Chapter 10

The next day- Meredith had been trying her hardest to avoid Derek at all costs. She busied herself with work- burying herself in checking on patients and their charts for the entire day. She even managed to scrub in to a few cool surgeries back to back. Fortunately for her, none of them were with Derek. She just couldn't bear to look at him right now.

Meanwhile, Derek was feeling rather distracted. He just couldn't focus on his work at all. He was supposed to be the best resident in the country- but so far today he had already made a few mistakes in the management of patients. He had ordered a CT brain for a patient who needed a CT abdomen. He had sent a patient with a ruptured fallopian tube into the general surgical ward instead of the O&G ward. This wasn't him at all. Usually he was very efficient in his job.

Suddenly at the corner of his eye- he spied his distraction- walking down the same flight of stairs he was about to use to walk up.

'Finally' he thought to himself.

She scurried past him, pretending not to notice him.

'Meredith!' he called out. She pretended not to hear him.

' Meredith!' he called out again.

She finally stopped and glared at him.

'What?' she asked a little annoyed.

'Wait' he said- running up to her.

' About last night…'

' I don't want to talk about last night' she cut him off abruptly.

Derek was a little taken aback. He hadn't expected her to be so cold towards him. It was just a harmless kiss after all. Nothing wrong with that- or so he thought.

' Mer- about last night….it was just a kiss…that's all… Don't take it the wrong way ok? I…to tell the truth, I've missed you a lot. I…think about you everyday…every single thing reminded me of you…I stopped writing these letters because I just….couldn't bear missing you terribly..'

Meredith's answer surprised him. 'I've missed you too- so much. I really meant it- when I said it yesterday….. I couldn't stop thinking about you too….It's just….'

'Just what?'

' Don't you think it's wrong? Morally and ethically wrong? We grew up as siblings and best friends….we are supposed to remain that way…..I just….you were my big brother…my elder brother Derek.. Which girl in her right frame of mind would have romantic feelings for your big brother?'

'But we're not biolo….'

'I know we're not biologically related.. But I still consider you my big brother and best friend' Mer said with a shaky voice.

' Ok then….' Derek replied with an equally shaky voice. 'Ok…if that's what you want….'

He then walked past her slowly up the stairs, looking dejected, head bowing down.

Meredith sighed to herself. She knew that she had hurt him deeply, but it had to be done. It had to be done before it went too far- and more people get hurt. Better to get him hurt now, rather then later- when he knows the truth….

Suddenly tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but they kept on streaming down her cheeks. Not wanting people to stare at her, she ran to the nearest on call room and collapsed on the bed, not bothering to lock the door.

Why has life to be so hard? Ever since she was 10 and her life turned upside down- life had never been easy on her. She had to work so hard both in school and at home. She had to forego so many pleasures and friendships and relationships. For what? She didn't know. She got harassed constantly by her mother's customers and her biological father who turned up drunk once in a while. She missed her younger childhood years. But most of all….she missed her friendship with Derek- so much. She would dream about those happier years at night. But now, he's here, right in front of her. The real Derek. Not a dream. So shouldn't she be happy about it? Yes, she was so glad to see him again. But at the same time, scared. She was afraid of what would happen if he got closer and closer to her again. His heart would be broken big time. And she didn't want to break his heart- he deserved better.

Yes, he deserved someone better than her. Yes, they could still be good friends and 'siblings' but nothing more than that. They were so many better women, more beautiful women out there for him, who could give him what he always wanted- a family.

It was obvious that he seems intererested in her right now. Which makes things so complicated. That kiss last night- what did it mean? Does a big brother kiss his little sister on the lips? Certainly not. It seemed like he wanted something more than a brother-sister or best friend relationship.

Now she is confused? What should she do?

'What did I do- oh what did I do?' she muttered to herself as she buried her head in the pillows.

Just then, the door of the on call room opened slowly. Her head was still buried in the pillow- she didn't bother to look to see who it was.

' Are you alright?' a male voice asked. It wasn't Derek's voice, that's for sure.

She didn't answer.

Mark Sloan now moved to the side of the bed…

'Meredith- are you ok? What are you doing here alone?'

'I'm fine- I just…need some time alone…'she mumbled into the pillow.

She finally looked at him with the tear stricken face.

He passed her a tissue and let her cry some more.

When she couldn't stop crying- he edged in closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a casual hug. Her body felt so warm against his- he had to resist the urge to take her there and then. She seemed so devastated after all.

Just then, the room door opened again.

Derek Sheperd stood still on the doorway in shock at the sight before him. All he wanted was some personal space…But now, his best friend and the woman he still loved so madly were hugged close together. She seemed upset. But he didn't care. Now anger overtook him. Mark Sloan was going to get a few punches, he'll make sure of that. He wasn't ever going to let him near Meredith or Lexie ever again.

To come- a Derek and Mark duel! Lexie makes an appearance. We get more information on the actual reason Meredith has been acting that way towards Derek..