"Choosing ceremony is next week. Are you nervous?" Tobias asks me as we sit, holding hands in our little escape from reality.

"Yeah. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it."
"I know," he says with a chuckle. "It's really not that bad. You should have seen me though. I cut myself so deep, I bled all over everything; the coals, the floor, my clothes." I scrunch my nose but he just smiles.

"Did you know? I mean, right then, that you made the right choice."
"Yeah. At that moment, it was all I could do. I knew that this was it, this was going to change my life. And it did, but it took me some time to realize how hasty it was, and that maybe it wasn't what I was supposed to do."
"But Tobias, you had to get away. You don't know what would have happened if you had stayed."
"Well, I might have met you," he says.

Now I smile as my heart skips a couple of beats. "You didn't need to stay to meet me," I say quietly.
"Well, we wouldn't have met under such interesting circumstances then."
"Right. We could have eyeballed each other from across the food distribution center," I say, laughing.

Tobias bursts out into a loud laugh and then covers his mouth quickly. "Shit, that was loud," he says, his voice muffled by his hand. I bring mine up too, and we both sit with one hand covering our mouths trying to stifle our laughter, while the other holds on tight to each other.

When we finally get a hold of ourselves, I find myself looking at the small piece of tattoo that carefully creeps out of his shirt, and onto his neck. I can't make out what it might be, but I do know that it piques my curiosity in more ways than one. "Did it hurt?" I ask, pointing.
"My tattoo?" he asks. "I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell. But it was worth it. What's the old Abnegation saying? We have to allow the pain to remind us to do better next time? I guess you could say it's my reminder."

I frown at the thought. "Why do you punish yourself, Tobias? Don't you think you've had enough of that?"
"Yeah," he says as the smile fades from his face too. "Sometimes I'm not sure I know any other way."

I feel an actual pain in my chest as his stark words, and it makes me hate the things that have happened to him; that they make him feel like there isn't any other way. I reach out and place a hand on his face, turning it so I can look him in the eyes. "If you let me, I can show you another way," I say gently.
He closes his eyes and leans forward, resting his forehead against mine. "You already have."

I let the moment take hold of me, and angle my head slightly, brushing my lips against his. "Tobias," I whisper, and this time he moves. His lips find mine and they feel soft and warm and like home, and I know without a doubt that this is right.

It was quick and innocent, but I still feel the heat in my ears and on my cheeks.

"Would you like to see it?" he asks softly.
"What?" I say, still lost in the moment of feeling his lips on mine. He smiles, pulls the collar of his shirt aside and points. "Oh, right," I say, flushing even more at the question. "Your tattoo. I umm, well you see, I haven't..."
"It's okay if you don't want to."
"No, I do. I'm just...I've never...," I stop, realizing just how inadequate and inexperienced I am. I hate these moments that remind me just how different our lives actually are.

"Tris, don't worry. I'm not exactly, you know, experienced in this area either."
"Oh," I say. "I'm sorry. I just assumed. You hear things, you know."
"I do. And those things are actually very accurate, but not for me. I did come from Abnegation, after all," he says with a wink.
"Ha! The black clothes and tattoos make it easy to forget," I say, feeling a bit more at ease.
"So is that a yes?"
I hesitate for just a moment before answering, "Yes."

He turns his back to me, and as he reaches up behind his neck, he says, "So eager to get my shirt off, Tris. Are you sure you're Abnegation?"
I smile. "Hey, you're the one that offered, and-" but I stop, completely forgetting my train of thought as he pulls his shirt off.

His tattoo is more than anything I could have ever imagined. The entire right side of his back is covered in black flames that wrap around his ribs and lick onto his neck and collarbone, but I don't think that is what he wanted me to see. Down his spine are the symbols for each faction. I reach out and gently run my finger around the one for Abnegation, enjoying the small sigh I hear come out of Tobias.

"You have all of them. Every faction. Why?"
"I told you, we put too much value on these traits. Each one has its positives and each one has its negatives, but we're too focused on tearing them down if they aren't our own. I don't want to tear them down anymore, Tris. I don't want to ignore the things that I feel; the things they tell me I'm not supposed to be. I want to be brave and selfless. And honest and smart and kind."
I take my time running my fingers over each one, noticing how Tobias relaxes more and more with each touch. "Tobias," I say, "It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

He turns around and takes my face into his hands and kisses me, this time deeper, slower. My senses are on overload, noticing everything from how his smell reminds me of summer; wind and sun and warmth, to the way he gently moves his hands over me; one hand coming to a rest between my shoulder blades, the other on my hip. I place my hands on his chest, and when I realize he doesn't have his shirt on, I pull away.

He looks at me, confused for a moment, before quickly putting his shirt back on. "Sorry," he says, and I notice he has a flush on his cheeks this time. "I shouldn't have-"
"It's fine. Don't apologize. It's just...all new, and well, you know."
He leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the side of my head. "I know. No pressure, no rush."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."

"So, what else happened on you choosing day?" I ask, genuinely curious to know more about what Tobias went through.
"Ahh, well I can't tell you," he says with a little grin.
"Why not?"
"It's a secret. I'd have to kill you afterwards, and I don't really want to do that."
I raise one eyebrow and smile. "Okay then have it your way. I'll just have to find out for myself."

His face goes serious again, but he doesn't say anything. I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder while he puts an arm around me. I like the comfort I feel in his arms; it's better than the comfort I get from the people in my faction.

He looks at his watch after some time has passed and lets out a little groan. "I have to go."
"Okay."

He takes my hand and leads me out to the door. "Next week I'll bring you a surprise. Something special for Choosing Day."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Don't ask for a hint though, because I'm not telling."
I stand on my toes and place a soft kiss on his cheek. He smiles, and that small light in his eyes seems to have gotten just a little brighter.

Tobias

I left Tris later than I normally do, which means I have to ride the train that takes me around the city, instead of the one that takes me directly to Dauntless. I hold on tight and lean out the door, feeling the wind rush over me; it's one of the best feelings in the world.

The lights are out all around the city, except for one area. As the train approaches it, I crouch in the shadows of the train car and watch carefully as I pass by their compound. I see that not only are their lights still on, but people are busy working in the middle of the night. A single memory runs through my mind; why the hell would the Erudite want to start a program like this?, and everything in front of me screams this is wrong.

I spent all week snooping around. I asked Max what he knew about the program. I rode the train to Erudite in the middle of the night, twice, and both times their lights were still on, and their people were up working. My last chance at finding anything is to spend some time going through the secure files kept on the Dauntless server while I work.

I angle my screen away from the one camera that can see it in the control room tonight and get to work. After logging into the ghost account I created months ago, I start digging, and eventually find my way into the secure files kept on the compound hard drive. It's a good thing the Dauntless are shit at computers.

"Hey," Zeke says, and it startles me back in moment. I minimize the window I had open quickly, leaving only the surveillance window visible, just in case. "We haven't hung out much lately, so I haven't really had the chance to say thanks."
"For what?" I ask, confused where this is coming from.
"Shauna, and everything. Things are good again. Real good" he says as he moves his hips around in his chair.
"Thanks for that visual, Zeke," I say.
"Okay, okay. And also thanks, you know, for being there for, uhh, the other thing."
"You're welcome, for the thing."
Zeke gives me one of his goofy grins, and I open the other window back up.

File 32-A doesn't look like much at first when I find it, but when I put the few pieces I have together, I can see the bigger picture. I panic as I look at Zeke and think about Uriah. I want to tell them, need to tell them, but Zeke is as Dauntless as they come, and I curse under my breath at his stubbornness. There's no way he, or any of the the few people I talk to, would believe any of this.

I try my best to quell the growing sense of dread in the pit of my stomach, but a singular thought won't stop pushing it's way in front of all the others.

I should leave. Now.