A/N: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ME! I thought I'd get this out here as a short, sort of reverse-present to you all. Rejoice! I'm still alive somehow and am officially twenty-six years old! Woot, woot! Gah, saying that makes me feel old though, because I'm starting to get grey hair! Me!

Grey!

HAIR!

Alright, now that we've covered that...

And we've got ALMOST EIGHT HUUUUUUNDRED REVIEWS! This story is now nearly at that mark! You guys are the best! When I first created this story I never once thought that it would graduate to become the massive and phenomenal hit that it is to day! And to top it all off, this is my longest chapter to date! Reviews inspire me to write like this so I just want to say...

...THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

But I've held ya'll up long enough! Now...

...onto the next chapter! =D Fair warning! Elsa shows a dangerous, dark side of her in this chapter, and honestly, its a little scary. Those who don't want to see that, this, is your last chance to leave. WHY?

Because Elsa goes hardcore YANDERE in this chapter.

Remember, she's radically different in this story as of this chapter given what happened in the last. I mean, something like that, coupled with having your heart broken...yeah, that'd drive anyone crazy

Also!

THIS STORY JUMPS TO M-RATED IN THIS CHAPTER! And yes, the title is inspired by Christina Perri's hit song, Human. The song's just so jaggedly SAD and painful and so ELSA that I had to use it, and listening to it gave me a major head rush while writing this. Hope ya like it! To those who suspected it, this Hinata ain't the shy, stammering girl we knew in the series. She's quite a bit like her Road to Ninja counterpart and oh dear lord, this is going to call all sorts of chaos...

...and yup, there's heartbreak in this chapter. I won't say for who! And yup, title is supposed to make ya grin. It may be short, but its proof that I'M BACK YA'LL! And another M-Rated scene, here! I hope this doesn't get me in trouble, considering the purge Fanfiction has been on lately.

"Well, that could have gone over better."

"Really? I thought she deserved it."

"You turned her into an icicle!"

"And you're point is...?"

"Shutting up now."

~?

Put a Ring On It

Fire and Ice.

Where one to look at Konoha's forest, these would be the first words that came to mind.

Simultaneously frozen and scorched, the landscape looked as though the very forces of chaos itself had swept forth from heaven and hell to reshape all the land. Like an elemental firestorm had ravaged the woods, only for a fierce blizzard to sweep past and freeze them solid. But were one to look closely enough, they would still see the flames, glimmering against the ice. Such a phenomenon ought to have been impossible of course, it was simply improbable for such contrasting elements to exist in such close proximity to one another, let alone remain stable.

Yet here it was.

There was a certain clarity to it Pain thought, as he observed the crystalline forest below. He observed the ice, shimmering with flames from within. Once, he would have thought such a thing absurd. Fire and Ice simply could not coexist with one another. But having seen it firsthand, witnessing this phenomenon for himself the leader of Akatsuki found himself given pause. Mere moments before, it seemed like the perfect opportuniy to strike, his chance to capture the Kyuubi's host while he was away from the village.

Now...

He could see a certain beauty in these elements that had consumed the region around the Leaf. He'd been wise to reconsider his assault. His strength lay not in the elements, but in the skill possessed by his eyes, each body bonded to them. But these two, they had a different bond. One he was all too wary of.

Fire and Ice.

Frost and fire.

Heat and Cold.

Existing side by side.

A peace-balance-had been forged between these twin elements, impossible as it might seem. But more than that-a bond. Years of tension and repressed emotion, finally released as it ought to have been so long ago. A positive change. He knew enough about change to see that, to respect it at least. Change was often a painful thing, but it was for the best. So too, was pain. When one knew pain, so too could they understand the pain of another.

He suspected Uzumaki Naruto already knew pain. Somehow that "pain" had done something to the Kyuubi long ago; broken it down, altered it into this...thing. Had it died, long ago, leaving its chakra behind, condensed as the very element of destruction itself? Perhaps. He could think of no other reason -assuming there was, in fact one- why this whelp was able to wield the element of fire.

And this "Elsa" character his spies told him of.

What was she?

They each knew pain, and so, they understood one another. Thus, they had a bond. And now, something more. It was almost enviable. He'd known the pain of bonds, once. A pain he'd thought to have put behind him long ago. Perhaps he hadn't. Perhaps, somewhere in this wretched shell of his self, Nagato long for the understanding these two strangers shared. He was curious about a great many things, most concerning them, yet those inquiries would have to wait.

