Trigger warning- mentions of self-harm and suicide. Also- Ally is very OOC. There's a reason for it- a reason that will later be revealed, but keep this in mind while you read.
"Any reason why we're sleeping on the floor?"
"Because we were fighting who gets Austin tonight, so now we all get him!"
"What, am I a toy now? No fighting over me!"
"All of you shut the fuck up, some people are trying to sleep!"
"I swear to fucking god…you people are going to be the death of me…" I grumble, shoving my face into a pillow. Ratliff forces himself under my arm, trying to bury into my chest, and I sigh, wrapping my arms around him.
"You love us," Austin chuckles, his voice muffled by Riker's shirt. Rydel is on Riker's other side, and Ratliff is between me and Austin. Awkward sleeping positions…but since when have any of us given a damn?
"Goddammit, will you all just go to sleep?! It's like, 1 in the morning!" Riker's voice is exasperated, as he pulls Austin closer and attempts to bury his face in the younger one's hair. I have to laugh- he likes to go to be at a decent time, and if he doesn't…well, he becomes cranky and pissy and someone you definitely don't want to mess with.
"G'night, Rocky," Ratliff mumbles, settling in against my body and nuzzling his nose into my t-shirt.
"Night, lil' bro," I reply, leaning down to kiss his hair. I pull him closer, as my eyes drift shut.
"So, you actually went and talked to Austin? And he didn't throw a hissy fit like he usually does? What'd you do, drug him first?"
"Ally," I say stonily. "Listen to yourself. You're going fucking mad. You're the rude, bitter, completely out of character one. Austin is fine- his actions are normal, or as normal as possible under the circumstances. I don't see what you were going on about yesterday- he was fine to talk to. He didn't act rude- and I was truly appalled at what we've done to him. It's not pretty- not at all. He's a fucking mess- I'm surprised he didn't blow up at you sooner."
"Everyone's saying he's a mess! It's not a that big a deal- we apologized, his parents are out of the picture, what's the problem?! Why can't we all just be friends again?!"
"It's a lot bigger than you think," I grumble. "He's so unstable and so fragile right now. He pretty much had a panic attack during our conversation, his brothers took him into another room to calm him down. His mental state is fucked. This is gonna take time, Ally. It's not like he's gonna be the same Austin he once was."
"What do you mean, panic attack? He never has panic attacks. He's the most confident person I know," Ally scoffs.
"Obviously not," I reply. "He had one. It seemed like he couldn't breathe. And I still don't understand why you leaned on him. His knee is braced, and he's on crutches, but it still looks like it's fucking painful. I can't imagine what that felt like for him. You really need to stop being so damn oblivious. Your best friend is deteriorating in front of you, and what do you do? Criticize him for being broken. He knows, Ally- he knows exactly what you think of him. And trust me- it hasn't softened his perception of himself."
"Then shouldn't he be trying to fix himself?"
"Healing takes time, Ally," I sigh. "Especially when you're trying to heal a self-harm addiction."
"Wait, heal a what?!"
"A self-harm addiction. Austin's a cutter. And it honestly doesn't surprise me. He needed some way to deal with the bullshit we were giving him, and even though cutting is dangerous, it was his outlet. He's still doing it, but they're trying to wean him off. I know what they mean- an addiction can only be beaten if you take small steps. Quitting cold turkey would just put him in misery."
Ally stares at me blankly. She looks completely disgusted, which I find quite offending. Not to me, but to Austin. I'm so glad he's not hearing this conversation. "That's gross. Slicing your skin on purpose? Making yourself bleed on purpose? Disgusting. And even if he's miserable, at least he isn't threatening his life."
I glare at her, before finally gathering my words. When I speak, my tone is cold as ice. "Oh, yeah? There's this thing called suicide. If he were to quit cold turkey, it would get to him. He's been relying on a razor for a while, Ally. He'll do anything for it. It's like smoking or alcoholism. There's a high chance that Austin will commit suicide, if he can't have that blade. And they don't want to lose him."
"I still don't like- or trust them," Ally grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why not, exactly?" I can't wait to hear this. More bullshit that's not even true. Whoop de fucking doo.
"Because they're acting like assholes as well. It's their fault he's all bitter and rude. They're influencing him."
"They're the reason he's fucking here. And Rocky filed for custody when Austin's parents got to be too much for him. They saved him. They love him so much, and they treat him like an angel. He honestly looks very happy there, and I'm so glad he has them. They're much better than we've been."
Three weeks doesn't seem like a lot- after they pass. It's finally time for Austin to start physical therapy for his knee- and he's less than stoked for it.
"Do I have to do this?" Austin whines. "I don't need fucking therapy, I can walk just fine on my own."
"Yeah, I'd love to see you try that," Ratliff snorts. "It's not gonna be that bad. I mean- what's the worst they can do to you?"
"Kill me."
"Austin," I sigh. "You need to stop thinking so morbidly. Therapy is not gonna kill you- I can guarantee it. Now, come on, we're here." I park the car, and Rydel helps him out, handing him his crutches with a small smile. Rocky leans down to kiss his head, giving him a sympathetic smile. Austin mutters something in his ear, and our oldest brother chuckles, shaking his head. He flanks Austin, as we walk into the building.
