Part 10


Maria's POV

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

"Ugh!" I groan, pulling the covers over my head.

Stupid alarm clock. People are trying to sleep here!

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

I slip my head under my pillow and snuggle further under the covers, trying to block out the sound . . .

"Maria, get up already!" I hear and sigh. Prying open one eyelid, I peek out and get hit in the face with a pillow, courtesy of Liz.

Yeah, the girl has no athletic ability whatsoever, but she sure can aim a pillow.

"Fine! I'm up, I'm up!" I say, blinking both eyes open and hitting the off button on the annoyingly stupid alarm.

Ugh.

I hate Mondays . . .


Max's POV

"It's another sunny day in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Temperatures will reach 76 with a chance of rain later in the evening. Now let's take a look at the roads . . ."

My hand blindly reaches out and hits the snooze button.

Just 10 more minutes, that's all I need . . . I mean, it's not like I have to be the first one in class . . .

Sleep is way more important than class.

Besides, this whole obsession with being the best is way overrated. From now on I'm gonna aim for adequate . . .

Yawn.

Yeah, adequate is good . . .


Isabel's POV

"No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you"

No no no no no no no!

"It's so sa-a-ad that you're leaving
Takes ti-i-ime to believe it"

This is not happening!

"But after all is said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one Oh"

Every morning I have to wake up to Cher's Believe like there's no other song in the friggin' universe!

"Do you believe in life after love"

Oh god, please help me to not kill my roommate . . .

Murder is wrong, right?

"I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough now"

At this point my oh-so-perky roommate, Ginger, pops up and turns off the alarm while smiling.

"Good morning!" she exclaims happily at me.

Ok, so who wakes up at, I turn to look at the clock, 7:02 on a monday morning smiling?

I just . . . I want to poke her head with a pin and watch it fly around the room as the air goes out . . .

"Do you believe in life after love?"

Yes, now Ginger is actually doing her own personal impression of Cher and singing to herself as she's getting ready, high-pitched voice and all, bouncing around the room.

Ahhhh!

I whip the covers off, grab my shower stuff and go stomping out of the room.

You know, it can't be healthy to get this annoyed so early in the morning . . .

Sigh.

I hate my life.

Definitely getting a single next year . . .


Alex's POV

"Alex!"

"Huh? Wha?" I sit up in bed. Why is Doug yelling my name?

And I was just getting to the good part of my dream!

"Why aren't you up? Don't you have a class now?" he says to me as he comes in and plops down with his breakfast.

"No" I say as I'm turning over "I don't have to get up yet, the alarm hasn't even gone off . . ." I trail off as I look at the Spiderman clock that I had since I was a kid.

That can't be the time . . . Can it?!?

"Is that right? Is it really 8 o'clock?" I ask Doug.

"Actually it's 8:27" Doug says, glancing at his watch.

"Oh Spiderman, why have you forsaken me?" I say, looking forlornly at my clock.

Spiderman just kinda blinks the wrong time at me and says nothing.

"Yeah, that's helpful, really" I say sarcastically before I sigh and sink back into my bed.

My next class isn't till 11, I'm going back to sleep . . .

Maybe tomorrow will be better . . .


Maria's POV

Ok, so I'm sitting in my first class of the day and I so would rather be back in my bed sleeping . . .

Mr. Kenneth is going on and on about . . . something and I'm so sleeeeepy . . .

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

-
-
-
-

"And in conclusion . . ."

Huh?

Did I just hear him utter the three sweetest words in the english language?

"For our next class . . ."

Yes, I think I did!

Oh thank god! This class is finally almost over! What was I thinking when I signed up for an 8 o'clock class?

Ok, so I wipe the drool off my chin and look around surreptitiously to see if anyone noticed.

Nope, I think I'm in the clear.

So I start gathering my books together, prepared to make a quick getaway and I almost make it when I hear "Miss Deluca, a word?"


Liz's POV

So I'm sitting on a bench in the quad when Maria comes walking up with an icepack pressed to her forehead.

"Ooh 'Ria, what happened?" I ask her.

She sits down next to me and begins her tale . . .

"Well, Mr. Kenneth has this new TA right? And I fell asleep in class and apparently they noticed so . . ."

And the amazing adventures of Maria Deluca begins . . .

"So he sent his new TA, Ben, after me . . ."

Ok, now I'm still trying to understand what this has to do with an icepack and her forehead but I guess she's getting there . . .

"I mean, this TA, he's like 6, 7, no, 10 feet tall!"

Yes, we have officially departed reality boys and girls . . .

Didn't see it coming did'ja?

