A/N: Hey Y'all! I know it's taken me longer than normal to update lately and I'm sorry about that but I've just had a lot of stuff happening lately. However, I am really dissapointed. I only got 2 reviews on the last chapter. That really makes me sad, because I feel like I deserve more than that. Because of that I've decided I'm not going to post until I get at least five or more reviews on each upcoming chapter, including this one. So please, please, please review.

I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

Soda was released from the hospital the next day and I spent the whole week at his house, not even bothering to go back home. I knew I really should, my Mom will be worried, but frankly, Soda needed me more. I needed him.

We postponed the lake trip until the next Saturday, and it was much needed. We all needed to get away for a while.

It was a beautiful day outside. Not a cloud in the crystal blue sky. The sun was pounding with heat, but Soda and I stayed out on the sidelines for a while. His doctor told him to take it easy for a week or two until the wound completely heals. I knew Two-Bit and Ponyboy wouldn't let me stay out forever, so I was wearing my swim-suit underneath my shorts and t-shirt.

Around noon, Two-Bit got tired of waiting for me. "Andrea! Get your skinny little butt down there in the water! Now! I ain't waiting anymore!" He yelled as he dragged me out of my chair.

I laughed and stopped once he had me standing. "Okay, okay, I'm coming. Just give me a second." I quickly pulled my dark dirty blonde hair into a ponytail and took off my shirt and shorts. I leaned down and gave Soda a quick kiss before running down to the dock.

I was standing on the edge of the dock deciding to stand here for a while and tease the boys in the water below. They tried to jump up and grab my ankles and drag me in, but it didn't work. I just jumped back before they could get hold of me.

Then, the boys stopped fighting and trying to coax me in the water and just laughed as they looked behind me. Wondering what was had changed, I turned around.

Soda was running full speed at me. He had yanked his shirt off and had just his board shorts on. Before I could do anything, he tackled me into the water. I screamed and got a mouth full of water in return.

Soda didn't let me out of his strong grasp as we floated back to the surface. I coughed slightly, trying to get the water out of my lungs and fought against him to get away.

They were all laughing at me, and I couldn't help but giggle myself. Finally Soda loosed just enough for me to turn around and free my arms. Once I did he squeezed back tight again. Shaking my head I playfully hit his chest and then wrapped my arms around his neck. "That wasn't very nice." I whined, pouting.

Knowing I was joking he laughed. He gave me a mock sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. Here. Let me make it better." He said sarcastically. He pulled me in close for a kiss. There were hoots and whistles from behind us and we smiled against each other lips and pulled away.

"Hey. Didn't the doctor tell you to take it easy? Ya know, not too much physical exertion?" I asked him, cocking an eyebrow like Two-Bit taught me.

He laughed again and flashed me his superstar smile. "Eh, that was more of a suggestion. Besides, rules are made to be broken. You of all people should know that." He winked at me.

I shook my head and leaned in for another kiss. "You're rotten, Soda. You know that?" I said.

He shrugged. "I try." He said. I laughed and peeled myself away from him. I looked over to where the rest of the boys had turned their attention to each other and were wrestling in the water.

I turned around and winked at Soda and motioned for him to follow me and to be quiet. He nodded and slowly we made our way over to them. Two-Bit had just popped his head up out of the water after escaping from Steve's grasp.

His back was turned to us and he was yelling something about the fight not being fair. Steve caught sight of me and I waved my hand around my neck, letting him know to act natural. Quietly I snuck up as close as I could behind Two and then I made my move. While he was in the middle of yelling something I jumped up and placed one hand on each of his shoulders and forced him down hard and fast.

His head completely submerged under the water. Coughing, he bolted out of the water, flinging his hair out of his eyes. He flipped around to find me laughing my head off.

He gave me a pretend scowl and then it quickly melted into a mischievous grin. I knew he was about to attack me, so slowly I swam backwards. He followed me slowly, waiting for the perfect moment. Then, I ran into something sturdy. It was Soda.

I turned around and latched on to Soda, hoping he would save me. I couldn't help but giggle, knowing what was about to happen. Soda looked down and gave me the same kind of smile Two-Bit had. "Oh, no." I said, realizing he wasn't going to help me and started frantically swimming in the other direction as fast as I could, gaining some good distance between me and them.

"No you don't." Someone said behind me. They grabbed my ankle and yanked hard causing me to flip around and come back towards them. It was Dally. He had witnessed everything that just happened, and unfortunately, I had swam right in his reach.

He reeled me in and locked his arms around my stomach. Not in the sweet way that Soda did, but in the kind of way that meant that torment was coming. Like a pesky brother, which really is what he was to me now. He laughed evilly as I flailed.

