend and the man who is currently apparently head over heels in love with me. In an attempt to save face, I channel my hurt into anger. At them.

"What in the absolute hell was that?"

Jake and Edward both look sheepishly at me and point at the other. ""He started it.""

"That was my boyfriend!" I screech at them. "You guys can't just come in here and ruin my life because you're feelings things or you're hurt or you're upset or you guys wanna yell at each other. This is my life! My life!"

Jake frowns and places a hand on my arm. "Bella -"

"Get out!" Jake jumps back in shock and removes his hand. He stares at me in disbelief.

"Bella, honey, I - "

"Both of you. Out of my apartment."

Edward sighs loudly in annoyance. "Bella, you told me I could stay the night -"

"If the both of you don't leave my fucking apartment in the next two seconds, I am going to scream for twenty minutes straight."

Jake rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. "Bella, stop acting childish and let's just talk through our problems like adults."

"You," I grab his arm and start pulling him toward the door, yanking on his arm hard enough for him to whimper. "Mr. 'I'm in love with you and I haven't said a single fucking word about it for the past 35 fucking years but I figured the absolute best time to inform you of this would be right now during your daughter's 16th birthday with her father and your boyfriend in the other room.'" I open the door and shove him through it. I stomp back over to Edward and grab his arm, leading him in much the same way as Jacob. "And, you, Mr. 'Date a million fucking girls and have the nerve to make me feel like shit for something I had no control over and then pretend like you randomly somehow give a fuck about me in front of my boyfriend when really all this is is a pissing match with Jacob who you've never liked and have always despised.' I mean, if this is about Rose then fine. But don't drag my relationship down along with it." I shove him out the door hard and glare daggers at the both of them.

"I wasn't acting like a child when I told you two to get out of my apartment. But, I'll act like one now."

And then I slam the door in their faces.

Reviewers get teasers! As per usual!

Angie ;)

p.s. Shout out to my readers in CHILE!