"Dobré ráno, Tyson," said Muffy, kneeling on the floor in nothing but her slip and stockings. "Can you say dobré ráno?"

"Gurgle," replied the toddler.

"Very good," said Muffy. "Dobré ráno is Czech for good morning. You'll need to know that, because we're moving to Prague soon."

Her father wandered into the living room of the Crosswire condo, struggling to pull his green sweater over his head. "So it's Prague now," he said disinterestedly. "What's so special about Prague?"

"Oh, Daddy," gushed Muffy as she stood up. "I've learned about the most wonderful school, the Gymnazium Keplera. Its students have the highest test scores in the world, plus it's right next to historic Prague and its magnificent castles. There are plenty of shops and restaurants, too."

"Muffin," said Mr. Crosswire peevishly, "a year ago you were begging me to pull you out of Uppity Downs Academy because you couldn't keep up academically. What makes you think you'll do better at an exclusive school in Prague? You don't speak a word of Czech."

"I speak two words of Czech, Daddy," Muffy told him. "And I'm more motivated now, since I've lived on an alien planet and seen all the wonders the universe has to offer."

"I'm sorry," said her father, resting a hand on her shoulder. "We just can't afford to move to Europe on a whim."

"Then we'll move on a boat," said Muffy. "How about it, Dad? I promise I won't get seasick again."

"Get dressed, Muffin," said Mr. Crosswire. "I'll give you a ride to school."

"School, schmool," said Muffy as she trudged into her room. "Lakewood Elementary is so utterly parochial, it may as well be a parochial school. I'll never be fulfilled there."

She talked constantly while Mr. Crosswire drove her in his yellow Mitsubishi. "I'm willing to sell my hair, if it helps us afford the move to Europe," she said. "It's still not as long as it was before C.V. made me cut off my braids, but I think it would still fetch a pretty penny."

Several boys standing outside the Lakewood entrance saw Muffy disembark from the car. "Here she comes," said Arthur to his pals.

She marched past them, her expression stoic, acknowledging them with nothing more than a slight glance. "There she goes," said Arthur to his pals.

"She thinks we're too small-town for her," remarked Binky. "But can big-city folks do this?" A tremendously loud and prolonged belch followed.

"I think she was infected by alien parasites while she was living on the planet Orelob," said George. "They stimulated her brain's production of endorphins, producing a feeling of euphoria. When she came back to Earth, they started to die off. I've seen it happen before."

"You have?" marveled Alan.

"Yeah," said George. "On Star Trek."

"I wish there were some way to show her that life on Earth isn't all that bad," said Arthur.

"Maybe there isn't," Alan mused. "She's spent more time among aliens than the rest of us put together. Remember the time you got to ride on Muffy's yacht, and it went straight to your head?"

"Yeah, I do," said Arthur. "I guess this is, like, the same basic plot, only recycled."

As first period drew near, the fifth-graders filed into Mrs. Krantz' classroom. Binky, the last one to arrive, stopped at the doorway when he noticed that Molly McDonald was walking through the center court. The rabbit girl was wearing her usual red dress, and her sparkling hazel eyes were visible for all to see. This is it, thought Binky.

"Hey, Molly," he called out, a bit timidly. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

She responded with a look of disgust mitigated by hatred. "No," she snapped.

Binky watched sadly as she vanished into another room. She's still angry at me for dumping her, he thought. And it's not because she's weird or icky. It's because of the way she feels inside—the way I made her feel. If I learned one thing when I was inside Bernadette, it's that boys can be so insensitive…

It was an unusual day in Mrs. Krantz' class. All the students were present—Arthur, Francine, Muffy, Binky, Fern, George, Sue Ellen, Buster, Beat, and Zeke. That made it unusual. Nobody had been kidnapped, beamed up by aliens, body-switched, or turned into a zombie. "Welcome to class, children," said the moose woman with the gratingly high-pitched voice. "Today, at the principal's request, we're going to conduct an exercise in sensitivity training, okaaaay? The girls will sit on the left side of the room and watch a Bionic Bunny DVD, and the boys will sit on the right side and watch a Judo Kittens DVD. No running, please."

All the kids sighed. Ever since Rodentia Ratburn had assumed the post of substitute principal, school hadn't been the same.

To be continued