As I struggled his arms didn't budge. Like steel pipes. My thrashing caused my swim-suit top started to glide up. His arms brushed against my stomach and I saw a look of shock cross his face and his grip briefly loosened. When I looked up at him he shot me a questioning look and I shook my head, knowing he knew what he had felt.

Before he could question me more, the rest of the gang was there. Both of us covered our emotion like we both knew how to do so well and I looked at the gang and continued laughing. They were looking at me like I was some sort of prey.

They all looked at each other, nodding and then looked at me. They all came foreword quickly and I threw myself under the water, hoping to get out of Dally's grasp and swim away.

I managed to get out of Dally's grasp, but didn't escape from the boys attack. Two-Bit grabbed my waist and pulled me back to him. He leaned into my ear. "You think you can get away with that easily?" He laughed and he forced me back under the water. I started to kick as hard as I could. He had my arms in his grasp.

He held me under for a long time. Then, I started to kick slower, growing tired, and then I went completely limp. Stopped moving entirely. I heard their laughs stop as Two lifted me back up quickly. I opened my eyes and kicked away from him.

Their faces were priceless. They looked as if they'd seen a ghost. It took them a minute, but then they all sighed. Two-Bit shot me a glare. Soda wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. "Now, that really wasn't very nice." He said to me like I was a child. Spitting my words back at me.

Two-Bit sighed again and looked around and then back at me. "Man, Andrea. Don't do stuff like that! I thought I killed you!" He said, serious, but laughing at the same time.

I laughed at him and leaned back into Soda and put my hands over his. "You probably would've if I hadn't made you let me go. Besides, I wouldn't have died. I'd just have blacked out, unless you kept me under a lot longer, which you proved you wouldn't have. I would've been fine." I told him matter-of-factly.

He stuck his tongue out at me childishly and splashed water at me and Soda. "Still wasn't nice." He mumbled under his breath, knowing I was right. I giggled at him and Soda kissed the back of my head.

"Guys! The burgers are ready! Come get 'em!" Darry yelled from where he was grilling things.

We all rushed out of the water and over to the table where everything was laid out. I didn't even dry off. I knew if I took that time, all the food would be gone so I had to get up there first so I knew I had something to eat.

I loaded my burger and got some chips and whatnot and went back to the lawn chair next to Soda's. I set my plate in my chair and dried off then sat back down and waited for Soda to return.

"So you gonna make me beg for answers?" Someone said to the right of me. I looked up to see Dally sit himself in the chair next to me, a plate of food in one hand and a beer in the other.

I sighed and glanced over at the line that was forming for food. Soda was messing with Darry and I knew he would be a while. I brought my attention back to Dally who was getting settled but obviously still waiting for an answer. "It's nothing, Dal. Trust me." I said, and took a bite of my burger.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You're an awful liar. You think I don't know what those were? No, you trust me. I've slept with plenty of girls who've hated themselves so much that they went that far. I'm not oblivious like everyone else." He said, not taking his eyes off me.

I was taken back. I didn't really need to know how he knew. I looked away and rubbed my face like I do when I get frustrated. "It was a long time ago, Dally. A stupid mistake. Just forget about it okay?" I said quickly, wanting this conversation to be over.

Thankfully, Soda began to walk our way with a plate full of food. Dally saw it too. He looked at me sternly. "We aren't done with this conversation. Got it?" I sighed and nodded and put a fake smile on my face, pretending that conversation didn't happen.

Soda looked between the two of us suspiciously then gave me a confused look. Dally wasn't even paying attention to him, just burying his face in his burger. Slowly Soda sat down and stared at me. I dropped the fake smile, knowing he didn't buy it.

What's wrong? He mouthed. I shook my head, not wanting to get into it. I went back to my food, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

He touched my arm, making me look at him. He shot a sharp glance at Dally, questioningly. I shook my head again, knowing it wasn't Dally's fault.

He sighed, knowing he wasn't getting anything out of me. The rest of our lunch was filled with awkward silence between the three of us. Occasionally we would laugh at others, but mostly we kept to ourselves.

Soon, I got tired of it all and I got up. I threw away my trash and threw my shorts and shirt on and walked over by the trees, hoping to find a trail or something. I shot Dallas a look as I left, telling him to follow me. Quickly, he followed my lead.

I felt everyone's eyes on us as we walked to the forest, but I didn't turn around. Once we were behind the cover of trees I stopped and turned to him. "Okay, spill." He said.

I sighed, not exactly sure how to explain this. "Okay, but I'm only telling you this one and I swear if you tell anyone, you won't live to see another day, got me?" I threatened. He gave me a smirk and nodded. We both knew I couldn't do any harm to him.

