A/N: So sorry that I haven't updated in a while. Life interrupts, and gets in the way of things. Thanks for staying with me thus far!

I also noticed, on going back and reading some chapters, that in Chapter 6, I don't know what I was thinking or typing. When Kaspar says "You look fine" that is definitely not the first thing he says. So if you found a problem with that, which I certainly did, then I'm sorry.

------

When life got too overwhelming back at home, I would usually go down by the river and swim or something. But now that I'm surrounded by cobbled streets, houses and noise, I can't do that anymore. But always noise. Even before dawn, there are merchants and traders and mailmen and oh-so-many people up and about, I don't fall asleep until it's too late.

And this baby. God forbid it should be born anytime soon. I can already tell its going to be a lazy baby. It barely even kicks, and when it does, it's just like a measly little push. I can't wait. Really, I can't.

Teggy's not usually home anymore, and I know that Gala is in the midst of this somewhere. But I'm quite over being bitter like old Widow Marcella was, who always cursing her life, her children, god, whoever passed her in the streets...No, I think I'll just bear it, just like I am with this child; slowly.

But I wish I could see Kaspar again. I don't know how many times I've said that again and again, but I know deep, deep, deep down inside of me I'll see him again. But its so hard when I see him in Teggy. They act so alike, but are so different in other ways. Mostly, I don't think that Kaspar would have just gone off with my silly sister.

And again, after thinking these stupid, insipid thoughts, I just go into a state of mind that maman would call depression. I call it hopelessness. Because I know it's hopeless to wish that I could see Kaspar again.

I have slightly forgotten Kaspar's face though, and it pains my heart to imagine it, to even think, that maybe it was a long dream, and that he wasn't real. But I don't like that thought at all. And what hurts more, is that when I do try quite hard to remember his face, and squeeze my eyes shut like it would help, is that I see Teggy's red heir, his freckles and his narrow wonderful nose. And then I start to cry because I know that is not Kaspar.

At all.

-------

I went to go find Teggy after again imagining Teggy instead of Kaspar. I had a few questions for him, and this would be the first time in a while that I hoped we would speak without fighting. I knew it wasn't really decent for a pregnant 'lady' to be up and about, but with this burden about me, I could just sit around or I'd go plumb crazy.

I walked into the little building where he worked, and I think that he had some work with helping merchants figure out stuff. I wasn't really sure because I never asked him what he did. I just knew it was nothing like farming, or working outside.

"Hello," I said softly, waddling inside the warm room. He looked up smiling, but when he saw me, his face fell a little. I didn't want to think about who he would have rather seen, so I pulled over a chair with an ugly red cushion on it and sat down.

"You can keep working; I just had a few questions," I smiled at him wanly. I'd be dammed if I didn't get an answer out of him. "I'm not here to ask about Gala, ok?" He looked up at the name, and then quickly back down at the sheaf of papers. "What is it exactly that you do here anyways? I have never asked you, and I thought it was odd not to have done so already."

"I help merchants and traders keep track of their money. I tell them whether it is wise to spend money and go on trips or to save it and go next year. Or month. Or whatever they choose."

"Oh. Doesn't sound too complicated," I said softly. The baby kicked, but it was still a bit laggish. He laughed.

"Oh it is surprisingly difficult," I smiled at his laugh. I hadn't heard it in a while.

"Teggy?" I ventured. Lately I hadn't been calling him Teggy. I hadn't been calling him anything.

"Yes Falya?" He looked up for a moment again. I pulled a curl back behind my ear.

"I have a question. Or two."

"Or so I've heard," he smiled, "Continue." I swallowed, slight tears coming up in my eyes. He looked up again, and at seeing my tears he didn't look back down. He laid his pen down and frowned.

"Do you know a Kaspar?"

"What?" he said sharply. I remembered vaguely that back at our wedding he had looked at me funny when I asked if he was Kaspar. But he was laughing then; should he be laughing now?

"I asked because I thought –think actually...that you look a smite like one I knew." He looked at me with wide eyes. I couldn't meet his eyes, I was too sad.

"Well...there are other Kaspars..."

"Maybe. But with piercing green-gray eyes?" Teggy's face blanched, "Oh, I thought not. And with long, dark hair? Skin like golden honey?" I said, my voice getting quieter and dreamier as I spoke. He had paled considerably.

"Why? Do you know someone who looks like this?"

"No Teggy, I am merely describing someone I do not know," I said, my voice a tad irate, "Of course I know someone like this. But I am asking, do you?"

"Why?"

"Because," I huffed again, "I think that the one I know looks and acts a bit like you. Mon dieu..."

"But...he's...not...he, Kaspar...no...He's not..." he babbled, his words slurring over as the thought seemed to strike home.

"Teggy? Teg, are you alright?"

"Honestly?" I nodded, "No."

"Oh. But why?"

"Kaspar? He was my brother." My mouth dropped open.

"What?" He nodded, again not looking at me. But this time I was intrigued, and I leant forward in earnest. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Where did he go?"

"What are you talking about?" He looked at me with a bemused expression. "Where did he go?"

"Yes, he told me goodbye," I never added that it was in a dream.

"How could he have though? He's –" what was this man talking about.

"Teggy? I saw him last just a few days before our wedding," nothing prepared me for his answer. He hands gripped the table suddenly, and his knuckles turned as white as a cloud. He looked at me blankly; he was shaking so hard, I was afraid.

"You couldn't have."

"Oh yes I could," I said with a harsh conviction. He came back to earth a little. A little.

"No. You couldn't have," he was shaking his head vigorously. He put a hand to my forehead. I think in this case it should have been me checking his forehead for show of fever.

"Well why not?" I crossed my arms over my large belly.

"Because Kaspar...for about four years now..." he trailed off, "Falya...Kaspar –he's dead."