Chapter Ten
The world was terribly cold, a chill running to the bone that made Yosa'Min stir uncomfortably from her sleep. Her head was throbbing terribly and her skin felt as if it were frozen. Grumbling in complaint, Yosa'Min struggled up from the wooden bed she was laying upon, and blinked around. Everything looked weird to her, sharper and lighter even though she could tell it was dark in the room. As she looked around a bit longer, she started to make sense of her surroundings but her eyes hurt to look about for some reason, as if it were a terrible strain.
There was a bit of furnishing around a single room wooden shack, holes in the roof letting moonlight in, the strong scent of salt and marsh in the air. There were a few wooden beams supporting the crumpling roof, and some lone shadow was in the corner. Instantly the redguard tensed as she spotted the figure, moving to stand up instead of just hanging her legs over the edge of the bed. Within a moment however, her head swooned and she stumbled, falling to a dirtied floor and hardly catching herself in time.
"You should take it slow," a pleasant voice called over to her from the corner.
Yosa'Min looked up, still not having found the strength to get to her feet, and narrowed her eyes. Burning sunset was gazing at her, flickering in the din. "Who are you? Where have you taken me?" Her voice was raspy and her throat tight, making it hard to speak and her words almost sound like hisses. "What have you done to me?"
"I did the only thing I could," the woman replied, stepping into the moonlight and revealing herself to Yosa'Min.
"You!" Yosa'Min hissed as she recognized the figure, "You're the vampire from the crypt!"
"I am," she nodded her head, "my name is Serana, and... I'm really sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"I... I turned you."
Yosa'Min stiffened, hardly believing the words, and forcing herself to her feet, grasping a beam for support. "Turned me? Into... one of you?" She could hardly keep her voice from wavering.
Serana lowered her gaze with shame, the sincerity in her behavior and voice confusing Yosa'Min. "I was sealed, well I'm not sure how long ago but it feels like quite a while, in that crypt with a ritual to keep me alive. The only way to awaken me was with the use of a... blood sacrifice." She glanced at where Yosa'Min was frowning, and bit her lip almost nervously. "You got, stabbed by something didn't you?"
"Yeah," Yosa'Min replied, looking at her left hand where she could still make out a ring of scar tissue on both sides. "A giant fucking spike."
The nord nodded her head. "That was the mechanism that triggered the awakening ritual. After you'd completed it, and I came out, well the blood sacrifice was two fold. One to awaken me, and the other to," she seemed to struggle for the word, "quench my thirst."
"Which was me?" Yosa'Min slowly asked, left hand clenching into a fist.
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Then why the fuck am I still alive?" Demanded the redguard, the loudness in her voice making Serana wince a bit.
She sucked in a breath of air, seemingly shaking the timidness she felt and steeled herself. When she spoke, there was much more confidence in her voice this time. "Look, I had no choice, it was either turn you or let you die. When I woke up, all I could taste was your blood and all I could smell was it in your body. I'm not sure how long I was gone, but it was long enough that when you woke me up I was rapid with bloodlust. So rabid I took too much and only when I was satisfied did I regain my mind and realize what I'd done."
"You still could have just left me to die! I don't want to be one of you!" Shouted Yosa'Min with a rising anger.
"I know but I couldn't just let you die!" Serana said firmly, her voice raised but not quite yelling. "That's not the kind of person I am."
The redguard scowled. "Oh, but you're the type that attacks someone, suck their blood and then turn them into an abomination!"
"You know most people would be grateful to be alive."
"Well I've never been most people."
They glared at one another, Serana striving her hardest to remain calm. She'd never turned someone before, putting her utterly out of her element, but she'd certainly heard about what the new vampire usually acts like. They're most always hostile and accusatory, or so sullen and broken that they would kill themselves shortly after. The only ones she'd ever heard of being happy were those who had asked for it, and those were few and far between.
"Then who are you?" She asked, easing up, trying to show she wanted to be Yosa'Min's friend not enemy. "I've already told you my name, I think it's only fair."
The redguard glared at her defiantly for quite sometime, mouth clamped shut in refusal. Serana simply stood there, waiting patiently for the fledgling vampire to comply to the request. Eventually, Serana was certain she would. Yosa'Min frowned at her, annoyed with the expectant look on the nord's face. "Fine, It's Yosa'Min."
"Yosa'Min?" Serana repeated, playing with the name for a few moments, "That's quite pretty."
