AN: See - to make up for that larger than normal gap I posted two in one day, aren't I wonderful? I'll probably be wrapping this up soon. I've got the very last scene planned out...kind of...but that has been a fun one :)

Gorgeous Nightmare

10

After the debacle with my parents, all thoughts of staying as sober as possible flew out of the window and I charmed my name onto five bottles of Firewhisky and even made an emergency, last minute trip to the Three Broomsticks who always had an excellent selection of muggle beers.

The highlight of the evening was supposed to be when the boys launched some of Dr Filibusters' Wet Start Fireworks out of bottles of champagne but it was ultimately trumped by Remus and me sneaking out at three in the morning to hang a piñata on the Whomping Willow. I'm not sure if it counted as animal enrichment as it was, after all, a tree but it would be brilliant fun to watch in the morning.

Although it had to be noted that, once the lower years had gone to bed and we had all gotten more than a bit squiffy, it was a highly educational evening and we learned all sorts of important lessons.

For example; it would appear that, although the Great Hall is a magnificent size, Quidditch is an outdoors sport and is, in fact, impossible when all of the players are disillusioned and with questionable stability due to intoxication.

It is also next to impossible to get James down from the rafters whilst he is disillusioned and everyone is drunk.

Missing steps and moving staircases will also wreak havoc when your sense of direction is whacked and it should be noted that it is highly inappropriate to attempt to snog in every classroom simply because shagging in all of them would take far too long. Ghosts don't like to be disturbed in such a manner and they do get rather prissy about it.

It also transpired that Lily's usually well-hidden whore come out when she was drunk and she and James were found in ten different broom cupboards during the course of the evening. It said a lot about his character that it was James who stopped it every time – Lily was sure to thank him in the morning... if she remembered any of it.

It was a bloody miracle that we made it back to the common room alive, never mind without being caught.

We were still recovering two weeks later when everyone else returned and school started again.

Winter soon faded into Spring with little on note happening apart from Remus coming close to burning down the Library when he discovered that Pater had accidentally eaten all of his Advanced Charms notes.

It was the last day before the Easter holidays when all merry hell broke loose at breakfast.

Sirius and James had been arguing over the last piece of bacon when they both slumped to the floor and started convulsing. Lily was hysterical, people were laughing, thinking that it was just a prank, teachers were bearing down on us and one face could be seen smirking through the masses.

Remus was onto Snape before I had even moved. The usually quiet werewolf was in a rage the life of which I had never seen. I knew about what had happened with Sirius accidentally telling Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack and I wasn't surprised to see the flash of fear in Snape's eyes as Remus tore into him. I didn't even need to move from where I was holding Lily out of Dumbledore's way to hear what was happening.

'WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT! YOU DON'T GO AROUND JUST FUCKING POISONING PEOPLE YOU SPINELESS LITTLE SHIT! WHAT DID YOU GIVE THEM! HMN? WHAT WAS IT!'

Snape mumbled something and Remus grabbed his robes, shaking him.

'BOOMSLANG VENOM! DOYOU KNOW WHAT THAT WILL DO TO SOMEONE!'

I didn't hear the rest of what he said because I had to help Lily out of the hall behind Dumbledore.

I had always tried my best to lay off Snape because he was Lily's friend. Even after he called her a Mudblood I at least tried to be civil to him but this was unforgivable. Blood was going to spill for this, I knew it.

It turned out that Snape had meant for the poison to kick in some time in the afternoon, it was simple luck that had it take hold right under Dumbledore's nose otherwise the small gathering out by the boathouse two weeks later would have been a funeral.

Thanks to sheer luck, it was a lynch mob.

If can call two people a lynch mob, that is.

Lily hadn't left James' side all day and Sirius was already back in the dorm, he was going to join us later but right now Remus was keeping an eye for teachers and covering my back whilst I stunned Snape and pulled him into the boathouse.

I let Remus bind him (ropes had never been my strong point) before reviving him and landing a solid blow to his face.

'You're just lucky that they're alive. Why can't you just fuck off and leave them alone, hmn? I know they were pricks to you but they've moved on and so should you. If you loved Lily so much then you would be able to see that she's happy with James. I've never seen her so happy so why don't you just stop being a selfish git for once and see that by hurting James, you're hurting her.'

I took his wand and tossed it out of the window, watching as it rolled onto the grass. I wasn't stupid enough to trust him. I vanished the ropes and Remus left in front of me but before I went, I turned back to him.

'And if you ever try to pull a stunt like that again, your precious Dark Lord will be the least of your worries.'

I was in no position to make threats like that but fuck it all because it felt good.

With his wand lost in the grass, me and Remus were free to make our escape without fear of attack.

James was released the next day and he and Sirius were probably more insane than ever. The rest of us suspected that they were overdoing it so as not to let people know that their near death experience actually scared them shitless but nothing we could say would calm them down.

The whole school found their lack of retaliation disturbing until Snape was found hanging in the Entrance Hall by his underwear with a sign reading "Now this is a prank, honey. Xo, MWPP" hung around his neck.

I was cornered by James one night in the dorm as I returned from the library. He pushed a small glass bottle into my hands.

'Here, drink this.'

'James, I've been at school with you for seven years and shared your dorm for seven months. I am not about to drink some random potion. What does it do?'

'Animagus potion. We made enough for you and Lily...we though, seeing as you're both practically honorary Marauders now, you might as well find out what form you take.'

'And you didn't think about the possibility of us being something like an elephant or a whale? Y'know...something that wouldn't fit in this room?'

'Not really. Now drink.'

I uncorked the vial and sniffed it warily.

'Is it supposed to smell like wet dog or is that just an unfortunate effect of being stored around Sirius?'

I ducked the pillow that came flying my way.

James sniffed at it.

'Smells like grass to me. You won't be anything too crazy! I bet you're a badger.'

'The fuck do I look like! A Hufflepuff!'

'Fine, a panda.'

'James...what are you even on?'

He shrugged and flopped onto his bed.

'I just think you'll be black and white...that's all. There's nothing wrong with Pandas. What about a penguin.'

I pinched my nose and downed to potion before James could come up with anything more mental. My whole body shivered for a moment and then...

Nothing happened.

'Well? What no- arrrgh'

My world shrunk and my vision flickered.

Every smell hit me all at once and I bounded across the floor into the first hole I could find. Big things...big things out there, can't let them see me...no...Just stay quite under here and they won't...

'Jinx you're so cute!'

I crawled further into my hole. Big things can't find me...no, no, no...

I very suddenly shook my head, trying to clear it. Sirius was hanging over the edge of the bed grinning at me.

'It's a bit freaky, eh? Come out...come on – we want to see.'

I rolled my eyes and started to crawl out but when I extended my arm I found a much shorter appendage than I had expected. I certainly couldn't' remember having black fuzzy arms with sharp little claws before.

I shook it off and made my way out only to be lifted rather unceremoniously onto Sirius' lap. I glared up at him until he pointed over to James.

Instead of James I was confronted with a mirror.

Oh, I was quite cute.

Another shiver ran thought my body and I found myself all arms and legs again, sprawled on top of Sirius.

'Okay...so you were half right. A Red Panda isn't far off. Still doesn't explain why that stuff smelled like wet dog. How do you do it again?'

James shrunk the mirror and slipped it back into his trunk.

'That's the difficult part. Now you know what for you take, you should just be able to visualise it and change but it takes a lot of practice. I'd leave it until the weekend – you tend to wind up walking round with a tail for half the day...it gets awkward to explain.'

And God forbid anything should be awkward in this place.

AN: Oh look! Two authors notes!

Don't ask why I chose a red panda...I just think they're cute. It was that or a fox but, whilst that opened me up to SO many shitty jokes, I thiought a little red panda just casually plodding about and falling asleep in strange places was more fitting.