CHAPTER 10

KONRA LIGHTHOUSE

"Are we there yet?" Mustadio asked as the river floated down towards the port city of Konra.

"For the last time, YES!" Agrias huffed.

"Now then..." Cinna said. "Who knows how to stop a raft?"

"What?" Ramza asked.

That was when the raft hit the dock and sent everyone flying onto the hard pavement of the street.

"OWWWW!!!" Meliadoul groaned as she pulled herself up. "Next time, someone hit the brakes!"

"Never mind that," Cloud said. "Is the raft OK?"

Everyone looked down where the raft had collided. It was sinking into the river, surrounded by a froth of bubbles.

"Too bad," Alma said. "It was really a good raft."

"We never even got to christen it..." Malak sighed.

"At least we made it here," Orlandu said, looking around.

Konra was a port town, but it was quite different from Porta Vista. It was a bit more quaint, with less big buildings and more traditional houses, designed to look like Swiss chalets. Seagulls flew around the docks and fishing boats sailed in and out.

"Hold on a second," Agrias objected. "How come we were just in the desert back there and now we're on the ocean again? This doesn't make sense. We're inland, for goodness sake."

"Oh, I must've forgotten to tell ya," Cinna said. "Konra isn't by the ocean, but it's got a lake-sized saltwater bay that leads out into the ocean."

"Well, THAT explains everything," Meliadoul sighed.

"Hey, you wanted an explanation, I'm giving one to you," Cinna said.

"Hurry up, you guys!" Rad shouted to Alicia and Lavian as the three of them ran over the desert with the chains still attached to their ankles. They were following a set of train tracks that they hoped would lead to the next town.

"Did anyone see us escape?" Lavian asked.

"I hope not," Alicia remarked.

"OK, we've gotta find out where Ramza went," Rad said. "Of course, it might be a good idea to get these chains off first... We do look pretty suspicious."

Just then, a train rolled by on the set of tracks. "I have a plan," Rad quickly said, running up alongside it and jumping into the nearest compartment.

"Wait up!" Alicia shouted as she and Lavian struggled to keep up the pace. Alicia jumped up and clung to the side of the train. Lavian was the only one still running.

Rad looked around the boxcar. There were a few other hoboes in there, unshaven and holding various odds and ends. "Any of you guys skilled in metalworking?" Rad asked.

Suddenly, Lavian tripped. The chains yanked Alicia off the train and then Rad. They all collided with each other and rolled downhill into the Stoic River.

"Oh, nice going, Lavian," Rad growled as he spit water out of his mouth.

"I tripped on a gopher!" Lavian protested.

"Welcome to Konra!" the innkeeper said as he poured Ramza a drink at the inn's bar. "What can I do for you guys?"

"Well, we'll need a room..." Alma suggested. "A big one."

The innkeeper looked at the group of 15 strangers. "...Just one room?" he asked.

"Yep," Alma said. "One room."

"All right..." the innkeeper said hesitantly.

"Alma, are you nuts?!" Agrias asked. "There's no way we could all stay in one room!"

"Try telling that to the wallet," Alma said, shoving a near-empty leather case at the others. "We're flat-out broke here!"

"So, barkeep," Mustadio said. "Anything happening in town lately?"

"Well," the innkeeper said. "We were going to have our annual Starlight Festival..."

"Ooh, a party!" Reis said. "I adore parties."

"I said we WERE going to have it," the innkeeper said. "Unfortunately, we usually launch fireworks from the Konra Lighthouse, but ever since a few weeks ago, no one's dared to go up to it." The innkeeper leaned in close. "They say it's haunted now."

"H-h-haunted?!" Mustadio stuttered.

"Get a grip, scaredy-cat," Agrias muttered.

"Anyone who goes up there now has a bunch of ninja stars thrown at them from the top of the lighthouse," the innkeeper said. "No one can see what's up there, so everyone says it's haunted."

"Haunted, shmaunted," Malak said. "I think they're full of it. Whaddya say, Ramza? Let's go check it out."

"Well, I suppose we could..." Ramza said.

"Yeah, if they don't get the lighthouse fixed, there won't be any festival," the innkeeper said.

"No parties?" Reis asked. "We won't let THAT happen!"

"I'll come," Rafa said.

"Me, too," Mustadio said.

"You'll be toast without me," Agrias said.

"Awful sure of yourself, aren't you?" Mustadio grumbled.

"I guess we'll go, then," Ramza said.

"You guys be careful," Cinna said. "If you die, who'm I gonna write my songs about?"

"Yeah, that'd be REAL tragic," Meliadoul muttered.

"Would you prefer I write about 'Wonderful King Delita?'" Cinna asked.

"Well, when you put it that way..." Meliadoul said as she reconsidered her standing on the subject.

Ramza, Rafa, Malak, Mustadio and Agrias left the inn and headed up towards the lighthouse. "It's probably just some practical joker throwing stuff at people," Malak muttered.

"But what if there really ARE ghosts?" Rafa asked. "Have we got any Phoenix Downs?"

"Plenty," Mustadio said, revealing a huge sack of the sacred feathers.

"At least you come prepared," Agrias said.

"Geez! You never give me a break, do you?!" Mustadio growled.

"Why should I?" Agrias snorted.

"Knock it off, you guys-" Ramza started to say, when suddenly a blade nicked his ear. "What the?!" he exclaimed.

"Look out!" Rafa shouted, pushing Ramza down as a second shuriken came whizzing down. It embedded itself in the spot where Ramza had been standing.

'Well, the barkeep wasn't lying," Malak said as he dodged a few stars himself.

"Ah! AH! Hey!" Agrias growled as she pranced about, dodging the sharp shurikens being flung her way.

'I'll fix this," Mustadio muttered as he yanked out his gun and fired. The hail of stars ceased.

"Nice work, Mustadio!" Ramza said.

"I guess you're good for something," Agrias said.

Mustadio rolled his eyes, and the group walked into the lighthouse.

"There sure is a lot of marine stuff in here," Malak said, observing a box of military medals.

"Hold on a second, this isn't right," Ramza said. "Can we get the prop guys in here for a second?!"

Two guys ran in. "Guys, I think this is supposed to say MARITIME instead of marine," Ramza explained, showing them his copy of the script. The two guys immediately wheeled away the whole set and replaced it with a different one.

"OK, let's take it from the top," the director shouted. "Nice eye, Ramza."

"....Sure is a lot of maritime stuff in here," Malak said, observing a huge anchor and a diving suit.

"That's more like it," Rafa said. "If those things were coming from the top of the lighthouse, shouldn't we should look up there?"

"I like the way you think, Rafa," Agrias said, beginning to climb the steps.

"Yeah, this place is filled with deep-sea stuff," Mustadio said as he looked around. "Wait a minute, what's this? 'Spongebob Squarepants?'" He picked up a strange, yellow creature wearing oddly-shaped trousers and observed it thoughtfully.

"We'd like to extend our heartiest apologies to Nickelodeon and its various enterprises," the network censor said as she appeared. "The scene in question was merely an ad-lib brought on by an actor who wasn't using his head."

"Who asked you?!" Mustadio asked, throwing the sponge at the censor. She was hit and rolled down the stairs with accompanying sounds of pain.

"Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowow," the censor yelled as she tumbled down the spiraling steps.

"Are things outside of Ivalice funnier or just more stupid?" Ramza asked as he brought up the party's rear.

After a long, long, long, long, LONG climb, the group reached the top of the lighthouse. "Whew, that was quite a climb," Agrias wheezed as she plopped down on the floor near the ladder.

"That's probably why they used so many 'longs' in the sentence," Mustadio grumbled as he entered the room after her.

"At least we made it," Malak said, forcing himself up a few more rungs and letting his body hit the floor on the top.

Rafa and Ramza entered the room in a similar fashion. "...Say, did you guys notice something?" Rafa asked.

"What?" Ramza asked.

"Well, there was all sorts of maritime stuff on the way up here, but this room is way different," Rafa explained. "I mean, there isn't any ocean junk at all, just some candles with blue and.... purple... flames... Uh-oh."

"Battle stations!" Agrias shouted, readying her sword.

On the ground, there was a large circle with a picture of a monkey inside of it. A low chuckle could be heard from somewhere. "Glad you came up here. I'll make it worth your while, Ooka ooka oo..."

The group watched as a mechanical monkey dropped down from the ceiling. He wore a ninja's uniform, and his hands and feet grasped throwing stars ready for launching.

"Another Mechannite, I presume?" Ramza asked, drawing his sword. The monkey threw three stars and pinned Ramza to the wall.

"Correct," the monkey said. "I am Shuriken Simian, the monkey Mechannite! I thought you guys would show up sooner or later for my stone. That was a cheap shot, shooting at me from down there!"

"It wasn't very nice of you to be tossing throwing stars at us, either. Just give the stone to us," Mustadio argued.

"Please?" Rafa asked.

"Impossible," Shuriken Simian chuckled darkly. "I couldn't give it to you, even if I wanted to, ooka ooka..."

"I guess we'll have to fight for it," Malak growled, readying his rod.

"Smart boy," Shuriken Simian said. "Get ready! MONKEY STAR!!!"

Shuriken Simian started throwing ninja stars every which way. They were coming out so fast, it looked like a sub-machine gun being fired.

"Owww!!!" Agrias hissed as a blade sunk into her left hip.

"Agrias, are you all right?" Mustadio asked.

"No, I'm all happy and prancing around without a care in the world!" Agrias growled. "Of COURSE I'm not all right!"

"Ramza, here," Rafa said, struggling to yank the stars out of his clothing to free him. He dropped to the floor and stood up again.

"Thanks, Rafa," Ramza said, smiling at her.

"How sweet," Shuriken Simian sneered. "But I don't care! HYAAAAAHHHH!!!"

The robotic ape started hurling swords and axes directly at Ramza.

"Yikes! He's bringing out the heavy artillery!" Ramza shouted, leaping off to the side.

"Sky Demon!" Rafa shouted, casting a Heaven skill. The holy blasts slowed Shuriken Simian down, but they mostly just made him angrier.

"I'll slice you all to ribbons!" the monkey screeched, lobbing spears and more ninja stars at the group.

"Heaven Bolt Back!" Malak shouted, allowing his devilish attack to blast around Shuriken Simian. One burst hit him and made him direct his attention at Malak, throwing spears and swords at the exotic priest.

"Malak, watch out!" Rafa shouted.

"Warrrgh!" Malak yelled as a blade sunk into his leg and he teetered out the window.

"MALAK!!!" Rafa screamed.

Ramza put his hands together and concentrated for a moment. "BAHAMUT!!!" he shouted. Instantly, a huge dragon appeared outside the lighthouse window. It swooped down, grabbed Malak and deposited him back inside the room.

"Thank God!" Agrias said. "Now let's put Bonzo to bed! HOLY EXPLOSION!!!"

Agrias's attack zoomed towards Shuriken Simian, but he leaped away at the last second. "Im-impossible!" Agrias cried.

"Let's slow him down," Mustadio growled. "ARM AIM!"

"Nice try, geekwad," Agrias said. "He's too fast!"

But instead of shooting directly at Shuriken Simian, Mustadio shot at one of the candelabras. It bounced off and struck the robotic ape in the back!

"KWEEEEEEHHHHH!!!!" Shuriken Simian shrieked. "I can't move my arms!"

"Well, that's why it's called Arm Aim," Mustadio said, pointing his gun at the surprised monkey. "LEG AIM!"

One blast from the gun made Shuriken Simian unable to move. "N'grrr!!!" the ape yelled. "This is an outrage!!!"

"Now, guys!" Mustadio shouted.

"Sky Demon!" Rafa shouted.

"Sky Demon Back!" Malak yelled.

"Ultima!" Ramza shouted.

"Lightning Stab!" Agrias commanded. All four attacks hit Shuriken Simian and his bits and pieces flew everywhere.

"You sneaky bastards!" he yelled. "You'll never get all the stones!" Then he exploded and shrapnel flew everywhere. When the light faded, there was a green stone lying where the mechanical monkey had been.

"A fourth of the stones are collected," Agrias said as she walked over and picked it up. "Ovelia... We'll get you back yet."

"What did he mean when he said he couldn't give us the stone?" Rafa asked.

"Don't you remember the story?" Mustadio asked. "The Mechannites ARE the stones. They transformed into beasts to protect themselves and the temple."

"Well, we'll have to use them wisely," Ramza said, looking at the emerald-green bauble in Agrias's palms.