Really, thank you all so much for the comments you guys have bee giving me. Means a lot. (:
a hard day's night– chapter ten
1964
"John?" He heard a voice say. "John, honey, wake up." He felt his shoulder being nudged a little and his eyes opened to the sight of a smiling Eleanor.
"You alright? You're 'bit of a kip' turned into four hours." She laughed. John rubbed his eyes before turning to look at the clock to see that it was three thirty in the afternoon. "Lunch is ready, you're hungry, right?"
John nodded, still not quite fully woken up from his sleep. His hair was tussled and his eyes were blurry, he didn't even remember falling asleep."Yeah, I am."
"Brain called earlier, by the way. Something about Ringo coming up with a name, I can't really remember, sorry." Eleanor said, as the two stepped into the kitchen. John wasn't at all concerned with Brain or Ringo, he thought, as he sat down at the table.
"It's fine, luv, thanks." He mumbled as she handed him his meal.
"You okay?" She asked, sitting down. "Thought that sleep would wake you up a bit."
"Yeah, I'm just...I'm a bit out of it, I s'pose." He shrugged.
"Oh, are you feeling ill?" She asked, leaning over and checking to see if he had a fever.
"I'm fine, darling." He said with a laugh, taking her hand a away before kissing it.
She smiled back, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Well, what's wrong then?"
John wasn't sure how to answer. Oh, just fearing that you're gonna leave me for one of my mates, not much. "I love you, you know that?" He told her, feeling like he should try another approach. Paul had been helping him try and get better, trying to get him to hold his anger inside. Let it out in a song, not your wife, he'd say. He was trying. Christ, he was trying. They hadn't been fighting and he couldn't even remember the last time he cheated on her. He felt like their marriage was new, like they were starting over again.
She laughed, "I love you too, John."
"I mean it." He insisted. "Please don't ever think that I don't need you, luv, 'cause I do."
Eleanor gave him a sad smile. "I know, John. And I need you just much as you need me."
He sighed. "I'm not just sayin' it to make you happy, I love you." He said, truthfully. He wasn't quite sure if she believed him, after all, he had told her he loved her plenty of times just to make her happy so he could leave the house and go out to a club with the rest of the lads. But this time, he meant it, straight from the heart. Yes, it was almost out of fear. He was scared if he didn't tell her then she'd get those words from George. He wasn't even sure if they were seeing each other behind his back, but he had this terrible feeling that if he treated her bad one last time then she'd run of with him. Right now he didn't even care if his friendship with George was to end: if anyone, it would be his fault, you don't try it one with your mate's wife.
Eleanor moved closer, scooting her chair over so she was closer to him. "John, I know you mean it." She said, caressing his cheek. "Don't think that I don't know."
"I just worry about us." He admitted.
"Me too," she told him, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I don't go a day where I don't worry about us. But don't ever let that upset you, okay?"
"Can't help it, luv."
She leaned into his neck, resting her hands on his chest. "I love you, John. We both need each other, so why would we have the need to leave each other?"
"You certainly do," he whispered, resting his chin on top of her head. "How many times have I hurt you?"
"That's in the past." She said.
"I don't care, past, present or fuckin' future - I've hurt you." He told her the truth. Everyone knew that. He wasn't the first to admit it but he knew.
"I don't care." She said into his chest.
"Liar," he said, "I've made you cry, yell, scream, you obviously care."
"Not as much as you think. You're in a band, that's what bands do." She continued. "Bands hurt their wives."
"But it's not...it's not right." He said, holding her tighter. He felt a hit to the heart when he tried to remember the last time he held her like this. His mind said it was a long time ago, before the Beatles were a household name, before he turned into a total jackass. Before they were married? No, it certainly wasn't that long ago. Before the first album came out? That seemed too close, too good to be true. He couldn't evenremember. Then he thought about George and how he would of treated Eleanor. He bet he'd hold her every time they were together, he'd hold her hand and kiss her and hug and tell her he loved her. Because he meant it and it made her happy, the way it should be. Of course he did that. He'd do all of that and she'd fall more and more in love. If it was all true, then John could see why she'd run off to him: John was a terrible husband. He was careless with her feelings, toying with her heart and mind. He was surprised he hadn't sent herto a mental hospital yet. Everything he did to her for years was for pure enjoyment, he knew she'd come back. He was all she had. Her mother had died at birth, so she didn't have her. Her father was at work most of the time, even worse when she was growing up. AndJ ohn wasn't even quite sure what had happened with her sister, Mary. So John knew that even though he cheated on her and hit her and treated her less than dirt, she would come running back tohim. Always. But he was beginning to fear that comfort was now gone. She'd just go running to George now, even if he hadn't hurt her.
"It doesn't matter, John," she continued. "It's just something that...happens. It just happens."
"I want to change, Eleanor, I want to be better." He whispered. "I want you to always love me."
