A/N: For (#) see A/N at the end of the chapter.
Nightmares and Chocolates
It was a strangely normal morning at Konoha, our favorite knuckleheaded ninja was just waking up. As he went to the bathroom to relieve himself, he noticed something was missing.
Naruto: Ahhhh! Where is it!?
Naruto: looking at the mirror I look my Oiroke no Jutsu!(1) 'cept my hair's red, weird.
As he pondered what he was going to do, he resisted the urge to feel himself up.
Naruto: Must. resist. perverted impulses. grabs "herself" Not. resisting. well.
Naruto: Wait! Maybe Tsunade-baachan(2) can help!
Later, after spending an hour admiring "herself" in the mirror. Naruto was gaining unwanted attention from the single male population of the village. "She" eventually broke into a run while trying to avoid Ebisu, Kakashi, Neji(3), and a number of other perverted males and some lesbians. The other villagers couldn't help but notice a small river of blood flowing from the pursuing mob.
Even later, at the Hokage's office.
Tsunade: I HATE PAPERWORK!!
Shizune: You still have to do it, though, and no force on this earth can keep me from making sure you do your work!
Just then, Naruto burst through the door, sending Shizune flying out the open window.
Shizune: from outside I'm okay!
Tsunade: What do you want, kid, I'm very busy!
Naruto: It's me Tsunade-baachan!
Tsunade: Naruto? What happened to you?
Naruto: How should I know, I woke up like this! And now I got all these crazy people outside wanting to do perverted things to me!
Tsunade: Huh?
Suddenly, the door burst open again, this time flying off its hinges and into Tsunade, knocking her out the window and into Shizune.
Naruto: What do you want from me?!
Guys: Will you go out with me?
Shino: Hey, where's Kiba?
At the village gates...
Jiraiya: Hey, uh, Kiba, right? What're you doing here?
Kiba: The narc team called in sick, so Akamaru and I are filling in.
Jiraiya: You any good?
Kiba:sniffs You just came back from the Waves country. You had oden for dinner, then you slept with two Wave women, and a man.
Jiraiya: Heh, you mean three Wave women, right?
Kiba:...
Jiraiya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Back to the main story.
Naruto: Guys, stop it! No! Get away! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!
Suddenly, Naruto wakes up screaming.
Sasuke: What's wrong, Naruto?
Naruto: Sasu-chan, I had the scariest dream!
Sasuke: It's alright, I'll make you feel all better.(4)
Suddenly, Ryu wakes up screaming.
Ryu: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Ryu: That's it! No more ramen before bed!
END
That's that! And to those who wondered where the chocolate was, ask my stomach.
A/N (1) For those who are Cartoon Network freaks, that is the Sexy Jutsu.
(2) Granny Tsunade.
(3) Come on, the Byakugan is the pervert's dream come true. Why else would Hinata blush everytime she sees Naruto?
(4) I think a little part of me died while writing this bit.