"I don't wanna be here," Austin pouts, as we lower ourselves down into waiting room chairs. Ratliff went to sign him in, and smirking at the irritated boy. I have to hold back a laugh- I kinda feel bad for Austin, but his incessant pouting is making it hard to have too much sympathy for him.
"I don't give a damn, you're still going through with it," Rocky replies smoothly. "We're only doing this because we love you."
"Yeah, and I'm starting to doubt how much you "love" me," Austin mumbles.
"Ow! That fucking hurts! Stop!"
The therapist releases Austin's leg, and he grabs for it, breathing heavily- tears streaking his cheeks and sweat beading on his forehead. It breaks my heart, because he looks like he's in so much pain, but I know this is good for him.
"You're almost done, love," I coo, trying to calm him down. He's distressed- working himself up into a right state. We're all trying our best to calm him, but it doesn't seem to be working- he's still breathing horridly and crying hard.
"I hate this," Austin whispers, his eyes sharp with obvious agony. "Can we go home?"
"No," I reply sadly. "You need to see if you can put weight on it- then stretch, and then you're done- I promise."
"It hurts so bad. Make it stop hurting, Rik, please…"
"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry. We'll cuddle when we get home, okay? I promise…" It hurts so much to watch him deal with this agony, when all I can do is love him. All I can do is tell him that he's alright- tell him that it'll be over soon, and it still doesn't feel like it's enough.
At least, I'm allowed to help him up. At first, he's leaning completely on me, but as I remove my weight, helping him to balance on his good leg, I can feel him getting weaker. Slowly, he lowers his injured leg to the ground, and as soon as his weight shifts, he cries out loudly, practically falling onto me.
"Riker, no. I can't. Please, I can't," he gasps, looking up at me with pleading eyes.
"It's okay, love. You did amazing. Now, we're just gonna stretch, okay? You're almost done, calm down."
"Hurts," Austin whimpers, as I lower him to the ground. His physical therapist shoots me a grateful glances, as she begins to stretch his leg out again. I can see him wince, and honestly, I'd love to shove the woman out of the way, and take him into my arms, but I know I can't do that.
Five minutes later, the torturous session ends, and the smile I give the woman- who has just caused my little brother tremendous pain- is fake and obviously plastered on. Without giving a damn to her instructions, I lift him into my arms and kiss his head, cradling him into my chest.
"It's okay, baby, you're okay. It's all over- you did fantastic."
"Alright guys, I'm gonna go pick up the food. Rydel's in charge. Austin, you rest. Don't get up for any reason- if you need something, have one of these dorks get it for you. The rest of you, keep him from getting hurt, and don't be idiots. I'll be back in half an hour."
Rocky slams the door shut, and I sigh, settling back against a sleeping Riker's chest. "That was a hard therapy session…I don't wanna go back…"
"I know you don't, but it's only going to help you," Rydel reassures me. "I promise we're not trying to cause you pain- it's gonna hurt, and we're sorry about it."
"I hate it so much," I grumble. My knee is propped up on two pillows, still hurting from the stretching and twisting and weight-bearing.
"Think of it this way- you have a week without them!" Ratliff says optimistically, joining us on the bed.
"Yeah, and then I have to go back for more pain and more crying and I just hate life," I sigh.
"Yeah, life fucking sucks. But it's getting better, isn't it? We're slowly managing to recover, Trish is actually feeling remorse for what she's done, and we got pulled outta school. Not to mention, you joined R5, which was a kickass decision," Ratliff summarizes, a bright smile on his face. He's so adorable when he's happy, like a little child.
"I guess so," I mumble, leaning my head back and letting it fall into the crook of Riker's neck. It's silent for a few minutes- Rydel has her head in the clouds, Ratliff's reading something on his phone, and I'm letting my thoughts wander.
How did I go from the confident, happy Austin Moon, to the mess I am now? How did I go from singing like it was my job, to cutting to release my emotions? How did I go from Austin Moon, the best actor that could fake a smile, to Austin Moon, the crybaby who wears his heart on his sleeve? How the fuck did it happen?
The house phone rings, and I barely register Ratliff rising to his feet and rushing out of the room to answer it. I exhale a heavy breath, listening to Riker's steady heartbeat, and relishing the sound of his gentle breathing. It's calming- contrasting to the demons attacking my mind.
When Ratliff reenters, his face is pale- white as a sheet, and his hands are shaking. There's a haunted look in his eyes, and I can hear him breathing heavily.
"Ratliff?" I sit up straight, shaking Rydel, and she stares at him too. "What's wrong? Who was on the phone?"
"The hospital. Rocky was in a car accident."
This is where everything starts to spiral out of control- the catalyst, you could say. It's gonna be intense from here on out- plot twist after plot twist, suspense, drama, and agony. Be prepared ;) Anyway- thoughts on the chapter? I'd love 50 reviews, if you guys can try for that :) Thanks so much for reading- I hope you enjoyed.
-Neha