"Sure," she flatly replied.
"I know you're not going to really trust me for quite a while, and this is my first time, so just bare with me all right? I've got something you need to drink, I promise, it won't kill you," Serana said, crossing to where a ruined table rested besides an empty fireplace, and picked up a bowl with a red liquid within it. "Your fangs aren't strong enough right now to do it yourself, so I got it for you instead," Serana said as she crossed over, offering it to Yosa'Min who watched it warily. "It's safe, I promise."
When still Yosa'Min didn't move to take the bowl, Serana huffed and raised it to her lips, taking a small sip to prove her point before offering it back. Yosa'Min stared at it a bit longer, until the urge to slurp it all down overwhelmed her and she took it, gulping down the red liquid swiftly. There was a hint of warmth in her chest as she fed, almost as if some part of her actually enjoyed the monstrous act.
"Perfect," praised Serana with a smile, "just like that. You'll need to drink a lot to get your strength, it takes some time for your body to get adjusted to the Change." Serana took the bowl back and put it where it belonged before she returned to the beam.
"Me becoming one of you?" Inquired Yosa'Min as she sat back down on the bed, the coldness in her body starting to bother her worse as it returned. "Why am I so cold?" She blurted without thought.
A sad smile crossed Serana's face, "It's because in truth, you are undead. There's nothing warm about it. I don't really remember what that even feels like to be honest." There was a hint of remorse in her voice, and Yosa'Min frowned in reply. "It'll take some getting used to."
They grew silent, Yosa'Min staring at the floorboards deep in thought while Serana uncertainly leaned against the nearby beam. "Do you feel any pain?" Piped up Serana after it had been over ten minutes.
"Not really, it's just all... wrong." The redguard raised her hands and looked at them, the emotion on her face making Serana frown with pity.
The words made Serana sigh, black hair falling in front of her face except what was braided around her head. "Maybe I'll go and hunt again, bring back some more blood."
"No," Yosa'Min swiftly said, "I don't want more of that stuff, it's revolting."
Serana shook her head. "Perhaps for now, but soon you'll love it I promise. You can't survive without it otherwise."
"Why not? What if I just refuse to drink it and be a monster like you?" Snapped Yosa'Min.
"Because without it you'll go insane." Yosa'Min's lips drew into a grimace. "Blood is what keeps us going, it's the only thing that keeps us sane. Without it, you begin to submit to the beast inside you and go mad. You become so hungry for it, you'll attack the first thing that offers it and probably kill them." Serana paused for a second to let it sink in. "It's why I attacked you."
Yosa'Min sullenly sunk inward, slumping on the bed with dismay. "Why would anyone want this life?" She uttered, hands holding her face.
"I don't know, the power I guess," bitterly replied Serana with a shrug, looking elsewhere fore a moment. "I didn't want it, trust me I absolutely didn't, but I've made my peace with it and I have accepted what I am. You'll have to as well, or else you'll go insane with this hurt."
There was a long silence before they spoke again. "Serana," Yosa'Min looked up a bit, "you're the one that turned me, does that make you... something special? Can every vampire do it?"
"Every vampire can turn someone, yes, but all in different means," Serana replied, feeling as if she were explaining it to a child until she realized in essence she was. "Most vampires you'll find were infected by another through a bite or some sort of wound and had contracted one of four strands of the disease. Most methods leave the fledgling unable to survive, and most sires have no intentions of creating another vampire and allow them to perish."
"But not you?" Yosa'Min's brow furrowed with confusion.
"Oh no certainly not me," adamantly said Serana.
"Why not?"
Serana stared directly into her eyes, unwavering and unabashed. "It's not who I am. I was left putting myself together when I was turned, and I had help. Someone new, unknowing of anything that was being a vampire? That'd be condemning someone to a horrid fate."
"How were you turned?" Softly asked Yosa'Min, picking up on the anger in the back of her voice.
Stiffening, the nord shook her head and sat down besides her on the bed. "That's... not something I'd like to discuss right now, if that's all right with you." Yosa'Min mutely nodded. "To go back to your question, yes I am something special to you. The way I turned you, by sharing blood like that, it... created a bond of sorts." Serana found herself struggling to explain properly.
"Like a parent and child type bond?" Offered Yosa'Min.
