Frankie Says Relax

10

Mildred And Delores: Do Fangtasia

A/N: Another chapter for your viewing pleasure...

Enjoy JoxX...

Eric POV

I worked as quickly as I could to clear an evening's worth of work in the hour and half I had before Sookie was due at the club. I thanked whatever God's there was when the transplants from area four, were brutally honest and said they were only moving to get away from Cleo's shit. Cleo was sheriff of area four and ran the place like a mini Queen. I'd fucked her a few times, before I had get the hell away from Cleo's shit. Not a usual Vampire trait but I could sympathise.

I knew thing had been going too easy when Pam led in two Were's to the office. Fucking Were witches, we had till Thursday to decide to give them sixty percent of the business or suffer the consequences. It was Monday now, I wanted to kill something so fucking bad. Pam told me to sit on the throne and calm down as Sookie would be here soon. Later one of the waitress delivered a true blood and a fortune cookie, I wanted to roll my eyes it was Pam's way of cheering me up. We would figure something out, I had assured her- but what?

Fuck! Witches on top of everything else I had to deal with right now, who knows what kind of hell they would wreak on my bar, my life, shit. I hate fucking witches. I would have to find way out of this but how?

Pam had taken an extreme liking to fortune cookies she had already been looking into having Fangtasia ones made. I had made the mistake of giving her the ones that were left from last night. I opened the little packet having crushed the cookie inside the foil so I could just pull the little note out.

'Hope is like food. You will starve without it'

I just stared at the little piece of paper, I wanted to laugh so bad, but I was surrounded by fang bangers and I was meant to look mean and menacing. I wondered to myself what everyone in the club would do if I broke into a rendition of 'always look on the bright side of life' complete with whistling. Would the area Vamps think I had lost my mind?

"Get bitten, be smitten," Pam said gliding up to me. Huh?

"What?"

"A Fangtasia, fortune cookie saying. I just made it up what do you think?"

I shook my head at her, "here's one for you; keep pissing your Master off, get staked,"

"Mmm, I don't like it,"

"Pam," I growled in warning.

"Fine, suit yourself, I'll include it too, even if it is lame," she smirked at me. Bitch, but she was my bitch.

I smirked back at her, "Brat." I looked at my watch Sookie was over a quarter of an hour late, I'd expected to feel her getting closer by now too.

Pam smirked again at me, "You know what fairies are like, she probably wants to make a grand entrance," Pam whispered quietly. I didn't even dignify that with a responds, like Eric Northman ever got stood up, nor did he need reassurances. But where the fuck was she?

Two fang bangers had worked up the nerve to approached us, "You hungry there big boy?" one said, she was dressed in leather trousers that laced up the sides exposing a strip of tanned flesh (usual), she had a tiny leather top on that had a shit load of laces hanging off it. She licked her red pouty lips, I shifted in my seat, as fang bangers go she was one of the hotter ones. Her eyes were covered by huge mirrored aviators; her black hair however was too short for my liking. I like my women to have long hair. The shinny black bob didn't do it for me. If Sookie had not peeked my interest as much, I would have fucked her, her body was hot.

I waved her off, her face fell in disappointment, "Oh Delores, don't worry he doesn't know what he is missing," her friend said. Pathetic, I wanted to say 'yes I do know what I am missing.' The friend was dressed in a tight black mini dress and fishnet stockings, she wore sparkly black devil horns in her hair, I could see Pam eyeing her. Vermin.

"Oh Mildred, I am not worried. He probably likes those blond virginal types, you know the ones that suck cock like it's going out of fashion and then pigs out on Chinese food," she looked over her shoulder as she walked way, lowering her sunglasses giving me one last look as she disappears into the crowd. Shit. I know those eyes, Sookie? Fuck. Oh that little minx. Why can't I feel her? My fangs have already descended.

Pam, looks at me funnily, "Pam fetch me that blood bag, the one that just left," I smirk.

"Eric, I would advise against that, Sookie will be here any minute, you know women don't take kindly to that sort of thing,"

"If I wanted you're advice I would have asked for it, now do as your told," I snapped enjoying the hell out of this game Sookie has started. I keep my face perfectly blank.

Pam, slips through the crowds returning with Fang banger Sookie and friend, "Master this is Delores, Delores Master," Pam says in a bored tone, pushing a disguised Sookie forward.

"Aren't you sweet?" I say, Pam looks at me like I've lost my fucking mind. This is just too great.

"Oh you have no idea, how sweet," she says in a New York accent, running her hand shamelessly over her throat down her sizable cleavage.

"Would you like to see my office?" I ask her, Pam looks like she is gonna blow a gasket. This is too amusing.

"I would love to see your office, can my friend cum too? She likes to watch," I swallow, fuck. I feel her open the bond she is very amused. Shit, she has cottoned on to the fact I am teasing Pam. Too fucking clever for her own good, Sookie is.

"Why, not I am feeling generous," I smirk, Pam's eyes go wide before she schools her features. I feel Pam prodding our bond, I am sure by now she is checking if I am clinically insane.

"Mildred, you coming?" Sookie asked, in her accent.

"I wouldn't miss it, for the world," Sookie's friend spoke in a god damn awful accent, I shoot Pam a look to check if we are busted yet? She just looks pissed, I chuckle internally I don't need to be a mind reader to sense what she is thinking. We have a wedding coming, witches breathing down our neck, now it looks like I am about to piss off the ruling house of Fae, yeah Pam with be giving birth to kitten anytime now.

As soon as we are in the hall way, I push Sookie against the wall and kiss her she moans into my mouth, "Oh my, we are eager," Sookie gasps, "You like?"

I growl in responds and she giggles.

We proceed to the office and shut the door, immediately her friend's nose starts twitching. "Eric this is my best friend Amelia or Mildred when we are up to no good," smiled Sookie taking off her sunglasses.

"Hi, nice to meet you," her friend says rather rudely in an offhand way not even looking at me, she walking round the office with her hand out and a look of disgust on her face. Over the chairs her hand pauses, then it like she is running it along something I cannot see.

"Amelia, sweetie what's wrong?" Sookie asks.

"You don't sense that?" her face is in a sneer as she says, it. What the fuck?

Sookie's face goes from concern to concentration, "Dark mage?" she says with a look of equal disgust.

"What have you found?" I ask, trying to sense what they are sensing.

"Eric who have you had in here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Fuck Eric what are you mixed up in? this office has traces of Dark magic and it's recent," Sookie's eyes being to glow. "Amelia hand me your shoe," Sookie orders, before I have even answered her question I am debating telling her about the witches, when her friend hands Sookie a shoe with a five inch wooden stiletto heel. Shit.

Sookie is advancing towards me with the shoe in her hand raised above her head, I instinctively move back, Sookie brings the shoes down lighting fast on the edge of the desk.

"You had a bug. Let me guess? Marnie AKA Hallow and Mark Seabrook, came to you with an offer you couldn't refuse but about as appealing as gouging your own eye's out with a rusty spoon?"

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," she smiled.

"Oh my God, did they not pick the wrong bar. . ." her friend Amelia began laughing, "they are so fucked, it's funny. I almost feel sorry for them," Amelia beamed. I looked between them. I wished that was the case but, I have no idea how to fight them.

"So when did say they be back?" Sookie asked.

"Thursday," I answered, hating being out of the loop.

"You wanna have your little human there?" Sookie asked all innocent, hooking her thumbs in the waist band of her trousers, biting her lower lip. A coy smile danced at the corner of her mouth.

"I might," I smirked back, wondering what she had in mind.

"Hey I thought we were fucking with Pam, witches Thursday Pam today," Amelia pulled us out of our lust haze that was threatening to take over us.

"You right," Sookie smile. "Oh my FUuuUking GOD YEEEEEEEEESSS," Sookie yelled at the top of her lungs. Amelia followed by smacking Sookie on the ass with a loud smacking sound. Sookie winked at her and clicked her fingers and she was now dressed as herself, not some common fangbanger- and beautiful.

"Come on Eric we can't have one sided fucking here," Sookie whispered in hushed tones.

She was crazy, absolutely crazy and it was awesome, "Oh Delores, just like that," I yell. 'Nice' Sookie mouthed at me.

"Oh BABY, I am burning for you," she yelled, hitting the desk with her open hand. "AHhhhhh," she moaned.

"I am gonna make you scream little girl," I beamed with a huge growl that reverberated around the room. "When I am done with you, I am gonna fuck your friend too," I yelled. Sookie started laughing, she even snorted she bent over double, when she came up she gave me the thumbs up.

"I want it in the ASS!" yelled her friend, I quirked an eyebrow at her, Sookie shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes.

"Mmmm," she moaned.

"Time for Sookie to visit her fiancé I think," she smiled a smile the devil himself would have been proud off. "FuuuuuK," she added much, much louder and she banged the desk again. "Ame, up on the desk you little whore," she whispered. Her friend obliges, hiking up her dress.

"Oh ERIC, My turn, You BIG BIG Vampire," yelled her friend.

Sookie spoke some words rapidly and the whole room smelt of sex, my fangs instantly came down. "Behave and make it look good," with that she popped out.

Amelia giggled, "Ooooo you get me so HOT," she yelled, beckoning me over. We got into position. I growled for effect.

"Known Sookie long?" I asked, like we weren't simulating sex on my desk.

"YES, YES, YES, YESSSSSS!" she laughed, I laughed too her friend was funny, if not a little strange. "Since we were seven," she whispered, hitting the desk with her open hand making a loud smacking noise. "Ooooh GOD...Pillage me you big Viking," she yelled for effect, with a roar at the end.

"THATS IT, CUM FOR ME," I roared. I had never been involved in something so insane in all my long life.

I could hear Sookie in the corridor, Pam hot on her heels, "Don't be ridiculous, of course I can go in Eric is expecting me," Sookie said to Pam, my loyal child tried in vain to stop her. Panic flooded our maker child bond, I grinned, nodding to Amelia.

