AN: Thank you to team jazper, AIXA00, sujari6, Solar571, danielle72679, april666king, Lister1777, babylopez2008, and anonymous for all of your reviews.
Huge thank you to my new pre-reader babylopez2008 for looking over this one, and to pastiche lethe for beta-ing.
Enjoy.
Edward
To put it bluntly, she looks like she's seen a ghost. She wouldn't be far from the truth actually; it's not like we're alive, technically.
I'm trying my hardest to keep my expression as neutral as possible. I don't want to scare the girl with how I'm feeling. I could so easily attack her, right here and now. I could bare my teeth to her and give in to the monster inside of me. I think I must have slipped a couple of times, as I hear the beating of her heart speed up.
Doesn't that indicate anxiety or maybe that she's frightened?
"Bella, this is my brother, Edward," Alice tells her. "Edward, meet my new friend, Bella." She indicates between the two of us.
Bella looks from me to Alice and back again. She looks straight into my eyes and blushes a deep red colour. I immediately find myself on my feet and holding my breath, fighting the temptation of the sudden rush of blood. Emmett also stands quickly and comes to my side, while Jasper inches closer towards Bella. I don't think she notices though. She appears to still be staring at me. She still hasn't said anything, so should I say something first?
Do I walk over to her and offer her my hand to shake?
Should I just stay here where I feel safer? Surely she would feel more comfortable too.
Do I say anything at all? It will only waste the precious air that I'm holding in my lungs. If I lose too much I'll have to take another breath in with her in such a close proximity. Could I handle that?
"You…" she begins.
Bella's blush deepens and the smell of salty water hits my nostrils.
She's upset, but over what?
"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice asks.
She snaps out of our extended period of eye contact at the sound of my sister's voice.
What does she mean? Why is she feeling so embarrassed? Jasper thinks.
I notice Bella blink a couple of times and then stand up straight, as if she's just remembered that she's in a room filled with other people.
"I'm sorry… I have to go. Nice to meet you," she murmurs quietly in my direction.
She starts to walk towards the door, but I feel like I'm not ready for her to leave just wait.
"Wait," I hear myself say before I realise it.
That stops her.
What do I say now?
Bella
How can they expect me to be here when he witnessed one of my lowest moments? I don't care if he didn't even realise what I was doing at the time. It's enough to know that he was there, watching me.
Why did he have to be a part of this family?
I wonder if I'm some kind of joke to the Cullens. They haven't known me for very long, yet they've already invited me in to their home. It would make sense if I was only here for their entertainment. This family seem to be avoided by the other students at school, from the little I've seen. Maybe this is what they do to people. I wish someone had warned me.
I feel so embarrassed that I want to escape from this place. I shouldn't have come here anyway. It serves me right for trying to fit in and wanting to have some friends. I should have known better and trusted my first instinct.
Yet, I'm also so angry that he can just stand there and look at me as if he doesn't know who I am. He must recognise me.
"Yeah, don't go, Bella," chimes in Emmett.
Edward's request has already apparently stopped me in my tracks. Emmett's added remark makes me turn around to look at them all. They're all just stood there, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I haven't done anything wrong.
I allow myself to look back over to Edward. I can't seem to decipher his expression. What is he thinking?
Maybe I should provoke an answer out of him. He doesn't seem all that willing to speak.
"I saw you yesterday, didn't I?" I ask. I realise that by doing this I might have to explain my behaviour to the rest of them. I'm not so sure I want to do that.
He appears to deliberate on his answer.
"I don't know what you mean," he finally replies.
And I thought I was the one who had trouble talking.
"You're just going to stand there and lie to me?" I know it was him. I wouldn't forget a face like that.
"Bella, why don't we all sit down and talk?" Alice says cautiously.
"Good idea, do you want something to drink?" asks Rosalie.
"Hey, do you know how to play Guitar Hero?" Emmett asks me.
Meanwhile, all Edward does is stare at me. Although, I have to admit he's starting to look nervous about something. I notice that Jasper hasn't moved at all. Instead, his gaze seems to be flickering between Edward and I.
"What is going on in here?" Esme walks in from somewhere and demands in a way that only a mother could.
The Cullens look at me for an answer. Fine, I'll give them all one.
"I was just leaving. Thank you for inviting me over."
"But you've not been here long. Come and join me in the kitchen, Bella," Esme politely says.
I feel like I couldn't deny her anything. She's such a lovely person. I can see that she's only trying to help.
I nod slowly, and her face lights up with a beautiful smile. She walks over to me and places her hand on my arm in a comforting gesture.
"Come with me," she tells me. We begin to walk in the direction of the kitchen, leaving behind the adopted siblings.
I feel better already.
Edward
"Edward! What the hell was that?" Alice demands in an angry whisper as the pair walk away.
The burning in my throat lessens by a fraction with each step away that she takes. But at the same time, it's like I want to follow her… like I need to protect what's mine. But why would I feel like that?
"Alice, he tried," Jasper interjects.
"But what did Bella mean? What was she talking about?" Alice replies.
"She seemed really upset. What did you do to her, Edward?" Rosalie asks, getting angrier with each word.
"Babe, calm down," Emmett tells her.
"It's a good job that Esme stepped in when she did," Jasper tells us.
Esme had been keeping to herself, working on the garden. She wanted to give Bella some space, so as not to overwhelm her with all of us at one go. Carlisle is doing a shift at the hospital this evening, so that's one less vampire for Bella to deal with anyway.
"I can't hear her," I admit to my family. I know Esme will be able to hear me from here. Her thoughts let me know that she's shocked, just like my adopted siblings are.
"What do you mean?" Jasper asks.
"Her mind- it's blocked to me. I can't hear any of her thoughts… I don't know what she's thinking." And that scares me, but I don't admit that to my family. Jasper will be able to tell anyway.
"Huh?" Rosalie is the first to speak.
"So, you get nothing from her?" Emmett asks.
"Nothing at all," I reply. "I must not have noticed that yesterday."
"Is that why she's upset?" Alice asks. "Because of yesterday, when I asked you to stop her? What did you do?"
"Nothing, I didn't do anything!"
"Edward, calm down please," Jasper asks of me.
"Well, you must have done something to the poor girl," Rosalie says.
"I didn't, I don't understand," I say as I run my hands through my hair.
"From the beginning, Edward… what happened yesterday?" Alice asks me.
I take a seat back down on the couch. I explain to them how nothing happened, that she made eye contact with me through the window. I didn't stay for long after that; I didn't want to succumb to the bloodlust.
"Jasper, what was she feeling?" I ask.
"Embarrassed mainly. She was obviously upset, although I couldn't tell you what about. There was anger too. And also… I think I got a hint of something else. I'm not sure I should tell you though. She would probably want it kept from you."
Even his thoughts aren't letting me know what the emotion is.
"What was strange though," Jasper continues, "was what you felt, Edward. Possessive, I think is the correct label for it."
The rest of my siblings turn to look at me. I know what Jasper is doing. He's diverting the attention away from Bella and back on to me.
"Must be the bloodlust," I tell them all.
Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper accept my excuse. I can tell that Alice doesn't though. She's actually smiling at me.
Admit it, you like her really, she thinks.
How can I when I don't even know the girl?
Bella
The kitchen is large, complete with equipment that any chef would be lucky to have. I don't even know what some of it does. It's all so clean, like it's never been used before. Esme must be meticulous when tidying up after her family. Maybe they pay someone to clean for them. That wouldn't surprise me.
Esme leads me to the island counter in the middle of the room and asks me to take a seat on one of the stools.
"Would you like something to drink?" she asks me. "We've got tea or coffee, any type of you like. Or maybe you'd just like some water?"
"Um, have you got any camomile tea?"
"Coming right up." She smiles at me.
Esme fills up the kettle with water from the tap and puts it on the stove to boil. She takes a mug from a nearby cupboard and places it on the side by the stove, and then takes what I'm assuming is the camomile tea bag from a container and puts it in the mug.
While the kettle takes its time to boil, Esme turns back to look at me from the other side of the island.
"I'd like to apologise on behalf of my children. They can be a bit much all at once," she jokes.
I find myself smiling slightly at her.
"It's okay," I dismiss her apology. It's not needed, not from Esme anyway.
"No, it's not. I could see that you were upset about something, Bella. Would you like to talk about it?"
Not really, especially as it concerns one of her children in particular.
She looks at me, expecting an answer, but I don't know what to say. There's something about Esme that makes me feel like I can tell her anything, and that thought alone scares me a little bit. Before now, the only person I could be myself around like that was my mom. It's not like I want to replace her, I just miss having someone to talk to. I feel like I have all these thoughts and feelings just building up inside of me with no way of releasing them.
Maybe it would be good to talk to somebody.
It's not like I feel comfortable enough to talk to Charlie.
But, where do I start?
Esme must sense my distress as she begins to talk again.
"I know you haven't known my family for very long, Bella, but I can see that they are already smitten with you. It's like you were meant to be here," she adds quietly.