"Not exactly but that is the general idea. Most sires that stick around become mentors for their fledgling, but some will even become romantically involved with them so a more 'mentor and apprentice' bond than a parent and child one would also be appropriate," Serana replied, biting her lip a bit. It felt like a terribly awkward conversation to be having when she'd just turned her.
"I see..." trailed off Yosa'Min, scooting away from Serana rather noticeably. The action struck a blow to the elder vampire.
"I don't hold any of those intentions Yosa'Min," she said, a little annoyed with the redguard now.
Clearing her throat, Yosa'Min simply nodded her head. "So uh, is there anything about this bond I should know?"
"Seeing as I've accepted taking care of you, I'm probably going to mother hen you until you're ready to feed for yourself. The bond also typically creates a sense of trust even if you don't want it to." She paused for a moment as if suddenly remembering something. "Oh, and you can't go outside," Serana said, "no questions."
"What will I burst into flames if I do?" Mocked the redguard with a roll of her eyes.
"Yes," simply said Serana.
Yosa'Min's eyes widened with alarm at the blatant admission. "You're serious? I can't set one toe outside if the sun is out?" She gestured to the door across from them.
"You're the equivalent of a newborn Yosa'Min, your skin can't resist the harsh sun like mine can and it still hurts for me. I'm not kidding, right now, if you were to leave during the day you would burn to death," Serana informed her, "it would hurt a lot too."
Disbelief ran up Yosa'Min's body, and she slumped a bit more, shaking her head and muttering under her breath. "Wow this really does suck. How long until I can?"
Serana pursed her lips in thought for a few moments. "Well if I can hunt often enough, and bring back enough blood each time, it could be three days. But that's really pushing it. Usually when your fangs grow strong enough for you to be able to drink directly, you'll be strong enough to go outside as well."
"Are those holes in the roof going to be a problem then?" Sarcastically asked Yosa'Min, gesturing to the five different sized gaps in the ceiling.
Following where she pointed, Serana sighed. "I'll patch them up soon, we've got a few hours before sunrise."
"Why'd you pick this place to hideout in? It sucks," remarked Yosa'Min.
"It was the first place that seemed suitable. A cave would have just convinced you I was some savage monster wouldn't it?" She arched a brow at the redguard.
"I suppose it would have, actually yeah," admitted Yosa'Min with a slight laugh.
Smiling at the sound, Serana nodded her head. "I thought so."
Yosa'Min looked away from the rather beautiful vampire to examine the place around them a bit more. "Where is this place anyways? I can smell salt and marsh. Are we in Morthal?" In truth, she could smell a lot more than usual, but she wasn't going to bring it up.
"Uh, I think we're closer to Solitude."
"Good, that means were less likely to get in the way of any of the fighting," replied Yosa'Min.
"What fighting?" Serana asked.
Yosa'Min blinked, and then shook her head. "Right, stuck in a crypt. Well, all of Skyrim is kinda in a civil war over who becomes High King and whether or not Skyrim stays a province of the Empire."
Serana shook her head with confusion. "What Empire? Is it the elves? They always seemed a little snooty to me."
The redguard blanked for a few long moments before she shook her head. "The Empire, the one founded by Tiber Septim, who some believe to be the Ninth Divine!" She balked. "Damn you must have been stuck in there for a long time."
"I guess."
Yosa'Min stared at her, and then scoffed. "Looks like you'll have to hunt down a historian then, because you have a lot to learn as well Serana."
"It would seem so," she agreed. "Well, what's happened recently? You say there is a Civil War but what else?"
"Oh," Yosa'Min grew a bit quieter at that, and looked away. "Well, Alduin the World Eater returned, and... I killed him."
"Wait," Serana said with disbelief, holding a hand up some, "I know who Alduin is, and you killed him? Didn't the nords do that?"
"No, they used an Elder Scroll to defeat him," corrected Yosa'Min, "but while they thought it had killed him it had only sent him into our time. I was the one who actually killed him in Sovngarde, though undoubtedly he'll return one day in the true end times as my friend Paarthunax says he will."
"That sounds like a dragon name," said Serana with suspicion.
Nodding her head, Yosa'Min replied, "That's because it is." The fledgling watched as Serana attempted to process it all, looking her up and down as if she couldn't believe the woman before her had felled Alduin himself. "I'm a lot stronger than I look," half huffed Yosa'Min at the act.
"And yet I took you down?" Skepticism was thick in the nord's voice, aggravating Yosa'Min further.
"You took me by surprise!" Defended Yosa'Min. "Alduin's a giant flying dragon, pretty hard to miss!"