"It was a couple months ago. I was going through something really, really tough, and one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I guess I'd...heard...about ways to make pain to go away, I suppose. I drank until I couldn't see straight. I got a hold of a blade and I locked myself in the bathroom. I was sobbing the entire time, and I haven't looked at a blade since. Like I told you. No big deal." I said quickly. I started to tear up thinking about it. It was an awful memory.

I walked into Buck's house. I just had to get everything off my mind, and I'd heard this was the place.

You could smell everything that was happening in here, nothing was hidden. Sweat and beer were the most prominent. You could hear everything that was going on upstairs, and I mean everything. I ignored that and went straight to the fridge and pulled out a beer. I planned on just having one, but that grew into two, then three, than too many to count.

Everything was a haze. I couldn't tell people apart from furniture. All that had been happening was still the only thing I could think about, even in this drunken stage.

I stumbled to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I let myself fall to my knees and crawled my way over across from the toilet. It smelt awful in here, but I didn't really care at this point. Whatever it would take to get this to go away, I would do it.

My fingers fumbled around until they found their way into my pocket. Shakily, I pulled out the small pocket knife I had found earlier. The reflection of light off the blade was blinding as I unfold it.

I had already planned out where to do it, a place where no one would see them. I lifted up my shirt and pushed the blade against my bare stomach. I took a deep breath and jerked the knife to the side, ripping a tear in my skin. I had to restrain myself from screaming. I hadn't expected it to hurt so bad, but to feel so good at the same time.

Tears started pouring uncontrollably from my eyes as over and over I sliced at my stomach. Soon my skin was raw and painful. It was bleeding slightly, but not to bad. I hadn't cut too deep.

I leaned my head back against the wall and took deep breaths. I felt better, but I felt guilty at the same time. Isn't this what I was upset about in the first place. This is exactly what Mason was doing and I'd told him I don't know how many times that I was disgusted by it and would never do it.

I threw the knife at the wall, disgusted with myself. I pulled my shirt down and grabbed the counter and dragged myself to my feet. Still stumbling, I made my way out. I couldn't be here anymore, it would ruin me. To afraid to go home like this, I slept in the park that night.

Dally put one hand on each shoulder and looked in my eyes, trying to judge if I was telling him the truth. Tearfully, I stared back into his. "You sure you're clean? You're okay?" He asked softly.

Not so sure I was okay, but sure I wasn't going to ever do it again, I nodded. Just then, Soda came through the trees. He stopped when he saw sight of me. I met his gaze for a moment before I sunk down to the ground, not wanting him to know about this. It was just another painful memory I was ashamed of.

I curled my legs up to me and sobbed into my hands. I heard the boys talking, but I couldn't understand them through my crying. Arms soon wrapped around me and pulled me close. "What wrong, Andie?" Soda whispered into my ear.

That meant he didn't know. Dally didn't tell him. I was thankful for that. I shook my head. "I'm fine, So. Really." I pulled away from his arms, taking a deep breath and wiping away my tears.

I finally got the tears to stop flowing so much, but I still couldn't look at Soda. I just stared at my hands and fiddled with my fingers in my lap. He put a gentle hand on my chin and made me look at him. "You're an awful liar." He said, chuckling softly.

I looked at him and gave him a weak smile as the waterworks started up again. His eyes were laced with worry and anger. Anger at whatever was making me do this. He reached out slowly and put his hand on my cheek. Ashamed, I looked away, pulling away from his hand.

I didn't want him to see me like this. I was tired of my past ruling over me, haunting my every thought. I was tired of crying. That's all Soda's seen of me it seemed like.

I didn't want him to comfort me right now. Somewhere deep down I wanted him to yell at me, to tell me to get it together, to just stop. But I knew he wasn't going to.

"Andie?" Soda asked. He sounded hurt, and I know that it was because I was pulling away and retreating in myself. I vaguely wondered if he thought this had to do with Dally. Did he think something more was going on between us?

"Soda, I just don't want to talk about it, okay. And I'd kinda like to be alone right now." I said quietly, exhausted from everything. To tired to deal with anything.

He was silent for a moment and I saw his hand drop. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at me, and I could see something stirring up inside him. Did he think I was rejecting him again?

He just nodded slowly and got up with out a word. Once he walked out of the trees I started sobbing again and leaned back up against the tree. I was just so tired of trying to be strong.

The sobs eventually stopped pouring from my eyes and I knew I'd have to go back out there eventually. They would all be worried about me. I knew I had to fix things with Soda. Man, we sure were fragile when it came to feelings sometimes.

I took a deep breath and rubbed the remnants of tears away from my face. I walked out of my green hideaway and made my way to where the boys were sitting in a big circle of lawn chairs. Everyone was there. Except Soda.

