What just happened?
Did you kiss me?
Cause that's a place we've never been until now

and I don't know how it's gonna be after this
Do we pretend these feelings don't exist at all
or do we fall?

My confusion shows whenever you get so close
I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say
I'm nervous, I wonder why I'm acting this way

It's temporary insanity
What's going on with you and me?
Is it real or is it fantasy?
Forever or just temporary?

Was it all a big mistake?
And if it was, it's much too late to undo
and I don't really want to

its temporary insanity
what's going on with you and me?
Is it real or is it fantasy?
Forever or just temporary?
Temporary Insanity by Alexz Johnson


The electric spark that went through my body when his lips touched mine was so different from what I ever experienced with Jacob. With Jacob his lips were rough and hard but this kiss, Edwards kiss, was the total opposite. It was soft and sweet and almost loving. The way his lips caressed mine was otherworldly. I lifted my arms, resting one on his shoulder and the other cupping the back of his neck. I leaned on to my knees as his strong arms wrapped around my waist. A voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that this was wrong, that I shouldn't be feeling these things with my best friend and that I had a boyfriend but I didn't care right now. All I felt, all I heard was Edward and nothing else.

I let him deepen the kiss and felt his arms move down to my hips as I pushed him down to the hard wooden planks of the old tree house. His fingers played with the exposed skin where my shirt didn't quite reach my pants, and the spark that was only on part of me became omnipresent. I wound both my hands into his hair tugging on it lightly, I heard a soft moan escape his lips and I pulled on his hair again wanting to hear that beautiful sound again.

He bit my lip lightly and I moaned softly, then he pulled back and mumbled my name. I don't know why but I didn't realize, until then, how beautiful my name sounded when it came out of his lips.

"Edward," I sighed and slowly, reluctantly, got off from on top of him. I sat down, bringing my knees up to my chest and running a hand through my, now unruly, hair rerunning the situation through my head.

"Edward I'm sorry that was," I struggled to find the right words, and even as I said them I knew they weren't the ones I was searching for, "a mistake, I'm sorry."

I couldn't bare to look at his face so I got up and crawled to the small exit. When my feet touched the ground I started to walk away, but I heard Edward following me.

"Wait Bella," I heard him shout from the bottom of the steps, "You can't say that you didn't feel anything up there, Bella you cant say that you didn't feel a connection or a spark."

I clap of thunder followed by a flash of lightning colored the sky. I felt a drop of rain fall on my face, running down my cheek like a tear. I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, that I had felt a spark that I never felt with Jacob, but I didn't know what it meant or how I felt about it, so I lied, "No, Edward I didn't feel anything. I was just sad and you were the only one there so I used you, Ok? I'm sorry."

It started to down pour on us and the cold water soaked us to the bone.

Edward started to walk towards me; he stopped about a foot away. I was glad that it started to rain so he wouldn't see the tears falling out from my eyes. I knew I was hurting him, though I didn't know why, but I couldn't be feeling these things with him. Feelings that I never knew I had have been opening up within me lately, they scared me and I didn't know what they were, they were foreign to me.

Edwards breathing was hard, ragged, and uneven, "You did feel it Bella you're just hiding from it. You're not letting yourself feel it because you're scared." It was scary really how Edward seemed to be able to read my mind, like we did have a connection, but it's probably because we've known each other so long.

"Edward, I'm tired, confused and tired right now could I just go to bed?" I whined wanting to be in my warm bed, and not think for a while.

He looked frustrated and I was mad that it was my fault, "Fine just, whatever." He walked past me and into the house.

I stood out in the cold rain for a while, staring at where he was just standing, until I started walking to the porch and up the steps, thinking that this was going to be a lonely winter break without my best friend.

~*~*~*~*~

I woke up early the next morning in the warmth of my old bed. Edward wasn't in my bedroom, I mean he wasn't obligated to be in my bedroom and its not like I couldn't sleep without him there, it was just an unsaid agreement that he would sleep in my room. He's probably still mad at me. I got up, brushed my teeth and my hair. When I walked down stairs I saw a familiar tuff of bronze hair stick out from under the covers. So that where Edward was, I was mad at myself for letting him sleep on that uncomfortable couch. I walked into the kitchen where I saw my mom, Esme and Liz standing around making a breakfast buffet.

"Morning," I said around a yawn. I went around kissing the adults on the cheek.

"Sweetie you look so tired," My mom said holding me in arms length by my shoulders.

"I'm fine mom," I insisted, I got 2 cups out of the cupboard and walked to the refrigerator filling them half way with OJ. I downed one of the cups and went into the living room where Edward was sleeping.

I shook him a little, waking him up. He groaned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his hand.

"Hey, Edward sup," I said hoping he wouldn't still be mad at me.

He grunted and looked at me like he was expecting something.

"I brought you orange juice," I said avoiding his gaze. I couldn't look at him right now.

"Thanks," He said taking the orange juice out of my hand. He got off the couch and went up the stairs with the juice. I heard a door shut and knew he went in to the bathroom.

I sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Why did I have to mess everything up? I laid down, burying my head in Edwards's pillow. His sweet scent assaulted my noise; it was the best smell I've ever smelled!

I heard footsteps on the stairs; I shot right up and walked towards Edward, stepping in front of him.

"So you brushed your teeth," I asked looking down.

"Yeah," he said awkwardly.

"So you hungry?" I asked looking up to see he was looking down.

"Um, yeah," He went around me and into the kitchen. I sighed heavily again and followed him.

~*~*~*~*~

Edward ignored me all through breakfast. While everyone was making conversation and laughing, Edward and I were the only quiet ones. We just stared at our food eating silently. You see this is what happens when you kiss your best friend and like it. I found myself not even thinking about Jacob, all I was thinking about was Edward, his lips on mine, his skin on my skin, all my thought were surrounded by him.

When he was done with his breakfast he went straight upstairs mumbling a thank you to the parents. I stared after him for a while until I followed him upstairs, and into my bedroom.

"Okay what's up Edward could you talk to me?" I asked looking at him.

"How could I talk to you Bella? I don't want to talk to you right now. So please leave me alone." he said turning his back to me.

"Leave you alone? I not going to leave you alone Edward this is my room," I said.

"Fine," He turned around and attempted to get out of my room, but I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back in. I turned around and locked the door.

"You are not leaving until we talk; tell me what you want from me Edward. Why are you being so cold?" I asked almost desperately.

"You want to know what I want Bella?" He waited for my nod until continuing, "I want to know why you've wasted the last two years of your life with that jackass they call Jacob. He's a jerk Bella and he's not good enough for you. Your closing yourself off and your diluting yourself into thinking your in love with him when your really not. Bella I'm pretty sure that you don't even know what love is-,"

I cut him off, "I do know what love is Edward,"

"No, Bella, you don't," He took a step towards me, "If you did you wouldn't have ran away from it last night," He said taking another step towards me, "You really are naive Bella, your not in love with Jacob."

He then proceeded to grab my chin and crashed his lips to mine and I let him. This kiss was different from last night, this one was urgent and desperate, as if he was trying to send a message through it that I couldn't get.

I wrapped my arms around his neck just like I did last night. I tangled my hands in his hair, pushing closer to me. I could feel every part of him on every part of me and I was loving it.

He wrapped his arms around my wait and lifted me up lightly; I wrapped my legs around his torso as he carried me to my bed. He hovered on top of me place feather light kiss down my jaw and neck. I felt tears prick behind my eyes and I knew he was wrong.

"Edward I can't do this." I said pushing him off of me and getting up. I ran a hand through my hair and got up leaving Edward there behind me.

Edward was wrong I did know what love was, and I was in love with Jacob.

OK, you could totally flame me for this chapter, it's not one of my favorites but it was needed to continue the story.

Review Please???