Yes, Naruto and Elsa understood one another and in that, they had strength.

They did not, however, understand him.

Nor did they his motives.

And at the center of this pain, this strange change that he could not yet bring himself to comprehend, one would find two. The Rinnegan told him all he needed to know for the time; this would be no base challenge to overcome. No matter. He would marshal the full might of Akatsuki to march on this village and then, at long last, after all these years, the world would know peace. But not yet. No...now was not yet the time for that peace, nor was it for him to strike at the pair personally. Not yet...

...after all...

...that was what he had minions for.

(...)

"Morrning."

"Hmm...what? Where are we?" Elsa stifled a happy, albeit confused laugh as consciousness returned to her. Sensation trickled back in a series of pins and needles, reminding her she'd slept on her arm again. Ice blue eyes fluttered open slowly but her body didn't feel like moving, so she simply snuggled deeper into her partner's chest. Naruto. His arm curled tightly around her waist, his breath a delicious tickle against her neck, as he laughed and pulled her closer.

"Preeeeetty sure we haven't left the forest." his voice drawled in her ear. She didn't have to see his face to know that he was smiling. So was she. Her hands tightened around him again, not for fear that he'd disappear, but merely out of a desire to keep him close. Mine! Funny how the fear she'd felt had seemingly evaporated overnight. Wait, was it night? She didn't remember, and when she looked up, dark clouds obscured her vision in the treeline. The last thing she recalled was accepting the pro...propo...propooooooooooh my GOD!

'I'M ENGAGED!'

Memories came rushing back in a flood of shock and pleasure, the former so intense that the Queen of Arendelle bolted upright-

-and headbutted Naruto in the noggin.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!" she exclaimed hurriedly, sitting up. She had to see it again. Had to know. The poor blond toppled backwards, hissing softly as her forehead collided with his. Elsa glanced over at him-briefly admiring his chest-and uttering an apology before her gaze swung westward. What she saw there threatened to send her heart pounding all over again.

"...ah."

There.

It stared back at her and she at it and all the tension gusted out of her lungs in a single breath. All her hopes and dreams, wrapped around her finger. A simple gold band inlaid with cobalt and engraved with the simple inscription: "Love is hot and cold." Oh, god that was so corny. So Naruto. Just thinking about it made her heart soar and grin like a smitten school girl. Unbidden, a snicker snaked past her lips and she clutched her ring finger tight to her chest.

"So he did ask...it wasn't a dream after all...!"

...ha?"

Naruto tilted his head and watched her fret in silence, mystified as his snow queen continued to fidget and giggle darkly to herself. He'd always been a screwball when it came to people. Never been the best at reading people, especially Elsa. He was prone to making mistakes when he didn't understand the situation but after they hell they'd raised, he was loath to make such a mistake again. Especially after the chaos they'd endured to get here. So it was with great trepidation that he ventured:

"How does it feel?"

Elsa's head whipped around so fast he was certain she'd given herself whiplash. By contrast her smile was tiny, almost shy. She absently fingered her ring hand, almost as if she were trying to remind herself that it was still there and she wasn't imagining things. She looked so heart-wrenchingly adorable in that instant that Naruto simply couldn't help himself; his arms found Elsa, wrapping around her waist before she could think to do anything otherwise. She laid her head against his chest, sighing.

"W-Well, I wasn't expecting it..."

"Oi! Stab me right in the heart, why don't ya!" he laughed.

"No, no," the ice-wielder looked up sharply at those words, panic gleaming in her eyes. "I mean, I like it-no, I love it!"

"Hmm." Naruto deadpanned, willing himself to bit back a smile. "I'm not sure I believe you."

"I'm serious!" she gave him a light shove.

"And I'm not?"

Calloused fingers traced the gentle curve of her hip and Elsa felt herself shiver pleasantly. Why were they naked again? Oh. Right. She remembered. That'd happened. Several times. Many times before passing out from exhaustion. It would certainly explain the abrupt explosion of elements, the gentle warmth of flame and ice tickling her legs. Speaking of which! Idly, her fingers traced his ribs. Naruto yelped and drew back as if he had been stung, an utterly unmanly shriek leaping from his lips.

"H-Hey! That tickles!, ya know!"

Elsa grinned as she seized the advantage and pushed him down to the frozen grass.

"Turnabout is fair play!" the look she gave him was almost innocent, but the sway of her hips against him said otherwise..

"Gah! Assault, assault!"

"Why, you-HEY!"

Her words warped into a strangled yelp as his legs locked around her waist. Then he rolled, dragging her with him. The world spun wildly before her and within moments she found herself staring up at the blond. Cheeks flushed, ice met fire and tried not to look away.

"Sorry, prefer being on top. Hmm."

"Hmm...what?" Elsa fidgeted restlessly beneath him. An arm circled her breasts, warding them away from the whiskered warrior's gaze.

"Just admiring the view."

"Naruto!"

"What?" A twinkle of mischief gleamed in those blue eyes as he nuzzled his nose to hers. "I like it when you have your hair down. Looks...good."

"Pervert."

"You love it."

After almost a full minute, they pulled away from one another, his bright blue eyes looking deeply into hers, flecked with emotion. "Well...don't keep me waiting." Good. Elsa wore an expression of quite, gentle glee on her face as she returned his gaze, all but melting into his embrace with a liquid purr.

"...!"

Her mind exploded into a thousand brilliant stars and her arms assumed direct control, holding tight. A quiet moan pushed itself past their interlocked lips when he pressed his body to hers, pushing her back into the snow. Her hands were just as explorative, her nimble fingertips running along his chest and stomach, questing for purchase. He was hers. Yes.

Hers.

Hers. He was hers, and no one else, certainly not that paled eyed WHORE-

"Do you love me?" it slipped out before she could think to keep quiet.

Naruto stopped kissing her, and the song in her veins died.

"Okaaaaay." He leaned back, regarding her with a quizzical eye. "Where did that come from?"

Elsa fought down her anger. "Just...Just answer the question."

"Of course I love you." She watched him carefully as he brushed a stray strand of gold from her forehead.

"More than her?"

"Yeah."

"Just like that?" The answer was stark and immediate and just as startling for her; she wanted to trust him, to believe that he'd given her the ring because her loved her; because he cared. But old thoughts and regrets and insecurities crept in, pushing at her.

And Naruto smiled.

"Yes. I'm done with that chapter in my life." his expression didn't waver, not in the least. "I'm marrying you, aren't I?" a kiss landed on her temple, lips brushing the outer lobe of her ear. "And yes, before you ask, its because I want to have you all ALL to myself and do terrible, naughty things to you when no one's looking and have loads of blond, blue-eyed babies together."

'B-B-Babies?!'

A series of wild images popped into her head before she could think stop them. Steam burst from her ears, threatening to overheat.

Oh dear creators, she hadn't thought that far yet!

"Elsa? Earth to Elsa?"

"I'll...I'll believe you...

"Don't tell me you're thinking about kids, already?"

"I-I am not! Idiot! Knock it off!

"Yes, my queen." Naruto laughed and kissed her again.

But even the prospect of romance could only distract them for so long. They'd both woken restless to begin with, and now Elsa felt the full weight of that anxiety pushing down around her. The prospect of continuing the kiss, tempting as it was, simply didn't distract her.

Daring to look away, she finally caught sight of their surroundings.

Glittering gems of ice and fire lined the landscape, shimmering with inner light. Unlike the chaos they'd wrought back in Arendelle, these elements possessed a certain sort of harmony to them. Gentle and deceptive, the sigh laid out before her eyes, these giant, sprawling walls and caverns seemed to suggest more had been at work than she knew. As if they'd created their own little world. No wonder he was feeling do darn confident. If she'd seen this earlier...

"Did we...?"

"There might have been a blizzard at the end of that last bout 'for we passed out." Naruto confessed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "And a firestorm. At the same time. Pretty sure we just froze and burned the forest."

Elsa guffawed, smothering her laughter with a dainty hand.

"No!"

"Yup."

On that note, reluctantly, she summoned up her garb.

"Aww." Naruto whined. "Do we have to?"

"If we keep at it we're like to do more than terraform a forest." she pointed out.

Naruto nodded in resignation.

Then he blinked.

"Oi, is that...black?"

"I think its a nice touch, don't you?" an ice-blue iris appeared over the slender expanse of her shoulder as she slid into the new dress, crafted from her element. "Black ice is deadly; strikes when you least expect it." The blue itself was so dark as almost to be considered cobalt; a far cry from the bright, blue colors she'd utilized before. It suggested innocence and offered the promise of violence at all once. It helped her radiate a confidence she didn't always feel.

Naruto whistled softly.

"Damnit woman, that is hot."

"Spoil me all you want; I'm still getting dressed."

"Did I mention you're beautiful?"

A light flush dusted her cheeks.

"Ohhhhh, and the incessant flatterery continues to pour forth." the ice queen hummed softly as she nestled her mouth into the hollow of Naruto's throat, planting a light kiss on his nape. And she did feel flattered. More than that. Calm. Serene, even. Stronger, somehow. As if the moment he'd put that ring on her finger all her uncertainties had washed away. But she was different. Changing. The anxiety was still there, lurking beneath the surface, but she did her best to ignore it. She was different, she told herself.

Not the same.

She knew in her heart that she would sooner die than leave him, now. Now-

"Found ya, hnn!"

Elsa started violently as a new voice pierced their glen.

Blue eyes cut across their little world. Narrowed. Widened. She saw the cloak. Those clouds. That obnoxious ponytail. All her word dragged to a crawl, time itself dragging through muck. She watched, paralyzed, as he dipped a hand into his pouch, offering up that strange, weird moith in his hands. And it was then that she knew.

Akatsuki.

One word encapsulated her existence in that instant.

Shit.

"Oh, I don't think so."

Naruto didn't even look in the direction of the voice, but he did twitch.

"Busy with my fiance right now. Would ya kindly die?"

He simply raised his right hand...

..aaaaaaaaaand...

...fire.

A streak of white and blue registered on the horizon, a roaring wall of heat and death-a lance-moving faster than most men, monster or shinobi could react. Even Elsa, with her enhanced senses, barely saw anything more than a streak of blue flame.

Poor Deidara.

Never saw it coming.

He could only stare down at the gaping orifice in his chest where his heart should have been.

"Well, that's not fair...at...all...

"Sorry, we don't give a fuck."

Naruto grunted, shunting the smoldering corpse off his elongated burning spear of an arm. The assassin toppled from his appendage without so much as a sound-corpse turning to ash the moment it struck the ground. A second blast of fire picked up those ashes and scattered themselves on the winds.

"Huh. Was that guy Akatsuki? Think he was."

Elsa sighed.

"Well, that was anticlimactic."

A/N: And there you have it! Happiness abounds! She said yes! Yes yes yes yes! Expect little blond-haired, blue-eyed kids running about in the future. Gah, all the angst here killed me to write, but I am proud to say that its well behind us now as the story continues onwards and upwards!

...The events of Frozen ought to be quite different with them involved...will Naruto and Elsa make it out of this one alive? But the story doesn't end here! Now... at long last... we see the Elemental Nations in this ficlet! Naruto is the LAST jinchuuriki remaining, and all bloody hell is about to break loose!

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Would You Kindly Review the story of this humble man? And of course, enjoy the preview! Tis a shocker!

(Preview)

"Oh come on, the armor isn't that bad-

"This armor is no more!" A finger jabbed his chest, poking. "It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is late armor! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If it didn't LEAP off your body, it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! THIS IS EX-ARMOR!

An awkward beat of silenced passed between them.

"Look, that's-

Anna's words withered away when she saw the ring on her sister's finger.

...that's...

The smile slipped from her face like so much water.

"I...you...when did...?"

Elsa felt the fog shift in the air, registering as a surge in humidity. What? What was this? Naruto must have felt the change as well; because the once serene look in his eyes became wary, joy replaced by caution. Anna was still looking-gawping-at the blond in abject disbelief, her mouth working silently as she struggled to give voice to the turmoil rising within. She'd always been the calm one, but clearly something had changed whilst they were away...

...the question was..what?

"This is a joke, right?" her voice was little more than a whisper.

"A joke?" Elsa bristled, ice frosting at her fingertips. Naruto was hers and hers alone. She'd resolved this long ago. No one would take him from her. Not even her own blood. She was just about to say as much when she felt Naruto's hand on her shoulder.

"You lied to me! You LEFT me!"

"I'm sorry."

Anna's stricken expression dissolved into absolute misery.

"That's not fair...not fair...NOT FAIR!"

Naruto swore.

"Oh, fu-

That was Naruto's last thought before the tidal wave crashed down around them.

What will happen?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME! R&R! =D