A/N: Hi guys! I am posting this a bit earlier to compensate for posting a couple of days late last week. I assure you it was not my fault. For some reason, FF did not allow me to post. I guess they were having technical issues. I do my best to post in a timely manner because I know you guys are waiting for this, and that is such an honor that I would never dream to disrespect you by leaving you hanging.
On a happier note, Cintia was my beta for this chapter and I thank her for her valuable work. Also, SM owns Twilight so I just play with her characters.
I hope you enjoy this!
EPOV
"I will be back in ten minutes, Cullen, with the police in tow, ready to put your ass in jail," Carmen taunted me.
"I'll be waiting" I answered serenely, but my voice was laced with unadulterated ire.
Carmen turned to leave, but just as she was about to walk out of the room, Alice grabbed her by the shoulders and forced Carmen to face her. Alice was eerily calm, but her eyes had fire in them. She ordered Rose to remove Bella from the room and to call Esme. I knew
"No way! Bella is leaving with me!" Carmen protested.
"Shut up, Mother!" Alice replied angrily.
"Alice, don't forget I am your mother! Don't you dare disrespect me!" Carmen spat.
"Mother? Come on! Really?" Alice asked incredulously, " You stopped being my mother a long time ago, Carmen. When was the last time you cared to ask about my life or even dared to tell me you love me? When was the last time you cared whether I ate or slept well? When was the last time you cared about my grades? Do you even know what school I go to?"
Carmen blanched at Alice's rapid questioning. It was easy to tell that she had no answers for Alice,
"What makes you feel like you have any authority to criticize my sex life? Basically calling me a whore for sleeping with different men? Do you want to know why I did that, Mother? I'll tell you. I wanted to feel loved! Isn't that ridiculous? I wanted to feel that I mattered to someone because my own mother was too busy caring for someone else to care a little bit about me!" Alice shrieked.
"Did you know that Rose was raped by her boyfriend and that was the reason she became obsessed with self defense? No? Well, Mom, I hate to break it to you, but you suck as a mother. I still held some sort of respect for you until you went through that door today and accused Edward of something so vile. He is a kind man, someone who truly cares about people. But you can't see that, can you? That's because you are rotten, Mother, and you think the world is rotten. My father left you, that's true, but that doesn't mean all men are bad. In fact, I am beginning to understand why he left you. I am surprised it took him so long!" Alice laughed sarcastically.
Carmen recoiled at Alice's words. It was almost as if Alice was striking her physically, but Alice showed no sign of remorse. She was angry and deeply hurt by her mother's actions. I was stunned to see her like that, she was always happy and smiling, and I would have never guessed she was so damaged. This only angered me more. How can a mother neglect her kids to such extent? Why was she so devoted to Bella that she forgot her own kids? What kind of mother does that?
"So now that we established what a horrible mother you have been, I hope you can understand why I am willing to fight you over Bella. Rose will request to be granted guardianship, and Esme will support her petition. We are prepared to testify and explain to the court that you are not mentally fit to care for Bella. We do have for than enough proof of your obsessive behavior with her. Also, I recorded everything you did today on my cell phone, so I am sure the judge will not be impressed with how you are treating Edward and with how you could care less about how your antics affect Bella"
Alice waved her phone and smiled at her mother mockingly. It was chilling and very scary. I could tell Jasper was worried about her but seemed unsure about how to proceed.
"If you go to the press you would not only be affecting Edward, you will affect Bella even worse. She will be hounded by paparazzi, and her face will be all over the news. I don't know about you, but the idea of Marcus knowing where she is and seeing how she has been affected by him makes me want to hurl. I will not allow it, Mother. I am willing to call my father and get him to sue you for using our trust fund to pay for Bella's medical expenses, leaving us to pay for our own College education," Alice threatened.
"You wouldn't dare! You know that Bella needed treatment and her money had run out. What did you expect me to do? Let her be hospitalized in the county hospital? You both agreed to it!" Carmen argued.
"Well, unless you can prove that to the court with a signed paper, I doubt it would help you much, so I suggest you think long and hard about what you are going to do because I am prepared to fight for Bella. Unlike you, I do care about her well-being, and I will do my damn best to make sure she gets out of the hole where you have put her. Now please leave this house and do not come back. If you decide to fight me on this mother, I'll be glad to see you in court."
