A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Life got in the way. I've been busy. And I'm very tired, so I'm going to keep this short.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own IS. Also, the songs featured are Missing You by Jem and What I've Done by Linkin Park. Slight lyric change the first one.
Chapter 10
"Do I get to hear another one of the songs you wrote while I was gone?" Tommy asked as Jude entered the studio the next morning. His piercing eyes searched her wide ones for an answer.
"I only have one more," she replied carefully. "I don't think it's as sad as Corner of Your Heart, but it's hardly happy…It's specifically about my feelings during your absence. We're going to need the boys on this, but since SME is busy recording, I guess I can play you a stripped down version right now."
Tommy nodded his approval as he did his best to mentally prepare himself for what he expected to be another painful emotional onslaught, "Sounds good. You ready, girl?"
"I guess," she replied dubiously. Jude picked up her electric guitar and turned on the amps.
Jude began to play. The song began with three notes. Three simple notes, but they were undeniably effective, immediate setting the sad tone of the song. It wasn't desperate or needy like the song she had shown him prior, but it was still melancholy.
"I wish this could be
A happy song
But my happiness disappeared
The moment you were gone"
The lyrics were simple and direct. They weren't tedious or excruciating in detail. They simple were. They told the truth in the most honest way Jude knew.
"Don't think I ever believed that
this day would come
Now all I'm feeling
is lost and numb"
She truly never had thought the day would come. Sure, there had been a few times during her first album when Tommy had decided to leave, but they never came to fruition. And times had drastically changed since then. Never did Jude believe she would have to fear Tommy leaving her. Especially not in the manner he had.
"And oh…I know I promised
Mm…that I would try"
But I, yes I, miss you
and it's killing inside
The bridge and chorus were short, but they were to-the-point, just like the rest of the song. It was refreshing, really, to say sings in such simple terms. Such honest terms.
"I'll always be thankful
For the time we had
We were blessed
I should celebrate
But I feel too sad
All the wonderful memories
Just make me fall apart
And it feels like somebody's
Stabbed me in my heart"
She really had tried to think of the happy times they had together. Once she had started to believe that Tommy was gone for good, she did her best to think only of their simpler, happy times. Kisses on the cheek, late night sessions at the studio, and late night phone calls.
"And oh…I know I promised
Mm…that I wouldn't cry"
But I, yes I, miss you
And it's killing inside
Oh well I, yes I, miss you
want you by my side
Walking, holding hands
Talking, making plans
Touching my heart, my soul
Plans. Yes, they'd had plans that fateful night when Tommy left her. Plans for their first official date. Sure, it didn't seem like much to others, but the idea that Tommy had finally gotten over his baggage enough to ask her on a date was a huge step. The plans they'd made for that night meant the whole world to Jude until the moment he was gone, and reality came crashing down on her. He had been so cold to her that evening. She thought that perhaps he'd never really wanted her at all.
"I wish this could be
A happy song
But my happiness disappeared
The moment you were gone
Tell me it's not happening
Say it's not as it seems
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up
It's just a bad dream
Please tell me that it's fiction
Tell me it's just a lie
Whatever you choose to tell me
Please say it's not goodbye"
Jude started off by repeating the opening lines of the song – simple, yet effective. Her tone quickly changed, though, as Jude sang of the denial she went through after Tommy's quick and mysterious disappearance.
"And I, yes I, miss you
And it's killing inside
Oh well I, yes I, miss you
Want you by my side
Oh well I, miss you
Want you by my side
Back here by my side
Here by my side"
Jude let her emotions flow free as she sang the final lines of the song. She held the last note for a moment, closing her eyes and savoring the song's finish. Fearing Tommy's reaction to the song, Jude opened her eyes very slowly a few second later.
Jude looked at Tommy, question written on her face.
Tommy's words were instantaneous, "That was great, Harrison."
"You think so?"
"I know so, girl. Definitely album worthy." His grin seemed plastered onto his face.
His reaction caught Jude off guard. He was taking the song well. Much better than he had with the last. His response was unexpected to the sure but not unwelcome. She had to wonder, however, whether his reaction was legitimate.
"I'm glad you think it's worthy," Jude smiled, the usual twinkle absent from her eyes as she contemplated her boyfriend's response. Boyfriend – the word didn't sound right in her ears. Wasn't he something more? Jude sighed.
