Disclaimer-I do not own Glee
Thank you for reviewing everybody
Lyrics are in BOLD
Song is from the Disney movie 'Tangled'
Chapter 10-Jewish Polyjuice Potion:
It had been over a week since Rachel had moved in to kiss Finn while they were in the auditorium. For over a week, Rachel had been tense, her ears alert for any hint of gossip travelling between the students of McKinley High. She hadn't told Puck, or indeed anyone, about what had happened. Luckily, it seemed that Finn hadn't told anybody either. Occasionally the two would make eye-contact, but Finn would quickly look away again, his body shuddering slightly as though he were reliving the memory. Clearly, Finn was uncomfortable whenever he found himself in Rachel's presence. During one of their Glee rehearsals, Rachel had accidentally brushed arms with the boy while practicing the dance moves and Finn had paled before shifting away from her, shooting terrified looks to her every few seconds.
As for Quinn, she had been practically glued to Rachel's side ever since she 'came out' to the girl on Puck's behalf. Her constant company was overbearing at times but Rachel had to appreciate the high level of support Quinn was offering to Puck about his sexuality. She only wished that Puck could be the one to carry Quinn's shopping bags, tell her which outfits looked the cutest, gossip about boys and help design prom campaign posters months in advance.
"She's driving me crazy," Rachel complained to Puck, latching on to his arm as they entered the choir room together, "and she's invited me to her house Saturday night for a sleepover insisting that there's a boy in her neighbourhood that I simply have to meet."
"Wait what?" Puck asked.
"Apparently she knows this boy from church," Rachel answered, "and their families are good friends so they've known one another since they were very young. He doesn't go to our school but Quinn says she's ninety-eight percent sure that he's gay."
"You're letting her set my hot body up with some random church boy?" Puck hissed not at all pleased. "Rach, I like Kurt, you have to get out of this set up thing."
"I assure you that I tried," Rachel said, "but Quinn is stubborn and scary. Every time I try to say no to her she gives me an evil glare and threatens our little Puckzilla."
"Puckzilla is not little," Puck snapped feeling highly offended, "and he's not 'ours', he's just mine. Get your own dick, Berry."
"Did your mother never teach you to share?" Rachel asked disapprovingly with her hands on her hips.
"Oh, like you share all the solos you mean?" Puck retorted.
"Shut up," Rachel scowled before moving to take a seat just as Kurt and Mercedes made their way into the choir room.
The two fashion loving teens immediately sat down with Puck, the three of them making plans for a mall trip and musical movie marathon at the weekend. Sitting alone, Rachel listened in on their plans feeling envious that she wouldn't be able to join them.
The rest of the Glee Club made their way into the choir room, Quinn smiling widely as she moved to sit with Rachel.
"Hey sweetie," she greeted and Rachel nodded in acknowledgement. Ever since Quinn learned that 'Puck' was gay she had been calling Rachel 'sweetie'. "I just texted my friend a photo of you and he's already replied saying that you're totally hot and he can't wait to meet you," she whispered.
"Um, that's nice," Rachel replied awkwardly.
"I've also made some arrangements for us this Sunday," Quinn informed her.
"Arrangements?" Rachel questioned nervously.
"You and I will be babysitting," Quinn announced, "I had a chance run in with Shelby and I fixed it all up. Shelby's going to have the day to herself to just relax or do whatever she wants to do, and we will look after Beth. I know how much you miss her."
Hearing what Quinn had said, Puck turned his head to look at them, his eyes full of longing.
"Thank you, Quinn, that's really lovely," Rachel said, "It means so much to me. Maybe Rachel would like to come along too," she suggested looking to Puck with an encouraging smile, "Shelby is your mum after all and that sort of makes Beth your sister. You should spend time with her too; maybe even get her started on some vocal lessons."
"Sure, I'd love to," Puck answered, "It would be my pleasure to share my incredible talent with one so young. Maybe she'll even offer me the appreciation and adoration I really deserve that my fellow Glee Clubbers neglect to give me."
"Great, now we're gonna have a day stuck with Man-Hands," Quinn commented with a roll of her eyes. "I vote we make her change any dirty diapers."
I really do have man hands, Rachel thought with a sigh flexing out her fingers.
XXX
That Friday after school, Puck and Rachel met up at the Puckerman household with the intent on figuring out a way to solve their gender problem.
"It would seem that our situation is not going to correct itself," Rachel said pacing the length of the living-room while Puck lounged on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table as he watched the T.V. "We've been stuck this way for nearly a month now. I for one think its time to take action. As lovely as your body is, Noah, I really want my own body back. And I want to sing with my own voice again, have dinner with my dads, kiss Finn and even have to go on my tip-toes just to reach books on the top shelves in the library."
"I just wanna jack off," Puck shrugged.
"Think Noah, what can we do to get ourselves back in our own bodies?" Rachel asked him.
Puck grunted in response, his attention still on the T.V. Rolling her eyes, Rachel switched the T.V off before sitting on the couch beside her fellow Jew. Elbows resting on her knees, she massaged her temples to help her think while Puck twirled his hair around his finger, set his feet back on the carpet and readjusted his mini-skirt.
"Babe, I've got it," Puck declared and Rachel straightened up to hear his suggestion, "let's make-out."
"Absolutely not," Rachel retorted looking scandalised, "I will not be unfaithful to Finn."
"Just think about it," Puck encouraged, "really you'll just be kissing your own lips so it totally doesn't count as cheating. Besides, it might work."
"I hardly think exchanging saliva is the answer to our problems," Rachel responded.
"Well it's worth a shot," Puck insisted scooting closer to her on the sofa, "anyway, I've always kinda wondered what it would be like to make out with myself," he smirked.
"You are so perverted," Rachel replied sounding appalled. "Very well," she sighed, "one quick little kiss but that is it and you cannot tell anyone."
"Whatever, just let me make out with myself," Puck commented as he swung one leg over so he was straddling Rachel's lap, "damn I'm such a stud," he grinned as he admired his face and felt up his biceps.
"So modest too," Rachel remarked sarcastically before letting her eyes close.
Dragging a hand through Rachel's mohawk, Puck leaned in and pressed their lips together.
I guess this is sorta what its like to make out with a dude, Puck thought while he kissed the girl in his body. My abs feel so damn good. If I can just get my hot body back and convince Kurt to make out with me there's no way he'll be able to resist me afterwards.
"It didn't work," Rachel sighed in disappointment after the kiss had ended and Puck moved off of her lap.
"It was a worth a shot," Puck reasoned. "We just need to think of something else."
Rachel nodded and the two teens sat in silence as they tried to come up with a helpful solution.
"I recommend a spontaneous duet," Rachel decided before rushing to the C.D player and fiddling with the switches and buttons, "be prepared to sing, Noah, since you currently have my voice I shall permit you to sing the female part," she called to him before hitting the play button.
The Disney music started up and Rachel turned to Puck with a wide smile, staring at him expectantly as she waited for him to sing.
I can't believe I actually know the words to this, was all Puck thought before he sang out the lyrics.
"All those days watching from the windows, all those years outside looking in, all that time never even knowing, just how blind I've been," Puck blinked his long eyelashes and turned on his heel, suddenly finding himself on stage in a sparkling pink gown and watching Kurt walk through the crowd, his face the only one to stand out while the other milling students were just an unfocused blur. "Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight, now I'm here, suddenly I see, standing here, its all so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be."
His vision of the stage faded and instead Puck imagined himself being back in his own body and lying in his own bed in the dark only for lightness to suddenly fill the room.
"And at last I see the light, and its like the fog has lifted, and at last I see the light," the scenery of Puck's bedroom faded and instead he found himself out in the open staring upwards to the clouds, "and its like the sky is new, and its warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted, all at once everything looks different," an image of Kurt appeared in Puck's fantasy, "now that I see you."
Blinking his eyes, Puck turned back to face Rachel as the girl stood in his living-room in his body, preparing herself to sing in his voice.
"All those days chasing down a daydream," Rachel sang, "all those years living in a blur, all that time never truly seeing, things, the way they were, now she's here shining in the starlight, now she's here, suddenly I know, if she's here it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go."
I look so gay right now, Puck thought watching Rachel perform in his body.
"And at last I see the light," Puck and Rachel sang together.
"And it's like the fog is lifted," Rachel sang.
"And at last I see the light," they sang together, "and it's like the sky is new," Puck sang solo. "And it's warm and real and bright," the two sang together again, "and the world has somehow shifted, all at once everything is different, now that I see you, now that I see you."
"It didn't work," Puck pointed out once the song was over. "Maybe we should go to Temple?"
"Were you two just singing?" Mel asked stepping into the living-room from having been up in her bedroom.
"We thought performing a duet together might fix our current predicament," Rachel explained.
"It didn't work," Puck repeated.
"Well maybe I can help," Mel said, "I have an awesome idea," she grinned and the two older Jews looked to one another.
"Whatever, I'm willing to try just about anything at this point," Puck said, "what do you have in mind sis?"
"Just sit down and relax," Mel instructed them, "and leave it all to me. I'll be back in a little while," she told them before giggling a little and running upstairs.
A few minutes later, the younger girl returned wearing her dressing-gown and made herself busy in the kitchen. Puck and Rachel shared a look of confusion before Melanie entered the living-room carrying two glasses containing a weird mixture of liquids.
"What is that?" Rachel asked.
"Some coffee beans, some orange juice, a bit of whiskey, vinegar, cola, a few drops of tomato soup and some hot water," Mel answered much to the disgust of the other two. "It just needs one last ingredient," Mel said before yanking a strand of hair from each of their heads and adding one to each glass. "There, perfect," she announced before handing the glass with a few bristles of Rachel's mohawk to Puck, and the glass with Puck's long hair to Rachel. "Drink up!"
"What? No way, I'm not drinking this," Puck rejected sneering at the revolting mixture in the glass.
"Noah, you have to," Mel insisted, "it's the Jewish version of a polyjuice potion. It'll change you back."
"Like hell it will," Puck grumbled.
"And in the Harry Potter books the effects of a polyjuice potion only last for an hour anyway," Rachel pointed out.
"That's the traditional potion, but this is the Jewish version, I already told you that," Mel snapped impatiently, "the Jewish version will be permanent."
"Except it won't because it won't work since magic isn't real," Puck stated and Mel scowled at him.
"Just try it," Mel huffed, "and if you don't I'm going to tell mama the truth about what's going on with you two."
"She wouldn't really tell would she?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, the little brat would," Puck answered and Mel smirked evilly. "Come on, let's just drink this shit, I don't want her telling my mama. If she heard what's happened she'll just be convinced I'm on drugs."
Tentatively, Puck lifted the glass to his lips and screwed his eyes shut as he let some of the liquid slide down his throat, Rachel copying his example. They barely swallowed a mouthful before they were both pulling faces and yelling about how disgusting it tasted, Melanie cackling in amusement as she watched them.
XXX
"That was so gross," Rachel complained as she and Puck stood side by side in the bathroom, scrubbing their teeth clean furiously.
"Even worse than cafeteria food," Puck said, "worse than prison food," he added, "worse than healthy food!" he exclaimed.
"Your sister is a monster," Rachel commented reaching for the mouthwash, "I am so privileged to be an only child, I realise that now."
"Ok, I'm starting to run out of ideas for how we can fix this thing," Puck said.
"Me too," Rachel admitted.
"There's only one last thing I can think of to try right now," Puck told her.
"What's that?" Rachel asked.
After hearing Puck's suggestion, Rachel agreed to it and followed Puck downstairs and outside into his truck. They drove to McKinley High and Puck took hold of Rachel's hand and led her round to the back of the building before breaking into the school with a shocking amount of ease.
"You've done this before," Rachel stated accusingly and Puck just grinned. "Wait," she said clutching Puck's arm tightly, "are you sure we won't get caught?"
"Babe, relax, I've done this like a million times," Puck assured her before leading the way through the deserted school corridors.
"This place is actually kind of creepy when it's so empty," Rachel commented sticking close to Puck as they made their way through the building. "It almost has a haunted feel. A lot of unhappy spirits dwell here I can tell, because of my sixth sense you know. These walls simply echo with the pains of teenage angst from years gone by."
"Shut up, Rachel," Puck replied trying to find his way in the dark, Rachel's grip on his arm almost painful. "We're here," he announced when they reached the room they were looking for. Taking a pin out of his long hair, he got to work on picking the lock before holding the door open and permitting Rachel to step inside ahead of him. Following her inside, he closed the door and flicked on the light switch, illuminating Miss Pillsbury's office. "Let's start looking."
Together, they rummaged through the Guidance Counsellors cupboards and desk in search of all the available information pamphlets.
"I swear this chick has a pamphlet for everything," Puck said, "there's gotta be something in here that'll help with our problem."
"I certainly hope so," Rachel replied looking through a stack of neatly arranged pamphlets. "Wee-Willy-Winkie," Rachel read out loud looking at one of the titles, "How to make your penis grow three inches in two weeks."
"You should take that one for Finn," Puck teased only to be hit with a large wad of them, "ow."
"Staying Alive, Not Suicide," Rachel read sorting through another pile, "The First Cut is the Deepest," she commented reading the title of a pamphlet about self-harm. "Try taking an Art Class," Rachel read aloud as she opened the pamphlet, "instead of using your body as a canvas, your blood as paint and a blade as a paintbrush, use the real things to create a visual masterpiece that doesn't mangle and scar your skin or endanger your life."
"Crabs," Puck read out, "when it feels like there's a pinch full of sea in your underwear, seek treatment. Or how about this… E.T Phone Home, what to do if you meet an alien."
"So you like touching yourself," Rachel read out, "the do's and don't of masturbation. Is this sort of material really appropriate for a high school?"
"Don't be such a virgin," Puck replied, "people masturbate, there's nothing wrong with that."
"This is ridiculous, Noah, we're not going to find a helpful pamphlet," Rachel sighed.
"No," Puck agreed still rifling through them, "probably not." His eyes landed on a pamphlet titled 'So You're Bleeding in New Places' that was all about periods. Making sure Rachel wasn't looking, he grabbed one and stuffed it into his coat pocket. He hadn't been subjected to that particular ordeal yet but he knew it would probably happen soon. "Come on, let's get out of here."
"Shouldn't we tidy up?" Rachel asked looking round at the mess they'd made.
"Leave it, Miss Pillsbury loves to clean," Puck shrugged holding the door open for Rachel to step through.
He switched the light back off and closed the door before leading Rachel back out of the building and into his truck.
"Our situation is hopeless," Rachel sighed.
"I'll take care of it, I promise," Puck told her.
"How Noah?" Rachel asked. "What can you possibly do to fix this?"
"I'll think of something," Puck insisted.
XXX
Later that night, Puck was curled up in Rachel's bed surrounded by a large number of her stuffed animals. He willed his mind to conjure up a genius plan to get himself and Rachel back into their rightful bodies. Unfortunately, nothing realistic entered his thoughts. Getting a headache from thinking so hard, Puck rolled over and reached for Rachel's cell phone before rolling onto his back again, his legs bent so that his knees were facing the ceiling. He searched through the list of contacts and hit the call button, butterflies flapping around in his stomach as he listened to the phone ring.
"Well hello, Miss Berry," Kurt greeted on the other end of the line. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Nothing," Puck replied, one hand holding the phone to his ear as he twirled his long hair with the other, "I just wanted to hear the voice of my best gay."
"Then consider your wish granted," Kurt said.
Phone sex right now would be so awesome, Puck thought while he listened to Kurt confirm the arrangements for their mall trip the following day.
"That sounds lovely," Puck commented, "Kurt, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," Kurt answered.
"Do you believe in love?" Puck asked.
"I most certainly do," Kurt replied, "romance is such a beautiful thing and passion and desire are so exciting."
"Um, are you in love with anybody?" Puck asked him.
"No, I'm not," Kurt said back, "but I want to be. I have to admit that I often find myself jealous of what you have with Finn or what Tina has with Mike and Santana with Brittany. I can't wait for somebody to love me like that, and for me to love him back obviously. Of course love is a long way off for me. I'll probably have to wait until New York before I can find somebody to appreciate just how fabulous I am."
"Anyone who can't see how fabulous you are is an idiot," Puck remarked. Just like I was such an idiot for not seeing it for so long. "You really are special Kurt; you deserve to be loved more than anyone."
"Ok Rachel, now you're starting to worry me," Kurt responded, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," Puck replied, "I just wanted…"
"To hear my voice," Kurt finished the sentence for him.
"Exactly," Puck confessed releasing a deep breath, "I know it sounds dumb but hearing your voice is really comforting."
"That's sweet Rachel," Kurt said, "but shouldn't hearing Finn's voice be a greater comfort to you?"
"I, well… um," Puck searched for something to say but no syllables appeared to help him form a coherent sentence.
"Rachel, be honest with me," Kurt asked, "are you and Finn breaking up?"
Babe, we're not even together, Puck thought.
"Of course not," Puck replied, "my relationship with Finn is as strong and happy as ever. I realise I may have been neglecting him a little recently but it isn't intentional and it doesn't mean anything. I'm just preoccupied with a little… a little side project."
"Side project?" Kurt enquired sounding intrigued.
"Just something I'm doing to help out a friend," Puck answered, "remember me telling you about that guy who's interested in you?"
"Yes I remember and I still think its ridiculous and most likely a prank," Kurt responded.
"I assure you, Kurt, this guy's feelings are completely genuine," Puck insisted, "he's crazy about you." I'm crazy about you. "But he just needs a little more time before he can be brave like you and come out of the closet." But before I can make a move I need my sweet ass body back. "And he's still kind of nervous that you might not feel the same way. What, um, what types of guy are you actually interested in?"
"Oh, well, personally I love a guy who is…" Kurt listed a number of qualities that he found appealing in a boy and Puck listened intently on the other line. "There," Kurt breathed out, "that's my perfect guy."
"He sounds… nice," Puck replied lamely. He sounds nothing like me, Puck thought sadly.
"Is that the time?" Kurt asked frantically. "I need to get started on my nightly moisturizing routine but I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."
"Night," Puck whispered back several seconds after Kurt had hung up.
To Be Continued
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Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx