Fan Fiction: "Dating for Dummies"
A/N: YAH!!! Chapter 10!!!!!!!! I've finally reached it. 300 Reviews!!!! (Drools from the Mouth) You all make my day!! I've been waiting for SO long to write the NejiTen Arc of my story. (Wink) If you like my squirrel jokes, then you'll like these next chapters. (Wink)
Special Thank-ies for the Reviewers: EmiieRoxs, NaruXHina1234, instantnoodlelover, onyx eyed kitten, o1DATTEBAYO, CASE iN POiNT, NazaliaSan, CrAzY-SiLLy-Me, lallyzippo, Sweetnevermore, pinkcrayon, SweetKisses9, SimpleLing, ness345, Lady Azura, Cheeseeatingsurrenderrat, mitsukai tsubasa, C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, Hyousetsu, Ur2tRoUbLeSoMe90, Archerelf, Sarah Rebecca, BuBbLe GuM cHeRrY, Chibi-Penguin-Chan, SakuraUchiha4,DemonDeReves, StrugglingArtist, Foxic Cherrii, Crystal Koneko, Parade...
Disclaimer: Oh look, I bought Naruto off EBay! (Lawyers suddenly appear and snatch it away) Well…it was nice when I had it…I don't own Naruto!
Tip 10: Rock Lee
Rock Lee:
Eighteen years of age, freak among freaks among even more freaks (He scares me…), known for his "youthful" taijutsu style and speed (Hola! Speedy Gonzales!)
"I sense youthful schemes coming from that oddly placed bush there!"
Dot. Dot. Dot.
Wears a green jumpsuit, huge fuzzy eyebrows (He's an eyebrow stealer, I say…), weird shaped eyes (Those aren't normal, yo…), in fact let's just say he looks JUST LIKE Gai…
Poke.
SWAP!
"YOSH! Kakashi-san!! Why are hiding in that youthful bush?!"
Love interest is the infamous pretty pink-haired kunoichi, Sakura Haruno (Pink and green SO don't match…), has recently picked up a hobby of stalking Sakura (Imagine their children…Gag.), however has an unhealthy adoration to Gai (Curioser, curiouser…), actually I wouldn't be surprised if they both were in love with ea-
"GAI-SENSEI!! I FOUND HIM!!!"
Dash!
Super Kakashi Speed!
"No! Come back!! YOSH!"
Run, run, run, run, run…
Rule number ten in Kakashi's special belated Valentine's special dating tips:
Key to a Girl's Heart: Sensitivity…And Chocolate!
Today is a glorious day!
The birds are singing, the sun shining, the flowers blooming; everything is perfect. And what is our three main shinobi doing? Why, Team Gai is getting ready for a super secret mission that no one knows about-
"YOSH! I can't wait to do our top secret mission that is youthful training at the forest behind Hokage Mountain!!"
Or was top secret…
Tenten sighed before putting her hands on her hips, "Lee, you just told everyone within a 50 mile radius about our mission!"
"Oh…"
Scoff.
Neji walked ahead, "Let's just get this over with…"
Lee posed in all his green jumpsuit glory, "Neji, I WILL beat you!"
"…Keep dreaming."
"My youthful dream will become reality during our mission!!"
Tenten face palmed herself, "This is going to be a long mission…"
"I don't understand why you won't throw that out, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto warily watched the slightly man-handled laptop in his master's arms.
Orochimaru looked miffed, "I spent quite a lot on this laptop, Kabuto-chan. I'm not going to just toss it out!"
"You PAID for it?"
"Well, actually I stole it using my special magical jutsu called Rainbow Sprinkles of DOOM but it's the same thing!"
Kabuto cleaned his glasses, "…Right."
"But enough of this pointless talk! Here's what we do now!"
"Capture Sasuke?"
Orochimaru grinned, "No! Let's buy yellow polka dot bikinis!!"
Dun. Dun. DUN!
Naruto slumped in his chair. He was dying. How long has he been here dressed uncomfortably in a spandex dress and itchy wig? A week? Two weeks? He weakly gripped Hinata's arm.
"Hinata-chan, I don't think I'm gonna make it…T-tell Iruka-sensei that I'm sorry I ate his cat nip…-"
Bonk.
Sasuke hit Naruto in the head, "Dobe, we've been here for a day."
"NOOOO! We'll die here, teme! Don't you get it! I-OH! COOKIE!!!"