Alice then walked out of the room, leaving her mother speechless. I took a chance to try to smooth things out with Carmen and told her that I did not wish any harm to Bella, and that I only wanted to help her. Carmen looked at me with such hatred that for a moment I thought she would kill me if she could.
"You have taken my entire family away from me. I am not sure how or when, but I assure you, Mr. Cullen, that you will pay for it"
She then walked out of the room, leaving me and Jasper stunned.
BPOV
"Hello ladies," Marcus says as mom and I walk into the house. He then walks towards my mom, who is frozen in place and covering me with her body, instinctively knowing we were in danger. I am not a 14 year old kid. In here I am an adult, and I am afraid because I already know my mom and dad will be killed.
"I see that you miss me, little Bella, so I am here for you," He explains in an overly sweet tone and with an angelic smile. His words anger me.
"I do not miss you, nor do I want you" I answer curtly. The sight of him makes me want to puke all over the floor.
"Oh, you do miss me, and I know you enjoyed me thoroughly. I must say your pretty little cunt was delightful. I am glad I am the only man to ever have you, well not counting my friends that is" He laughs sarcastically. I feel my stomach heave, and suddenly the images of that dreadful day flood me. I feel him on top of me, panting, hurting my innocence, and I am powerless against him. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice approach.
"Get the fuck off her. You won't hurt her. You will NEVER hurt her again. She is mine!" The familiar voice exclaims angrily.
"She will never be yours, Cullen, my venom is within her, she is rotten with my seed," Marcus explains derisively.
An angry roar is heard, and Marcus disappears from my body. I feel gentle hands caressing my face and I see green eyes full of kindness. Edward is on me now, and he kisses me kindly, lovingly, and I feel safe. Suddenly, Marcus returns and the pain is much worse, he takes my body with bloody hands and laughs incessantly. I push him hard and he disappears, but the blood is everywhere and I can hear his evil laughter. I am searching for Edward, yelling his name until I turn around and see him lying on the floor in a fetal position. His beautiful face is ashen and his skin is pale. He is dead. I walk towards a mirror and what I see in the reflection makes me scream. There is my body, with a bleeding hole where my heart used to be, and Edward's heart beating in my hands. I then realize he gave me his heart in order to give me life.
I wake up screaming, thrashing against the bed and sweating profusely.
"Shhh, Bella, it's ok. You were dreaming," Alice says softly, while running her hand over my head.
"He is dead, Alice! Marcus killed him too!" I yell as my body began to shake uncontrollably.
"Shit, Bella calm down. It was a dream, you are okay," she soothes me.
"Edward…he is gone," I say between shivers. The pain is so much I can't breathe. I gasp, trying to get air into my dying lungs but knowing that I won't be able to survive this.
Alice leaves my side and runs out of the room. I can hear her panicked voice yelling for help.
"Alice, Marcus got to him, he is dead!" I repeat frantically.
"What are you talking about, Bella? Marcus is in jail and not able to kill anyone. We are all fine. Please relax. It was just a nightmare sweetie," she whispered.
It took me a moment to absorb her words and realize that it had been indeed a nightmare. However, I was still shocked by the fact that Mr. Cullen had been a guest start in the horrific series of dreams I was accustom to. Perhaps even more shocking was the fact that seeing him dead hurt me so bad that I wished I was the one dead. I also noted how stupid my subconscious was, pretending that I could be worth enough to hold his heart, both figuratively and literally.
"Bella, I know you are stressed about living here, but it's the best thing we can do for Dorito. Do you think that Charlie would be happy if you were to go home and leave him here? Do you remember what he told us when he brought him home?"
Alice question made me uncomfortable. She knew I did not like to talk about my parents, and she was breaking the rules. If Carmen was here, she would have already admonished and saved me from the trouble of having to recall such painful memories.
"Alice, you know I don't like to think about that," I said sternly.
"Well, I am sorry, Bella but I think it is time for you to take responsibility for your actions. For years you have hidden behind your medication and your painting in order to avoid reality without caring about the rest of the world. I know you are suffering, believe me I do, but it kills me to see that you have forgotten them! Charlie would have never approved of your behavior and you know it!" Alice replied almost angrily.
I felt the blood in my veins begin to boil. How dare she accuse me of not being responsible? How can she say these things to me? I thought she was my friend, more like a sister, how dare she hurt me like this?
