Stabler POV
I woke up in a room I'd never been in, but the main thing I noticed was my head pounding like hell. I smelled my shirt and it reeked of alcohol. All I remembered from yesterday was work, driving Lucy home, and then she was ranting about something…and next thing I knew I was in a bar. Was I in Lucy's apartment? I must be. I sat up and winced. It hurt even more now. How much did I drink? This has got to be the worst hangover I've ever had. I got up anyway and surveyed my surroundings. This was Lucy's apartment. I walked out of what I guess was the guest bedroom and into what had to have been the kitchen. Lucy was on the phone but I walked in anyway.
"Hold on a second." She said as she turned towards me. "Jesus, Elliot! You could've at least put some freaking pants on!" And she chucked a goddamn baseball at me. It only hit my shoulder, but it still hurt. She had aim. And it was a real freaking baseball. I'm not kidding. I looked down and realized I was naked from the waist down. Goddamnit! What the hell did I do last night? "Elliot! Go! Please!"
"My pants weren't in the room!" I said, hoping I remembered right. She throws me my pants and turns toward the wall. I put them on and wondered what the hell I did. She picks up the phone again and says, "I got to go. It's awake."
"What did I do?"
"Well, you got drunk; but I think that was already established. You wouldn't go with Benson. You asked for me. I took you here from the bar. You passed out for a while and woke me up. You started stripping. You ran in the guest room so I just shut the door and prayed you wouldn't come back out. You didn't. And there were pants in that room. They were my ex's, but I left them out, hoping you'd realize you were half naked. But you didn't." She laughs.
"What else?"
"Nice ass tattoo."
I laugh and say, "I was 18 and stupid when I got that, okay?"
"Okay, just like you were 17 and even more stupid when you knocked up Kathy?"
I gave her a look and said, "No, and if I was talking about her, I'm sorry that you had to listen to that."
"Hmm, well you weren't."
"Good." I told her I'd make eggs and she said it's the least I could do considering what she had to deal with last night.
"Why do you even have your ex's pants? You haven't been living here that long."
"Our clothes got mixed up one time when I flew out to see him. I never gave them back, but he never gave me back my scarf either. That was his baseball I threw at you too."
"Oh, great. Did he play?"
"For a while, in college. He dropped it after and took criminology."
"Oh. So you only date men in your field of work?"
"Depends."
"Hey, you got any aspirin?"
"Yeah, in that cabinet over there." She pointed and I got the bottle but it was almost half empty already.
"Hey, Lucy? Are you addicted to these because again, I must point out—"
"Elliot?"
"Yeah?"
"Cállate."
"Fine. But if you have a problem I know a guy—"
"I guess you don't speak Spanish."
"No, I do."
"Well then you're just being a bastard right now, huh?"
"Kind of. What else do you speak?"
"French, Italian, some Chinese, and Russian. You?"
"All of those except Russian. I also speak Czech."
"Okay, say something in French. I'm a little rusty."
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" And she smacks me on the back of my head. I deserved it. "Is that a no?"
"Non, Elliot. J'aimerais que vous me faites votre petite pute."
"Oh, vraiment? Donc c'est un oui?"
"Non.Je ne suis pas cher mais je ne suis pas libre."
"Je suis offensé. Je dois payer maintenant?"
"Okay, that's enough now. And yes. Sex is never free, no matter what the situation."