Chapter Ten

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to give it back to me."

Tina instantly looked up when she recognised the voice. "What do you mean?"

The other girl pointed at Tina's chest. "My heart. You have it. You obviously don't want it anymore, so I'd like to have it back."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Cheesiness isn't going to get you anywhere this time, Porter. You fooled me once and it was the last time."

Bette cupped Tina's chin and turned her head to her. She pouted and gave her best puppy-eyes. Tina pushed her away rather violently, so much that it scared Bette a little. When Tina spoke, she was clearly annoyed.

"You really don't get it, do you? You really don't get it that you fucking hurt me there!"

Bette looked away.

"Don't you have anything to say now? Don't you always know what to say? Don't you always have words right there at your disposal to bullshit yourself out of every precarious situation? Isn't that what you do? Isn't that the way you live your life? Because I don't want to be part of it. You never face anything, you just talk and talk and talk and you don't do anything that shows the slightest hint of regret or remorse or whatever. No matter what you do, you always think you're right, but I won't have it. You hurt me and I'm not going to forgive you just because you for once had the guts to actually show up but then do nothing but use your cheesy lines on me and pout and look at me that way! How did you find me anyway?"

"Before all this, we were each other's best friend, Tina. I know you love this grass field, the lake brings you peace and you like to read on the bench under the tree and you love having the library right behind you."

"I never told you that. That was my secret. So, how did you really find out. Did you stalk me?"

Bette sighed, realising this was going to be hard. "Alright. Didn't Dean tell you? I've been by the house every day and I kept nagging him about where you were, so eventually he hinted at you loving the grass and the lake behind the library and that your favourite spot was on the bench under the tree."

"Why couldn't you just be honest about that? Why did you have to lie to me first? A lie that makes you look better. Remember who you're talking to - I see through you."

"I noticed. The thing is, I came here to say that I'm sorry."

"How do I know that's true?"

"You'll have to trust me."

"And why should I? Can you give me any reason?"

"Because we have a history together. I know that we've only been friends for a few months, but I swear that it were the best months of my life and I never once lied to you. I didn't lie to you when we were together either. Look at it this way, I told you about the fact that I hid my books to keep my reputation up. And I never lied to those girls I slept with, they always knew the deal. Of course there were always those few who think they could change me and who fell in love with me, but I just had a talk with them to make clear that I wasn't interested in them that way. I never lied to my friends, either. One thing's for sure - I don't lie to the people I love."

This made Tina look up. "Does that mean..."

Bette swallowed and felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She took a deep breath. "I never said this to a girl before, but yes... I..."

"You..."

"I love you, Tina. I love you with all my heart and I can't imagine my life without you. I've been a complete and total jerk, a moron, a douchebag, whatever you want and I don't even deserve to have you back but I don't think I can go on without you. It's just, this was my life and it's always been like that, ever since I discovered that I didn't fall in love with guys. And you know, my dad never appreciated anything I did or achieved. Nothing was ever good enough. I was top of my class, top of my year but he never said 'well done', he never expressed any kind of pride. He always disregarded me and always said that I'd never be anyone and nobody would ever want me. So I began seeing all these girls to somehow make a point, to prove that there were people who desired me. Then seeing them turned into just sleeping with them, to prove that I wasn't as ugly as he told me I was - he always said that I reminded him more of my mom than was good for him, but that I would never be of the same kind of beauty. I brought them home a lot, just for the chance he'd see them in the morning and know that people wanted his daughter. It made me feel terrible at times, but it was all really about some wicked sort of revenge. And I guess I don't even need you, because you know I don't believe in needing people - otherwise we wouldn't live on after our beloved die - but I just really want you in my life. I realise that it may take some time for us to get back to where we were, but I would give my life for the chance to try."

Tina looked at Bette, not quite knowing what to say. After some time, she found the words.

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why did you never tell me why you were a player? I might've dealt with it better if you had. I mean, we were best friends before we started dating..."

"I never told anyone before. You're really the first one to hear this, the first one who made me think it through. And despite having said what I just said, I still don't get your reaction completely. Of course I understand and I know that I was being insensitive, but it's not like me being a player was news for you. You knew it, you witnessed it. So why?"

Tina sighed and closed her eyes, burying her face in her hands. Her voice sounded muffled when she said: "I don't know myself. I guess it just came crashing down on me. I always knew you were, but this was just rubbing it in that you seduced countless women before and it made me insecure as to what my position in your life is. I know how you feel, I know I'm more than all those girls you had, but this is my first real, decent relationship and sometimes I feel like you're so much more experienced. I feel like maybe you will leave me for someone who is more experienced. Sometimes I'm scared I'm just another notch in your bedpost."

Bette scooted closer to Tina again and cupped her face, looking her in the eyes. "You know you're much more than that, baby. I'm very serious about you. You're not someone who I could ever fuck and forget - you're someone who I want to make love to and keep remembering it every day of my life. In fact I'd like to just make love to you every day of my life, but I guess that won't be possible. Anyway, the point is that I would do anything for you and you're the first girl that makes me feel these unknown, scary things."

"I believe you and I'm sorry for walking out on you like that the other day, but I was just confused and insecure but then I didn't want you to know that I was confused and insecure and wanted to be brave. And after that I was just too stubborn to be the first to apologise. I thought that if you knew how vulnerable I really was, you'd think I was too much of a softie."

"Of course you're not. I have to admit that I didn't understand why you got so mad at first. I guess we've both made mistakes here."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So what are we going to do about it?"

"Kiss and make up?"

And so they did.