I pulled Amelia closer she wrapped her legs round my waist, her back arched, she began screaming. I positioned myself to look like I was just about to bite with my shirt off when the door opened.

"Hey big boy don't stop now, I am sooo close," Amelia whined.

"Oh my God!" Sookie shrieked, Pam looked amused. Bitch. Pam loves drama, drama.

Seconds later Pam's amused look was wiped of her face as Sookie spoke, "I can't believe you started without me, greedy," Sookie began stripping off her dress. My jaw just hung open, as did Pam's.

"Pam you joining in too? I am sure there is more than enough to go round, you can handle all of us can't you babe?" Sookie said with a totally straight face, now down to her bra and panties. Fuck she is beautiful. Pam's fangs looked like they were almost straining, her pupils were fully dilated. That's when I lost my shit.

I roared with laughter, pulling Amelia up, Sookie clicked her fingers and she was dressed again, this time in jeans and a tee-shirt, "oh Pam," Sookie laughed.

"Asshats, all of you," Pam snapped.

Sookie, wiped tears that had collected in the corner of her eyes, I wanted so badly to lick them to see if they tasted as good as the rest off her. That's when it hit me I couldn't smell her, somehow she must have suppressed her delectable scent. Niall could do that, perhaps it was a family trait. Amelia cleared her throat, "Erm.." she indicated her dress.

"Oh shit, sorry Ame's," Sookie clicked her fingers. 'Mildred' the fang banger was transformed, to what I assumed was normal for Amelia chino's and a pastel pink polo top and penny loafers. Pam suddenly brightened up, she even licked her lips.

"That's better," Amelia said, smoothing down her sleek chestnut bob.

"Pam this is my best friend Amelia, Amelia this is Eric's child Pam,"

"Nice," Amelia purred, Sookie rolled her eyes at me with a big smile, I put arm round Sookie pulling her close to me, watching Pam and Amelia.

"Mmm, Nice," Pam purred back.

"I fuck on the first date," Amelia suddenly said, Sookie buried her face in my chest, her shoulders shook from her silent laughter I could feel the heat coming from her cheeks. I could feel her hot breath on my bare chest. Our bond flooded with embarrassment.

"Oh goody, so do I," Pam smirked back, oh it was like watching animal planet.

"You ever licked pussy as a pussy?" what? I had to run the sentence a couple of times through my mind. Her friend was clearly a witch, but... WTF?

"AMELIA! Pam don't let her turn you into the world's first Vampire cat, the results are never pretty. Before you ladies give animal planet a run for their money, we have a wedding to start planning. Pam I was wondering if you would like to help?" Sookie asked, I was proud she had considered my child in our upcoming nuptials. It wasn't the first time, I'd thought something for Sookie to repeat it, I hoped for her sake she could not read my mind, but it got my mind thinking.

"I would love to help, shopping is what I do best," Pam grinned. Don't I have the credit card bills to prove it.

"Great, I need all the help I can get,"

"I find that hard to believe unless you are planning to take over the world before, the wedding," Pam sassed.

Sookie giggled, "No, that's scheduled for 2012 silly. Don't get me started on that, I still have biblical plagues, the moon to turn to sack cloth all to organise -still. ...urgh...I mean there is just so much that goes into getting the whole damn planet to worship me like a Goddess, you wouldn't believe the work," Sookie said in her animated way of speaking. I turned her in my arms to look at her, she couldn't be serious, could she? She gave no indication of joking on her face or in the bond. Fuck.

"There is room for you too Pam, on Mount Olympus, however Sookie said I am getting to be the Goddess of fucking, so you are shit out of luck on that one," Amelia enthused like this was the most normal conversation ever. I felt my eyes go wide. Sookie was actually bat shit crazy.

Pam and I just stared at Sookie then to Amelia then back to Sookie, suddenly the two of them cracked up. "Ah come on!" Sookie laughed. "Take-Over-The-World. Hello. For fuck sake, you guys are too easy," she giggled.

"Yeah like shooting fish in a barrel," Amelia added, I could feel my mood darken I do not enjoy being ridiculed. Just then Sookie leaned into me and places a open mouthed kiss on chest, followed by her taking my nipple into her mouth and she bites a little. I hate that I have just been played like a cheap violin as all thoughts of Sookie and Amelia's piss take disappear. All I want is to bend Sookie over my desk and introduce her to wild fucking without abandon.

Pam raises her eyebrows at me, "Well in our defence Sookie has a rather spectacular track record and seems capable of anything," Pam tried to salvage our wounded pride. Yeah, what she said.

"I think I am going to like having you as a step mommy, Sookie Stackhouse," Pam said with an evil smirk painted on her mouth.

"I draw the line at matching sweaters and cheesy Christmas photo's, now let's get a drink. Talk wedding. Then I am taking your master for a bite to eat," she beamed, when she said 'bite' she over pronounced it. Fuck my cock twitched. Mmm.

Where do you think Sookie and Eric are going for a date? What are Amelia and Sookie Like?