Sasuke rolled his heavily eye shadowed eyes and straightened his blonde wig, "Dobe…"
"Rule number 399: If by any chance you are stranded on an island with Haruno Sakura, you are to take 50 coconuts and throw. Then repeat. Then throw again. Repeat this process until Sakura is pleading for mercy or dead. Death is preferred."
He frowned. They have been here for awhile now. 22 hours actually…
22 HOURS!!
That's WAY too long! It's like 2 and 2 together. What does that make?!
4. That's right it make fo-NO! Let me rephrase…It's like 20 and 2 together! What does that make?
22.
The devil number…
Sasuke could feel the veins in his head twitch violently. Why did he even agree to this again?!
Mini Flashback:
Hinata tapped her fingers together, "W-we need as m-much information as p-possible to c-change S-Sakura's mind…"
"Yeah and we can't get in a Sakura fan club without getting mauled to death." Naruto pumped his fist in the air.
Oh yeah…
Sasuke cringed. He didn't know which was worse, the haters or the psychotic lovers.
"Rule number 400-"
It was quiet. Too quiet…
Neji glanced at their strangely silent green jumpsuit-wearing teammate. Nope, not even a peep.
This was odd. Very odd…Never in the existence of who knows when has Lee ever shut up. Why just 5 minutes ago he was jabbering on and on and on about the youthful properties of tea leaves.
Nudge.
Neji felt someone poke him gently at his side. Pale eyes met brown eyes. Pretty brown eyes…
'Me likesssss, much!'
Neji rolled his eyes briefly. Oh HELL no…
'Yes! It is I, your conscience! Back from that box you stuffed me in and ready to kick some-'
'Please go away.'
His inner smirked, 'Tut, tut! NEVER!!'
'Go. Away.'
'Whatcha gonna do? Byakugan me? HA! I'd like to see you try, you'd only be doing it to yourself…In fact, do it, I DARE you!'
'You are such a pest.'
'I know. I'm quite proud. ANYWAYS, we're off topic! Who's the hottie?'
'You mean…Lee?'
'Ha ha, what a sense of humor…No, the GIRL, with those adorable buns, big brown eyes, small hands, nice-'
'…Stop…'
'-butt, pretty waist, long legs, pouty pink lips-'
"STOP!"
Everyone stopped to look at Neji. He did not just yell out like that, he did not…OH MY GOD! He did, he did!
Tenten backed off slowly, "Uh, Neji, I was just asking if you got any extra bandages."
'Nice job, now she thinks you're mental with a capital M.'
'…'
'You know, if it was me, I would have smooched her by now.'
'This is exactly why you're not me.'
'That so didn't make sense, BUT it's not my fault you're asexual.'
'…What. Did. You. Just. Say?'
'Yup. Not a single hormone. It's your entire fault really; if you didn't SHOVE your hormones and feelings away you wouldn't be so…blah.'
'You're an idiot.'
'HEY! I resent that!'
'It's the truth.'
'Oh please God, don't start that destiny crap again.'
'…'
'You know what I think is destiny, you getting together with that girl.'
'Her name's Tenten.'
'Eh? Oh ho, ho see you likkkkeeee her! You remembered her name!'
Neji rubbed his temple from the oncoming headache, 'We've known each other for almost seven years.'
'Oh…Kill joy.'
'And I'm proud to be one.'
Kabuto was always the faithful perfect subordinate. Never talking back or questioning his master's action. But now…
He is seriously doubting Orochimaru's mental stability right now.
"Orochimaru-sama, do you know what a b-bikini is?" the word burned a hole into Kabuto's tongue.
Laugh.
"Course I do, it's a type of game!"
"No. It's clothing. VERY skimpy clothing…FOR GIRLS." He stressed the word girls.
"Oh…Really?"
"Really."
"Really, really?"
"REALLY, really."
"…Real-"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, really."
Orochimaru wagged his finger, "You know what, Kabuto, you have quite the temper…"
"No, really?"
"And sarcastic…"
STARING CONTEST!!!
"…"
"…"
"THONG, TH-ONG, THONG, THONG!!!" Orochimaru suddenly burst into song.
Kabuto sighed. Oh the things he does for world domination and evil…
"GAH! I can't take it anymore!! I'm this close to killing myself" Naruto whispered loudly while indicating with an inch in between his thumb and index finger.
"N-Naru-chan…"
Sasuke snorted, "And what exactly are you going to use to kill yourself, Naru-chan?"
"Well, SASUKINA- CHAN, I'll use…this shoelace!"