"And I'm trying to get away from him and this stupid assignment I know he's gonna give me, so I start running and he's chasing me and I'm like 'Oh no!' . . . I mean, I look back and instead of running, he was flying! . . ."

Strap yourselves in, this is gonna be quite a ride . . .

"So I'm running . . . and looking back . . . running . . . and looking back . . . and then BAM!"

I look at her curiously.

"I hit a tree" she says as she adjusts the icepack.

I nod sympathetically, but then I raise an eyebrow.

"What?" she says, looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

"So what's the real story?" I say.

"What makes you think that wasn't the real story?" Maria says stubbornly.

"Well, the TA being 10 feet tall and flying kinda gave me a clue" I say reasonably.

Have I mentioned how out of control her stories are? But you already knew that, didn't you?

"Ok, so fine, I tripped over my own stupid feet and fell trying to get out of class" she says and sighs. "But wasn't that other story so much more interesting?" she says, dropping the icepack disgustedly on the bench beside her and feeling the lump on her forehead.

"Yeah, it was kinda like when Alex sprained his ankle playing basketball and tried to convince us that he'd hurt it jumping over the net . . ."

Yes, my friends definitely keep it interesting.

Speaking of which . . .

Alex comes walking out of his dorm looking well-rested. I call out to him and he grins as he strolls over.

"Hello ladies" he says in greeting as I make room for him on the bench.

Maria turns huffily away but Alex is sitting down so he doesn't notice.

"Didn't you have a class this morning?" I say, surprised to see him.

"Yeah, but my temperamental alarm clock decided not to wake me up."

"Again?" I say.

He nods.

"Alex, I think it might be time to get a new clock. A clock has only 2 jobs: tell time and wake you up and yours is batting 0 for 2."

"Yeah, but it's my Spiderman clock!. . ." he trails off as I look at him.

"What are you 12?" I say.

I mean really, 'Spiderman'?

"Like you should talk, girl-with-purring-clock" he says to me.

Before I can respond, Maria says tauntingly "Ooh, insult her clock . . . Hit her where it hurts."

"So you're still mad at me for the Dance of Shame, huh?" Alex says to her as he takes a sip of my coffee.

"You're dead to me!" she says as she faces away from him.

Alex starts digging in his backpack and comes out with some peanut chews. "I have chocolate" he says hopefully and holds them out to her.

Turning back to him and taking the candy he's holding out, she says "Ok, you're alive again."

"Whew, thanks" Alex says, wiping his forehead in exaggerated relief.

"Yeah, whatever Alex, you know you can't live without me" Maria says, opening a peanut chew and chewing happily.

"Can't live without you, can't keep chocolate" Alex mutters. Then he gets a good look at her forehead and says "Oh man, what happened?"

"Well Mr. Kenneth has this new TA right? . . ."

And here we go again . . .


Maria's POV

Ok, so . . . for the record . . . I am not like one of those people who loves school.

This is known.

I'm not Liz, who is famous for not only looking forward to the start of a new school year, but living in the school supplies section in all stores that have one . . . Seriously . . . She got so obsessed one year, she actually made me and Alex wait outside the store with her till it opened because she'd heard they were coming out with new trapper keepers . . .

Anyway, regardless, here I am, seeking higher education and all that . . . You'd think that'd be enough to satisfy some people . . . But nooooo . . . They have to keep bringing up the fact that your major is still Undeclared . . .

What's up with that?

Ok so fine, the reason for the rant?

My Soc teacher just totally cornered me to try to get me to make my major Sociology and totally put me in a bad mood . . .

And that, along with my minor head injury is making Maria Deluca not a happy camper . . .

How did I leave my cedar oil on the dresser?

Stupid Monday!

Ok, so fine where are my gummy worms? . . .

I'm searching around and triumphantly pull a bag out of a corner pocket.

Don't tell anyone but I have these bags stashed everywhere!

I sigh pulling a gummy worm out of the bag and chewing on it . . .

"Now that's the stuff" I say, in heaven as I continue down the stairs, getting looks from various people because I have half a gummy worm dangling out of my mouth.

But do I care?

Nope!

"Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I mutter as I glare at all the looky-loo's who then look away.

So chewing that one up and popping in another, I'm just entering gummy worm nirvana, and the quad, when Michelle Chancy, who is also in my Soc class, comes running out of the building and up to me, slightly out of breath. "Maria!" she calls out.

"Yeah?" I say as I spin around and my gummy worm slaps me in the cheek.

Michelle looks slightly taken aback by the candy hanging out of my mouth but recovers quickly. "Uh, so I finished my part of the project and we should probably uh" she eyes my gummy worm dubiously like it's gonna attack her or something "we should probably get together before class Wednesday to discuss it . . ."