"What the hell are you talking about, Alice? I HAVE been responsible for my actions! I got my parents killed and because of that I have refused to live, God dammit! Do you know why I don't eat anything but grilled chicken and veggies? No? It is because I hated that food before they died, so now that I got them killed is only fair for me to eat that disgusting shit all the time." I snapped at her with a shaky voice.
"Bella…"
"No, Alice, you need to get this so you can stop being a self-righteous bitch. I don't eat sweets anymore, I don't dance, and I don't have friends or watch T.V. This is how I am taking responsibility for my actions! I know it is not nearly enough to pay for their deaths, nothing would ever be, and that hurts like hell so please excuse me for not wanting to remember my parents. It hurts too damn much." I sobbed.
Alice looked stunned for a few minutes but soon she began to cry. I felt bad because Alice never cries, but I was angry because she had accused me of being irresponsible and because she made me think of my dad. I knew he would not approve of me leaving Dorito unattended. I did remember the day he brought him home to us and how he explained to Alice and me that Dorito was a living creature and therefore required lots of love and care, and we needed to be responsible moms to him. He warned us that there would be times where we would want to do other things besides caring for him, but that we needed to remember we were the only people he had in the world, and he needed us in order to be healthy and happy. Gosh! This hurts! I miss my dad so much.
"Bella, I am really sorry if you think I said that in order to hurt you. That was not my intention. I just feel so frustrated and angry sometimes because I loved Charlie and Renee, they were almost my parents too, you know? And I know that they must be terribly unhappy wherever they are because I let you waste away and turn into a living corpse. Charlie once told me that nothing made him happier than seeing his girls happy. Those words haunt me, Bella, because I know how miserable I feel when I look at you, so I can only imagine how much he suffers, and I hate knowing that." Alice explained between sobs.
"What truly infuriates me, Bella, is knowing that Marcus won. He won in every possible way. He wanted to hurt Charlie and destroy his family. He failed to kill you, but he did destroy you. You stopped living. Sometimes I close my eyes and remember his stupid laugh in the courtroom when he got sentenced, and how he smirked at me as they took him away. He knew he had won, there was nothing left of Charlie or his family and that angers me, Bella, so much that I have wished him dead every day since then."
Her words cut me deep. I felt like each one of those words were knives to my heart.
"He did win, Alice, but there is nothing I can do about it now. I wish I could have died with them, but that didn't happen, so now I just have to live my life craving for death to take me soon, so I can be with them again," I replied, desperately trying to hold myself together.
"I wish he hadn't, Bella. I wish you could see that your parents died defending you, hoping that you could survive. I am sure they were not expecting you to become a damn zombie once you did. You didn't kill them, Bella, Marcus did. They chose to die for you, so that you could live a happy life. The fact that you survived all that makes me so proud and thankful of their sacrifice, and I wish you could honor it by learning to be happy again. I dream of the day I can go spit in Marcus face how happy you are. Tell him that you got married and gave Charlie many grandkids or that you have a successful career and are living life fully, effectively turning Charlie's dreams into a reality."
I scoffed at her words. There was no way I would ever be married. Who could want me like this? There was no way I would ever let a man touch me the way Marcus did, so it was impossible for me to have kids.
Alice looked at me as if she was reading my thoughts. She took a long breath and then continued her attack.
"I am not saying it will be easy, Bells. God only knows how much you have suffered, but I know you are strong and you can do this. There is a world out there waiting for you. I want you to experience what it is like to love, Bella, to have a man care for you and protect you. To have someone show you the majesty of making love, not the vicious and disgusting attack you suffered, but the act of giving your soul to someone and receive his in return.
You just have to learn to fight, Bella, fight your fears and don't hide behind a pill. I promise you that not all the men are evil. Look at Edward! He is the kindest person I have ever met. His family is amazing, and I can tell you, without a doubt, that I will marry his brother one day" she said wistfully.
"What?! Alice, are you crazy? You just met the guy! How can you say such thing?" I asked, flabbergasted.
"Bella, it is impossible for me to explain it to you, but when you meet the person that is destined to be yours, you just know. Jasper makes me feel complete, safe, loved. I don't know him well, but I can feel he is the one for me."
"Are you sure?" I questioned dubiously.
"Very sure, so please try to think of him as my future husband and let him be your friend, Bella, or at least don't freak out when you see him. Please?" she begged using her sad puppy eyes, knowing I could never say no to them.
"Okay, but I can't promise much. I feel weird around people, Alice, you know that." I replied, arching my brow for emphasis.
"Thank you, Bells! You are the best. Now, please think about what I said, and make an effort to relax. I hate to see you so anxious and stressed for being here. Dorito needs you, and you won't be able to care for him if you are medicated," She said emphatically.
After Alice put me to bed, I began to think about the things she had said. Esme had pretty much mentioned the same things to me during therapy, but for some reason, hearing them from Alice made me see them from my parents' perspective.
I knew in my heart that my parents would have liked for me to be strong and live a happy life, that's what parents usually want, but I also knew that it was unfair for me to enjoy life when they could not. Besides, no matter what they say, I believe it is my fault that they got shot. If I would have cooperated with Marcus, and not gotten scared, they would not have felt the need to protect me. If I would have not insisted on going to the pet store, maybe Marcus wouldn't have entered our home or, if he did, my dad would have had time to grab his gun.
I also considered what she said about Marcus winning. After I got out of the hospital, I found out that the reason Marcus attacked us was because my dad had lead an investigation that ended up incarcerating his brother Aro, who was a notorious drug dealer. Marcus revenge for taking his brother away was to kill us and make him watch as he did it. My dad fought them so hard that, at the end, they ended up killing him before he could witness our pain and my mom's death. At least in that regard, Marcus did not win.
I think that Alice is right. If I was stronger and could lead a somewhat normal life, it would be the perfect revenge against Marcus. He would know that he didn't end us, that I survived, and therefore Charlie would win the war. Unfortunately, I am too scared, too damaged to be that strong person. I would love to have kids so that Charlie's legacy continued, strong ad proud like him, but I know there is no way I could ever let a man touch me. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I can't even stand being around men, so there is no way I could ever sleep with one. I guess what Marcus said in my dream was right, he will be the only one that owns me, his rotten seed of fear is imbedded in me so deeply that no one will be able to remove it, not even Edward Cullen. I am still shocked at how he appeared in my dream out of nowhere to save me, to give me his life, his heart. A man like him deserves another woman, someone pretty and healthy, and someone that gives him everything he desires. He would never love someone like me and, for some reason that makes me sad.
It has been a few days since we arrived here, and I am lot more relaxed. Edward kept his promise and no one really bothers me. I have become friends with Dorito's nurse and Ms. Cope, the housekeeper, so I spend my time talking to them while Alice is at school. I miss Carmen terribly, and I feel very bad to know she hates Edward. He doesn't seem to be the evil man she thinks he is, and it upsets me that she feels like she has to protect me from him. I know I am not exactly sane, but I am not a child. Alice is right when she says I have the right to make decisions over my own life. I feel safe here, I actually feel relaxed and my room is very peaceful. I just hope that Carmen understands and doesn't get Edward in trouble.
I know she was very upset when she found me sleeping with Edward. She accused him of wanting to take advantage of me the way Marcus did and that was unacceptable. I don't remember much of what happened, but when I woke up Edward and Alice were sitting next to me. He kept apologizing to me for causing me to have a panic attack. He explained that he never meant to scare me, but he felt he had to fight Carmen in order to defend my right to stay. I honestly could not even remember that Carmen had found us sleeping in the same bed. I was incredibly angry when Alice told me Carmen threatened to go to the press and cause a scandal. I would never allow Carmen to do something so horrible.
Alice of course was proud of Edward because he didn't even flinch at her threats. I felt saddened to know we were causing so many problems to him. I cannot understand why Edward would be willing to risk his career and go through so much trouble just to keep a sick dog and his crazy owner around. I guess it only proves that he truly is a kind man. How can Carmen not see that?
Perhaps I should just give up and take Dorito home. I feel kind of selfish knowing I am causing a rift between Carmen and her daughters. She has given me so much that I feel is very ungrateful of me to be causing her so much distress, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Dorito would die, and I don't think I could survive with another death in my conscience. I also know Edward would be very sad if I take Dorito away from him, and I cannot stand the idea of being responsible for his pain. I know how much he cares about him, and I am sure Dorito must care about him too, if he can somehow listen to his endless words of encouragement. I am so torn about everything.