Glare.
Curse that abominable name! Sasukina…how original…
"…T-that's not a shoelace…"
Naruto looked at Hinata then at the shoelace, "Course it's a shoelace, I mean what else would it-OH MY GOD!! Is that a…Noodle?"
"Aa…"
"HEY YOU!! The loud brunette in the corner! Like totally SHUT UP!" a not too quiet hater yelled from across the room.
"Yeah well you shut up!"
Genius, Naruto, pure genius…
"TAKE THAT GIRL TO THE ROOM!!!"
Immediately Naru-chan was dragged forcefully by a pair of burly she-males.
"I demand a trial!!"
Sasukina sighed, "Dobe…"
"YOSH! Neji, your YOUTHFUL flame has dwindled to a tiny flame! Why are you so gloomy?"
"I'm not."
Lee tapped a finger to his chin. Suddenly a light bulb clicked on in his youthful brain and his teeth went a blinding ping!
"I know what will cheer you up!!"
Tenten crossed between the two sweat dropping, "Lee…-"
"The sun will come out! TOMORROW! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow…There'll be SUNNNN!!"
Pow!
BASH!
"Ah! The youthful pain is painful to my youth…What's a bottom dollar?"
Neji ignored the fuzzy eyebrows boy, "Don't know, don't care."
GASP!
"Maybe the bottom dollar is inferior to the top dollar! Don't worry bottom dollar! You'll ALWAYS be NUMBER 1 in my book!"
Suddenly a figure whooshed past them.
"Did someone say, bottom dollar!?"
"Indeed, Gai-sensei!!"
Gai patted the boy on the back, "Let us sing!"
"Let's."
"NOOOOOO!!!"
"THE SUN WILL COME OUT-"
Naruto felt sweat drip down his head. This wasn't too bad.
Yeah, being strapped to a hard chair with duck tape surrounding your legs, arms, and torso in front of a blank television is not too bad at all…
I mean seriously what's the worse they could do.
Suddenly the TV blinked on…
"HEY KIDS!!! Guess whose back!!! It's me…BARNEY!!! I LOVVVVVVEEEE YOU!!!" a large purple dinosaur danced on the screen.
Oh.
My.
God.
"NOOOOO!!! NOT AGAINNNNN!!! Stop the IMAGES!!!"
Hinata nervously looked at the door, "I h-hope Naru-chan is a-alright…"
"You like Naruto, don't you?"
BLUSH!
"N-noo, what makes you say that…?"
Sasuke snorted again, "You asked me if Naruto is alright about 100 times and it hasn't even been five minutes yet."
"W-well do you like Sakura-chan, S-Sasukina?"
Did Hinata just smart mouth Sasuke?
HOLY-Woah that's creepy…
Sasuke looked at Hinata incredulously, "…No."
"T-that might have believable if you didn't b-blush."
Blush…
"I'm not b-blushing."
Hinata nodded her head knowingly, "Whatever y-you say S-Sasukina…"
Sasuke turned his head and scowled.
'I definitely don't like Sakura.'
'Sure you don't, Sasukina!'
Oh. No.
'Hell yes, Inner Sasuke is in the building!!'
"I'm bored."
"I know Orochimaru-sama, you told me already for the past ten minutes."
"Feels like an eternity to me…" Orochimaru dramatically sighed.
Kabuto grumbled, "Tell me about it…"
"Fine I will! This reminds of the time when I was 10 and got a nutty monkey bar. It was MY nutty monkey bar. And you know what happened! A bunch of ugly girls STOLE it. STOLE IT!! Ate it right in front of me, they did…Then I sent mini hordes of snakes to attack and burrow into their innards. That was fun…"
Dot. Dot. Dot.
"Um…"
"Totally, I know!"
Kabuto pointed to the small clearing below, "No I mean there are people down there."
"WHERE?!"
And indeed there were people. A certain fun-loving, jumpsuit-wearing, weapon-throwing team known as Team Gai…Are we talking about the right team here?
"YOSH!! Finally, we have arrived to our youthful destination!!" Lee pumped a fist in the air.
"INDEED, Lee! Let us train till sweat pours from our backs like a waterfall!"
EW.
Waterfall of sweat…? Not cool.
"Let's just train, already." Neji rolled his eyes.
Tenten smiled brightly, "Come on, Neji! Let's train."
'Yeah…I would totally like to train that body…' Inner Neji made a sizzling sound.
