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Chapter 10
Curious crimson eyes glanced down at the cold slab of stone. 'Kuronue' it read, along with dates and a saying under those reading 'beloved brother/friend/partner.'
He thought back to a statement the red head had made the last time they'd been together.
'I understand what it's like to lose someone you were close to.' Kurama had said before quickly changing the subject by adding…'you were also drunk…'
"Are you the one he meant?" Hiei said softly. Wondering if this was coincidence or fate that had led him here.
(3 weeks earlier)
"Hey Hiei…back again?" A nurse asked as the black haired figure walked down the halls of the emergency room carrying a backboard.
"Just trying to stay busy." He called out.
He was on his 8th double shift in the past two weeks, trying hard to stay busy so he wouldn't have to deal with that thing called 'life.' He had never been one to take lemons and make lemonade. When he wasn't working, he was working on his cars, though they were done, he still found things that could be done better. It was also a way to avoid people and not have time to think, though when he did sleep and only out of pure exhaustion, a certain red head made their presence known.
"Hiei." He heard as he rounded a corner to the nurse's station.
"Hey Koto." He acknowledge, picking up his pace a little.
"Hiei wait!" She called out, coming around the station to approach him.
"I gotta get going, Kuwabara's waiting." He said as a last ditch effort, though he found himself stopping.
"I have a message from Captain Urameshi. He wanted one of us to tell you to stop by the station as soon as you left here." She said.
"Thanks." He went to turn and leave only to have a hand lightly grip his arm, stopping him.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Koto said softly with a slight tug to pull him out of the way of traffic.
"I really don't have time." He huffed.
"I just want to ask you something." She said, still speaking softly.
Looking over her shoulder, Hiei could tell they had some curious eyes watching them. "If it's about the scrub shirt, Yukina was supposed to wash it and return it to you." He said.
"It's not that. I won't be needing it for awhile anyways." She muttered, casually running a hand across her slightly swollen belly.
He didn't say anything as she pulled him further over next to a wall. "It's about something I heard." She said nervously, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting with her fingers in uncertainty.
'Here we go.' Hiei thought. He wondered when this little conversation was going to happen. Ever since the bar incident, he now knew that Jin had told some of his 'buddies' about them and that word would eventually get back to her. He, however, was a very private person and had NOT told anyone, well Kuwabara kind of knew, but he was a 'rare' trusted friend.
"I've heard some rumors about you and Jin and….and….I just need to know if it's true. I know you're….gay…..and….well…." She still avoided looking at him and he could see her hands turning red from all the friction created by the rubbing.
"Koto." He said softly, finally getting her to look at him. "The rumors are to hurt me, no one else, they're just rumors. Jin loved you and I know he was on top of the world when he found out you were pregnant." He didn't know if that was true, but he decided to lay in on anyways and he could tell she was starting to relax. "He was looking forward to being a father and couldn't wait to marry YOU. Don't listen to anyone else. You have a potential little fire-red headed Jin in you and that's all that matters. You only need to remember to do one thing from here on out."
He waited until she'd absorbed everything he'd said before telling her. "You need to make sure that baby, boy or girl, knows who their father was. What kind of man he was. He would have been a great parent and loving husband. He was a great caring man and a great firefighter. He saved a lot of lives." By the time Hiei was done, she had tears in her eyes.
"Thank you." She cried out and even gave him a hug. "I knew hearing it from you would make sense." She gave a soft smile and a nod before walking off to a closed off lounge area.
The black haired didn't waste anytime getting out of there and began to breathe easier, but as he went to get in the rescue truck, he saw a very irritated orange haired looking at him.
"Took you long enough." Kuwabara grumbled.
"I had to blow sunshine up someone's ass….we can go now." Hiei said with pure frustration. He didn't need this right now, he really tried hard not to lie back there, but that one took the cake, not to mention the icing, the platter it was on and…..
"We can go now." Kuwabara mimicked. "We could have left sooner, but I wasn't the one taking their sweet time." He huffed in irritation.
Hiei growled out. "Just head back to the station, oaf." Causing the brown eyes of his partner's to widen.
"Okay, geez…we're going." Kuwabara huffed. Not knowing why his partner was acting this way, but knowing when not to push, for the small frame could have one mean temper when pushed to hard. But starting the truck, he couldn't help muttering. "Forget the sunshine. What crawled up your ass and died?"
a)a)a)a
"You need to at least take the one week Hiei." Captain Urameshi said, crossing his arms to make his point.