I chew up the rest of the gummy worm as I exclaim "Really? So the case is dealt with?"

"Quesadilla?" Alex says hopefully as he comes walking up to us and nods at Michelle.

"No Alex, strangely enough we were not talking about Mexican cheese wraps . . . We were talking about class . . . I think someone's hearing with his stomach again. Gotta get this guy some food" I say to Michelle. "Let's just meet up tomorrow around 2, at the library?" I say to her. She nods and scurries off. I think she might have gummy worm fear.

What?

Liz is afraid of Jello! Michelle could be afraid of gummy worms . . .

"Hey is that gummy worms?" Alex asks.

Crap.

Before, something was telling me to eat quickly, but nooo I had to savor. Now I have to share . . .

After I grudgingly hand Alex the bag, he throws an arm over my shoulder. "So what do you think for lunch? Culinary Building?"

Hmm. We usually only go there when we're totally sick of cafeteria food, but why not? Liz already told us she wouldn't be joining us and it's Monday.

I shrug and allow myself to be led away from the cafeteria . . .


Liz's POV

Ok, so I'm sitting at my desk trying to work on this paper that's due in a few weeks when Maria comes in with a clearly in distress Alex behind her . . .

He groans and immediately makes his way to my bed and collapses on it . . .

"Alex, what's wrong?" I say as he groans again.

"Mi estòmago no es bueno" he says as he clutches his stomach.

Yes, he just said 'My stomach is not good.'

Ok, so it's already been established that Alex's spanish is basically remedial. Anyway . . .

"Alex found a chili-tasting contest" Maria says, patting him sympathetically. Alex just groans again.

"I tried to warn him that he probably shouldn't try any chili with the words 'Burn Down the Barn' in the name, but did he listen? Nooooo. Now he probably doesn't have any stomach lining left" Maria says to me, waving her arms at Alex.

"Hey, they made me a judge!" Alex says from his fetal position on the bed.

"No one else wanted the job, that should have been your first clue."

"Hey, I did good till the end. Even though it sort of irritated me when that one judge asked me to stop screaming" Alex says.

I look at him questioningly.

"That last one was reeeeaaally hot!" he explains as he curls into a tighter ball on the bed, grimacing.

"Yes, and once again we're talking about the chili with the words 'Burn Down the Barn' in it's name. Alex, what were you thinking?" Maria says to him, shaking her head.

"I was thinking free chili. Besides taste buds grow back, right?" he asks worriedly.

I try not to laugh as I'm reassuring him that they do . . . I mean, I'm like 70 percent sure that they do. Ok, 60 percent, probably . . .

"Poor Alex" Maria says as she pats him on the head. Then she notices the time. "Ooh! I'm gonna go check the mail, I'll be right back" she says as she leaves the room.

"Thanks for your support" Alex says sarcastically from the bed. Then he looks at me. "What does it mean when your stomach is bubbling?" he asks as he groans again.

"Oh Alex" I say as I hand him the bottle of Pepto Bismol which he proceeds to chug.

Ok, so it's actually Pink Bismuth. We're struggling college students, we can't afford brand names!

Maria comes rushing back into the room. "Guess what came today?" she says excitedly as she holds up a package.

Ok, so some of us are struggling. Maria's perfecting the art of buying on credit . . .

She calls it 'The beauty of the minimum payment . . .'

Anyway, I look over at her and she's holding up . . . No, it can't be! . . .

"The exercise video I ordered came!" she squeals happily.

Now it's my turn to groan . . .

This is yet another video Maria's gonna expect me to work out with her to.

"Nuh-uh Maria" I say shaking my head. I back slowly towards the door . . .

"Come on Lizzie, don't you wanna be toned?" she says.

But nope, it's not gonna work this time. Elizabeth Parker has done her last kick-ball-change . . .

It was in the last video . . . Oh nevermind! Anyway, it's not gonna happen!


8 Minutes later

" . . . Ok, we're gonna do a kick ball change . . . One, two, three, kick ball change . . . kick it out, step, march . . . Come on rock those hips . . . Push it girl . . . You can do it . . . "

Why is there always a kick-ball-change in these stupid videos?

Anyway, I'm huffing and puffing trying to keep up with this insane exercise lady . . .

Yes, so ok, I caved, it happens . . . Let's move on! . . .

"You guys have any more Pink Bismuth?" Alex asks from the bed.


10 Minutes later

" . . . Slide, that's one, slide, that's two, now we're gonna do a grapevine . . . One, two, three and lunge . . . Come on, get into it . . . You can do it, come on . . ."

