A/N- Oh my, is it chapter 10 already? Wow. How did that happen? I hope you enjoy this chapter and the lovely little cliffie at the end. Don't say I didn't warn you! And oh, I'v been meaning to put this in the A/N of the last few chapters, but, if there's anything you'd like to see (a certain scene between two brothers, or father or son or whatever) don't be afraid to ask. You never know, it might inspire me to write and you might get chapters more often :p

Disclaimer- I own nothing!

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1st November 2004

It was weird, Lucille decided, having the house so quiet during the middle of the day when normally it would be full of the chatter and cries and laughter of her sons. The house felt huge and empty. A strange thing as over the past few weeks it had been full to bursting with Jeff's parents staying with them to help care for the boys while Jeff had been hospitalised. They were returning to Kansas the next day so had decided to take their grandsons on an outing, leaving, Lucille felt, the house devoid of life.

This quiet, it was definitely weird.

It was a good as an opportunity as she was going to get for some peace and quiet in the coming months. Her quickly growing sons never seemed to shut up, well, all apart from John, but he too was starting to talk more, and Baby Tracy number five was due at the end of February which would bring another mouth screaming for her attention. She admitted that it was hectic but she knew she wouldn't have it any other way. She loved her sons more than anything.

Scott was 8 going on 18; he never seemed to be happy with anything she or Jeff did and had something to complain about at any given point, he was headstrong, a tad bossy, but he always spoke up for what he believed in. He took after his father in that respect, and almost every other way too, he was a carbon copy of Jeff, the famous Tracy stubbornness was rife in her eldest son. At school he always stood up for anyone who was being bullied and wasn't scared to cross the path of the older kids, which had earned him a few black eyes, but, Lucille was proud to say, he always gave as good as he got- even if the other kid was close to being a foot taller. Her brave, moody and complex little boy, she loved her firstborn deeply.

John was still tiny for his age, Virgil wasn't too much shorter than his older brother, and seemed to be nothing but skin and bones but to Lucille he was still as beautiful as any of her other sons. The fact that he looked almost exactly like her had nothing to do with it, of course. He was quiet and shy and tended to avoid attention like the plague but he was finding his place in the family, slowly but surely. He was good to his brothers and let them get away with anything. When given a new toy or a treat it would undoubtedly end up in Virgil's pudgy, little hands within five minutes, something that drove Lucille mad, but her baby wouldn't complain. She loved her blonde son and her heart always melted when he looked up at her with his pale blue eyes.

Virgil was totally different to his older brother in almost every way, apart from they shared their mother's lips and nose, and would do almost anything for attention. He'd cry, scream, throw tantrums and shout just so that his Mommy would acknowledge him or what he was doing and it was difficult for Lucille to give him the time that he demanded with three other sons to look after. She managed, mostly. The majority of the time he was happy to talk at her and it was his bright, little voice that kept her going through bad days. He loved to listen and dance to music and Lucille had promised him that she would teach him all that she knew, which wasn't much, on the piano she had recently bought. He was the soundtrack to her life and Lucille couldn't imagine life without her little sweetheart in it.

Gordon didn't look anything like his mother or his father and all the convincing in the world hadn't been enough for Scott in the first few days after Gordon's birth. It was only when he threw his first screaming fit that Scott accepted him as his new little brother. Lucille had to admit that she too had been confused by her fourth son's red hair and soulful, brown eyes- she didn't know of anyone on her side of the family who looked like that and Jeff too had been at a loss. It had taken him until Gordon was nearly two months old before he pinned Gordon's likeness on his grandmother on his mother's side. After seeing an old photograph Lucille had had to agree. He was a good-natured baby, definitely mischievous, and always quick to laugh and smile. She couldn't wait to see him grow up and fully develop his own special personality.

She laid a hand on her swollen belly and smiled when it was greeted with a soft kick. She didn't know what to expect with her next child, all she knew was she was having a little boy, but that didn't stop her dreams being invaded every night by the image of a beautiful and healthy son who ran and laughed and played with his brothers. She found herself becoming excited and decided that the four months that were left of her pregnancy couldn't end soon enough.

"What are you pouting about?"

Lucille jumped slightly when Jeff spoke but regained her composure quickly, "Nothing, I was just thinking."

He moved from the doorway of the dining room and went and sat in the chair next to his wife, taking her hand in his own. On the table in front of them were stacks of photographs, a slightly dog-eared scrap book, a pot of glue and a variety of other craft items that Jeff wouldn't let himself touch for fear of destroying them.

"About the baby?" He asked, resting his spare hand on Lucy's bump.

"Yeah." She smiled, "How did you know?"

"Oh I don't know, the dreamy look on your face and the hand rubbing the bump might have given it away." He grinned.

"Have you thought about any names yet?" She asked.

He shook his head, "What's the point? You'll just shoot them down anyway, I'm better off letting you choose."

"What are you talking about, Jeff? I admit full responsibility for naming John but with the others it was a shared decision."

He snorted, "Yeah right. Tell me one name I chose."

Lucille thought for a moment before grinning sheepishly, "You liked Scott."

"I liked them all, didn't mean I had a hand in picking them." He pointed out.

"Yes, well." She cleared her throat. "I'm surprised that you haven't discovered the pattern yet."

"There's a pattern? What? Why didn't I know this?"

She tapped the end of her nose, knowingly, and he grumbled something under his breath.

"Think, Jeff."

"I am." He was silent for a few moments as he pretended to wrack his brains, trying to work out where his wife had chosen the names of their sons from. Finally, he admitted defeat. "I don't know."

"You're an idiot." She told him. "Try the Mercury Seven?"

"Oh yeah." He said and something in his expression told her he had known all along.

She narrowed her eyes at him but decided to let it pass, "Are you going to choose a name then?"

"Alan Shepard." He said, a large grin on his face.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Are you?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Don't start with me Jeff."

"Alan it is, then."

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14th February 2005

"Happy birthday, dear Gordon, happy birthday to you!" The mix of off-key voices sounded terrible but the happy enthusiasm with which it was sung was enough to make it sound great.

"Blow out the candle, Gordy." Lucille said as she held the baby out to the cake. She mimicked blowing out the candle, hoping the red-head would catch on.

He just looked at her as if to say, 'You're crazy, Mom.'

Jeff snickered and Scott openly laughed.

"Don't look at me like that." She said. "You're supposed to blow out the candle. You're the one that's being silly, not me."

She held him out to the candle again and blew softly but Gordon didn't pay her any attention. Instead he reached forward and grabbed at it, the flame had been just too alluring, and it was only a quick puff of air from Lucy that saved the newly one year old from burning himself.

She shook her head in an exaggerated manner and taking Gordon's small hand in hers she pressed it to her lips and slopped kisses all over it, "You're trouble, Gordy."

"Can we have some cake now?" Virgil asked, eyeing up the homemade, fish-shaped cake as he had been doing since Lucy had made it yesterday.

"I don't see why not." Jeff said, getting ready to cut it. "Do you want a big piece?"

"Yes." He nodded his head, quickly.

"Yes, what?" Jeff asked, trying to hide his smile.

"Yes, please, Daddy!" Virgil said, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He motioned with his arms, "I want a piece this big!"

"Leave some cake for us, Virge." Scott said, he nudged his younger brother with his elbow. "I want a big piece too, Dad! Please!"

"And what about you, John? Do you want a big piece like your brothers?" Jeff asked his blonde son.

John shook his head quickly, "No."

"Okay, son, but don't complain when your brothers' get more than you."

"Yes, Daddy." The fiver year old said, obediently.

"Gordy wants a big piece, don't you, trouble?" Lucille made a face at the baby as she placed him in his highchair. The red-head immediately banged his fists on the tray and kicked his feet, a wide grin on his face.

"I somehow get the feeling that most of this is going to end up on the floor." Jeff murmured as cut the cake, he looked up at Gordon who let out an excited squeal before smiling mischievously, "And I don't like the look on your face, mister."

"Oh, leave him alone." Lucille gave him a grin of his own as she rubbed at her enormous belly. "It's his birthday."

Jeff eyed Gordon again, suspiciously, but said nothing more on the matter as he shared out the cake.