"How about I stop the double shifts?" Hiei countered, crossing his arms.
"No deal. The deal was two weeks and you got me down to one. And I can't believe you're willing to do that just to get it down to one. So if I was you, I'd take it before I come up with something tens times worse." The Captain stood his ground.
"You're not me." Hiei smirked.
"Look Hiei." Yusuke started, dropping his arms. Moving closer, he said softly. "I know Jin's death's hit you hard…..and though I may not know what happened with him or even that guy……Kurama….or whoever. I do know you need time to mourn. Throwing yourself into work ain't going to cut it. You're exhausted…." He pointed a finger at the black haired, stopping him from interrupting. "You're going to get yourself hurt or killed or someone else killed, and that I 'cannot' allow. So again, you either take the week or I will ban you from stepping within ten yards of this place and don't worry….I've already called all the other stations telling them you can't sub." The raven haired moved even closer and added. "I know you think you don't have anyone to talk to, but I consider you a colleague and a friend…if you need to talk….."
'As if.' Hiei thought. Yes, he trusted the man, he was his captain and had been for several years, but it was only the trust of a firefighter, one he could count on to have his back in certain situation, just not this one. He finally surrendered by saying. "Fine….I'll go on vacation, but I don't have to like it." It was not any of the captain's business about his feelings towards Jin, or what, if anything, had happened between him and Kurama. Kurama had not stopped by these past two weeks and he also knew he hadn't called because Yusuke or Chu would have been all too eager to tell him. The black haired sure as hell hadn't gone to see him and would be damned if he was going to allow himself to fall for something like that ever again. That was the first thing they taught you in training, 'never get attached to a victim.' He didn't think Kurama was deliberately trying to lead him along, but it was obvious from what he saw. The red head was involved with his 'boss' in some way. He still didn't even know if the guy was really gay, but he had that same feeling of being pulled along on a ride he never wanted to take again. And 'yes' he knew some of it was his fault as well, like….taking advantage of the man to get car parts.
"That a boy." He heard the raven haired say and felt a hand slap on his butt cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts.
The black haired was not amused in the slightest
a)a)a)a
(End of week three... the Kuwabara's resident)
"He could have at least taken his cell phone." Yukina said again for the hundredth time that week.
"I keep telling you he did…he just doesn't have it on. He'd call if there was a problem." Kuwabara finally told her that 'yes' the man had his phone, but specifically stated he was 'not' going to have it turned on.
"Well what good is that going to do? What if we need him for an emergency 'here'? How's he expect us to contact him?" Yukina huffed, throwing a folded towel on the bed and grabbing another one from the laundry basket.
Kuwabara moved his legs so he was sitting on the edge of the bed from where he'd been resting with his back against the head board and said. "Look, the man needed some time alone. I don't know what's been going on, but Jin's death hit him hard and that Kurama guy ain't been around, so something must have happened on that end as well. He should be back by tonight because Urameshi said he can come back to work on Monday." He cut his wife off when he saw her open her mouth. "Before you ask…." He huffed. "I have no idea what was going on with that Kurama guy and I know Hiei will call if he decides not to come back tonight and I'm sure he's been checking his messages." He made the last part a point, knowing his wife had called and left messages on her brother's cell phone, even though she hadn't said anything. With that said the orange haired stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Yukina even more flustered.
"What happens if he's fallen off a cliff and can't call for help….what then mister?" She commented, slamming the folded towel down and grabbing another, now more irked at her husband for knowing her so well.
a)a)a)a
Later that afternoon……
"How was it?" Kuwabara asked as Hiei walked to the porch, both returning a wave as the cab driver gave a honk and a wave as he drove off.
"Nice, the weather couldn't have been more perfect." The black haired said with some enthusiasm and there was even a slight spring in his step as he made it up on the porch and dropped his climbing/camping gear.
"Who are you and where's the real Hiei." Kuwabara said, slightly stunned at the cheerfulness in his friend's voice.
"Funny, now could you get out of my way baka so I can get my shoes off?" Hiei grumbled when Kuwabara hadn't moved so he could step in the house.
"That's my partner." The orange haired grinned, stepping back and holding the door opened.
"Unfortunately." Hiei muttered, stepping around the man.
Taking off his shoes, the black haired looked up to see his sister standing in the archway to the kitchen, looking like she was about to cry.
"Hiei." She yelled and pointed a finger. "How dare you just up and leave like that without telling anyone."
"I told the oaf." Hiei said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder at the taller man right behind him.
"Hey, don't get me involved in this." Kuwabara said, throwing his hands up in surrender.
"You had me worried brother." Yukina said softly while lowering her head.
'Wait a minute, 'is' she crying?' Hiei thought as he saw her bottom lip quiver. "Now Yukina." He started, walking closer to offer apology. He never did like seeing his sister cry. "I had my phone, you knew I'd call if there'd been………."
When he was close enough, she lunged, throwing herself in his arms. "I was worried for you. You could have at least called once." She muttered in his shoulder.
"I'm sorry…..what can I do to make it up to you." Hiei said softly, brushing her hair in a soothing manner.
Kuwabara gulped as Yukina's head rose up from Hiei's shoulder. He had seen that look all too many times. It was the look of 'sweet victory.'
a)a)a)a
Hiei had Kuwabara drop him off at the warehouse since he'd taken a bus on his little trip. He'd found it easier, for he didn't have to worry about his car or anything else as he climbed and camped at The Cliffs. He would never admit it to Yusuke, but he needed that. The place was dead this time of year and he enjoyed the quiet and peacefulness the area had to offer. There's nothing like the feeling that you're 'sitting on top of the world.'
Getting in his car, the replica, he headed home, but found himself driving aimlessly around without much thought. He had had so much time to think and reflect on his life those four nights and five days that his mind was now null and void of emotions because of it. They were now all neatly categorized and filed away in the 'let-it-go' box in his mind.
When he found himself driving past the cemetery, he pulled in and began slowly making his way along the narrow winding road that cut though it. A mile or so in, he stopped the car and looked up a hill.
Taking a deep breath, he got out of the car and walked up the hill to where Jin was laid to rest.
"I don't know why I'm here." He said softly. No one else was in the area, but ever since his mother died when he was young, he'd always felt like he needed to talk openly in a place like this. He always had the feeling that 'they' (the people in the ground) could see and hear you, like they knew your every move.
Stepping up to Jin's temporary plague, he looked out over the small hill at the view, which looked down on a busy road.
"You have a nice view, get to watch the traffic and all the accidents….you'll be able to watch all the action….." He trailed off.
'This is stupid.' He told himself. Why had he just driven here with the need to see Jin? 'Well, fine.' He huffed. He'll just take this time to get some things off his chest.
"You're a lying piece of shit, you know that. You seemed to have given all your little 'buddies' a good laugh…..you bastard." He started in, looking at the fresh mound of dirt. "I also want you to know I covered for you and I don't know why. Koto cornered me because she had heard some 'rumors' and wanted to know if they were true. I told her, 'no', they're not true and all you were looking forward to was being a parent and a husband with her." Bent up anger began to boil and he found himself curling his fingers into fists. "If you rose up out of that ground right now, I'd kick your ass and put you right back down in it."
He stood there a few minutes until his anger subsided. Taking several deep breaths, he realized he felt better, nothing like venting a little steam towards someone, especially when that someone couldn't vent back.
Deciding he needed more quiet time and not really wanting to drive in rush hour traffic, Hiei walked to the foot path and headed down. All the paths connected and looped the various areas of burial land.
a)a)a)a
"Surprise!" Kurama said with a little enthusiasm as he sat down next to the slab of marble on the ground and immediately began playing with the grass between his bent legs. Moving to sit cross legged, the red head then reached over and began brushing the dirt and loose debris off the cold surface. "I know I haven't been by in awhile, but you know work. Your brother dragged me to Singapore for a couple of weeks, that's why I couldn't get by sooner….and well, before that….I was in the hospital for a week and then pretty sore for a few more."
(Send away for a priceless gift)
(One not subtle, one not on the list)
(Send away for a perfect world)
(One not simply so absurd)
Tracing the engraved name and dates with his fingers, the red head said. "I know…you told me I didn't have to visit and I can just hear you now. 'Why are you here baka?'" (Shrug) "When has this idiot ever listened to you? I miss you, you know that. I tell you every time I come here. I also told you I would until……..Besides this gets me away, this place is quite peaceful, considering." He chuckled softly, raising his hand to indicate the area. Shaking his head, he reached over and pulled a weed near the edge of the stone, adding. "You're letting yourself go."
Sitting back and still fingering the grass, he continued. "Your brother's driving me crazy….but you know that all to well." He smirked, pulling his knees up to hug himself.
(In these times of doing what you're told)
(You keep these feelings, no one knows)
(What ever happened to the young man's heart)
(Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart)
Several minutes of silence past as the red head studied the partly cloudy sky and toyed with a piece of grass between his fingers.
Relaxing his knees, he said. "I've met someone…….well." He sighed. "That is if I ever see him again." He lowered his eyes and watched the grass twirling between his fingers.
(And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45)
(Swimming through the ashes of another life)
(No real reason to accept the way things have changed)
(Staring down the barrel of a 45)
Using the piece of grass to gesture with, he said. "You'll never guess how I met him either, it ties into the hospital thing……your brother had me running to this last minute meeting, which is normal, but this time… oh by the way….I finally bought that new car. I ended up wrecking it though, that's how I met Hiei. You wouldn't believe it, but I've seen it. He has a 1959, British Austin Healey Sprite and made a replica, BY HAND and get this, with a modern engine so he can drive it everyday…..I know…I know… (Tossing his hands up). You may wonder why the modern engine? Well my friend, gas prices have raised a hell of a lot since you've left and antique ones are gas guzzlers. He'd have to fill up every time he backed out of the garage, not to mention the cost of replacement parts for it. I'll have you know though…… (Big grin) I found him some authentic parts for the original. He was quite surprised, I tell yeah." He praised himself by blowing on his knuckles and rubbing them on his chest.
More silence followed until Kurama took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Listen to me, I usually don't ramble and here I am, talking your head off." He then muttered musingly while running a finger across his lips. "I wish you were here to do that thing you did to make me 'shut-up' when I did start."
Letting out another sigh, he went on. "Anyways, Hiei's an EMT. I met him when he broke into my car after I drove off the road and down a ravine. Thanks to his captain, my new car is now a convertible." Saying sarcastically. "I'm sure you can picture it so you can stop laughing your ass off." The red head paused again, looking up at the blue sky. "Hiei got his arm pretty torn up……but he's okay, just had some stitches…..I'm just glad I didn't hurt anyone else, or worse, got someone killed." He was thinking deep down about what would have happened if he had died. His mother would have collected on his insurance, making her set for life. Other than her, he couldn't think of anyone else who would miss him, or even cared he was gone, well maybe Karasu, because of…..
"I think I scared him away…...it was an accident though." He lowered his head in thought again, picturing Hiei's reaction to seeing him and Karasu that night.
"I know you told me to move on, but…..that's easier said than done." He pulled a chain out from around his neck. It was a long silver chain holding a silver incased ruby stone pendent. Rubbing it between his fingers, he concluded. "Maybe it's my defenses kicking in…… you know the 'not wanting to get hurt all over again'."
(Send a message to the unborn child)
(Keep your eyes open for a while)
(In a box high on the shelf, left for you, no one else)
(There's a piece of a puzzle known as life)
(Wrapped up in guilt, sealed up tight)
Scrunching up his face, he continued. "I think you'd like him…..he's….different. He even brought me one of those damn Western Omelets from McDougal's. I could have killed you for making me try one of those." He smirked. "I told Hiei and Nurse Shizuru that a female co-worker got me hooked on them and I'm sorry. It's not that I'm ashamed of you….it's just…I guess it was a subconscious thing so I wouldn't break down and then have to explain."
"You never told me the hospital food was so bad. If it wasn't for the sandwich, I would have withered away. I should have sneaked you one in." The red head paused. "You know…..before you got so bad, you really couldn't eat. You went so long without eating." Kurama hugged his knees again as a lone tear ran the course of his cheek and he huffed in mocking. "'I'll just throw it up anyways.' That's all you ever said."
(What ever happened to the young man's heart)
(Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart)
Lowering his knees, he said. "Hn, I know the truth now, you just said that so you wouldn't have to eat that crap." Looking up, he shook his head, sending red strands fanning away from his face.