Oh my freakin' god!!! . . . This is ridiculous! No human can keep up with this freakin' video! . . . And if she says 'You can do it!' one more freakin' time I swear I'm gonna step into that tv and kick her in the face!

Pant.

"Come on Liz!" Maria says, starting to really get into it.

Must.not.kill.best.friend. Might regret later.

"You can do it– Ow!" she yells.

No, I didn't kick her in the face. I just threw the nearest thing I could find at her . . . Which just happened to be the empty bottle of Pink Bismuth.

She just huffs at me and keeps marching in place . . .

I hear a loud gurgling sound which turns out to be Alex's stomach.

"Ah dios mios!" Alex groans from the bed.


5 minutes later

" . . . One, two three and lunge . . . Come on, get into it . . . This will never hurt you . . . If you do it right . . . One more time, get ready, cross, back, out and lunge . . ."

"Maria!" I pant out to an equally out of breath best friend.

"Hu- huh?" she gasps out.

"Can we go back to the trampoline? The trampoline totally deserves another try!" I say, huffing and puffing. "Besides, do we really want Buns of Steel?"

At this point I'm not even pretending to do what they're doing on the screen anymore. I'm basically just throwing my arms out and lifting my legs. Screw exercise! . . . Huh, that should be on a t-shirt . . . Or 'Just screw it' . . . Whichever . . . I continue "Abs of Steel I can see, but do we really want an ass we can bounce a quarter off of?" I say to her.

" . . . Ok, from the very top, here we go! . . ."

"The contractions are coming 5 minutes apart now" Alex groans from the bed.

Yes, the chili has officially put Alex in labor . . . Are my friends dramatic or what?

Maria collapses on the floor, back of her hand placed dramatically to her forehead. "I can't go on!" she says.

Yep, case in point . . .

Thank god! I can stop pretending to exercise now! I collapse beside her.

Where's that darn remote?

. . . That's right, lift those legs! Doesn't it feel great? . . . Come on, you can do it! . . . And not only will you feel better, you'll look better too-" Click.

"Thank god Liz, I was about to go into the tv and open up a can of whoop ass on her toned ass!" Maria says from her sprawled position next to me on the floor.

Yup, just what I was thinking but was too out of breath to say . . . Anyway . . .

"Hee Hee Hoo, Hee Hee Hoo . . ."

We both turn and look at Alex who is now doing breathing exercises.

"Ok when did Alex start giving birth?" Maria asks.


Maria's POV

So Liz and I went to the classes we had left for the day, while Alex stayed in our room moaning and groaning.

Yep, chili is definitely not his friend . . .

Anyway, after an extended trip to the bathroom, which I prefer not to think about, he was feeling better. He muttered something about explosive diarrhea when he came back which definitely falls into the 'Too Much Information' category. So I'm practicing selective memory techniques and we didn't hear that, agreed?

Agreed.

"Why are we here again?" Alex whines to us as we're putting utensils on our trays and he's following behind us half-heartedly.

"We're here for dinner and you're here because you said you could use some fresh air" I answer.

"So you bring me to the cafeteria?" he whines.

"A girl's gotta eat" I say as I head to the soups. Liz heads to the sandwiches.

Let's see . . . Clam chowder, no . . . Split pea, not even . . .

Hello? Where's the chicken noodle? . . . Or the cream of broccolli? . . . Give a girl something to work with here!

Fine, at least there's still mystery pot three, you never know . . .

But peering down into it, wouldn't you know it? . . . Today of all days, the third pot is chili! Alex is gonna seriously freak!

I just gotta keep him away from-

"What kinda soups do they have? I could maybe do soup" Alex says from right behind me.

"Uh yeah Alex, nothing interesting" I say, trying to lead him away, but of course since he's so much taller than me, he just looks over my shoulder and spots the chili.

I hear a muffled gasp and then he lightly pushes me out of the way and steps closer to the pot. Looking down into it, he says solemnly "So we meet again . . ."

Yes, apparently chili is now Alex's new arch-nemesis . . . you know, right after really big bees . . . and mimes for some reason.

The chili bubbles a little and Alex flinches.

"Come on Alex, let's go" I say, trying to drag him away.

Is it my imagination or is the chili bubbling even more?

Alex finally lets me pull him away, but not before he manges to yell "I'll see you in hell!" to the chili.

Yep, it's definitely Monday.

Sandwiches here we come!


Liz's POV

. . . Ham, no . . . Tuna, too fishy . . . Turkey? Maybe . . .

"Hey Liz" a familiar voice says from behind me.