"I always will," she assured. "Where is this coming from? Is this you've been so distant lately?"
"That and other things." He muttered.
"Well just don't worry, okay?" She said,wrapping her arms further around his neck before resting them on his shoulders, as he pulled her closer, sitting her on his lap. "Please stop being so scared that you'll lose me."
"It's the truth though, right? I've hurt you. I always hurt you."
"John," she muttered, "you're upsetting me."
"I don'tmean to, luv. I'm just worried that one day...you'll wake up and leave me." He whispered.
"I won't." Came her almost muffled reply.
"Am I getting better, Eleanor?" He asked. "Am I treating you better?" Eleanor stared at him with confused eyes, and John knew she didn't have a clue whathe was on about. "Am I being a better husband?"
"You were always a good husband, John." She said, gripping his hand. "Stop worrying."
"Eleanor, please!" He yelled, startling her, as he felt her jump in her arms. "Be honest! Don't lie to me, Eleanor, tell me how much I've hurt you." He didn't mean to scream, but it seemed the only way to get her to give home some other answer, to tell him the truth.
"John," she whimpered. "Why would you wanna hear that?"
"Because, I need to know how you really feel, I need to know if you hate me."
"I could never hate you," she said, sounding surprised.
"I need to know if you've fallen in love with someone else." He wasn't going to say straight out the he thought her and George had something going on, but a small hint couldn't hurt.
John could of sworn he saw a hint of worry in her eyes, but chose to throw it away, he was just seeing things. "Well?" He encouraged when she didn't answer.
She moved in a kissed him, her hands resting on his chest. He kissed back, pulling back for a second before pushing his lips against hers again. His hands were soft and gentle in her dark brown hair. "Eleanor, tell me you haven't fallen in love with someone else." He still didn't get a reply, instead she began kissing him again and he couldn't help but give into her. He kissed her neck and took in her sweet scent, he couldn't quite name it, she just smelled genuinely sweet and it just made him want her more. He pulled her closer, his hands suddenly becoming sweaty when she let go. He needed her now, he was wondering she had pulled away. "Eleanor, please luv."
"I love you, John." She whispered into his ear. "I haven't fallen in love with anyone else." She got up off his lap, sitting back down in her chair. "Eat your lunch, I only slaved for hours making it."
"Luv, help me with my tie, will ya?" John asked, pulling on the end of his tie, trying to get right.
Eleanor laughed coming over and tying it for him. "There you go." She smiled, patting it down with her hand. "So what time does Brain want us there?"
John rolled his eyes. "Nine. For a bloody dinner party."
She laughed, fixing his collar. "Sounds fun to me."
"Excuse to dress up, eh?" He joked, as she left laughing to grab her shoes. He wasn't exactly in a happy mood, he was dreading seeing George, he certainly didn't want to see if his wife and mate were shooting each other quick little winks and smiles at dinner. He just wanted to stay home, like every other night these days, and spend time with Eleanor.
"I'm ready," she cheered, after putting her heels on and grabbing her coat. "And you've messed up your collar again." She laughed softly, setting her bag down and straightening it.
"Let's just stay in, darling." He said, inches from her face with her hands on his shirt.
Eleanor gave him a sad smile. "What happened to Mr. Lennon the party animal, hm?" She joked.
"Dinner parties aren't proper fuckin' parties, you know I don't like that stuff." He said his hands sliding to her waist when she was done. "Let's just say I'm sick or something, yeah?"
"John," she laughed, buttoning up her black coat. "be more social, will you?"
"This is what you get for marrying a Beatle, luv." He winked, grabbing her hand.
Eleanor wasn't quite sure how to handle any of this. John had taken a completely new turn, he was still the sarcastic, quick witted John she knew, but he was being nice. It wasn't just awkward, it was beginning to worry her. Was there something wrong with him? Was he sick? Was he having yet another affair? Not that she could actually become angry when it came to that certain point: her and George had been carrying on for weeks. They still hadn't slept together, but when she was with him she felt like the most special girl on Earth. The way he treated he rwas filled with nothing but love. John had only started recently acting like that, and even then she had no clue where it had suddenly come from.
"Did I tell you look amazin' tonight?" She felt her husband whisper in her ear.
She smiled, blushing slightly. "Thanks."
"So, boys, you've all heard about the movie, correct? Filming will start next week, so please try and stay out of trouble until then, I don't want anyone getting hurt." Brain instructed, making his words much more stern with the knife in his hand, as he had stopped cutting the potatoes on his plate to talk.
"Yes, Eppy," said John, not sounding too interested. "Put us all in a bubble, won't ya, lad?"
Brain ignored him, muttering something under his breath. "So, luv, how about we skip this, hey. Spend the rest of the night in bed..." He murmured quietly so only she could her, and gently resting his hand on her thigh. She blushed even more, and thanked Brain silently that he had put a large cloth on top of the table, so no one could see where his hand was.
