Insomnia
Chapter Ten
If Donnie thought the last week had been strange, the next one was downright painful. His personal space had increased to at least five feet on all sides, which made training extremely difficult. Leo appeared unsure of who to team Donnie with, obviously considering the lesser of evils, and eventually left Raph and Mike to their own practice to focus on Donnie himself. Even though he was still upset, Donnie appreciated the decision immensely, as Leo was always all business in the dojo, and never allowed any of their personal life to enter the dojo with him. But Donnie also had more trouble pairing off with Leo, because his brother's grunts and cries of battle was dangerously close to the forbidden, wanton churr he'd heard. For the first time in years, Donnie only barely kept up with practice, constantly distracted.
Outside the dojo, though, Donnie could tell Leo was greatly torn between approaching him and keeping his distance. He had asked Donnie if they could talk the morning after, very quiet and hesitant and almost shy, and Donnie had refused with a shake of his head. He needed time, he told Leo, and time away from any of his brothers. Leo respected that, and seemingly made Raphael respect it as well, as they only talked to him out of necessity.
Speaking of Raphael, he was inconsolable, surprising Donnie with the sheer amount of unveiled rage he wore about him like a cloak. It wasn't directed at him, as far as he could tell, but it was still worrisome. Donnie's mind had become a loop of the conversation he and Leo and Raph had had that night, and any angry outburst from Raphael brought the gruff, demanding tone he'd used with Leo to the forefront of Donnie's mind, crumbling his mental defenses enough to where Donnie had to leave the room.
As if that weren't enough, Mikey was still all bright and anxious and clingy. He apparently considered Donnie his new confidant, dropping barely-concealed hints and comments behind Leo and Raph's back. In a weird way, Donnie felt the same, and finally began enjoying Mikey's company again- at least in small moments when Mikey wasn't breaking anything or rambling incoherently.
The night was the worst, though; worse than Leo's wistful glances and Raphael's shouting and Mikey's knowing smirks. When he was left alone to his circling thoughts and flooded emotions, he was alarmed to discover he had very few mental defenses left. Everything was snowballing, every look, every word, every touch was stoking a fire in Donnie's mind and body, too fast and too powerful for him to break apart and analyze.
Just a week ago he'd been deathly afraid of Mikey touching him; now he craved Leo and Raph's attention and hugs and punches and touches. And more. There had to be something wrong with him.
He was developing a new ritual in the late night showers he sneaked. Trying to avoid any thought of Leo and Raph seemed to only do the exact opposite; the more he struggled to blank his mind, the louder Leo's churr and Raphael's voice were inside his head. The second he relaxed, let himself enjoy the memories for a guilty moment, he'd find himself braced against the wall, hot and hard in his hand as he stroked and pleasured himself, unable to hide own churrs and pants.
Then he'd sink to the tiled floor, ashamed as he buried his face in his hands. Leo and Raph were together. They'd left him to Mikey, though they hadn't known at the time what Mikey was… capable of. But still.
It was one such night that he found himself, gasping and spent, leaning against one of the stalls for support when the bathroom door creaked open. His mind shrieked curses in his head as he heard Leo's concerned tone and Raphael's rumbling answer as they walked in. Once again, Donnie scrambled silently into a corner, humiliated and terrified this was happening yet again.