"I shouldn't be here," I tell her immediately, like a reflex reaction.
"Why's that?" she asks as she turns around to the now whistling kettle. She removes it from the stove and pours the boiling water into the mug. Once it's full, she places the kettle back on to a cold part of the stove. She gives me the mug of tea with the tea bag left in it to stew.
I place my hands around the mug, as if to gain strength from the warmth it provides.
While thinking of how to answer Esme's question, I realise that this is the most I have spoken at any one time since the death of my mom. Maybe this family are actually doing me some good.
"You know you are welcome here any time you wish, right?" Esme asks me.
I offer her a small smile and nod.
"That wasn't really what I meant," I tell her.
"What did you mean?"
"The only reason I'm in Forks and living with my dad… my mom, she uh, she died."
I can feel the sting of tears threatening to escape once again. Before I know it, Esme wraps me in a hug.
"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry."
So am I, I think as I hug her back with all the strength I have left.
Edward
I offer Alice a sarcastic smile and tell her to shut up.
"I didn't say anything. It's not my fault that you read my thoughts," she responds.
Before I get the chance to respond, we all hear Bella's admission to our mother.
"… my mom, she uh, she died."
If Alice could cry, I bet she would be now. Rosalie too looks upset as Emmett embraces her. Jasper moves to stand next to his mate and puts an arm around her shoulder to comfort her.
And me… I'm shocked.
"That poor girl," Alice says. "I had no idea."
"None of us did," I tell her.
"Guys," Emmett buts in as he releases his wife, "we aren't meant to know. Bella doesn't know that we have super human hearing."
He's right.
"We're going to have to keep this to ourselves," Jasper responds.
"How are we going to manage that?" Alice asks. "Bella needs people around her right now. She needs friends and she needs to feel loved."
Strange how she looks at me as she says the last part.
"And she will, Alice," says Rosalie. "But you have to remember that we only met her two days ago. Human relationships take longer than that to form."
"She'll need her space," I tell her. "She will tell you when she's ready to."
Alice nods in understanding.
"Come on, Rose," Emmett says, "let's go work on your car."
The pair head off to the garage.
"I'm going to read," says Jasper as he heads up to the library. The emotions felt by everyone are probably too much for him to handle.
Alice takes a seat on the couch next to me. Jasper knows when she needs to be left alone.
"I think I should apologise to Bella," I tell Alice. "Will I be able to do it?"
"I think you underestimate yourself, Edward. You're stronger than you think you are."
That's all I needed to hear.
I walk into the kitchen at a human pace and interrupt the embrace that Esme has Bella in.
"Oh, Edward," says Esme for Bella's benefit. She has her back to me on the stool she's sitting on. At the mention of my name, she extracts herself from my mother and turns to look at me.
"I was hoping I could speak with Bella for a moment," I say while looking at her.
I notice that the bloodlust I feel for this girl isn't affecting me so much at the moment. I wonder why that is. It seems like the more time I spend around her, the easier it becomes. But with every movement of the Swan girl comes a fresh wave of her scent. I decide that I shouldn't get too close to her. I take a couple more slow steps into the kitchen and then stop myself. This is close enough.
I swallow the venom that has formed in my mouth.
I can do this.
"Is that okay, Bella?" asks Esme.
After a moment, Bella nods. Esme leaves the room with a promise to be back soon.
Bella swivels around on the stool so she's facing me. She looks tired, exhausted. I'd better make this quick.
"I wanted to apologise for earlier," I begin. "You were right, I lied."
She takes a moment to digest my apology, thinking about what to say.
I wish I could hear her thought process.
"Thank you," she finally says. "I knew it was you."
I nod and turn to leave. I've done what I wanted to do.
"Why were you there?"
She stops me from walking any further away from her. I turn back to face her, trying not to show any of my emotions on my face. I can't let her know the real reason. That would involve implicating my family.
I quickly make up an excuse.
"I was just reacquainting myself with the area," I tell her. "I'm sorry I ended up on your property."
She seems to accept this as an answer.
I can't stay in her presence for much longer. The venom begins to fill my mouth again as I listen to the gushing of her blood traveling through her veins and the beating of her heart. Now that I am paying attention to her heartbeat, I notice that it seems to have sped up again in my presence. Do I really intimidate her that much?
"Anyway, I'll leave you to it. I'm sorry for ruining your evening."
I turn to leave.
"No," she quickly says. "I mean…" she clears her throat, "You haven't ruined anything."
Bella
The truth is you saved me.
I just wish I could tell you that.
AN: Thoughts?
Until next time...