'Have you no shame?'
'Well someone has to be the hormonal male here since obviously you won't.'
'At least I'm not some manner less animal.'
'Hey at least Super Eyebrows over there HAS a love interest. You, I'm a bit worried about…I don't want to be an inner for some asexual.'
'I'm not asexual.'
'Oh yes, that TOTALLY opens my eyes and see you in a new light…Not. Can you please actually say that with oh I don't know…EMOTION?'
'…You want proof?'
Inner Neji tapped a finger to his imaginary chin, 'That would be nice.'
'…Watch me.'
'Hey! What are you-'
Neji's hand took a hold of Tenten's pack.
Tenten's eyes grew wide like saucers, "I-"
'Wow…I can't believe you actually did it…You are well aware I'm pretty much a figment of your imagination, right?'
'…#$#$...'
"MY SQUIRREL SENSES ARE TINGLING!!!"
'So…Do I even want to know why you're in a skirt?'
Sasuke gritted his teeth and mocked, 'I thought you knew everything?'
Inner Sasuke nonchalantly waved, 'I do, but I was in Hawaii at the time.'
'…Hawaii?'
'YUP! The sun, girls in bikinis; it was the best. But I missed my little Sasukina, so I came back.'
'Shut. Up.'
'So why are being so angsty, eh Sasuke-chan?'
'None of your business.'
'So our Sakura-chan isn't going to this dance-thingy…We must STOP her!! I NEED my Sakura-chan!!'
Sasuke mentally banged his head, 'Just leave me alone…'
'NO! Not until we convince Sakura to go to the dance with us!'
'If she doesn't want to go, then she's not going.'
'Uh huh…Do you not realize that Sakura has almost as much fans as you?'
'…'
'I take that as a no. You need to listen more; I'm the one getting stuffed with all this info.'
'So.'
'SO?! So OTHER boys, that are not YOU, are bound to ask her. What if she says yes?!'
'She wouldn't.'
'Oh and where have you been all this time? You practically shove her around and reject her every passing moment.'
'That was the past.'
'And the future is any better? You barely talk to her anyway. I wouldn't be surprise if she gets a boyfriend.'
Sasuke clenched his fists, 'She wouldn't.'
'Oh? And why wouldn't she?'
'Because if any other boy asks her I'll make sure he learns to regret it.'
'I have a real bad feeling about this…'
"SQUIRREL!!" Lee launched himself in the air to fly tackle a squirrel.
A very large and odd looking squirrel…
Tenten stood dumbstruck, "Lee…That's not a squirrel…"
Lee's teeth flashed a blinding white, "YOSH! Course it is! Right, Mr. Squirrel?!"
Cough.
Cough.
"Uh…right."
"TALKING SQUIRREL!!"
And indeed it was a talking squirrel. Actually in reality it was-
"Kabuto! Am I good or am I GOOD? This ingenious plot to use my squirrel cosplay has finally come true!" Orochimaru patted himself on the back.
Kabuto flattened his costume fur, "I'm a squirrel."
"A nutty squirrel!"
"…"
Orochimaru chuckles, "Ha, nutty…That's a funny word! NUTTTTY!!! Say it with me, Kabuto!"
"Nutty."
"That's the spirit!"
Fake blobby tears tailed down Lee's face, "My youthful fantasies have come youthfully true!"
Gai patted the boy on the head, "Let us savor this youthful moment!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!!"
Neji did hand signs, "I'm going to use the Byakugan. This is suspicious."
Tenten nodded, "Yup."
"Byakug-"
"NOOO! Nejiiii! YOSH!! DON'T BYAKUGAN THE SQUIRRELLL!!Your radioactive eyes will KILLLLL it!!!"
Dot. Dot. Dot.
"Did you just call my eyes radioactive?"
"YOSH! Indeed I-AHH! Don't BYAKUGAN meeee!!!"
BASH!
Tenten shook her head, "This is going to be a long mission…"
Day 10 finished.
Operation NejiTen beginning!
A/N: Wow…This is actually short compared to my earlier chapters. Not much Lee action or squirrel jokes as I planned. It was more NejiTen and SasuSaku than anything else. With a hint of NaruHina of course…Hopefully my plan of work-on-2-chapters-a-time can continue. I'M GETTING A JOB!!!! Be afraid, be VERY afraid…
Every time you review this story, a squirrel and a Mary-Sue dies…REVIEW!!! Review for the SAKE of GOOD fan fiction!!