I waited what I felt was an appropriate amount of time before going out to the living room, just to make sure she was okay. I knew in the back of my mind that I was being paranoid, but I'd just found my best friend after such a long time, and I didn't want to lose her again.
Alex was curled up on her side, fast asleep, and I sighed in relief when I saw that. But as I got closer, I saw that her cheeks were stained with tears. I wanted to wipe them away, but I knew that would be too intimate a gesture, so I held myself back.
I perched on the edge of the bed, just watching her for a moment, unsure what I could do for her. I wanted so much to help – I always did – but now, I was at a loss.
The movement startled her awake and she sat up, her baby blues wide with fear, her face ashen. "It's okay," I said softly, wanting to take her trembling hands but knowing I shouldn't, so I just folded mine in my lap. "It's just me."
She shook her head as if to clear it. "Right." She moved away from me, closer to the edge of the couch.
"Are you okay?" I didn't really know why I was asking, because I already knew the answer she would give me, but it was more out of instinct than anything.
"Fine," she said automatically, just as I knew she would. She took a deep breath, then wiped a hand across her face, blushing when she realized she'd been crying. She swiped a hand across her eyes, trying unsuccessfully to remove the evidence of her tears. "I'm sorry." She hesitated. "Was I screaming?"
Oh, she was trying to figure out why I was there. I shook my head.
Alex sighed. "I don't need a babysitter, Olivia. You can go back to sleep."
I was torn between wanting to stay there, with her, but I knew she wouldn't want me to.
Being the lawyer she was, she noticed my hesitation and folded her arms. "I want you to go back to bed, Olivia."
And no one disobeyed a direct order from Alexandra Cabot.
"No."
The shock was evident on her face. She wasn't used to people saying no to her, especially when she commanded them in that authoritative tone. "What did you say?"
I suppressed my smirk. "I said no. As in n-o. No."
"I know what you said. I suppose the real question is why you said it."
"Because you need me." I wasn't sure if that was true, but it sounded right.
She rolled her eyes. "You wish."
I moved closer to her. "Tell me what I can do to help you."
"You can go back to bed and leave me alone."
God, she was stubborn. But I knew pushing her any further would be futile, so I just sighed and said, "Promise that you'll wake me if you need anything. Anything at all, okay?" Which was stupid because I knew she wouldn't.
She nodded. "Sure." But her voice was an octave higher than usual and I knew she didn't mean it.
My gaze lingered for just a moment, but I finally acquiesced. I nodded and returned to my room.
I couldn't sleep. I listened to Alex tossing and turning on the sofa bed, but she didn't cry. Maybe she couldn't.
And because she wouldn't, I cried for her.
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