Tommy smiled reassuringly – a real smile. They got to work on the song soon there after, re-recording after re-recording, and Jude was still unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong with Tommy.
It was about an hour after Jude left G-Major when Tommy came to sit in his producer's chair, putting the headphones on his ears. Tommy selected the file on the computer labeled "JH – Corner of Your Heart – Rough Edit" and pressed the play button when the file popped up on the screen.
Tommy listened as the familiar notes of the piano resonated through his senses. Jude's smooth and anguished tones floated through the headphones and into his ears.
"There's a corner of your heart for me
There's a corner of your heart just for me"
Tommy listened. He listened until he couldn't listen anymore. Until all the other lights were off inside G-Major. The song was up there with Skin to be certain, but Tommy knew that this time the blame was all on him. He pressed the play button again and again, the track that haunted him on repeat.
He listened.
He listened until there was nothing left.
Nothing left but her words and her song.
Tom sat in his apartment late that evening, the time bordering on 2:00 AM, bottle in hand. He sighed self-deprecatingly and took a long swig.
Struck with sudden inspiration, Tommy put the bottle to the side, soon to be forgotten, and grabbed his song book.
He wrote three lines down:
So let mercy come
And wash away…
What I've done.
Tommy's night passed in a blur of lyrics, guitar chords, and piano keys.
Jude walked into G-Major the next morning to find Tommy with messy hair and blood-shot eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asked as concern quickly covered her delicate facial features.
"Fine. Tired," he added. "I didn't sleep much last night."
"I'm sorry. What was keeping you up?" Suspicion crept through Jude's barely-leveled voice – she knew something had been off with Quincy the day prior.
"I was writing," Tommy replied.
"A new song?" Jude questioned.
The corners of Tommy's lips tugged upwards. "Always. It's edgier than most of the other stuff I have done recently, but I think it's good."
"Can I hear it?" Jude inquired, her anticipation obvious.
"No, never," Tommy replied with a genuine grin, "In fact, you can't hear anything I'm putting on the album. You're just gonna have to hope it's good, and I'm not dragging your good Harrison name into the ground."
Jude rolled her eyes. "Quincy."
"Fine, fine," he conceded. "Have it your way, Harrison. But if you don't like it, you can take it up with Darius yourself."
Jude nodded her concurrence eagerly.
Tommy stepped into the sound booth and set up to play. He decided to skip the piano for now – he couldn't only play so many instruments at once – and grabbed the electric guitar.
"In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come
And wash away…"
Jude knew without delay that her own music had inspired the song that Tommy sang. He hadn't been exaggerating when he said it was edgier than his other stuff, but she knew in an instant that it was undeniably brilliant and a sure-to-be hit.
"What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done"
For once, Jude knew exactly what it felt like to be in Tommy's shoes. And she didn't like it. To know that she herself had inspired such a song was not a comfortable or encouraging feeling.
"Put to rest
what you thought of me
Well I clean this slate
with the hands of uncertainty
So let mercy come
and wash away..."
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done
Tommy's voice was powerful – more powerful than she had heard it before. It usual had a more raspy quality that was absent in this piece. And it was effective. It was so effective, and Jude needed to sit down instead of remain standing. The song was overwhelming. The words and the emotion behind them were almost too much.
"For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends
I'm forgiving..."
What I've done
These words, different than the rest, gave Jude a sense of hope that was much needed. Because Tommy moving past this stage of theirs was important. And if Tommy truly was forgiving himself for what he obviously blamed himself for, then maybe, just maybe, they could move on from this.
"I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done"
What I've done
Forgiving what I've done
The song drew to a close, and an almost-pleased smile crossed Jude's lips. The tension in the air was palpable, and the raw emotion was obvious in both of their eyes.
"It was good, Tommy," Jude spoke in a soft voice. "It really, really was."
Not needing to say anymore, Jude stood up, entered the sound booth, and closed the distance between them. The moment their lips met in a brief but passionate kiss, Jude knew that this was something they would get through. Because now they had an advantage they didn't have in the past: they were together.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed!
I have an important question for you all:
I'm thinking of bumping up this rating to "M" and I was curious as to if that would offend anyone? The more mature chapters won't come for some time, but I wanted your opinions in advance. Please, please tell me what your thoughts are on this matter. LURKERS...this is your time to please respond. I accept anonymous reviews. I don't want to lose any of my readers, so please let me know your opinion on this.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter!