Set during the season 5 episode "Without Reservations" and written using the song "Into the nothing" by Breaking Benjamin as an inspiration. The dialogue "Murdock, I feel so cold." belongs to the episode writer Bill Nuss. References the Season 2 episode "Curtain Call" in passing.
" Murdock, I feel so cold."
Kneeling on the floor, one hand wrapped consolingly around Face's shoulder, Murdock remembered that coldness, remembered the way the chill washed over your body, rendering every inch of you numb.
Every inch save for the burning ache. The fiery pain that broke through the numbness until you were sure you'd suffocate on agony.
But that coldness, it fought for control. It fought to consume you whole. It froze your soul, until you were sure you'd never be warm again.
And your teeth chattered, and your body shook and your blood drained at an alarming rate whilst your brain shrieked in panic that you were going to die.
And Murdock understood, he finally understood why BA hadn't wanted to hear those words in the mine. Why he'd cut him off.
Laboured and breathless words, dying words, weren't meant to be spoken.
They weren't meant to be heard.
Not in Vietnam, not in some abandoned mine, not in the kitchen of Villa Cuchina.
He refused to acknowledge them. Couldn't acknowledge them.
Not when Face was the one choking the whisper out over a cloud of pain.
So he bit down on his knuckle until he was sure he'd draw blood, until he his focus was consumed with his own pain, and not Face's.
Face dragged him back to reality, brought him back to the kitchen floor, hand cold and clammy against his own, seeking solace, trying to ward off his own fear.
And Murdock let him, because nothing hurt as much as guilt and he was overwhelmed in it.
He stared down at Face, tried to mask the concern, could feel the cracks beginning to show in his masquerade.
Could see his own terror reflected in Face's eyes.
God, how he wished BA and Hannibal were here.
End.