A/N: I hope I set this up so this feels right. If not let me know. Thanks to all my reviewers, I couldn't do this without your encouragement. Hope you like it.
For Mary: who always encourages me to write.
Chapter 10
The nurse was back, the heavy set one that Chuck had spoken to. She came around behind Chuck and put her hand on his shoulder, but she seemed to be speaking to all of them. "You all need to leave, I need to check her levels and medication."
Serena saw the look Chuck gave the nurse and it was almost pleading, he started to speak but she put up her hand. Smiling tenderly, "Just give me a few minutes, go and get some coffee, something, then you can come back."
Chuck nodded and then got up. Serena and Dan followed him from the room.
Once outside Chuck ran his hand through his hair, "Look why don't you guys go and get some rest, and come back in the morning, she probably won't wake before then."
"Chuck I'm not…" Serena didn't get to finish when Chuck spoke again.
"And you need to call her parents, I told the doctors I would but, well, I didn't. So do that, go and call them. Go to her house and bring her a robe or something for when she wakes up." He wasn't sure why he seemed to need them gone so much, probably just selfish and wanted Blair all to himself. He wasn't honest with others, but he could be honest with himself.
Serena relented then, "All right I'll call her parents and go get some of her things, she'd like that." She should have thought about Blair's parents, and clearly knew that there was no way Chuck would have called them. He didn't do parental confrontation, but then with a parent like his who would.
As they turned to leave, Chuck called out, "Dan." Sticking his hand out to shake.
Dan looked at the hand and then at Chuck, unsure of what was happening he shook his hand.
"What you said earlier, you saved her, I wouldn't have gotten there in time if you hadn't… well. Anyway, I owe you more than I can say." With that he pulled Dan to him and gave him two slaps on the back. Then stepped away and walked toward the other end of the hall.
Once Serena and Dan were in the elevator Dan finally looked over at her and realized she was starring at him. "What?"
"I'm sorry but did Chuck Bass just give you a man hug." While she couldn't quite get to a laugh her voice was light.
"Yeah, I think he did," sounding every bit as incredulous as he felt.
"What was that about, what did you say to him?"
Dan shook his head. He wasn't about to get into that. Simply said, "I just told him he needed to get it together."
And with that they made their way out of the hospital. It was now 4:20am.
Chuck looked down at his watch, 4:32 am. Damn this had been a long night. He was holding her hand again. The nurse, Helga, had told him that talking to patients sometimes helped. Unfortunately he had no idea what to say. More to the point he was afraid that she'd be mad if she woke up and saw him. He knew that he was wrong for a lot of things, but he hadn't exactly been able to work them out with her while she was unconscious.
"Where do we go from here huh? I suppose it can't get much worse, so there's that." He let out a deep sigh then, he wasn't great at one-way conversations. Taking a deep breath he tried again.
"I don't know why I was so awful to you, I guess I'm not good at being second best. Something changed that night at Victrola, in the limo, I'm not sure but something…" he reached up to weave his hands through a piece of her hair. "See now you have me all sappy and nuts, I'm out of my element with this, you should have seen that, should have known that I wouldn't know how to handle this right."
"I know how you like to be in charge and all so maybe you could just wake up and tell me what to do here, cause I'm lost, I'm lost without you." He kissed her hand wrapped in his and laid his head against her leg and looking up at her one last time his eyes slid shut.
It hurt, everything, everywhere. It wasn't excruciating but dull, an ache in her toes and to the ends of her hair. She wanted to move but couldn't seem to coordinate the effort. Speaking seemed impossible her mouth was cotton and forcing air out seemed to make the aching worse. Finally she managed to lift her five hundred pound eyelids and realized that she was dead.
Nothing else could explain why she could feel his breath on her hand, the weight of his head on her thigh. He looked beautiful, his face relaxed, his hair a perfect mess the way it always was. She didn't want to move didn't want to ruin this perfect second, but she did anyway.
He felt something move, the slightest push like the wings of a butterfly. Then the whole colony of them flew up into his throat at once, he opened his eyes and she was looking at him.
She was so afraid, he was looking at her, what would he do, say.
"Blair," he moved so fast she would have jumped if she had more strength. His hands on her face, he was so close now she could smell the lingering alcohol on his breath.
"Blair are you ok, say something, please." His thumbs were caressing the sides of her temples and she just wanted to stay in that moment with his kind eyes and his gentle touch. She spoke anyway.
"Chuck?" It came out raspy and sounded so weak to her ears.
He smiled then, that amazing one she hadn't seen in so long. "Yeah, I'm here."
"Where", it seemed like a legitimate response as best she could reason.
He grinned, so soft, so sweet. "Your in the hospital, do you remember what happened?" He didn't want to upset her, but he didn't know what else to say.
Suddenly it was like being hit by a bus, or so she imagined. A wind tunnel of memories rushing at her hard and fast, taking her breath away. "rode hard and put away wet", "I don't miss you", and then a yellow shirt and a bottle of…
"oh god," her voice was so small, but the panic in her eyes scared him. She tried to turn her head her eyes shutting tight, then her whole body trying to escape, to crawl into a hole anywhere.
He watched her squirm, knowing she wanted to run away. He wasn't letting her go alone this time.
Settling on the bed he pulled her up into his arms, she was fighting him but he did it anyway. "Blair it's ok, everything is ok, we're going to get through this. No matter what, I'm here. Do you hear me, I'm here."
At some point she stopped moving, just lay silently against him. He stroked her hair and kept murmuring in her ear.
"I…I took…then." She couldn't get it out, couldn't make it make sense.
"I know, I know. Hush now, just rest." He repeated it over and over until he felt the tension flow out of her body.
Laying her back against the bed he looked her in the eyes, "I'm going to get the doctor, but everything's going to be alright. I promise." He swept a lose hair out of her face and then got up to find the doctor.
When he reached the door she called out, "Chuck" He swung around "Yeah?" His eyes so soft, she wanted to stay in them forever. Maybe, maybe now she could.
"Promise me again." Her voice was shaky her eyes unsure.
He smiled again, a rare one that few outside this room would ever see. "I promise. Do you believe me?"
She returned his smile, not as bright but she was working on it. "Yes, I do." And she did. She always would, she could see that now. Wasn't it strange how the world showed you these moments, if you just stopped to notice?