Betrayal - Chapter 6 - Connections and separations

Part 2

As dinner began, conversation seemed awkward, full of strange silences. It was clear to Obi-Wan that his Master was still upset about his comments and yet he did not want to end this with bitterness. He had hoped for one night, pure, with fond remembrances and a Padawan's love for his Master. Just one night. Tomorrow would be soon enough for investigation and damned duty.

Conversation ebbed and flowed around the passing of food and the small talk of child and parent, host and guests. Le'orath was a better cook than Qui-Gon has intimated and the smells and tastes of the many dishes were wonderful. To the Jedi, used to simple cheap meals, it was almost a banquet.

But to one individual, it was not a banquet. Young Ben, now secure within the warmth of his family, and, above all, bored with the adult conversation, had begun to display a four-year old's exuberance and skill at deception. Staring at the sweets just beyond his reach, the child waggled his fingers ever so slightly, his blue eyes intense, a sly smile on his face. One small brightly-colored treat began a stealthy slow dance across the table towards the boy.

Spying the movement and amused at the thought, Obi-Wan lent his talent to the task and a second sweet trailed the first. When Ben looked around to see who was helping him, he looked surprised to see the strange Jedi Kenobi smiling. The boy was startled at first, but when Obi-Wan winked at him, a small grin lit his young face and he giggled.

His father, suddenly aware of the scene, said sharply, "Ben, no."

Eyes abruptly huge, the boy's smile disappeared and he bent his head, clearly unsure of what he had done wrong.

Softening his voice, Qui-Gon gestured towards a small pile of blocks and other toys in the far corner of the room. "Ben, it's all right but you must be bored with all this grown-up talk. Why don't you go enjoy your games?" The child nodded and moved away, looked at the adults for a moment and then settled down to play.

"I see that Ben has many talents." Obi-Wan's voice was tinged with amusement and his eyes were dancing.

Qui-Gon said coldly, "Yes, he has. I meant what I said, Obi-Wan. You will get nothing of his talents."

He nodded, unhappy that this simple act of play had caused a further rift in their relationship. "Be at ease, Master. I was merely helping Ben with his logistical problem."

With a sharp look, Qui-Gon returned to his meal and uneasy silence descended on the group.

The food lay leaden in Obi-Wan's gut, acid etching his troubled thoughts. Damn, this may be your last chance, you blasted fool. Try and fix this, Kenobi, before it's too late.

He sent Jinn a tentative smile. "Master, I often thought of you, hoping that you were well and happy. It is obvious that you have come far. Home, family, a good life. I'm glad."

Qui-Gon must have recognized what Obi-Wan was trying to do, wishing to repair the damage of their bitter argument and he must have wanted to make amends as well. Qui-Gon returned the smile and nodded. "It was not an easy path. In fact, at first, it was very difficult. I did not want to impose on friends, afraid that some of the shame of dismissal would fall on them. I tried several occupations, none of which paid well and sometimes I was discharged without reason. Others would not hire me at all, obviously suspicious of a former Jedi. Who can really blame them? Such a Jedi must surely be rogue or tainted in some way."

"How could they think such a thing?"

Qui-Gon shrugged, "Dismissal from the Temple had always been for crimes or behavior unbecoming a Jedi, never for money reasons. They had no way of knowing."

His old master sighed slightly, "Finally, with my funds dwindling fast, I bowed to the inevitable and asked for help. Luckily, the entourage from Naboo needed someone familiar with Coruscant and security to run checks on locations and personnel at the capital. Captain Panaka was acquainted with my work and hired me. He did me a great service, Obi-Wan."

Smiling briefly, apparently warmed by the memories, Qui-Gon said, "They must have been pleased with my efforts because I was invited to join their security forces back on Naboo. I accepted with pleasure. Of course, no sooner had I arrived, then the Trade Federation invaded the planet. It was pretty rough for a while, but in my own small way, I was able to help the resistance and Queen Amidala. When the Queen escaped, I was among her guards. We had a few bumps on the road to Coruscant but finally made it all in one piece." He looked over at Anakin, grinning. "Along the twisted Force-driven path, I met with this young scamp. And together, we were able to help free Naboo."

"The Force was with you."

"It must have been. For my contribution, the Naboo people gifted me with some money. I was able to scrap together enough to buy this small farm."

"It's beautiful here. A fine place."

Qui-Gon smiled at that. "Not when I bought it. It was tumbling down, the field fallow, the equipment old and in disrepair. I had no idea what I was doing. How could I? Diplomacy and lightsaber duels do not help crops grow. I almost lost everything that first year. But then..." His hand closed over that of Le'orath, his eyes glowing with pride and affection. "I met this lovely woman. Le' is a landscape architect and an amazingly good one at that. She helped me with the rough spots. The next year, the profits were so great that I was able to finish the house and outbuildings. And then I asked her to marry me."

Le'orath smiled at that, squeezing his hand lightly. But her softness leached away as she looked across the table at Obi-Wan. "We were married at Midwinter Festival. I knew the moment I met Qui-Gon that I wanted to be with him always. How could I not? He was so gentle and yet there was a sorrow about him that I wanted to soothe. I didn't know then that the Jedi had tossed him aside."

She glanced at Atel and then back at Obi-Wan, her eyes frosty, lighting to summer warmth when she looked again at Qui-Gon. "We have built a good life here, Knight Kenobi. One, I hope, that will last a long time."

"That is my hope as well, my lady."

Atel spoke up, probing for information. "You have accomplished quite a bit in such a short time, Master Jinn. Are crops all you raise?"

Anakin glared at her but said nothing. Qui-Gon glanced first at his apprentice, then at Atel, a sharp measuring look. His voice was neutral. "Actually, no. Here, I raise exotic biologicals; they have quite a high return on the money invested. But I have interests in several companies as well. It is best to diversify in this time of unrest. I have learned to adapt to the changing economic climate and now am part owner in mining, medical supplies, biotechnology, and transportation consortiums. A Jedi does not have to think about where their next meal is coming from but I do."

"You'd be surprised at what a Jedi has to think about these days, Master." Obi-Wan's sardonic irony was not lost on his Padawan. She suppressed a brief snort.

Qui-Gon nodded slowly, a sad smile on his leonine face. "I often think about the Temple and our time together, Obi-Wan. It was exhausting but very worthwhile, helping to maintain peace and justice in the Republic. But since I left, rumors have grown that all is not well within the Order. Some pretty alarming tales have reached even the wilds of Naboo."

Obi-Wan's apprentice stared at him, resolute. //Don't tell him anything, Master. Please don't.// But he ignored her warnings. He wanted, he needed to make this connection.

"Things have not been as they should. After you left, most of the Council were dismissed: Master Windu, Master Gallia and several others. When Master Yoda returned from his mission the following week, the Senate evoked some obscure statute and forced him to retire."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "The first wave of dismissals was disheartening to more than just those immediately affected, of course. Trust had been broken and the despair of it seemed to permeate the very air of the Temple for several months. But as the shock of such a move faded, life seemed to return to normal."

"And then?" Qui-Gon gently probed.

"The Senate tightened their grip again. Citing increased pressure to curb costs and disappointment in the resistant attitude of the Jedi to the Republic's wishes, there was a second round of dismissals and then a third. It seemed to almost spiral out of control. The few protestations from some of the Order's friends were silenced. The Jedi became entirely dependent on the good graces of the Senate. And they were not in the mood to be gracious."

Obi-Wan pressed his hand against his eyes for a moment and then looked into the sad face of his old Master. "The competition for goods and services within the Order became fierce. Cooperation is a fine thing when there is plenty, but as the stranglehold tightened, everyone began to look for ways to strengthen their own positions. And still Jedi were turned out of the Temple. Fault-finding, hoarding, rigidity of thought were encouraged by such actions. The halls are monitored, behavior codified and more dismissals are coming." Obi-Wan gave an unhappy cough. "Now, it is difficult to even replace a cloak."

Anakin glanced at Qui-Gon and nodded. "Oh, so that is why you were wearing such shabby clothes. I thought you just didn't have time to change before coming here."

Obi-Wan shot him a measuring look. "Quite correct, Anakin. Shabby is an apt description."

"And now?" asked Qui-Gon, softly, prompting.

"Now they have turned most of the mediation chambers and gymnasiums into food production. There have been eight... no, nine waves of terminations and still there are rumors of more to come. Yet we are expected to have successful missions with no complaints or errors. Too much to do and not nearly enough Jedi or resources to cope."

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan."

He just shrugged again. "Qui-Gon, thank you. I know. But I am a Jedi and must do my duty. I can do no less."

Skywalker studied him, frowning dismissively. "So, that's it then. You're just going to keep coming back for more, even though they treat you like dirt."

"I will do what I must, Anakin."

The young man looked at Obi-Wan with bewilderment. "Can't you fight them? Turn things around?"

"How? The Senate has control of the money and the Jedi are sworn to uphold the laws and government of the Republic."

"Walk away from it, then."

"I cannot do that. I would be forsworn."

Anakin snorted at that. "Duty to a group that discards its own like week-old trash? You are a fool."

Qui-Gon's reply was brief and to the point. "Anakin, this is not the way you treat guests."

"No, Master" Anakin muttered, a fleeting glimpse of shame crossing his face.

"Obi-Wan, this is sad news indeed but not unexpected. We may be far from Coruscant but news of the Jedi travels fast, even in hyperspace." Jinn sighed and laid his hand on Obi-Wan's arm. "You are always welcome here."

Le'orath moved slightly, as though to protest, but said nothing. She looked at Anakin and shrugged, "Knight Kenobi, you spoke of dismissals. You must have lost a number of friends over the years. Have you kept in touch with any of them?"

That question brought a sharp, embarrassed look from Qui-Gon. "Le', you promised not to do this."

"I promised not to ask Kenobi about why he hasn't bothered to contact you in the last ten years. I'm merely inquiring about his friends."

Jinn moved to speak sharply to his wife but Obi-Wan gestured for attention. "Mistress Jinn is quite correct to ask. Master, you deserve an answer."

Atel shot him a disbelieving look //Master, Listen to me, please. Don't tell him anything. He is under investigation. Don't...// But again he ignored her warning.

"We are forbidden from contacting anyone dismissed from the Order, for whatever reason. Ignoring that directive entails...various types of punishment, depending on the level of defiance."

Le'orath did not back down. Pressing the point, she said tartly, "And you were afraid of a little punishment, a slap on the wrist, is that it, Kenobi? Couldn't break the rules even for Qui-Gon's sake, right?"

Qui-Gon radiated fury. "How could you?" But his question was met with a brief shrug from his wife. It was clear that Le'orath wanted answers; she seemed willing to cut past all the careful questions and get to the root of it. Perhaps she thought that Qui-Gon needed to know the answers. Perhaps she knew that he wouldn't ask and so she did the asking for him.

It was said that a wound must be cut and cleaned before it could heal. This wound had festered in Obi-Wan for years. Knowing Qui-Gon, it was probably the same.

But it still hurt, abominably so. He sat there, quiet, still, unable to move or think for a moment. Avoiding Qui-Gon's gaze, he looked at Le'orath and murmured, "Excuse me."

Then, abruptly, unable to stay in that place for one more second, he stood and strode out the door. Atel was hard on his heels.

She found him there. He was standing on the porch, gazing out at the moon rising over the mountains, his hands busy shredding a white trumpet flower. He said nothing for a time, trying to find his center, hoping to calm his raging guilt.

Finally, he told Atel to bring the landspeeder around to the front. They would be leaving momentarily. When she scampered down the steps and around the corner of the house, the sounds of the night began to fill the silent spaces.

The scraping of a boot heel, the slight whine of the front door opening and the glow of a Force signature alerted him to another presence. Qui-Gon moved quietly to stand next to his former apprentice.

"Obi-Wan, I must apologize for Le'orath's remarks. She had no right to..." Jinn was quickly interrupted.

"No, Master, she was correct. You deserve to know the truth. It's just...hard to explain." Obi-Wan shrugged and seemed to shrink into himself, chilled by the memories. His hand opened and a shredded flower floated down, stained white and black as it moved from light to shadow to light again. Without thinking, he reached for another and began to slowly pull it apart.

"I'm sorry, Master. I'm a coward...such a coward." Obi-Wan's whispers were almost imperceptible but sharp with pain. "I tried, truly I did. Pulled every string I could to find out where you were. With no success. Then I got caught. Defied them as only you could, Master." An anguished grimace flitted over his face and then he looked down, unable to bear Qui-Gon's questions. "Defied them at first and then I got sneaky. But it didn't matter. They found out anyway and each time it happened, the...punishments got worse." He stopped to breathe, gasping for air as though some great weight was pressing down, down on him. He closed his eyes and tried to center, before the memories crowded out what he needed to say.

"Finally, I couldn't...couldn't face it again. I stopped looking. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing with remembered anguish. The blossom in his hand, torn to unrecognizable pulp, floated down, light and dark, to join the others. He started to reach for the trumpet flower near his face when Qui-Gon grabbed Obi-Wan's shoulders with his own large hands and shook him gently.

"Obi-Wan, you were never a coward. Never." Jinn's voice was warm with certainty.

He just shook his head, refusing to meet his Master's eyes. "I should have been stronger but I couldn't fight the fear in that damnable cell any more."

"What cell?" Qui-Gon stepped back, hands dropping away. The wintry tone in his voice was cold, sharp, almost angry. Obi-Wan flinched at the sound.

"The cells at the Temple's base." He was confused; surely his former Master knew about them.

"Yes, there are force-suppressed cells there for criminals, to inhibit escape. The worst that they face is loss of any connection with the Force - it is painful at first, but the strong-willed eventually get used to it. And you are very strong-willed." Qui-Gon probed insistently. "Was there a particular cell that they put you in?"

Obi-Wan shuddered. "It was always cell AA23."

Qui-Gon's retort was quick and expressive. "Those damnable, bloody bastards. They promised me they would dismantle it. They promised."

"Master, you know of it?"

Jinn looked down at the mound of crushed blossoms. "I helped to test it. Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry."

He jerked his eyes up to meet Qui-Gon's own, anger growing out of the guilt and confusion. "Tested it? Helped them? How could you agree to such a thing? It's an obscenity, a twisted misuse of the Force. How could you?"

"I had no idea that they were using it in such a way. Obi-Wan, the Jedi did not invent it." Jinn's voice was gentle but Obi-Wan just shook his head. "Listen, please. One of the Knights in the Outer Rim stumbled across it in an investigation. As far as we know, there is only one, although it appeared that more were to be manufactured. They were going to use it as a weapon against the Jedi since it only works with force-sensitives.'' Qui-Gon moved closer. "The device is able to probe deep into the psyche to find the one thing the victim most fears and multiplies it. It is extremely effective."

"I know that," Obi-Wan growled.

"I agreed to help with the testing to see if there was any defense against it. At the time, the Jedi Council was afraid that more would be coming on the market and we needed to counteract its effects. I was put in the cell for up to two hours at a time, hoping that I could find a way to get around the device. They said my tendency towards stubbornness should serve me well." Qui-Gon gave a slight shiver. "It did not. We were never able to find a way around it. When the testing ended, I was promised, most solemnly, that the device would be destroyed. It seems that they lied."

"So it seems." Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, pain beginning to flash behind the temples. He needed time to reflect on this, time to come to some understanding and deal with the lingering guilt and anger.

"Obi-Wan, come back in. Perhaps, we can start again. I've missed you very much, my old Padawan." Qui-Gon gripped his shoulder again, squeezing slightly. "I know that my family and I haven't made you very welcome but I want another chance."

But he shook his head and Qui-Gon stepped back, unsure of how to proceed. "I need to meditate on this, Master. And my mission begins tomorrow. I will be quite busy for some time." Qui-Gon looked at him, solemn and unhappy but nodded, accepting the Jedi's decision. "I promise that I will see you, at least once, before I leave and we can talk further. Perhaps, the Force has brought us together again for a reason, one that is not apparent in the moment. We will have to see."

The whine of the landspeeder brought them to silence as Atel drove up. She got out and stood, patiently waiting by the porch steps.

"Please make my apologies to your wife and Ben. Anakin as well. I'm sorry, Master."

Qui-Gon nodded and suddenly moved to give Obi-Wan an enveloping hug, whispering. "Never forget that you are the son of my heart, Obi-Wan. Always." He released him and stood back. "May the Force be with you."

Obi-Wan blinked back sudden tears. "And you are my much-loved Master. I will not forget." Turning to go, he replied, "And may the Force be with you."

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Qui-Gon Jinn watched as the speeder roared away and then the night settled into a peaceful calm, the lacywings humming quietly among the blossoms. The young shadow, waiting patiently by his side, moved closer. "Did he tell you about his mission?"

"Anakin, Jedi do not discuss missions with just anyone. It is unwise to do so and against the regulations as well. And no, he did not tell me."

"Do you think he is investigating the disappearance of all those dismissed Jedi? Does he know who killed them? Or is he the killer?"

Qui-Gon smiled briefly but the warmth did not reach his eyes. "So many questions, my young apprentice. No, contrary to your feelings about him, he is not the one killing the ex-Jedi. He could not, not my old Padawan. And he is not investigating the losses either or else he would have asked me about them. No, he's likely here to check up on me and our operations here."

"Master, are you sure?" Qui-Gon gave a swift, unhappy nod.

"What now?"

"Anakin, it will take him a while to settle into his lodgings and then he will begin inquiries tonight. We have about an hour. Let's make the most of it. Go into town and alert our friends that a potential enemy is among us."

"Is he our enemy?" The voice was taut with some darker emotion, jealousy perhaps or an eagerness to begin the chase.

"Damn, I hope not." Qui-Gon closed his eyes for a moment, frowning, pain scrawling across his face. He shook himself free of it and turned toward his apprentice. "Have everyone treat him with the respect due a Jedi but tell him nothing."

"And if he finds out what is going on?"

The tall man shrugged helplessly. "It will be as the Force wills."

"Master, I'm sorry... about everything. It must be hard to see him again, like this." The young one stood with head bowed, penitent.

"Yes, it is. He is the son of my heart…" Qui-Gon put his arm around Anakin's shoulders for a swift, sharp hug and then let him go, "As are you, young one. We are wasting time. Get going, now."

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"Is he gone?" Mace Windu asked quietly from the shadowed corner.

"Yes, he's gone for now. And before you ask, yes, I think he does suspect that there is something more going on here than growing crops." Qui-Gon frowned darkly, his voice low, almost angry. "They deliberately chose him. To torment me or to punish him. Maybe both." Staring out into the night, he admitted, "It hurt to see him and not tell him the truth. I...I've missed him."

"I'm sorry, my friend." Mace put his hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder for a second, squeezing lightly, wordless comfort in the light of the struggles to come, and stepped back.

He shrugged, resigned. "No matter. I will deal with it as I must. Now, to business. I had hoped for more time to strengthen our position before discovery. Better start moving the equipment and personnel out. But not too much. He's not stupid, quite the reverse. We will have to hide what we can, obscure the training centers if possible. He knows of mine. Let's make sure he doesn't find any others."

"And, if he does?" The murmur of disquiet wafted through the cool night air.

"They are looking for a scapegoat. If necessary, they will have one."

"And you're it..."

"Mace, we knew this was a possibility when we started. Yes, he may not know it yet but he's come for me." Qui-Gon turned and placed a hand on Windu's arm, holding him still for a moment, his voice thready with concern. "Promise that you will look after my family. And Anakin. He's very headstrong and may protest this course."

"I will. But aren't you forgetting that the future is always in motion?"

Jinn snorted at that. "I forget nothing." He turned and looked back to where the speeder had disappeared. "Damn that Council for bringing him into this. They are playing us for fools again, Mace, but I am no longer a fool."