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When heading into battle, when riding a black wild eland-stallion on the fields of war and waving a long sword in the air to show where your spirit lies-one has to look to their right and left to know who it is they ride into battle with. When going to war, the person standing by you can mean the difference between a victory and a mortal loss. Riding into battle alone is falling alone. Riding beside the wrong man means delivering your heart on a silver platter…

"Zuko…"

"Uncle?"

"Where have you gone off to?" he chuckles weakly. "I swear you day dream more than you sleep!"

"Are you comfortable?" I ask him, still gazing unseeingly out the large window at the pale blue cloudless sky.

"Really?" he laughs again his belly shaking slightly. "You had me moved into your room?"

"It's more comfortable" I sigh adjusting the continental pillow behind his head.

"He means it has better security" Toph mutters from the dark corner she sits in.

"Where do you sleep then?" Iroh sighs in frustration.

"The room adjoining… Azula's old crib room"

"Seriously?" Katara whispers. "You are taking this a tad bit…"

"I'm with Sparky… precautions and more precautions" Toph says, stepping into the light.

"I think all that matters is that Uncle is comfortable and Zuko is put at ease" Mai says softly, her hand ghosting over my arm. "I will come in and check on him personally Zuko"

"Thank you, Mai" I tell her, looking up at her from the bed side chair I am seated on and trying to smile. She knows what the odd movement on my face is and smiles softly.

"The doctor will be back at lunch time" Mai says to me. "He instructed Uncle to leave the tea alone… that wine combination with his tea was too blame"

"Of course" I whisper to her, smiling. "Wine…"

Wine that I had never asked for to begin with or cookies that I had never liked. Such deadly combinations… the tea that was to blame is what reacted with everything and had him puking, and if it is what Toph says it was-then the tea is what saved him. The tea is what saved him from those deadly combinations that were meant for me-the Fire Lord who does not drink as much tea as his dear Uncle…

"I have to go now" I say, rising. "The construction work…"
"Of course, dear" Mai says, brushing my robe and readjusting my collar. "I will send your lunch there"

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In the mortal world; the concrete world of our being, the place where we feel, touch and breathe-men are levelled by what they possess. Men are measured by their strength and power. Their conquests and armies…

In this mortal world-a world that does not matter and holds no joy or understanding-an inconsequential world…

There is a contour that exists between our every day lives, a thin invisible rapture in space that was cut through the air long ago in a swift ripping motion by an ancient heart broken monk. A break in space; an almost invisible split in the air that allows the mortal world to seep into the spiritual world and vice versa-in a controlled miniscule amount of chi energy. There are ancient tales of that tangible tear in our mortal world-the tear that allows you to reach your hand through to the spirit world and pull your loved ones back to the land of feeling, touching and breathing.

I pray it doesn't come to that. I pray that these bars that hold my soul won't break under the constraints I have put on them because if I have to be that monk... If my only option to search for my representative of Agni-the woman who I measure all others by-my mother; if it turns to me having to feel for her through an invisible fissure in the world…

"If you put in fifteen percent extra…" Lu Khan murmurs, folding the construction plans into a tight roll and returning them into their black protective tube case.

"No more money until you have completed what I have instructed you to do" I say softly.

"The fifteen percent extra, Fire Lord…" he says, grinning and wiping his oily sweaty brow "Will push production"

"Finish what you started, Khan…" I tell him again.

"Fire Lord Zuko" he says, smile gone and his previously happy fat face being over shadowed by some form of darkness… "Of course, Fire Lord…"

"Where is Garza?" I ask. The day is hot and the men are sweltering under the sun as they move the clay bricks up the steep hill. Garza told me he had appointed a foreman to construct a shed for them and have refreshments supplied. That snake Garza and his quick tongue… quick thoughts…

"The… Lord Garza has not been on site today, Fire Lord" Khan mutters uneasily.

"He has not? After begging me for this?" I laugh. "Where is the shed for the workers?"

"Shed?" Khan asks, scratching his bold sweaty head.

"Shed, Khan… for this heat" I point up at the clear sky, the round hot flaring disk in the air-the sun. "I gave Garza a slip to take to the royal treasury to receive extra money…"

"The extra money went to the wages" Khan whispers, his eyes staring intently at my shoes.

"What? There was already money put aside for that…"
"The men demanded more…" he squeaks as I round on him.

"Why?" I hiss.

