A/N: Change of plans. I decided to cut one chapter out because it wasn't really important so after this one there will only be two more. I hope you guys enjoy it. I will be finishing this one up so I will be working on this to finish it so my other updates may be a little longer.
Chapter 10
Untitled-Simple Plan
Day 115
Logan sighed as he walked in the door. He knew that he had to go to this party and had heard a song that made him think of Kendall. He went to his notebook and started scribbling down the lyrics.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Kendall,
I ask myself this all the time. I can't stand this pain and can't believe that this happened to me. Why you I ask all the time. I don't think it was fair that you were taken from us, but I know that it was for a reason and I can't stand this. I love you so much and I can't live in this world without you. I just want to scream at everyone until they feel as bad as I do. I'm so sick of this.
I know that I'm just being a little bitch right now so why don't I move forward to this last weekend? I took Hayley this last weekend and I must say that I did an awesome job with our little girl. She had a lot of fun. She had a very fun filled weekend.
Logan had picked Hayley up on Friday and it was now Sunday. He was taking the little girl to the zoo for the her first time and he could tell that she was excited about seeing penguins in real life for the first time since she loved them so much. He smiled as he watched her chatter in the back seat about all the animals she wanted to see.
"Daddy, what animal do you want to see?" She asked curiously.
Logan couldn't help but smile at his daughter. I want to see the tigers. They were always my favorite."
"I like the tigers, too!"
When they finally reached the zoo Logan carried her around as they looked at all the exhibits and all the animals that were there. "Did my daddy like the zoo?" Hayley asked Logan.
Logan smiled. "The zoo was one of his favorite places to go. He would bring your mom here and they would see all the animals. He actually got your mom's friend attacked by a llama."
"Really?" She asked as her eyes lit up. "How did he do that?"
Logan laughed. "Our bosses wouldn't let your mommy and daddy go to the zoo so they came up with a plan and they put peanut butter on the back of Jett's jacket and the llama started eating it, he was head butting him and trying to get all of it off." Logan said.
Hayley giggled to herself. "They like peanut butter?" She asked in disbelief.
"Are you kidding me? Llama's love peanut butter!" He said with a smile.
Hayley gave him a look like she couldn't believe it. After they were done with the zoo, Logan took Hayley to get some delicious ice cream and laughed when the little girl got chocolate syrup all over her face. He couldn't help but take a picture of it with his phone before he wiped the girls face clean with a napkin.
He started driving her to Jo's to take her back. "Daddy, I don't wanna go. I want to stay with you again tonight." The little three year old pouted.
"You can't, it's your mommy's turn to have you." He said with a grin. It made him feel good to know that Hayley wanted to stay with him. Truth be told, Logan had been nervous to take the little one for a full weekend. He feared that he would somehow mess it all up.
When they got back to Jo's he carried Hayley in and when she said by was met with a big hug. "I love you daddy. I can't wait to see you next time!" She said with a big smile on her face.
"It will be in two weeks. You will come spend the weekend with me again." He said while giving her a kiss on the forehead.
"YAY!" The little girl screamed while running up the stairs.
"Looks like you two had fun!" Jo said with a smile. "Did she behave?"
"We did, and doesn't she always. I will be here a week from Friday to get her again. Thank you for this, Jo. Really."
Jo gave him a warm smile before she responded. "She is just as much your child. She loves you. You love her. Take care Logan. Feel free to stop by anytime."
I went to see her again yesterday too. She was so happy to see me! I thought that she was going to strangle me she was so excited! She had her arms around me with the jaws of life. I was glad that Jo let me take her, because I really do miss her. And she got a kick out of the zoo story from when you got Jett hooked up with that Llama, she couldn't believe that they like peanut butter. But I assured her they did.
She really is growing up. She still has your beautiful eyes, but she is a little mini Jo. She has Jo's everything else. I can already tell that Jo and I are going to have our hands full when it comes to her. She can be so sassy sometimes, but Jo said she hasn't been listening to her. She threatened to spank her, and Hayley actually bent over as if to say "I dare you." I laughed because it sounds like something you would have done.
Well tonight, Carlos is having a going away party for Katie. She leaves tomorrow for South Carolina with James and we can all tell that she is excited. I think that she really does love him, and same with him for her. She seems all around happier when he is around, and I think that is great for her! But I have to get going to this party. I will be back later to finish this note and tell you how things go.