I turn around slowly and it's Max, smiling down at me.

And oh, what a smile!

Did it just get hot in here? Or is it just Max?

Bad, bad Liz . . .

"Hey Max!" I say, way too enthusiastically.

I have got to do something about that . . .

Anyway, trying to draw attention away from me and my over-enthusiastic greeting, I notice Max is just carrying fruit juice and say "That's not all you're having for dinner is it?"

"I had a really big lunch" he says. "I found this chili contest in the culinary building . . ."

"Oh no, they didn't get you too did they?"

He looks surprised. "Huh?"

"Alex was a judge and he got really sick. Let's just say if I never hear the phrase 'explosive diarrhea' again, it'll be too soon . . ." And then my hand claps over my mouth.

Oh.Dear.God. Did I just use the words 'explosive diarrhea' in a sentence to Max Evans?!?

Why?!? WHY?!? Why did Alex have to use that phrase and WHY did it have to get stuck in my head?!?

Max is practically choking on his laughter and me? I'm wishing for the anywhere-else-but-here scenario . . .

Not gonna happen, you say?

Well, do you think it'd work if I said "You did not just hear that . . . Ooooh" in a hypnotic voice?

No?

Well, oh! I forgot to mention that I'd wriggle my fingers too! It definitely won't work without the wriggling fingers!

Ok, so yes, it is rather risky and it might not work, but what's the alternative? Him getting that phrase stuck in his head and associating me with it and then suddenly I'm explosive diarrhea girl?

You see my options here?

Hypnotism not looking so bad now huh?

Anyway . . .

"Is Alex ok?" Max asks before I can put my desperate, I mean good, plan into action.

"I'll see you in hell!"

We both look over and see Alex yelling . . . at a pot of soup?

"What do you think?" I say as I turn back to Max.

Before he can answer, Maria spots us and calls out "Max!"

When she gets closer and Max spots her forehead, he says "Wow Maria, what-?"

"Don't ask!" I say loudly, interrupting his question.

Maria glares and Max looks at me startled. Then Maria rolls her eyes at me, loops an arm in Max's, grabs a sandwich and heads for the registers in full storyteller mode, I can tell.

Poor Max . . . I tried to warn him . . .

So following Maria's lead, I grab a turkey sandwich and head that way too.

"So Alex, why were you yelling at the soup?" I say as he falls into step beside me.

"The chili bubbled at me!" he says, outraged, pointing back at the soups.

" . . . He was 6, 7, no 10 feet tall! . . ." filters back to us from Maria.

Sigh.

Yes, boys and girls, in a world full of odd and often insane friends, Explosive Diarrhea girl stands alone as the last bastion of sanity . . .

What? I'm just trying to get used to the new nickname . . . in case it sticks . . .

But ok, let's think about this . . .

If she really were a super hero what would her super power be? . . . And would you wanna be around when she uses it?

Wow . . . Kinda makes Drunk girl an appealing alternative, huh?

Although she wouldn't be a very good role model, being drunk and all . . .

Not that Hangover girl is much better . . .

There would probably need to be a disclaimer . . . 'Kids don't try this at home . . .' or something to that effect . . .

Where do I get these things?

". . . . and instead of running he was flying! . . ."

Oh yeah, that's right . . . I'm inspired by my *creative* friends . . .

"So how can I strike back at the chili?" Alex asks conspiratorially.

Once again I sigh.

How'd I get so lucky?

We catch up with Max and Maria after the registers and I notice that Max looks a little shell-shocked and confused after hearing the whole story.

Alex and I call it Maria Syndrome . . .

"Her stories make more sense if you don't listen that hard" I explain to Max and Alex nods to back me up.

Maria braces a hand over her heart and says dramatically "I can't believe you're downplaying my ordeal. You guys! I could have died!"

"From falling trying to get out of class?" I say with eyebrow raised.

Her expression falls as she goes "Oh yeah."

See? She has told this story so many times she's forgotten it's not the truth.

"Well whatever" she says as her expression picks up. "I didn't tell you about my dream last night!"

Oh no . . .

"Ok, so I was a puddle of water . . ."

~~~

Note:  Just wanted to let everyone know that it may be awhile before the next part . . . And when I say awhile I mean awhiiiiiiile . . . Seriously . . . {ominous voice sounds out "YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED"} . . . lol . . .

No but really, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last part, it was muy cool . . . :) . . . So please, feel free to continue the tradition . . . So go on, don't be shy . . . {says hypnotically "Just press the review button and all will be well . . ."} . . . lol . . . Sorry, I'm way outta control tonight . . .

But did it work?