He then laughed lightly. "I picked up a new habit, 'Hnnn.' I think I got it from Hiei. He does it a little better though, deeper voice." The red head paused again, looking down and trying to control the tears that threaten to gush forth.
"I shouldn't have lied for you, you know. When your brother asked if you had eaten…I always said yes." Taking a deep, shuttering breath, he continued. "But I knew he would have forced the issue and you soooo didn't want the feed tube. Man though, if it was anything like that medicine I was on, especially the antibiotics, I know exactly why you didn't eat. That crap made me nauseas as all get out." Green eyes rolled.
Deciding to move onto a lighter subject, the red head forced himself to perk up. "Hey, did you know the hospital had an atrium? I didn't either or I would have taken you down there every chance I got. Well maybe not, you waited until the last possible moment to go to the hospital and by then you were so weak, you could hardly get up and go to the bathroom, gods your refusals to use a bedpan…..you and your stubborn pride." He smirked. "Hiei took me down one day and I must say they seem to have an excellent gardener because the roses were beautiful and oh….never mind, you always did have a black thumb…..I'm sure your brother would have liked to have seen it though……."
(And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45)
(Swimming through the ashes of another life)
(No real reason to accept the way things have changed)
(Staring down the barrel of a 45)
The change of subject didn't work as he continued to finger the necklace. A knowing sad smile crawled across his lips. "He's never let you go. Though he won't talk about it, I can tell it eats him up a little each day. I tell you that all the time too, but did I tell you… he cried…that night. Maybe I already told you this, but he cried, said it was his job to protect you. That's the first time we ….we were together. He was hurting so bad and the kiss just happened. I was crying myself, though you told me not to, but damn it I MISSED…..MISS you and we, well….comforted each other." Kurama sighed and finally stopped his struggles so the tears could flow. "I never should have. He doesn't love me." (Smirking) "Sure he wants me." His voice then got soft. "But I feel he just wants me for that little piece of you I have." His lips flattened as he patted the area over his heart lightly. "Here…and maybe deep down that's why I stay……..for the same reason."
"But I'm pretty sure I scared the crap out of your brother….several times." The red head let out a sopped chuckled. "He only came to see me in the hospital about a half a dozen times. He wouldn't let on, but I think he was reminded of you and how you looked so helpless just laying there……..was you as bored as I was when you were alone? I'm just glad you had me and your brother most of the time. My mother couldn't make it to see me like she did you those couple of times. She's had a relapse, she'll be okay, just couldn't get out for awhile there, but let me tell you, that sure as hell didn't stop her from calling four to five times a day." He smiled. "Hiei came by many times… I enjoyed his company…
"The other time I scared Big K was when he came over and saw I had company…..yes you heard me, company at the penthouse. Who you ask…..Hiei of course. Gods you're not going to believe this……he lost a friend who was a firefighter in a fire a few weeks back…though I say friend, I somehow got the impression the guy was something more, but I don't know, maybe….but anyways, right afterwards instead of……I don't know, being with his fellow firefighters or something, he came to me……me of all people and I can't tell you why…I hardly know the man. Though…..I like him…okay….there…. I said it…..I….. 'LIKE' him." Kurama paused, thinking back to the kisses he had shared with the black haired. He still to this day couldn't think of why he had let that happen.
"Your bro was beside himself and I actually think he was a little jealous, but he never said anything." The red head took a deep breath. "I'm not trying to lead your brother on….honestly…I just don't…..
"What am I going to do?" He let his head fall onto his chest, letting go of the necklace as he gave over to the crying.
After several long minutes, shaking hands wiped away the wetness left on his face. Standing, he began composing himself. It was getting late and he needed to get going. Holding the necklace close to his chest, he said softly. "I wish you would just give me a sign." Though deep down, he knew he was being unrealistic.
(Everyone's pointing their fingers)
(Always condemning me)
(And nobody knows what I believe)
(I believe)
Just before dusk, the black haired walked up a path into another section of land only to pause as a lone figure caught his attention. Moving closer, an eyebrow rose in curiosity, wondering why the man was here. He moved to stand behind a tree that was near, but not near enough to be noticed.
Peeking out from behind the tree every so often, he waited until the taller red headed figure stood, stretched, brushed off his pants and walked away before stepping out from behind it and walking over to see who the man had been talking to.
End Chapter 10
Lyrics to the song: 45- by: Shinedown