"Those are Fire Nation workers" he stammers, the tube he is holding shaking insistently in his sweaty grip as he points to the slow workers down below. "The… previous workers from before, well… they had been… earth nation… so with the avatar uhm…everything, we don't have them, uh around so we have to… and the Fire Nation workers are pricier"

"Of course" I sigh, nodding my head and narrowing my eyes at the large group of mean excavating the ground and setting up the scaffolding. "Fire Nation people are worth so much more…"

"It has been difficult finding skilled builders around, sire" he says, breathing an air of relief. "Fire Nation people don't really do such meagre work…"

"Yes" I croon. "A Nation of inexperienced men and women"

"Well, really… building and dirt is for Earth people" he chuckles freely, misinterpreting my musings for something else…

"So what is the Fire Nation about?" I ask him softly.

"Well, Sozin had that figured..." he stops abruptly, the smile leaving his face as he remembers which Fire Lord he stands with. "We are for passion"

"Passion" I say thoughtfully. "We were for passion once… but we lost it, Khan. If you really wanted these men to learn something valuable, you would have spoken up of their inexperience"

"And I" I hesitate, looking at him sadly "and I as the Fire Lord, would have spoke to an Earth Nation representative and even the King Kuei and asked for Earth Nation builders to be sent on invitation. They could have shown our poor precious men and women a skill they could value from…"

"Building… the Earth Nation uses bending so…" he stammers

"I am sure there are ways of constructing a house without bending" I laugh-more at his stupid prejudice than anything else "Our ancestors did it, your Sozin's people did it… before we lost our passion"

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The muscles of the body can be trained to hold in an exponential amount of energy and store it in strict tensed motions of coiling for an abrupt powerful springing in battle.

I squat low, pulling my arms inward and tucking them stiffly to my sides, fists coiled and tense-energy storing. Breathing has to be calm; air has to be still around one-still and silent-thoughts cleared and chi at rest.

My eyes are closed but behind the lids are a flashing sequence of Mai's worried face as I call for a doctor, Garza's sneering sympathies, Katara's anxiousness at the restlessness around her and Toph's never smiling angry beauty. A series of down cast looks from the palace servants, the nobles and peasants as I pass them or make unexpected eye contact overlap these images in a furious haze of bright hues and dim shadowy silhouettes… my ears ring with everything I hear, lies and truths-suspicions and denies. My mouth tastes stale and my tongue is dry… I have not eaten in two days…

My muscles tremble with the chaotic energy stored as I hold the position, overriding the part in the ancient upward fire-strike form requesting 'peace of mind' and I open my eyes regardless… I open my eyes to the view from the top of my training ground, the view bellow of the orange sea. My heart is thudding furiously in my chest.

"You have to 'still' your chi…" I hear my old Fire Bending trainer form my youth murmur through from my subconscious…

The heat increases without me commanding it to and my breathing comes out in a marathon of heavy huffs when I am supposed to be as calm as a floating humming-butterfly drifting through the air…

Muscles trembling, legs coiled and form set just wrong, I count down before release… three, two, one…

A blast of wild orange fire escapes my right fist as I spring my body out into and arched extension-right arm released violently up and the chi leaving through that fist in a flared blast into the air and limbs stretched painfully straight.

Wild chi doesn't necessarily mean poor fire it seems…

"Why are you grinning?"

I jump, dropping the towel I had been wiping the sweat from my face and looking around the court before spotting her sitting quietly in the shadows by the base of a large tree.

"How did you know I was…?" I stammer, picking the now dirty towel up "What are you even doing here!"

"Was here all along, Lady Fire Spark" she sighs.

"I thought you said you wouldn't leave his side?"

"I thought so too" she grumbles. "Besides, Mai is up there… feeding him soup and telling him how she would love her wedding to be like his own…"

"Uh…"

"I could feel the heat" Toph grins.

"Heat…?" I ask, looking around for my shirt.

"From that blast…" She says, rising from the ground and dusting her bottom. She is in another despicable beige pair of pants and loose shirt. "Saw it… you know, through you"

"You went through me?" I ask, shouting a little in bewilderment.

"No…" she says slowly, walking over to me. "You're standing on the ground Zuko… I see through the ground, I see you-I see and feel the flames or more like heat building up in you…"

"You see my chi?" I blurt.

"Your fire?" she says unsure. "You call your fire your chi?"

"My fire is from my chi so…"

"Then if your fire is from your chi…"she muses, walking with me "then your chi is a bit… haywire"
"My chi is fine!" I hiss.

"Only you would know that" she says, smiling and visibly unperturbed by my out burst. "Do you want to spar?"

"No, I am tired" I huff, rushing to the giant gazebo. She follows me, skipping a little and humming a happy tune… absurd and contradictory to what I feel… "Why do you wear those ugly clothes anyway?"

"They are ugly?" she asks, her eyes-still mostly hidden behind her still uncontrolled mass of hair-going wide before she chuckles a little. "They are comfy and well, I didn't see anything pretty… besides, people worry too much about aesthetics, don't you think?"

"You look nice in a dress" I say brusquely, drinking Uncle's tea from my flask and pausing, flask held up to my mouth as I realise my thoughts seeped out through my mouth…

"And now, I can bet a thousand precious stones… you are blushing right now… oh honourable Fire Lord Zuko" she laughs and I turn away from her, red and annoyed.

"I think I have you all figured out" she chuckles, jumping up on the little wall and swinging her legs.

"No one has me figured out"

"You like being misunderstood, that's your problem" she says seriously and halting her legs carefree motion. "Sometimes… it's okay to let your chi escape in chaos and burn a few things…"

"I burnt you once, when I wasn't in control…" I say softly.

"Well, seeing as I won't be the one to disturb your sleep ever again…" she grins-her wide smile that shows her pearly teeth and can be a sign of a threat, humour or understanding "You can burn those that do"

"You can't train so hard without having something to eat, Zuko" Katara whines and I struggle to not roll my eyes or shout at her. This is why I prefer Toph; if I rolled my eyes, she wouldn't see and if I shouted, she wouldn't care or take it personally…

And she is nicer to look at a little voice whispers in my mind.

"Look, with everything that's going on around here…" she sighs, reaching for my hand across the table. I let her brown hand fall on top of my pale hairy one in an odd contrast. She flinches at the heat, frowning up at me and continues "Don't let your fears rule you"
"I am not afraid, Master Katara" I grate, chanting in my mind that she is Aang's beloved and I am not to make her cry.

"You don't eat…" she whispers. "Mai said you sent the lunch back. You know, she had made it personally for you… she was a little hurt"

"How do you know?"

"How do I know what?" she sighs, leaning back into her seat and removing her cool hand from my own. "That she cooked it?"
"No, that she was hurt"

"I…." she stammers, her blue eyes raking our quiet surroundings in confusion. "It's obvious that she would be, people… if someone sent back the food I cooked, I'd be hurt"

"You need to stop thinking that people see the world as you do, Katara" I say softly to her, holding her gaze. "You need to understand that people see the world through a narrow self serving lens"

"I…" she says, her hand going over her chest-where her heart is. "You think I am naïve?"

"Do you?"

"I am the one caring for your family, risking my own life here…" she says, her eyes flashing from a calm blue to burnt cobalt instantly.

"You know I am thankful" I whisper. "But I won't make the mistake of allowing guilt to rule my judgment with you Katara. Understand, I respect you… but you need to remember that I am not your brother or a young boy in love with you. I am a man and I cannot tolerate certain things you seem compelled to do…"

"I hear you" she says cutting me touchily, arms folded petulantly over her chest and her head whipped to her left to glare at the little fountain with fire dragon-flies surrounding it in a swirling yellow glow.

"Zuko" she whispers after some time, still not looking at me. "I don't mean to be… overbearing. But I feel… I feel like you are… not yourself"

"Katara" I chuckle. "You and I both"

"You see it shows that there is something wrong…"

"Katara…before I was Fire Lord, before I was the banished Prince…" I say softly, looking up at the sapphire purplish dark sky-the point between day and night. "When I had my… when I had mother, that was the last time I was myself"

"So, Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe…" I smile at her and she returns my smile shyly. "There has been something wrong for a long time, but here I am… alive and well"

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It isn't about being a grand master anymore. It is not about being recognized as a true master of my element. If I am haywire, a chaotic spirit trapped in this scarred body… then maybe just like Azula-my little sister; being broken won't stop me from being the premier promising peril to my foes.

I will transform this into a weapon; this flaw and incursion of my true self-through training and bending. That is what is important in this world, this tangible life… mastering power and being invincible. Most certainly if you are riding into battle alone and most crucially if by chance you have a companion by your side but that rider is a faceless being who would sooner turn on you than have your back.

Aang… your presence is greatly needed here in the Fire Nation. Former General Iroh was attacked by a violent stomach ache. Toph thinks there is more to the matter but I cannot say more in this letter…

I don't trust communications at this point but stress that you hurry back here. Zuko is not well but again I fear elaborating… I have made progress with regards to one of his affairs…

Yours forever, missing you intensely

Katara.