"I suppose but still," replied Serana.
"If you must know I'm the Gods damned Dragonborn all right?" Gritted Yosa'Min, annoyed she wasn't believing her.
Serana frowned, looking at her as if trying to figure out if she was lying to her or not. "I'm not entirely certain what that is, actually."
"I eat dragon souls, have some dragon blood in me some-fucking-how, and some ancient prophecy said that only the last one, that would be me, could kill Alduin to keep him from destroying the world and all that shit. Oh and unlike the Graybeards, a bunch of old dudes on a mountain, I can naturally translate and understand the dragon language, making me capable of innately using the Thu'um which would be the Voice or just shouting really fucking loud in another language."
Serana blinked, staring at the redguard before her for a long while. They'd both done some shocking that night. "You're full of surprises aren't you?" She smirked then, "Fine, I believe you, you're the Dragonborn and killed Alduin. Thanks for doing that before I woke up because that wouldn't have sounded like any fun. Giant flying fire breathing lizards doesn't sound like a reality a vampire would like."
"You're welcome," dryly replied Yosa'Min.
It was silent for a little bit longer, Serana not certain what to say. They sat there on the bed, Yosa'Min shivering and silent, everything slowly clicking for her it would seem. She certainly would need time to come to terms with everything, and Serana would need to teach her quite a bit before they'd be ready to go anywhere. As the break of dialogue grew, the nord vampire's mind drifted to her family and what had become of them. Considering how long she was gone, they might not have even been around anymore, or at the very least no longer occupied Volkihar Castle, though it would take a monumental force to run them out of there.
She was already making plans for the voyage home when Yosa'Min gave a restrained chocking sound, snapping Serana's attention to her. "Yosa'Min? Are you all right?" There were times when the fledgling's body would reject the Change, even after it had for the most part taken effect. In truth, until her fangs hardened and she gained a bit of a resistance to the sun, Yosa'Min was very much so at risk to die quite painfully. The sound was ringing all sorts of mental alarms for Serana, and she had to resist the urge to reach out and turn the redguard to face her.
"Sorry," uttered Yosa'Min, raising a hand to wipe her face and turning away from Serana completely. "I just, realized a few things is all."
"Like?'
"I... I can't go back to my old life, can I?"
Serana froze a bit, the pure sorrow and grief in Yosa'Min's voice making her ache. When she'd worked up the nerve to confirm the devastating reality, she felt rather guilty. "You can't, no." She tried to sound sincerely apologetic, but she was afraid it would come off wrong to the woman in front of her.
"So all my friends, loved ones, everything..." Yosa'Min whispered, sounding like she was struggling to control her emotions. She didn't want to cry, she was tired of crying. "I just have to leave them behind, without word or reason, they have to think I'm dead?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Can I... Write them a letter at least?"
"It's not always the best idea," cautioned Serana, getting to her feet and crossing in front of Yosa'Min. The redguard's eyes were closed, arms crossed around her knees. "If they find out what you are now, it could cause a lot of problems for us and them. People knowing you're a vampire is never a good idea in general, those you love knowing can be worse because they might just break your heart over it or do something stupid. I knew a man once that lost his entire family when he revealed himself to them. It's better they don't find out."
Yosa'Min buried her face against her legs, trying to ignore her words, trying to pretend that she hadn't just been told that in more than one ways she had died. "Can I... see them, if they don't see me?"
"You mean from the shadows? I suppose you could but you're not strong enough for that. It could take weeks for you to learn how to melt into the shadows like most vampires. We live for such a long time it doesn't seem like much waiting, except for when we were first learning."
Yosa'Min poked her head up a bit, eyes barely flicking to her. "I... I know how to sneak, I know how to melt into shadow and hide in the darkness. I'm a really good thief, or I guess I was not am. I'm... I'm not sure how that all works."
"Well, it's a whole new life entirely, you could start clean if you wanted to. If you wanted to leave behind everything from your past life then you could. Maybe learn some magic, maybe take up a book collection to keep you occupied during the day when you can't sleep, there is still plenty you can do with yourself that maybe you just weren't certain to try before," said Serana, a hand gingerly placing itself on Yosa'Min's shoulder. "If you didn't like being a thief, then you could just stop."
"I've tried, it's never as simple as that," Yosa'Min looked to the wall with shame. "I tried so many times to stop, but it was like I was being controlled rather than making the choice myself."
Serana had to fight the frown that wanted to slip across her lips. Mentoring Yosa'Min was certainly going to be difficult, especially with her swinging moods, but she was determined to do it. So with a more encouraging expression about her, Serana shook her head. "Maybe it was like that before, but trust me, you can start anew if you truly want to. You could have a new life, a new family, a new everything."
Yosa'Min frowned, "A new family?" Her voice cracked.
"Mine, if you'd like it. I come from a clan of vampires, the Volkihar, and they live here in Skyrim. Well, last I checked anyway."
"They'd accept me?" Yosa'Min sniffled.
"Without question if I told them I sired you," Serana smiled warmly, "but joining a clan is important so I want you to be certain."
The redguard grew silent, brow furrowed as she thought rather hard about it. It certainly looked like any hope she had of returning to Vex and the others was steadily getting washed away like debris on a beach. Any chance with Mjoll, as small as they'd been, had probably also been set on lost completely. "I've got nothing left, you've said so yourself. I... I'll join your clan, so long as you're there... You're kinda the first person in a long time that's given me some sort of hope."
"Of course I'd be there, you're my fledgling remember?" Serana laughed, and boldly pulled the redguard into a hug. Yosa'Min stiffened sharply, and the nord pulled back gingerly. "Sorry, just... I don't know."
The redguard ducked her head. "Can you... go hunting? I'd like a bit of privacy if that's all right with you."
"Sure," Serana agreed, moving towards the door. "I'll be back as soon as I can, don't go and wander off will you?"
"I won't, I can hardly stand up anyways," Yosa'Min replied, shifting to lay down on the bed. Serana nodded her head, pulled her hood up, and then walked out. The redguard's mind was racing with steadily darkening thoughts. A pang of loneliness struck her chest, the Dragonborn closing her eyes and letting a few tears fall, figuring it was best to get them out now that she was alone. "I'm a bloodsucking monster," she uttered, opening her eyes again and just letting all the emotions overrun her.
She was furious and confused and drowning in sorrow. Her body was so cold, and though Serana had told her she'd get used to it in truth she didn't believe her entirely. Maybe it wouldn't boggle her mind so much but she doubted she'd be used to it. With a hint of curiosity, she pressed to fingers to her neck, and stiffened when she felt no pulse, yanking her hand back with a snarl of disgust. Everything about what she was now revolted her, and she almost wanted to set fire to herself but she lacked the strength for even the simplest spell.
If it weren't for how weak she felt, she would have probably attacked Serana on sight instead of just falling to her face. She didn't trust her sire, not that much anyways as it seemed she hadn't been lying about that bond of trust she'd start feeling even if she'd not wanted it to. Admittedly, the nord vampire had made a good impression on her since she'd awoken, but she couldn't forget the sensation of Serana's fangs buried in her neck sucking out her very being. It had been horrible and terrifying but in some way, she almost found it sexy. At least the turning part had been.
She shook herself, trying to get those thoughts away but they just kept coming back. Serana certainly was a beautiful woman, but she couldn't figure out if that was just some vampiric charm or entirely natural. She didn't have a clue really, and it's not like she could just ask her if she really was so pretty. Either way, Yosa'Min found her mind starting to fill more with this new life Serana was offering her, and this new clan.
It felt like every so often she went and found herself in a mess of trouble that would strip away the life she had and give her something new, and she had no way of recovering anything from the past. When she'd had to flee Hammerfell with her brother, he'd ended up getting lamed and them stuck in Falkreath struggling to survive for ten years. Then she became the Dragonborn, or rather found out she was it, and killed Alduin, but lost her brother and gained wealth and fame as well as a begrudging housecarl. After she met Vex and joined the Guild, her old life had closed as well and so much had happened there. Falling in love, lying and cheating and killing and adventure, jealousy and hate and life as a thief; it was almost too much to comprehend sometimes.
That led her eventually here, now no longer even alive but somehow still living, a weird in between. There was certainly no returning to the Guild with glowing eyes, and she was terrified of what her friends would think. Not even they could be that understanding or accepting. "Serana's right," she uttered, realizing that she truly had lost everything and that she really did only have one choice. Going on her own, disobeying Serana, it would all get herself killed. Even if it was only as a vampire, Yosa'Min rather liked living.
"I'm sorry," she said as she turned on her side, her thoughts filling with those she'd just lost. "I'm so sorry."