31st June 1974: Barney- 13, Clint- 10
Barney was in hell. He had to be. Uncle Alastor had made him babysit. Manchester's magical side was nowhere near as big as London's so Barney had had to improvise. Which amounted to 'take the kids to the park and buy them ice-cream'. The plan had been updated to include 'stop Clint from angering a goose and stop Bobbi going for a swim in the boating lake'. And then Will had arrived and bribed him to babysit a small Russian girl as well.
"Who is she?"
"Natasha. Her dad's a pri- important man in the Russian ministry."
"Great. Does she speak English?"
"I have little English."
"There you go!" said Will triumphantly before disappearing.
"Will! Dammit. Do you want an ice-cream?"
"Ice-cream?"
Barney pointed to the counter with the different types of ice-cream. Natasha's face lit up and Barney reluctantly dug his money out. Natasha picked her flavours and came skipping back to the table. Clint reappeared, ordered his own ice-cream and greeted Natasha. It was like watching a puppy meeting a friend it had met once before. Bobbi was a little more reserved but was still polite. When Natasha had finished her ice-cream, the three of them went to play football on the path by the lake. Barney was so glad there was a fence by the lake.
"Can we go on the boating lake? Please Barney?" asked Bobbi when the three of them trotted back to his table.
"Please?" asked Natasha.
"No. Maybe tomorrow."
Clint chewed his lip. "If you take us all on the boating lake, I won't tell Uncle or Will about the magazine under your bed."
Barney choked on his hot chocolate. "Hey, who wants to go on the boating lake?!"
There was a chorus of cheers and a snort of laughter from the elderly couple sat nearby. Barney spoke to the rental guy and had a brief discussion about how he could totally be trusted with three kids. It was fine. They found a boat big enough to fit them all, and the cricket bat and ball Bobbi's mother had provided them. Barney was concerned about having to play cricket. Mainly because he had no idea what cricket was. Bobbi promised to teach the Barton brothers but since Mrs Morse had looked very sceptical, Barney wasn't holding out much hope.
"This is fun." decided Bobbi.
She wasn't rowing. Barney was. It was not fun. Clint was telling Natasha that that goose was the one with a vendetta against him. Except she didn't know what vendetta meant. Neither did Clint, he'd just overheard Hansel complaining about Slughorn having a vendetta and liked the word. Barney was considering it a miracle he'd used the word correctly.
"Can I go?" asked Natasha, gesturing to the oars.
Barney agreed. Since she was sat furthest away from the oars, it led to a precarious moment when she climbed over Clint and Bobbi. Barney was half-expecting someone to end up in the lake. Probably him. It would be fitting. The goose would probably mistake him for Clint and attack. Barney came out of these thoughts when he realised Natasha, Clint, and Bobbi had gone quiet and were staring at a point on the lake. Barney turned his head to follow their sight line and swore. The oar was drifting away, precariously near a swan.
"Motherfucker." said Natasha. "I like this word."
"Of course you do." replied Barney. "You can say it to your father and start another war."
Speaking of war, Barney was surprised he'd been allowed to look after three kids unsupervised. He decided it said something about his combat skills. He'd been allowed to progress up to sparring with Hansel. Not with Gretel, he was nowhere near that level of skill.
"We're stuck." said Clint.
"I hadn't noticed." replied Barney.
"There's always the cricket bat."
Bobbi was holding the bright pink cricket bat out, as if Barney hadn't noticed it. Sarcasm didn't always work on ten-year-olds. Or Russians.
"Why not?" asked Barney, grabbing the bat.
It was a lot more difficult with a cricket bat, mainly because it was smaller and Barney was deeply concerned he might drop that. They made slow progress back to the miniature dock, with Clint giving constant updates of the goose's position.
"They all look the same, how can you possibly tell which goose it is?"
"It gives off an air of menace."
That was a phrase Uncle Douglas had used to describe Chick. And Hansel. And Jem. And even Aaron, which was stretching it a bit since he was only going into third-year this September. Barney was going into fourth-year and still hadn't been told he had an air of menace. Which peeved him slightly if he was being honest.
"That's bullshit."
"You did not hear that from me." said Barney.
"Motherfucker." contributed Natasha.
"Merlin."
"Benny said it."
Benny was her eighteen-year-old brother, built like a brick wall and currently the coolest Muggle Barney knew. Mostly because of the muscles. They were getting nearer the dock. The rental guy was squinting over at them, clearly trying to work out if his eyes were playing up or if the oar had been transformed into a pink plastic cricket bat. When Barney got to the dock, he urged the kids out first and then scrambled out.
"Er… the oar's by the island. One of the kids dropped it."
The rental guy sighed. "You said you could look after them."
"Well, we didn't drown."
"Or get killed by a goose." said Clint cheerfully.
Barney urged his brother away before the vein in the rental guy's forehead actually burst.
"Can we play cricket now?" asked Bobbi hopefully.
"Remind me how we do that."
The rules, when explained by a ten-year-old, were fairly simple. Hit the ball with the bat. Catch the ball with your hands and try not to swear because it turned out Natasha could hit that thing really hard. Clint and Bobbi were on one team, and Barney and Natasha were on the other. As they had no real way of keeping score, the victorious team was a hotly contested debate throughout the game. Clint managed to hit the ball into a tree, looking extremely pleased with himself as Barney considered how the fuck he was going to climb it. The solution was clearly to delegate.
"Clint, you're up bird-boy. You're better at climbing."
Clint clambered up the tree. There was an outraged squawk followed by a thump.
"Aw ball, no."
"Clint?"
"Hang on. Aw bird, no."
"Clint?"
A few seconds later, Clint slithered back down the tree, clutching the ball. He had twigs in his hair, bird shit on his hand, and his shirt was torn in three different places.
"Do you want me to get rid of the bird stuff?" asked Barney, doing his best to stop himself laughing.
Those magazines were a powerful threat.
"I know we call you bird-boy but seriously?"
"Shush you." said Clint.
Barney Vanished the bird shit and took the ball back. The next ball hit Barney in his own balls, which led to a long list of swearing. Bobbi was very apologetic and offered to buy him ice-cream when she had some pocket money. Natasha picked up on almost all of the words, which was going to make a fantastic impression on her father.
After the cricket game, Barney guided them back to the café. The rental guy was glaring at them. If he squinted, Barney was pretty sure he could see the oar on the little island in the lake. Clint collapsed in a chair. Bobbi and Natasha sat on either side of him. Barney ordered more ice-cream and came and sat opposite Clint.
"When do you go back to Russia?"
Natasha frowned. "I think on three days?"
"You can hang out with us!" said Clint.
Barney suddenly saw his next three days filled with cricket. The kids, when they'd eaten their ice-cream, ran out to play football. Clint reappeared to beg Barney to join in and play goalkeeper. Barney, because he was an idiot, did. Goal was a pair of trees that Barney had to linger in. It was every child for themselves and Barney was no expert in Muggle sports but he was pretty sure you weren't allowed to shove your opponent over. Clint kicked the ball into Barney's twice, out of sheer spite it felt like. Bobbi was winning, mostly because she always looked like she was aiming for Barney's groin which made him flinch. He felt this was reasonable. Then Clint hit him there for the third fucking time.
"You little shit." yelped Barney.
He leaned against the tree, taking several deep breaths. Holy shit, how did his mom go through childbirth twice? This was hell and only lasted a few minutes. Clint's birth had taken five hours. Five hours of this. When Barney had recovered enough to walk, he threw himself after Clint with a vengeance. He planned to dangle him upside down for at least a minute. Possibly tie him to a tree with his shoelaces. Uncle Alastor and Will returned just as Barney was dangling Clint over his shoulder. He was holding him by the ankles and Clint's head was somewhere around Barney's hips. They were both laughing and Natasha and Bobbi were both demanding a turn.
"I leave you alone for one day." said Uncle Alastor's voice, sounding more amused than anything.
"Hey Uncle Al." said Clint. "What did we have for breakfast this morning?"
"I had porridge. You told me it looked like sick."
"It's him."
It had become a habit, to ask each other defining questions. Barney had been lectured on Polyjuice Potion by Uncle William at least three times and Clint had been told by Chick. Barney put his little brother down, avoiding dropping him on the head. Uncle Alastor took one look at their torn clothes and shook his head. Barney could practically hear the 'I'm not even going to ask' crossing his mind, even if he wasn't a Legilimens. Will just looked vaguely resigned. Uncle Alastor spoke to Natasha in Russian. Will held his hand out to her and she grabbed it.
"Goodbye motherfuckers."
Will and Uncle Alastor looked at Barney in disbelief. Barney managed a weak smile. Will and Natasha Disapparated. They dropped Bobbi at home and began to walk back to the house.
"Nice hat, Uncle." said Barney.
Uncle Alastor grinned. "Well, it doesn't scare the Muggles."
He was currently hiding his mad eye with a bowler hat and was dressed in a suit. He must have been dealing with Muggles today.
"Did you have a good day?" asked Clint.
"Romanov's an arsehole." growled Uncle Alastor. "But he's important."
"Natasha's cool." decided Clint.
I'm sorry this took so long to write! It's been exam week at uni :/ thanks for being patient!