The PINA COLADA show
STARRING LIZ AND LYN AND WYATT THE TOP HAT SALESMAN
Lyn:Hey-o hi-o what up-o! Welcome-o to the show-o!
Liz:Are you going to talk like that the whole episode?
Lyn:No-o.
Liz:Getting to the point, today we have to do our community service!
Lyn:On our way to becoming crime overlords, we started out with the simplest trick in the book. We were caught stealing candy from a baby.
Liz:It's only because you had to stop and look at the puppies.
Lyn:But they were so cute!
Liz:But, since we are celebrities, we were allowed the best community service—we were allowed to do POLICE SERVICE!!!
Lyn:YYYAAAYYY!
Liz:But… shall we tell you our carefully organized oh-so crimelordish plan?
Audience: YES!
Lyn:Okay, then we won't. You're just gonna have to keep on listening or reading or whatever you guys are doing in Bramerica. Or Oblivia. Or Atlantis. Or some other place that we've never heard of.
Liz:Anyway, let's get on with it.
(Later, driving along a highway in Forks.)
Lyn:Wait, that guy looks like he's speeding!
Liz:Pull 'em over!
(One pullover later)
Mysterious Man: Yes, officers?
Lyn:Can we see your driver's license?
MM:Uh, sure.
Liz:Thank you, Mr. Black OR SHOULD I SAY Jacob Black!
Lyn:Uh, Liz, that was the guy we were supposed to interview.
Liz:Sir, please come out and walk in a straight line.
(Jacob does it and passes with flying colors)
Lyn:I don't know about you, Liz, but he looked a little tipsy to me.
Liz:Give him the breathalyzer.
Lyn:Hmm… zero. Alright, Mr. Black, we're bringing you in!
(One bring in later)
Jacob:Hey, this isn't jail!
Liz:It's like jail!
Both: MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Jacob:Why am I going to wish that I was in jail?
Lyn:Beg to differ.
Liz:You are going to wish you were in HE double hockeysticks!
Jacob:He- he- hel- ohh god.
Liz:Right. Anyway, would you like to find out what would happen if we killed you?
Lyn:It's called the CHAIN REACTION OF KILLING JACOB BLACK!
Jacob:Sure.
Lyn:We hope to accomplish this by… (Wyatt hands her a calendar.) Next month.
Liz:Killing Jacob…
Lyn:Would kill Reneesme…
Liz:Which would kill Bella…
Lyn:Which would kill Edward…
Liz:Which would kill Alice…
Lyn:Which would kill Jasper…
Liz:Which would kill either Rosalie or Emmett because they do what the crowd is doing.
Lyn:Which would kill vice versa…
Liz:Which would kill Esme…
Lyn:Which would kill Carlisle,
Both:And all along the way there would be a bunch of mini deaths that no one cares about!
Jacob:Wow. Now I can take more liberty not to die!
Lyn:No, that's not the point!
Jacob:What is the point?
Liz:We really don't know.
Lyn:You know, I hate you. You imprinted on Reneesme. You should have just killed her.
Liz:But that would have killed Bella.
Lyn:Which would have killed Edward…
Liz:Which would have killed Alice…
(Jacob slips away while he had the chance and his kidnappers were speaking of the chain of killing Reneesme.)
Lyn:Which would kill… Hey, where'd he go?
Liz:Dunno. I guess that's the end of the episode, though.
Lyn:Aw, man. That's the end of our character list.
Liz:Then let's ask the viewers. Which one of the shows was your favorite?
Lyn:Yeah, we need at least ten reviews on that subject to finally write the end. SO REVIEW PEOPLE!
Wyatt: That's the end, I'm afraid. Now go home and mourn for your undead fish. Or if your fish is dead, mourn for him.