"Come on, sit down or you don't get any cake." Jeff barked, good naturedly, and his three oldest sons were soon seated in their usual chairs around the dining table.

Lucy tried to stifle a laugh at the serious looks on Scott and Virgil's faces as the cake was passed out, it distracted her from her task of trying to get the wiggling Gordon's bib back on. She managed to get it on just as Jeff set his cake on his tray. She shot Jeff a mock glare and he shrugged.

"Ooo." Virgil said as his piece was put in front of him. "That's huge!"

"You said you wanted a big piece, Virge." Jeff said. "You better eat it all."

"I will." Virgil said as he dug into it.

"You know I will, Dad." Scott said, proudly. "I always eat everything that's on my plate."

"I know, son." Jeff reached over and ruffled his hair.

Lucille's smile widened as she managed to capture the moment on camera. She then proceeded to snap pictures of her other sons as they tucked in. Well, John and Virgil did. Gordon had managed to get his cake everywhere but in his mouth, including his hair and the floor.

"You didn't have to prove him right, you know." She told him. "That just inflates his ego."

"What was that, dear?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

She smiled at him sweetly, "Nothing, sweetie."

"Somehow I don't believe you."

She waved her hand at him dismissively, "You're getting paranoid in your old age."

She pulled a face at John who crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at her. She laughed and took another photo.

A piece of cake flew through the air and hit her on the side of the face. She turned on the culprit with raised eyebrows.

Baby Gordon let out a giggle and clapped his hands, looking as angelic as one could with while being coated with cake, and Jeff burst out laughing at look on Lucille's face.

She turned on him and he laughed louder, "Not a word."

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12th March 2005

The baby screamed and screamed but Jeff didn't have the heart to attend to him. His precious wife, Lucille, had been rushed away from him and into surgery minutes after the birth of their youngest son.

Things weren't looking good and Jeff feared the worst. How could he not with everyone rushing around with dark expressions on their faces? But he prayed and begged to God to let him spare his wife from death. He couldn't lose her. Not now, not ever. He needed her more than anything, without her then his world would collapse down around him. He wasn't strong enough to live without her.

He moved to the plastic crib where his son lay and looked down at him, seeing but not taking in his small features, scrunched up in a scowl as he cried.

He didn't know just how long he stared at the baby, he was lost in his own morbid thoughts, but he was brought out of it by the silence he suddenly noticed. The baby wasn't crying, he was breathing, but not crying anymore. Just quiet.

He lifted his son into his arms and held him close and said as tears threatened to fall, "I'm sorry Alan, I'm so sorry."

The baby, barely a half hour old, begun his crying again and Jeff couldn't help but feel relieved. Noise was good. Noise kept away the silence and noise reminded him that he was needed.

"I love you, Alan, but I'm scared. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do."

He rocked the baby in his arms before again pulling him close to his chest. The crying calmed but didn't stop altogether. He was glad. So glad.

He paced around the small, private room. His footsteps loud in the almost quiet.

"You won't believe how scared I am." He told the baby, unable to control the words that tumbled from his mouth. "I'm just so scared. What if your Mom died? What would I do? I can't raise five boys by myself and you're only a baby, Alan, she hasn't even held you yet. She can't die. She won't. She needs to be with us, to look after us. If she wasn't here, oh God, how would I cope? I'm scared."

He didn't notice the tears that rolled down his cheeks, unchecked.

"I love her, Alan, more than anything. I swear I do." He began to sob. "I love her, Alan."

He put his son back in his cradle, his arms were too weak to support the weight of the newborn. 10lbs and 5ozs. Bigger than any of the other boys had been and just so heavy in his arms.

How had it come to this? Just the day before everything had been fine. They had both been optimistic about the birth and had been sharing jokes mere hours ago. The baby was two weeks late and the labour had been induced. It had been quick but difficult and the birth had caused excessive bleeding that they had been unable to stop. That's why she wasn't with them anymore, she was bleeding to death.

He couldn't get the sight of her being taken away out of his head. And, oh God, he was just so scared.

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A/N- Am I evil? Review and tell me!