Chapter Nine
Questions and Feelings
This couldn't be happening.
The Commander sat slumped, resting against an Oak Tree and struggling to hide the violent emotions that rose up within her. How could she have been so foolish to endanger her country, her Princess's safety, and the safety of herself and her loved ones? Shame and self loathing flooded her and she slammed her boot into the tree. This oak was her sanctuary and it took whatever hateful feelings she aimed at it without complaint. She wished she could be like it, unshakably calm and reliable. Instead she was this unsteady flame ready to falter or fume. It was ironic really, she thought bitterly to herself, that the infallible warrior they call Sir Juno and she should be one and the same. The knight sighed, rose up, and dusted herself off. She had to tell the Queen that her best soldier was going to be out of commission.
An aura of grim defeat followed her into the Throne Room. Queen Selene was waiting for her, worry in her eyes as she watched the warrior curtsy in greeting. She was almost hesitant to ask the reason for the woman's visit when she caught a glimpse of the agony in her eyes. Queen Selene saw the soldier's composure slip slightly and right itself as she cleared her throat.
Something had to be wrong, gravely wrong, to worry the fighter like that.
"Queen Selene…it upsets me to say this… I must tell you…damn it, I'll just tell you straight out! I can't fight because I'm expecting!" The Queen looked taken aback. She didn't know what she could say to assure her friend that all was not lost. The Queen stood from her throne. "Sir Juno, there is no need to be ashamed. You are not a liability; you can still be useful to us in this war." She said guessing the woman's thoughts. "I will promote your husband to Co-Commander and he will direct our armies in battle while you strategize from here. I can't let you fight," She said gently, "and I can't allow for anyone but myself, your husband, Apollo, and maybe King Dagda, Queen Gaia, Lady Setsuna and Lord Helios to know of your condition. It's what's best for us all, Juno." The warrior nodded, feeling somehow impressed that the Queen was able to think of such a practical solution.
"I can make arrangements for you to stay in the Palace for a year. Once you've regained your strength, you'll take up your old position and leave the child here. I can promise you that she or he will be in good hands." She let a small smile play on her lips at the thought of her daughter's delight at having a playmate. "Unless of course, you would take another year or two off?" She asked.
Juno didn't hesitate to refuse. Leaving her child knowing she would miss its first years of life was difficult but abandoning her post by staying behind was unthinkable. The queen had said she'd see that the warrior's offspring would be in the best of care and there could be no better place to bring a youngster up than here. She knew which option to take. "I'll find Jacob and tell him, you've been too kind, Majesty." She said and with that she left, the familiar smile back in place.
Back in the Palace Queen Selene was in the middle of instructing the servants how to prepare Sir Juno's rooms when a page burst through the door.
"Your Majesty! Lord Helios has sent a message for you!" Queen Selene apologized for the interruption and turned to the page. "What is the message?" She asked. The page handed her a scroll. Impatient to know what was inside; she broke the seal and unrolled the parchment.
Your Majesty-
Lady Setsuna and I have caught the Fox. We are on our way to Illuseon. Please expect us in two weeks. Respectfully yours,
Lord Helios.
Queen Selene frowned as she reread the letter. It was more notice than what Lady Setsuna would have given but still it gave rise to more questions than answers. If the Fox was Lord Danburite why were they hunting him down? Why did Lord Helios say that he and Lady Setsuna had caught the Fox like it was a combined effort? Why were they traveling together? What was the reason for their slow return to Illuseon? Questions crowded her mind but Queen Selene would voice none of them. There had to be a good explanation for it all and she would know what it was in two weeks. If anything that was good enough for her.
After dismissing the servants and the page, she retired to her chambers, free to brood on the contents of the letter. But it was not long before a tiny distraction pushed her door open and made way shakily across the carpet to the sumptuous couch where the Queen reclined. The fourteen- month old Princess walked as slowly and carefully as she could but all the same her small legs soon trembled and gave out. A scared look of surprise came on her face and she turned her grieving eyes onto her mother. "Mother, I bad?" Queen Selene bit back a laugh, but she felt herself growing serious as she thought more about the query. She answered the little girl's question quickly. "No, little one. You're not bad. You just need a little practice." Serenity smiled and reached for her mother who picked her up and held her tightly to her. While in her embrace a thought occurred to the child in the form of a question. "Mother, you law me?" Queen Selene pulled away slightly, eyes meeting the child's solemn gaze. She could tell the answer meant very much to her. "Of course I love you Serenity." She said firmly. "Everyone here loves you and we all protect you because we love you, darling." Serenity looked satisfied at this and the two sat in silence, the small child wrapped in her mother's arms, unknowingly casting her mother's fears far away. Even if it was only for a little while.
"She asked you if she was bad?" King Apollo repeated, eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. His soup had gotten cold with neglect but he paid it no mind. After Serenity had been put to bed, Queen Selene had sat down to eat dinner with her husband. She had been telling him about her day when Apollo interrupted, thinking along the same lines that she had earlier. "Poor child, She must feel so confused wondering why it is that we've been so tense and anxious lately." He mused. She must think we are neglecting her." Queen Selene nodded sadly. "I feel so ashamed that her question stumped me so. I've been such a fool, hating myself anymore because to hate myself is to half-hate my daughter." "Selene," King Apollo said softly but before he could say anything else, she silenced him with a gentle kiss. It was brief and tender, ended only by the need to breathe. King Apollo smiled across the table at his wife. "I love you. Did you know that?" "I do." She replied quietly.