She looked up from her leg to see that George was sitting across from her. She hadn't talked to him all night and she felt somewhat bad when she saw the look in his eyes. He just looked genuinely sad, and she couldn't help but feel responsible. She tried to ignore him, hoping that maybe if she did so then this situation would vanish, and none of it would have ever happened. Of course, it didn't.
"So, what do you say?" Whispered John.
"Maybe we could stay a bit longer?" She asked, just as low as raised an eyebrow but smiled, kissing her on the cheek, and turning around to talk to Ringo on his left.
She slowly diverted her eyes to meet George's, but instead he was talking to Paul. Fuck it, she thought. She needed to talk with him, and she wasn't gonna let anyone stop her this time. She was sick of being a constant people pleaser; it was about time she realised that her happiness was an option too, she was allowed to smile and laugh. She slowly nudged her leg closer to George's, gently giving it a slight kick. He quickly shot her a look and she ran a hand through her hair, while doing so pointing to the left as quickly as she could, in the direction of the bathroom. He nodded, his eyes taking a quick glance at her then back to Paul.
"Just going to the bathroom, excuse me. " She smiled, pushing her chair back slightly to leave. "The left, right, Brian?"
"Yes, dear." He replied.
She waited in there for exactly seven minutes before she heard the rapid knocking on the door. Opening it, she saw George standing there, almost looking nervous. "George," she said, moving, allowing him to come in.
"Hi." He muttered, stepping inside.
She closed the door and sighed, this wasn't as easy she thought it would be. "How are you, George?"
"I'm fine." He shrugged. "You wanna tell me what's going on?"
She sighed, leaning against the door. "I dunno..." She trailed off. "I think me and John are, you know, getting things together?" She wasn't too sure how to say it.
"What does that mean?" He asked.
"It means that you and me can't really..."
"What?" He snapped. "Can't see each other anymore?"
"I just want what's best for John, Georgie." She whispered.
"What about me?" He sounded angry.
"Me and John are married, George. You have to understand that he needs me."
"I need you too." He said, his hands in his pants pockets. "I'm nothing now, am I?"
"No, George," she said, stepping closer. "John is changing. He's so sweet now, he loves me. But he need sme, George. He'd lost his father, his mother - he can't lose me. I couldn't do that to him."
"You're hurtin' me too, though!" He yelled. "You're just gonna forget all about me, are you?"
"Please don't do this me," she muttered. "I don't wanna hurt anyone, Georgie. I want everyone to be happy-"
"That can't happen." He cut in. "Eleanor, you know I care about ya. A lot. I'm not gonna let you walk out on what we have."
"What we have?" She exclaimed. "George, this isn't a relationship, it's just..."
"What is it, Eleanor? Are you telling me you don't care about this? All this time we've spent together, huh, what happened to that?" He asked, stepping closer to her.
She quickly placed her hands on his. "George, please. I'm married to John. He might not be the perfect husband but he's perfectfor me. He can't keep losing people, George, he can''s not right, and I'm not the kind of person who'd do that to him. Please, just think about John. Think about what he'll go through."
"He'll be fine," George snapped. "He'll find someone else."
"I don't want him to."
George sighed loudly. "Eleanor, what's happenin', luv?" He asked, his eyes and voice softening. "Please tell me, we can fix it."
"George, I want to see you, I really do. You're perfect, George, please don't think I don't wanna be with you. I do. I really do. And trust me, if me and John weren't together I'd be with you in an instant."
"But?"
"But," she carried on. "We can't have everything."
"Eleanor, please," he begged. "I need you more than him."
"Georgie, you'll find someone. You're George Harrison, you'll meet someone and they'll love you." She said,closing her eyes.
"Eleanor, don't do this." He whispered, his lips inches from hers. She felt his hot breath on her neck and she almost gave into him.
"We can't." She closed her eyes tight; she was trying to fight off her tears.
"Eleanor, I can make you happy. Haven't I already?" He asked, his hands clinging to her arms.
"George, I promise you, you'll find someone." She nodded, trying to convince him.
"I don't want anyone else!" He screamed. She was afraid someone might of heard so she decided then that she should leave.
"George, I'm so sorry," she whispered, opening the door. "Please don't hate me."
As if it wasn't bad enough already. Eleanor needed nothing more right now than som reassuring words, someone she could vent to. She was indeed in love with John, and George certainly made her feel special: so who should she stay with? John, the man who had hurt her so many times over the years, more times than she could remember. The man who had broken her heart on several occasions, treated like she was nobody, and made her feel useless. Or the man who had suddenly come into her life and filled it with nothing but love and hope, and actually made her feel like she deserved happiness for once in her life. She didn't have a clue. At the end of the day, she was still going to be Mrs. Eleanor Lennon, in love with her husband, slowly falling for his best friend, and either way, someone was going to get hurt.