Okay, it's later now. Everyone showed up, all of Katie's friends and all of ours and James', to say the very least the party was HUGE! I just kind of sat with Carlos and observed everything, you know how I am around a big group of people. It was nice seeing some of our old friends though honestly. But it was sad and depressing to say the least.
Logan watched as Katie took her eighth shot in three hours. He couldn't help but get a little worried. Logan knew that there was no way that Katie's body could process that all out and she had to be tipsy. He watched as Katie came up and grabbed his ear like she always had.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow. Katie, you know I have sensitive ears. How many times do I have to tell you that?" He asked in a frantic voice. She had pulled Logan into the bathroom and Logan could instantly see why.
Katie had giant tears welling in her eyes. Logan grabbed her and held on for dear life, wanting to help Katie feel better. "I miss him so much, Logan. I miss all of my family. I have no one left." She said miserably.
"I miss him too, Kate. You have us still, and you have James. He loves you so much and he is trying his best to help you through this." Logan said in a soothing voice.
"I know, but Kendall, he was my big brother. I looked up to him and I admired him so much and now...now...he's just...gone." She chocked out in between tears.
Logan was unsure of what to say and do. He didn't do well with crying girls and wasn't sure if he could really think of anything to say. He held her. "Logan, how do you do it? How did you continue on with your life?" She asked, really wanting to know how he had done it.
Logan sighed. He didn't know what to say because he still hadn't fully continued on with his life and he didn't know if he should tell her that. "I haven't. I try to go on like nothing happened because at the end of the day, I know that Kendall would want it that way. Kendall wouldn't want us to be miserable on his account. He would want us to be happy. Life goes on, as he use to say."
Katie couldn't help but smile at Logan. She knew that he was right, and nodded. "Thank you. James understands and everything, but you were closer to him. You were his soulmate. Please don't tell him that I was crying. He'll just worry." Katie said getting worried.
Logan nodded and left the bathroom so that she could get herself together before she left the bathroom. He walked back out to James and Carlos and sat down and was met with weird looks. "Katie, is a little upset. She misses Kendall. Has she been okay?" Logan asked softly to James.
James frowned a little and his eyebrows furrowed a bit. "She's been dealing with it, but to be honest it is still really hard for her. She hasn't just lost Kendall, she lost her mom and dad. It's been hard for her and at this point, I'm just trying to help her as much as I can." James said.
Logan nodded knowing that James was trying to help Katie and help her move on the best he could.
She really misses you Kendall. James is trying to help as much as he can but there is only so much he can do to be honest. She needs you, but she won't ever be able to talk to you again and that must hurt her. I know it kills me that I will never get to talk to you again or anything like that.
James tries to keep her occupied, and not in that way, you giant perv. But he tries to keep her busy and tries to keep her mind off of things so that she can enjoy life again. But I know that her mind never leaves you, and I only know that because my mind never leaves you. You were her big brother, I know that she has to think about you as much as I do, and that really is a lot baby.
So I didn't tell you this, but I'm sure you already know. But I was in an accident on my way home. I couldn't believe it and it hurt so much. I even had to go to the emergency room. I just now got home!
Logan had left the party sober. He didn't want to drink because for him depression and alcohol meant trouble. He knew that he didn't want to lose it, so he thought that it would be best if he didn't drink at the party.
He was in his car and was listening to some music that he put on a CD. A lot of it had music that reminded him of Kendall, but he had made sure to make it all a happy mix so that he wouldn't get upset.
Logan saw a Ford F-150 coming his way and noticed that it was swerving really bad. "Fucking drunk drivers." Logan muttered under his breath.
He saw the guy start to come over into the wrong lane so Logan blared the horn. When he noticed that he wasn't go to get back over Logan started to swerve. But it wasn't enough. The truck still T-Boned Logan on his side and Logan blacked out on impact.
I just now got home. James and Carlos were there and while I was there, I kept coming in and out of consciousness. They said that I had a severe concussion, but I was okay to come home! So I guess that is good, because even though I work there, I still hate staying at the hospital. I never have liked it.
Do you remember when I got my appendix out and I had to stay in? I remember all you guys were there all day during visiting hours and I was so thankful. Otherwise I think I would have died of boredom to be honest.
Well I'm laying in bed now and have a massive headache, so I am going to have to wrap this up. I love you and I hope that you can visit me again tonight. I am going to get some sleep. I will write you again tomorrow since this was so damn short!
Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.
Always,
Logie Bear
A/N: Kind of Blah, but I really liked it and I'm so excited for the next chapter. I need some sleep so I won't be editting this so I hope there aren't too many type o's if so I do apologize!