Two-Bit saw me first and he stopped. He breathed out in relief and the rest of the boys did the same when they saw me. I gave a sheepish wave and Two-Bit gave me a sympathetic look and pointed to the dock subtly. I gave him a small nod and walked over to the dock.

Soda was sitting on the end of it, staring into the water and dangling his feet. I hesitated for a moment when I saw him. I didn't know what to say to him. I was scared to see his face, to hear the hurt in his voice.

I took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way to him, plopping myself down beside him. I made sure to leave a little space between us, though. I hung my feet over the edge and played with my fingers in my lap. I stared intently at them, as if they were going to give me the words to say what I needed to.

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a minute or two. The un-surety going through each out our minds was nearly palpable.

Getting tired of the silence, Soda spoke up. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. He picked his head up but looked away from me, gazing into the trees. I stared at his face. He knew what happened.

Shock and confusion must have been on my face because when he finally looked at me he let out a sharp laugh, and it almost was a sound of disgust. I felt a pang of hurt hit my heart at the look he gave me. "Do you really think I wouldn't have found out? I basically had to get down on my knees and beg Dallas to tell me what happened. He sure got a kick out of that." He scoffed. "Dallas! Of all people. Dallas Winston! You can tell Dally this, but you can't find the words, or the decency to tell me? Your own boyfriend?" He sounded angry. He had a right to be, I suppose. I'd be angry too if I were him. It's not exactly a small secret.

Now it was my turn to look away. I felt a stray tear fall down my cheek. I felt a pain in my heart that I couldn't describe. I'd ruined yet another relationship. All because I can't figure out my emotions. Can't figure out myself. I ruined it with Mason for being too outright with what I thought, and know with Soda because I couldn't say anything that crossed my mind.

I wanted nothing more than for us just to go back to how we were this morning. Happy together. Nothing could rip us apart.

"I'm sorry, Soda. I know I should've told you but, I'm just ashamed of it. It's not something I like to talk about. It scares me to think that I could do something like that, and I just don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to know how broken I really am. What happened with Mason just tore down everything I was, and I can't find the pieces to put myself back together." I said, barely a whisper, but I knew he heard me.

He didn't answer. I put my head in my hands and tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall. I wasn't going to cry today again. I've done enough. "I just can't stop making a mess of everything." I said to myself.

He sighed beside me and put a hand on my back, rubbing it slowly. "Hey. Hey, don't think like that." He said softly. I could hear the pleading in his voice, for me to believe I was wrong, and to come back to him.

Hesitantly, he pulled me to him. I more than willingly did. His familiar warmth radiated as he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and focused on his scent. I didn't even know what he smelled like exactly, a smell unique to him. That's what I loved about it. It was all Soda.

He rocked me barely and buried his head in my hair. He kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up. It's just that..I just...I don't know. I just love you so much, Andrea. And I guess I just thought that you trusted Dally more than me and that scared me. For some irrational reason I thought that something more was going on and it just kinda got me...worked up, I guess. It was stupid, and I overreacted. I'm sorry." He said.

I pulled away, just enough to look at his face. "It's not stupid. It makes sense. I'm sorry I made it seem that way. I can promise you one hundred percent that nothing's going on between Dal and I, and that I absolutely trust you without a doubt in my mind. I didn't want to tell him, but he just wouldn't leave me alone about it." I said, looking into his eyes. He was so gorgeous.

The sun was casting shadows on his face and his hair seemed to be glowing in the light. I realized just how hopelessly in love I was with him. A wide smile played across my lips.

"What?" He asked, innocently. He couldn't understand why I was smiling all of a sudden when I had been so near tears a second ago.

I closed some distance between us and put my forehead against his. "Has anyone ever told you that you're cute when you're flustered?" I laughed and closed the rest of the distance, pressing my lips to his.

It was a sweet kiss. Both of us letting each other know just how much we needed the other. He pulled away too soon. "I don't think you understand how much I love you." He said and stared straight into my eyes.

I smiled mischievously at him. "Try me." I winked and closed the distance again. We kissed as the sun began to set behind us, leading us into the cold of night, but I knew we'd find a way to stay warm. Together.

'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm pretty sure it is the longest so far. Let me know, good or bad. I need at least five to post the next chapter. Please!

Anyways, I know I told you guys in a previous chapter that what happened with Mason and Andrea happened to me, but I just want to let you know that it is still true, however, I didn't do what Andrea did to herself. Let me know what you thought about this chapter. I'm trying to add more influence of different characters as I go along, and this chapter was really the introduction of Dally. Hope you like it! Let me know!