"Bella, do you mind if come in?" Edward's voice interrupts my troubled thoughts, immediately spiking my heartbeat and causing my stomach to jump all over.
"Sure," I answer as calmly as possible.
I see him hobble his way to the bed where I am sitting, and I cannot help but smile when his beautiful green eyes met mine.
"Hey, pretty girl, how are you doing?" He asks, returning my smile with one of his own.
"I am just here thinking. Your dad came to check on me earlier, and Esme will be here soon, so I wanted to check on Dorito for a bit." I reply, the words coming out of my mouth much too fast, making my nervousness clear.
"Are you ok with me here?" He asks worried
"Yes, I am ..uh..not scared of you anymore. I know you won't hurt me" I reply, unable to keep the blood from flooding my cheeks.
Edward smiles like a kid who has just been given candy and looks at me with so much tenderness that I feel the urge to hug him. I clench my hands in order to stop me from doing so.
"Does that mean that we are friends now?" He asks cautiously.
"I don't see why you would want me as your friend, but if that's what you want, I guess I can try," I reply while fidgeting nervously. What is it about him that makes me feel so … giddy?
I cannot understand why he affects me this way. My body craves him. I long for his touch, his embrace. I feel like a total fool.
"Bella, nothing makes me happier than knowing you trust me and that you are willing to be my friend. I want to get to know you, Bella. You don't have to tell me your past if you don't want to, but please let me be part of your future"
The sincerity of his statement makes my will crumble, and I launch myself at him. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and can't help but feel this is my favorite place in the world. I hug him tightly, letting my body do the talking.
"Hey, are you ok, beautiful?" He asks, undoubtedly surprised by my sudden outburst.
My only response is a nod. I cannot speak. I just bask in the safety of his arms and absorb all I can of him. I want to feel as much of him as I can. Nothing makes sense to me but the absolute relief I feel while being in his arms.
"Bella," he whispers "I cannot tell you how happy I feel when you let me hug you. I feel complete, like I am finally home. Do you feel that too, baby?"
Baby? He called me baby! Wait… does this mean he want me as a woman? Surely friends don't call each other baby. What am I supposed to say?
Tell him the truth Bella. The little voice inside my head instructs me.
"Yes, Edward. I fell happy when you hug me too, but I don't think that is right. We should not feel this way. It's wrong. I am not a normal woman, Edward; I could never give you what you desire. You deserve better" I respond sadly.
"Bella, please don't ever put yourself down. You are precious, a beautiful girl who deserves the world and I don't ever want to hear you say otherwise," He says sternly as he forces me to look into his eyes.
The look in his eyes makes my insides melt. He is so close to my face that for a second I let myself look at his lips, they look so soft so luscious and wet. Something inside me begs me to touch them. Luckily, I have enough sense to turn away and push his hand off my face.
"Bella, please don't shut me out. I don't want anything more than you can give me. If all I can do is hug you, then that is all I will desire. Please don't keep me from being happy," he pleads.
I nod again, this time trying desperately to keep the tears from flowing. Right now, I hate Marcus more than anything. He robbed me of the chance to love, to know what is like to kiss a man and have him love me. I wish I could be like Alice, who has no reservations about her love for Jasper. She can kiss him, touch him, and I know soon she will let him take her body and her soul. It saddens me that I will never be able to do that. I have no doubt in my mind that if I could, Edward would be the person I would share my everything with.
"Do you want to take a walk with me around the property? We can celebrate our newborn friendship by feeding the ducks in the little pond we have," he asks excitedly.
I look at his crutches dubiously because I know that walking isn't exactly easy for him. He seems to read my thoughts because he quickly adds "We have golf carts. It won't be difficult." He then proceeds to give me a mischievous smirk and a sexy wink. This man will be the death of me, I swear he will.
I soon find myself walking next to a man I don't know much of, and feeling completely happy about it. I think Alice is right, maybe I can be happy again if I fight hard enough against my fear. I know that Edward Cullen would totally be worth the fight.
A/N: aww! I don't know about guys but I am soooo cheering for Bella. I am thrilled that she is finally lucid enough to make decisions for herself and I don't blame her for wanting to fight for Edward. Can you imagine receiving one of those sexy smirks? I think he could convince me to do pretty much anything.
Next week, we will get to see more of our love birds. We also get Esme involved, I kind of miss her don't you?
Please review and make my heart happy :)